excusing yourself to go poo poo

[northcat_8]

Damn, I hate it when I go "commando" and think I'm farting but end up "squirting" in my lederhosen.

Tell me about it. One time I was wearing shorts. Thought it was nothing until the dribble filled up my shoe

Oh god, you are killing me...ROFLMA

Goddamn I have tears in my eyes...that is hilarious...I can see the birthday gifts now....depends, butt plugs, plastic training pants, shoe spats, tampons...

[flaninacupboard]

can you imagine shoving a tampon up your ass?

that's just too funny!

[Ripper2860]

I subscribe to the "belts and suspenders" method -- Tampons with the "easy applicator" and panty shields with stay-in-place "wings". No more embarassing accidents for me!


BTW -- there is nothing "easy" about a Tampon with an easy applicator!! Oh yeah -- and the string tickles my ass when I walk.

[Capmaster]

Just when I thought this thread has plumbed the depths of depravity Isn't it a coincidence that when Ripper, Dr. Gee and Northcat post in the same thread, there's no hope for it

I'm just glad I have higher standards than that ...

[northcat_8]

Just when I thought this thread has plumbed the depths of depravity Isn't it a coincidence that when Ripper, Dr. Gee and Northcat post in the same thread, there's no hope for it

I'm just glad I have higher standards than that ...

Cap trying to give the illusion of seperation



just think of how much worse this would have went if Indo wasn't fishing all weekend

[flaninacupboard]

I'm just glad I have higher standards than that ...

I hate to think what you've shoved up dollys' arsehole......

[DereX888]

OMFG ROTFL!!!!

Dr.Gee:

Ripper2860 wrote:
Damn, I hate it when I go "commando" and think I'm farting but end up "squirting" in my lederhosen.


Tell me about it. One time I was wearing shorts. Thought it was nothing until the dribble filled up my shoe

This is so far the most hillarious and ridiculous (if you imagine it!) post I have read on this board!!!

[Doramius]

Over the holiday I was at a friends house. I had been very gassy for the previous 2 days. I felt a huge build up and let it rip. My friends pissed because he's got a big nasty stain and I had to throw away my pants. His cushion smells like A** and Febreeze now. This one foamed up too. It was horrid because I had to drive back to where I was staying and change. Luckily I had some Wal-Mart bags in the car and didn't get anything on my seats. This one burned a bit too, because I had Subway with pepperoccinis and jalepenos earlier that day.

[indolikaa]

This thread is competely and utterly FUCKED UP!


I was working on Newbies 109: Tasteless Trolling. Forget that, nothing I could have written could match this thread. :P

[glockjs]

yeah! you tell em indo

[northcat_8]

nothing I could have written could match this thread. :P

[Capmaster]

Over the holiday I was at a friends house. I had been very gassy for the previous 2 days. I felt a huge build up and let it rip. My friends pissed because he's got a big nasty stain and I had to throw away my pants. His cushion smells like A** and Febreeze now. This one foamed up too. It was horrid because I had to drive back to where I was staying and change. Luckily I had some Wal-Mart bags in the car and didn't get anything on my seats. This one burned a bit too, because I had Subway with pepperoccinis and jalepenos earlier that day.

OMG You sit down and then proceeded to shit your friend's sofa? Where's Will Hay? I'll bet you never get invited back again I'm laughing my ass off over that one

[flaninacupboard]

there's a great episode of black books where bernard mistakes the laundry basket in the kitchen for the toilet in the bathroom
His friends just blank him and won't speak to him, funny stuff.

[Doramius]

Over the holiday I was at a friends house. I had been very gassy for the previous 2 days. I felt a huge build up and let it rip. My friends pissed because he's got a big nasty stain and I had to throw away my pants. His cushion smells like A** and Febreeze now. This one foamed up too. It was horrid because I had to drive back to where I was staying and change. Luckily I had some Wal-Mart bags in the car and didn't get anything on my seats. This one burned a bit too, because I had Subway with pepperoccinis and jalepenos earlier that day.

OMG You sit down and then proceeded to shit your friend's sofa? Where's Will Hay? I'll bet you never get invited back again I'm laughing my ass off over that one

It wasn't intentional. I really thought it was a big blast of gas coming, so I blew it out, while holding tight to the cushion. I didn't want the stink to come out right away, and Febreeze usually gets rid of the permeating stink that sticks to the cushion. Once I felt it squirting through, I tightened up, but It was too late as I already had foamed my underpants and butt juice bled through to the couch. My friend was pissed. He'll probably invite me back, though, but put plastic on all the seats before I get there. This makes up for the time his dog pissed on my new subwoofer a couple of years back.

