How Did You Find your Special Someone?

[VideoTechMan]

For those of us who are fortunate to have someone special (and perhaps not), how did you go about finding that special person in your life? Its not like of me to ask such a question because being a certified geek, there arent no women left out there, not to mention that women dont want geeks, not to mention that ive never had a relationship before. I dont know what it is, but I guess we dont have any appeal women want lol.

I know there are alot of ppl here that are already in it (or perhaps regret being in one)...what's your secret? :P

Even though im 27 now, my dad sometimes reminds me that im getting old ....id figure if i dont have a woman or a chance for a family before i get 40-45, then im calling it quits heh. Actually though, I dont mind being single, though it can be very hard sometimes, especially when you see alot of other guys with their women ou there, and with me being shy and unable to approach women that well, im pretty much doomed.

But the nice things about being single and living alone: can spend money on whatever you want, can go out whenever you want (which i dont do much of) and dont have to be worried about being embarassd if somoene else doesnt like some of your interests and things.

VTM

[troyvcd1]

Forget about all those stupid american b*****s (assuming you live in US) get on the internet and find a russian woman and bring her over to the US. Worked for me and I am so glad I dont have to beg anymore for american woman to go out with me.

[thayne]

Forget about all those stupid american b*****s (assuming you live in US) get on the internet and find a russian woman and bring her over to the US. Worked for me and I am so glad I dont have to beg anymore for american woman to go out with me.

How much did it cost? Seriously, I've had it with american, i'm a princess in my own mind and the world owes me everything because I have a c$&t, chicks.

They're all pretty much worthless, except maybe for shaging, and even then they aren't that great. I'm convinced every single one of them under the age of 40 are brain damaged selfish little douchbags....

I'm not some super nerd who can't get one either, nor am I some Brad Pitt wanna be. I've never had problems getting dates or wives, had plenty of both, and I can say from experience they all suck! It's not just me either, most guys I know feel the same way, only a few of my pussy whipped friends disagree. It's only a matter of time until they wake up....

[thayne]

LMAO, I think this thread illustrates my point
https://www.videohelp.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=230476

[housepig]

okay, as one of the few non-bitter men on this board, I'll give you a real response...

I was in the same boat - not sure of myself at all, did not know how to approach women, and was usually the friend who couldn't get up the nerve to ask her out, as she's hanging out telling me about all the ******** she dates...

so I quit looking. I stopped obsessing over getting hooked up and worrying about what I was doing wrong, and decided to let somebody come looking for me, instead of the other way around.

about 8 months later, I started going out with the woman I've been married to for... quick math... 2 weeks shy of 6 years. she's awesome, and was attracted to me partially because I wasn't like all the ******** she had been dating. I've been with her for almost 9 years, and I plan on keeping it that way - and so does she.

funny thing, too - other women who I'd wanted to date started coming on to me after I hooked up with my wife. probably because I didn't come off as nervous, desperate, or a suck-up around them.

so the short answer - stop worrying about women, start on yourself. focus on being a person that someone would want to date. sooner or later, someone will notice.

[troyvcd1]

I spent about 5K over about a year to find my wife. I hear what you are saying housepig. Woman generally dont like to be hounded and your supposed to let them just come to you. It is all just a bunch of games and it really sucks especially if you are in a new town without a lot of friends or contacts. I sometimes wish I could go out and try to "pick up chicks" sometimes but then I realize how much I hated it and am glad I can just sit back and relax. Your right housepig. After being married and not trying to pic up chicks they seem to be around more then before. Just the sitting being single and waiting around for a woman to come to me I could not take.

[Pwyll]

The laides love a man who is spoken for.

It's either going to happen or it won't. If you're young, trying to find a lady friend, you can't be shy, or press. you just gotta be confident in who you are. chicks dig confidence.

[northcat_8]

VideoTechMan -

Believe it or not, I deal with this very situation almost everyday. I work with a girl...who is 27 oddly enough...and she can't figure out why she can't find a husband, why her relationships always fail, etc, etc. Why she asked me God only knows. I think it is because I give her straight answers and I am easy to talk to.

In any event....

