excusing yourself to go poo poo

[glockjs]

just a thought on my mind today.i dont know about anybody else, but when i gotta go i gotta go. its kinda weird when your around a group of people to try and excuse yourself. "im gonna go take a shit" just doesnt sound right(even though i have used that one a couple times)

now my favorite lines are as follows

i got a business meeting in conference room b, i'll get back to you. and when its over. i usually say: well seems the meeting went pretty smoothly or it was a tough negotiation but i got it done.

and then theres the
i gotta go drop the browns off at the game.

and then the classic
i gotta go number 2

anybody else have some good lines for those oh so awkward moments?(specially if your around people you dont know so well)

[AND1]

i gotta go drop the kids off at the pool

[lordsmurf]

take the mudcats for a swim

[flaninacupboard]

boil an egg

[glockjs]

its funny how most revolve around a lake or a pool. that ive ever heard at least.

drop the jeffersons off at the lake

drop the cosbys at the pool



gonna go make a special wish into the well

gonna go sink a battleship

[teegee420]

Pinch off a loaf.

[Rookie64]

Luckily, I've yet to be in those situations :P


I'd probably ask "where's the/your restroom/bathroom" or say "I have to use the restroom" or "I'm not feeling so well/hot" something on that order.

People I'm around have no trouble telling me when they gotta go, especially when around old people or anyone whose in a hospital or works in one...the classic line is usually "I have to move my bowels"

Women also are very upfront about what they have to do and will always ask or demand to use the restroom...and are even more uncouth about it than most guys are...seriously!


My Dad's saying was "I'll be in my office"


Other common lines are "Gotta go take a dump"
"I got a bad case of the runs" or I got the squarts"
"Potty break", "I have to use the potty" "I have to relieve myself"
"I have to use the john"

"Nature Calls" is another more common one.

You can always just start singing the commercial jingle, "Gotta Go Gotta Go Gotta Go right now....Gotta Go Gotta Go Gotta Go"

Or "plop plop fizz fizz...oh what a relief it is"

or "Please excuse me while I kiss the sky"

or "Cannonball"


Then there was Judge Ito's line in the O.J. Simpson trail - "we'll take a comfort break"

Or try -

"I gotta go put the film in the can"
"I'm on call for bathroom duty"
"I gotta go floss and flush"
"Time to do the deed"
"Gotta go make a pit stop"
"Gotta go unload"
"Time To Go Download"


If you haven't seen the Cheech and Chong movie,
Up In Smoke...there's a classic scene in there with Cheech Marin desperately trying to find the john and holding his cheeks together as he searches


How 'bout All In The Family...you'd hear a flush coming from upstairs and Archie comes out adjusting his pants.

Lots of reference to this on South Park as well.

And Homer was always saying he had to go "take a wiz" on The Simpsons in the earlier episodes (I haven't seen the show much in recent years so not sure if they still do that or not)

I think there's even a book or two out there devoted to this subject 8)


As one of my school teachers once said..."everyone does it...so you have no reason to pretend you don't and don't have to feel guilty about having to do it. You'd be abnormal if you didn't."


I used to get a kick out of the times someone puts an animal on a TV show and nature would call...there were some classic moments on the Carol Burnett Show...like the time she was singing to a horse....and the audience started howling....she turn around to see what they were laughing at and then she lost it...laughing hysterically for a few minutes then used a good witty line to the horse.

[flaninacupboard]

why do americans call it a restroom when it's normally hard work?

[teegee420]

What about when you're done taking a dump? I like those situations better. One of my favorite lines is "I feel about five pounds lighter".

[Cobra]

"I have to go drop a log".

Cobra

[makntraks]

Usually it's "I'm going to pinch a loaf".....

makntraks

[northcat_8]

I usually substitute the name of someone I don't like or a friend I am joking with.

I have to go take a Jeff.

Sometimes I use:

I have to go, I'm prarie doggin it.
I have to go, I'm touchin cotton.
I have to go, the turtle's head is out.

[Guest]

why do americans call it a restroom when it's normally hard work?

Why do u call it a water closet when its not a closet

[Capmaster]

When it's mixed company, it's "Gotta go visit the litter box", or "Gotta go to the sandbox"

When it's friends, it's "gotta go launch a missile", or "Gotta take a shit". I never understood how "take" enters into the equation, since you "leave" one

Or "gotta go float a few buoys".