[glockjs]

thats awesome. tried to cover everything up with febreeze too. i mean febreeze works great and all, but not that great. i cant talk much smack cause ive had a couple close calls myself. never anything actually happening like you but i can see how it happens

[Capmaster]

Plastic covers are fine, but they don't hide the sound of farts very well. It's like farting with your ass against a snare drum.

Or those wooden chairs in elementary school. My God, that was horrible trying to sneak one out during class, sitting next to that girl you have a crush on, then unleashing this terrible, resonant blast that turns every head in the classroom - even the teacher's.

Not like it ever happened to me, though

[Guest]

OMFG ROTFL!!!!

Dr.Gee:

Ripper2860 wrote:
Damn, I hate it when I go "commando" and think I'm farting but end up "squirting" in my lederhosen.


Tell me about it. One time I was wearing shorts. Thought it was nothing until the dribble filled up my shoe

This is so far the most hillarious and ridiculous (if you imagine it!) post I have read on this board!!!

I wont go on then about having to clean out these shoes. Expensive and brand new -had to do it . I really would have liked to throw them out. It was brutal.

[Doramius]

I farted in the face of a substitute teacher back in 8th grade. Come to think of it, most of the biggest issues for me getting into trouble have all been related to flatulence. I don't Blue Dart anymore after an incident back in college. You just can't ask someone else to make sure all the hairs are cut.

[Capmaster]

[flaninacupboard]

so does your wife have an extractor fan above the bed cap?

[Capmaster]

so does your wife have an extractor fan above the bed cap?

No, I can usually control it until I'm in the other room

Of course, I've scared the shit out of our cat Max by ducking into the library to relieve barometric pressure, and the cat's sleeping on the couch there

[flaninacupboard]

i don't know what's funnier, pressure equalisation or the fact you have a library! you rich bastard!!

[Capmaster]

i don't know what's funnier, pressure equalisation or the fact you have a library! you rich bastard!!

Sometimes fate is cruel .....the truly perverted get rewarded.

The only thing I can figure is that I must have been a really nice guy in a past life ...not this one, but a past one

[flaninacupboard]

cos this time round you're a mean-ass mofo

Seriously though, is that a library for your books, or for that giant cd storage system?

[Capmaster]

cos this time round you're a mean-ass mofo

Seriously though, is that a library for your books, or for that giant cd storage system?

It's strictly a book library. The DVDs in that huge shelf are in the room with the TV - I hate to say it - a 53" Sony

The library I actually made myself. The room was a second living room, and used to be open with no door, so I got some pine and some drywall and other materials and made a wall out of bookshelves on one side and drywall on the other. I put a door in the middle of the wall surrounded by shelves, and built the remaining shelves in the room to go floor-to-ceiling so we'd have enough room for all our books. We're both voracious readers and even with all that room, it's almost full in there

[Doramius]

You've got to have another supplemental income somewhere, Cap. I mean, if you have a library apart from your DVD collection, your job alone can't be covering the costs.

You're probably the producer of that COP porn video and we just haven't found out yet. How else could you afford so much vasaline and the expense of all those motel rooms you coated. And don't forget the cost on vinyl. I had to invest in vinyl stock just because you made it do so well.

[Capmaster]

You've got to have another supplemental income somewhere, Cap. I mean, if you have a library apart from your DVD collection, your job alone can't be covering the costs.

You're probably the producer of that COP porn video and we just haven't found out yet. How else could you afford so much vasaline and the expense of all those motel rooms you coated. And don't forget the cost on vinyl. I had to invest in vinyl stock just because you made it do so well.

Actually, I'm a porn star myself ..specializing in bestiality. You're right, the vaseline is expensive when you buy it by the case

Here are some pics of the library. The first one is the couch by the window and the other one is almost reversed from the first and it shows the door in the wall

[stiltman]

You have blue and brown carpet in the same room?????

[Capmaster]

You have blue and brown carpet in the same room?????

No. One camera was a 35mm and the other was digital. Different color settings, but you can see the 35mm one (with piano) was much more bluish. The pic with the couch shows closer to the true color of the carpet.

[stiltman]

You have blue and brown carpet in the same room?????

No. One camera was a 35mm and the other was digital. Different color settings, but you can see the 35mm one (with piano) was much more bluish. The pic with the couch shows closer to the true color of the carpet.

well the brown pages in the book on the piano aren't blue

I'm calling bullshit on this one!!