Housepig gives some very sound advise. I personally have never landed a female when I have been out looking for one. (except for the ugly early deal). My advise will be along those same lines.

Chill out and relax. What do you like to do? Are you social? Do you go out? What do you like to do, what is your passion?

There is only one rule. Be yourself...it is the only person you can be without screwing up the lie

This very subject will be covered in my 2000th post. You are not alone in your frustration...others here are in need of explanation and game planning (game plan if you are just wanting laid.)

And for some of you who are trying to pick up women and can't...I'll give you a little gold nugget that will get a girl for you...this is a trade secret so guard it with your life....but go out and buy yourself a gold wedding band and watch them flock. (has to be gold, silver won't work as well). Oh...I know you are lying to her initially, but just make up some story about how you had a fiance and you guys were 3 weeks away from your wedding and she was tragically killed in a car accident 6 months ago and you've been wearing the band out of love for her. (shed a tear for effect...if you can...it's worth it)

That's a good story. It's clean, it will check out, no ex-girlfriend to contradict your story. It will draw sympathy, it shows deep caring (6 months of mourning, anything over that puts you into the "can't get over her" catagory). It shows you are capable of a serious relationship, it shows sensitivity...that story is copyrighted by Northcat RWA but you can use it with my express written consent but cannot be distributed, reproduced or broadcasted.

Seriously though, quit worrying about it. Be yourself. If you don't have confidense, develop some and learn to relax around beautiful women. Again this will be covered in my 2000th post which will be coming up, probably friday.

[thayne]

okay, as one of the few non-bitter men on this board, I'll give you a real response...

I'm not bitter. Seriously, I'm not. I'm a realist and that's the way it is.

I've stepped back to anylyze my own behaviour and I can tell you, I have found the worse you treat American women the more they respect and want you! It's sick, but true!

And for some of you who are trying to pick up women and can't...I'll give you a little gold nugget that will get a girl for you...this is a trade secret so guard it with your life....but go out and buy yourself a gold wedding band and watch them flock. (has to be gold, silver won't work as well). Oh...I know you are lying to her initially, but just make up some story about how you had a fiance and you guys were 3 weeks away from your wedding and she was tragically killed in a car accident 6 months ago and you've been wearing the band out of love for her. (shed a tear for effect...if you can...it's worth it)

See what I mean? This proves my point!

[pyscrow]

Bit of advice I give young fella's like yourself.

When at a social gathering

You'll never "get any" standing around the BBQ with the rest of the blokes. (Unless they give you the number of the local whore house that is)

Go hang out with the women, dont try and hit on em, just hang out. Let it happen from there. It will. Generally one of the nosey ones will decide you are a nice bloke, and dont deserve to be free anymore, and set you up with one of her friends.

WARNING following this advice could lead to the end of your fancy free lifestyle!, the end of your porn collection, or even worse, you might have ta cut down on ya internet time.

[Rookie64]

Even though im 27 now, my dad sometimes reminds me that im getting old

'K...my advice -

First, this has to be something you really want to do - not something you should be pushed into or pressured to do by your parents, friends or anyone else.
It's your life - and your love life or life style should come straight from the heart. You won't find happiness in life being told by someone else what is best for you - only you know what is right for you.

Everyone is different and you don't have to compare yourself to anyone else. Follow your heart or your dream and don't allow anyone to get in the way of what you feel inside.

'K...where to meet people all depends on your interests and what you're comfortable doing.

I can't really answer that for you - give that some careful thought and look around to what's available to you in your area.


If you're not really that sociable, then try visting some areas online where you can chat with others or make friends.

Be more accepting of yourself and try to avoid putting yourself down - in order for someone to like you, you have to like yourself.
Stop thinking of yourself as a geek - self-confidence is really the secret to succeeding in life...no matter what you're trying to achieve.

So someone turns you down if you ask them out - there's always somone else to ask. You don't have to live up to anyone else's expectations of what you should or shouldn't be.
Don't worry about what the other person is thinking of you - in most cases, they aren't thinking what you might think they're thinking.
So no need to keep telling yourself this person is thinking I'm a big geek or this person isn't gonna like me for who I am or how much money I have.
You gotta have a positive attitude about things and about yourself.
Be yourself - you don't have to pretend to be something you're not.