Taking a piss is easier:

Take a leak
Shake hands with old dad
Bleed the lizard
Drain the main vein
Make green out of blue
Take a wizz
Go write my name (when outside)

[flaninacupboard]

WC is a weird one, as we call them wardrobes, not closets. or cupboards. although i have never heard someone SAY wc, always toilet, bathroom, or bog.

[Capmaster]

When I was in the middle east, everywhere you go they have signs that say "WC". The first time I saw them I had no idea what a "WC" was All I knew was that I couldn't find anything that said "Men" or "Restroom" :P

[flaninacupboard]

wrote in the sand a lot did we

[Capmaster]

wrote in the sand a lot did we

Nooooo - I didn't want my headstone to say "Here lies Capmaster - the stupid shit got shot by arab policemen for urinating in public"

[Guest]

When I was in the middle east, everywhere you go they have signs that say "WC". The first time I saw them I had no idea what a "WC" was All I knew was that I couldn't find anything that said "Men" or "Restroom" :P

First time in Hawaii I had the choice of Kane or wahine. No ******* clue. Tried to make a logical guess. Couldnt do it. Europe wasnt a problem becuse every one was from a latin or germanic root. I can always figure those out. I got stimied on maui though

[Capmaster]

When I was in the middle east, everywhere you go they have signs that say "WC". The first time I saw them I had no idea what a "WC" was All I knew was that I couldn't find anything that said "Men" or "Restroom" :P

First time in Hawaii I had the choice of Kane or wahine. No ******* clue. Tried to make a logical guess. Couldnt do it. Europe wasnt a problem becuse every one was from a latin or germanic root. I can always figure those out. I got stimied on maui though

I woulda guessed "Kane" since words for men are usually shorter than words for women. I know someone knows of exceptions. Which one was men?

[Guest]

kane

[housepig]

one day after hitting the Indian buffet, I was rocked by extreme need, so I told my wife I had to run in the house, I had "an indian in the cupboard".

so when we feel the rare need to announce, that one gets whipped out.

or the perennial favorite "got a turtle head pokin' "

[enstg8er]

- excuse me, i've got some paperwork to do.

[indolikaa]

I'm kinda personal to the Pikey method myself...
"Gotta have a shite!"

I don't sugarcoat anything, and needing to shit is no exception.


How the hell did this thread get started?!

[glockjs]

indo

How the hell did this thread get started?!

the inner off topic post whore told me too

[devinemi83]

At home I just get up and go without saying a word.
Out places I will usually just say "I'll be right back"
At others homes I just ask "Can I use your bathroom".

[Doramius]

If it's friends I tell it blatently, "Where's the Shitter!" One of my friends usually jokes and points to me and says, "how'd you think the stains got on the seat?"

"Gotta make a blast from the pants."
"Gotta pop my squatting vein." - used if I'm a little constipated.
"Ex-Lax is kicking in."

most of the time I don't say anything. I pass ripe gas for a half hour before hand and everyone usually knows I'm due for an appointment in the office. I have used lines to that similarly.
"I have an appointment in the office."
"I'm late for an appointment in the office." - if it feels like a runner. Then the real race begins.

Having diarreah is like being in a race where the runner is behind and winning is being able to hold your position for a while.

[housepig]

and of course, the best. phrase. ever. on this topic - when you don't quite make it:

"I gambled and lost."

[jeex]

here's a couple i came up with.

"i gotta go assasinate lincoln" ('drown' will also work in place of 'assasinate')

"i gotta go baptise some turds"

[glockjs]

"ive gotta get down to the docks, a payload is do"

"im gonna go freshen up new jersey"

"im gonna go drop some bombs"

"nagasaki wasnt shit, ill show you a fatman"

"do you mind if i take a huge dump in your bathroom?"


its also nice if the bathroom is close enough to a populated lvingroom to yell out stuff while your taking a dump. "torpedo number 1, launch!...torpedo number 2, launch!" or "im givin her all she's got captain, but she seems to be stuck"

ive always wanted to go into a public bathroom with my portable dvd player. put in some porn and play it loud as possible while im taking a dump