Office Dare's

[Will Hay]

I can't take credit for this (nor would I wish to) as you can never tell where these circular emails originate from, but it made me laugh all the same.
For those of you who regulaly attend this site throughout the working day, only to break up the monotony of the 9 to 5 then I dare you to try a couple of these in the office
Will

ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES

1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.

2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player'
must be in the toilet at the time).

3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,
"Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

8 ) Walk sideways to the photocopier.

9) While riding an lift, gasp dramaticallye very time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS DARES

1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled
fingers.

2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all
that,
I don't want to have to repeat it".

3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle
(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5) Shout randomn umbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES

1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to
conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you
actually launch into it yourself).

2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you withg
rowing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a
number two".

5) After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in"
the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.

7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and
mutter,"Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".

8 ) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my
witness, I'll never go hungry again".

9) In colleague t's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".

11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:
" Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk
about it".

13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch
for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very
important conference call.

15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants
and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.

18 ) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the
door.

19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee,
move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you...

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Tell your children over dinner "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6) In the subject field for all your e-mails, write " FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS".

7) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

8 ) Don't use any punctuation

9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer

12) Sing along at the opera.

13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle
sounds all day.

15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"

18 ) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
"Run for your lives, they're loose!"

[i_am_dave]

10 point dare : Ask a co-worker (of either sex) if they would exchange underwear with you for the day.
20 points if the person is your supervisor
30 points if the person is you human resourses manager

[tgpo]

5 points:
Ask your female coworker when the baby is due
-bonus five points if you squeel like a girl when she slaps you

Walk for one hour like quasi moto

Call everyone you see "Girlfriend"

Tell your boss that you challenge him to a pissing contest

Don't walk down the hall, spin down the hall

Spill you coffee on the floor until there is no coffee left, make sure there ----are people in line for coffee behind you

Walk for one hour with your tongue hanging out

Replace the coffee in the filter with dirt and see if anyone notices

Put your shirt on backwards and speak backwards to anyone that informs ----you of your backwards clothing

[stiltman]

5 points:
Tell your boss that you challenge him to a pissing contest

WhaHoooo I earned 5 points!

[Craig Tucker]

50 points for going upto your boss and kicking him in the nuts.

[Xtasy2002]

Funny stuff, thx.

[stiltman]

50 points for going upto your boss and kicking him in the nuts.

Isn't that the same if you won the pissing contest

[Craig Tucker]

We had pissing contests at school, but that was to see how far you could get it up the wall. There was no nut kicking involved.

[indolikaa]

10 Points: Tell a coworker who has just returned from maternity leave...

"Congratulations on the new baby. Do they know who the father is yet?"

[flaninacupboard]

Craig,
And they say state schools are underfunded, and the children have nothing to do!!

I also remember playing that game, except it always got won by the same guy, I think the whole thing turned him on so he recieved some extra "support" during the contest. the bastard.

[sterno]

I once annoyed somebody who was in to poetry by asking why none of it rhymed, and then asking why it didn't contain "Nantucket". I also annoyed somebody who was extremely religious by saying "who? what's his last name?" every time he made a biblical reference.

At my last job I put a sign on my wastebasket saying "complaint department". I also had a big stick that was labeled as my attitude adjuster. I shot my boss in the head with a Nerf gun at least once.

I was going to hang a paper target from the shooting range by my desk, but I left before I got around to it. The idea would be to make a point of looking at it every time somebody came to me with a question.

I didn't slowly edge my chair toward the door in meetings, but there were times when I just stood in the doorway. A lot of times I even didn't bother going unless I had to say something in them.

[0 kewl]

A few more 5-pointers :

Things to do in Office Meetings
1. Take notes in finger paint.

2. At sensitive moments, blow your nose raucously. Apologize for your sinus condition.

3. Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say, “Oh, now I get it!”

4. Wear a disposable paper face mask. Tell the group: “Hey, you don't want to catch what I've got!”

5. Check your watch very regularly, every 30 seconds or so.

6. Make a face like somebody beside you farted.

7. Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the real reason this meeting has been called.

8. Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair, suddenly straighten up. Apologize profusely.

9. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

10. Bring a noisy electric pencil sharpener. Sharpen your pencil every few minutes.

11. Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.

12. Have someone deliver a large cardboard box to you in the conference room. Apologize while you sign for it. About half an hour later, have a different person deliver another one.

13. Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each one inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them "doctor's orders."

14. Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask that he or she “not hurt you anymore.”

15. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

16. Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently.

17. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.

18. Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and look real scared.

19. Rubberneck at the notes of the person next to you. Copy them word for word. Subvocalize as you do. Tell them that they “understand these things better than you do.”

20. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

21. Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer.

22. Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting.

23. Make all the stereotyped facial expressions to indicate that you are a psychiatrist administering psychoanalysis to the speaker. Take notes furiously.

24. Bring a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer to the meeting. As the meeting progresses, start slurring your speech. Belch loudly. Tell your co-workers you can't help it. Start crying.

25. Have a timer that buzzes at intervals. When it goes off, take a pill from a pill case and gulp it down. If anyone asks, tell them it's to “prevent the seizures.”

26. Lapse into a staring coma. Drool. Have a confederate wipe the spit from your lips, and say “It's pitiful. But what can you do?”

27. At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply.

28. Ask your neighbor, nearer the speaker, to trade places with you “so you can hear better.” Gradually work your way up to the speaker. When you are as close as possible, stare up at them adoringly. After a while, change your expression to a frown, sigh heartbreakingly, and begin to stare into space.

29. Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.

30. Wear shades and carry a walkie-talkie with an earphone. Once in a while, quietly say a few words into it.

31. Bring a doughnut cushion and use it. If anybody asks, say that your hemorrhoids are really acting up this week. Offer to share it if they really need it. Be embarrassingly persistent in your offer. Offer to show them how bad they are.

32. Wear brightly-colored earmuffs. Explain that “my ears tend to get real cold at these meetings.” Ask the speaker to please talk a little louder.

33. Stand up and start doing the Macarena. Forcibly wrestle yourself back into your chair. Look real embarrassed. Tell everybody “My doctor's appointment is tomorrow.”

34. Bring a large box of Depends to the meeting. Stow them under the conference table. Explain to a neighbor: “Just in case.”

35. Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"

36. Bring a few telephone books. Add a few to sit on, adjusting your seat height until the top of your head is exactly one-half inch higher than the speaker's. Explain that you sometimes have trouble seeing the presentation.

37. Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.

38. Play a game of jacks on the conference table. Explain that it helps you concentrate.

39. When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, “Well, here's the way I see it, J.B...” (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)

40. Have a friend who does not work at your company accompany you to the meeting wearing bib overalls. Explain that it is National Take-a-Hick-to-work Week. Have him occasionally make an inappropriate comment or ask a stupid question. Tell him to keep quiet, and apologize to the group. If possible, have him bring his own spittoon, and chew tobacco and spit throughout the meeting.