Look up some sites of subjects or things that interest you - try joining some groups or mailing lists. Start out chatting with a group rather than just one person...a friendship can develop from there and lead to other things.

It might be helpful to put up a personal web site/page of your own - nothing fancy, just something that you can introduce yourself a little and talk a bit about your interests.
AOL, Yahoo and MSN have member profile features that you could fill out and even upload a pic of yourself to.
People will find your profile through your interests.

Also try using an instant messenger.


You can also try placing a personal ad - Yahoo, AOL among other places will allow you to place one for free.
Stick with FREE personals...you can also browse others' personals to see if there's anyone of interest to yourself.


Another thing to try is this site -
http://www.livejournal.com/

Believe it or not, this is probably one the best options to use to find that special somone
sign up and keep a journal - write your daily thoughts, experiences, list your interests....others will find you through your interests...they'll browse your journal, and if you're interesting to someone, that person will continue to read your journal and get to know you that way...and will e-mail you and link you to their journal and you can get acquainted that way.


If you don't want to take things slow - you can try a more direct approach by getting a webcam and use Yahoo or MSN's cam/chat areas - see the people you're chatting with live/in real time
Go with the chat areas that you feel comfortable with - you can take that as far as you want....they have everything from general areas to adult where anything goes.

webcamnow.com is also free and open to public viewing


ICUII for one on one cam/chats but limited free usage


Other ways to meet singles - www.singles-meet.org

or facelink.com

or use google to search more


Heck, you might even find someone on VideoHelp.com - ya never know 8)


Try renting some movies that deal with relationships - start with this one
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0048356/

[DVD_Ripper]

I met my wife at a pub..... I just walked up and started to chat with her.... I was married 5 years later. (I was suffering from "why buy the cow when the milk's free" syndrome)

Step one... get off the computer and go out... and as people mentioned already in this thread do things you like... visit a museum... take in a game... take your Dad out on the town....

pyscrow

Go hang out with the women, dont try and hit on em, just hang out. Let it happen from there. It will. Generally one of the nosey ones will decide you are a nice bloke, and dont deserve to be free anymore, and set you up with one of her friends.

Very good advise.... many guys I know are married to what was a mutual friend. And girl friends always have other girl friends.

Also, marriage and kids is not the best thing in the world. Its up there but there is a lot of compromising. arguing, issues, money,.... shit I would have about 300,000 in the bank right now had I never got married. Now I've got 10,000 Also....I did not get married until I was 35 so you've got a few years left... .go out, have fun.... and don't look for it....laugh a lot, smile a lot.... oh, btw... the wedding band thing does work... I wore one in college.....

[northcat_8]

Thayne - that's not an american thing that is a female thing. It's simple, a woman wants what she can't have. The wedding band is just for scoring some tail. If looking for a serious relationship, you need to be honest from the start.

Most excellent advise on hanging out with the women instead of the men at the bar-b-Q. You will learn many things just listening.

[Capmaster]

To answer your question, I met my wife at a place we both worked. I wasn't looking for her but some of her colleagues whispered in my ear that she had the hots for me.

We went on our first date on Nov. 11 and from then on it was a marathon session - we frequently pulled all-nighters just talking and once we went to Gilson Beach (north of Chicago on L. Michigan) in November, in the middle of the night, and just cuddled in a blanket on the sand talking and getting to know each other.

I proposed Thanksgiving. She said yes.

We got married exactly one month after that first date - Dec. 11. We knew both of our looking was over. We're still married, with two outstanding sons.

Don't worry - when it's right, you'll know it. Don't panic and settle for less than the ideal woman for you - that you will regret forever.

[tekkieman]

Funny Cap - you just shortened my story considerably! I met my wife at the place I worked as well. We were already friends, and both involved (sort of). We were both ending bad relationships, and spent a lot of time talking about it. We would go out after work and get dinner or go for drinks, etc. Then we started hanging out on weekends. One weekend, she dropped me off at my apartment, and jumped me in the car! We got married one year later.

That was 14 years ago next Tuesday.

Moral of the story VideoTechMan - Listen to what these guys are saying (except for MAYBE Thayne :P ). It will happened when you're not expecting it.

[Capmaster]

Echoing what tekkieman said. And remember that there are some real predatory women out there. No different from the men. Be careful and don't be so grateful when you get laid that you'll become a lap dog for her. I've done that in my earlier single days and women know when they have that kind of power, and they will use it.

Right before I met my wife, I dated an ex-Chicago Bear cheerleader named Michelle. Needless to say, she looked like she just stepped off the pages of Playboy or Maxim. Soooooo hot. That was my "trophy" for all time, but she wasn't someone I'd want to have as a signatory on my checking account, if you get my meaning

To this day the name "Michelle" is not allowed to be used in the house

[housepig]

I'm not bitter. Seriously, I'm not. I'm a realist and that's the way it is.

"... you say to-MAH-to, I say to-MAY-to..... "

if you start from the preposition that "they all suck", don't be surprised when they prove your point ... a pattern-seeking man will find patterns everywhere, even if they don't exist - to a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

maybe it's not your actions that need examining, but your attitude.

[enstg8er]

met my wife at her work. she was a manager at a video store. after fetting my wisdom teeth pulled i went to pick up some movies all drugged up. she got a good laugh at me struggling. later i went in and she was having a terrible day. she asked if i wanted to go out for drinks when she got off. i, of course, said yes. we went out and had a great time and things took off from there.

so i agree, don't push it, let it come to you....

[Treebeard]

I met my wife in college. Neither one of us were looking for anybody to date, but we just hung out and talked b/w classes. We started hanging out together outside of college setting and within a couple months we both knew that we wanted to marry each other. got married 15months after first date and been married for almost 6 years.

[DeleriumMDK]

I met my now ex when I was 14 through friends, she moved away. We ended up together in 2000 when I was 18, just broke up last month after living together a while. Unfortunately its over after 4 years of wanting to be with her, and 4 years of being with her so...I don't know if I have met my "special someone" just yet or if I just let her slip away. I'm interested in someone but I don't think she will be the person I end up with for the rest of my life. I'm turning 22 in August, I'm in no rush to settle down though so..for now, I'm just looking for something that won't be too serious, this new one might be the answer.

This leads me to a question though, after 1 month do you think its right to feel ready to move on after an almost 4 year relationship? There was a lot of problems the last few months, she was very distant..but I still sort of feel bad about meeting someone else and liking them so soon after we split up for good.

[cor1]

Though I live in the UK now, I'm from Eastern Europe. I came here in 1991. I went to a guy's house after accidentally hearing my native language spoken by him. There I met my wife. She is from the same country as me but we would have never met there - cities are 300 miles apart.
She was supposed to go back in 1 week but she stayed with me and so... we got married in 95. I don't believe in fate but this was some improbable set of circumstances...

As for the "catching birds" subject, I agree with the idea that the 1st time is the hardest. After that they just drop (in your lap? ).
Maybe there's some subconscious signaling that says "I'm anxious to have a woman and I've never gotten close yet!" and the chicks pick up on it and it somehow puts them (some) off?

[stiltman]

I met my wife in a hotel bar. She was a bartender at the hotel I was staying at. I used to work out of town about 9 months out of the year. After about 2 months we started dating and got married 10 years later


Want to find a lady....don't push it....be yourself....

if that doesn't work, watch how other guys pick up women. There is one common theme. They are friendly and have no fears of striking up a conversation.

[VideoTechMan]

I appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice, it sure helps alot. My problem right now is that being a truck driver, I am not home during the week though I do get home on weekends. So being out here on the road so much theres really no chance to meet anyone out here. Besides, there arent any women truck drivers my age so I suppose most likely I would have to quit trucking for good if im to learn to be more social, which I also lack skill-wise.

Im not desparate to get laid though; i'd rather try to have the right person so that way it can be more fulfilling and lasting. Thats why with alot of the problems and issues alot of people face out there, it makes me feel glad that I am still single, less of a headache.

I am getting alot better in believing in myself, which I had a hard time with several years ago. And yes I do have my hobbies (mostly expensive though) including video production Since I am home on weekends perhaps maybe I should try to do something to go out and try to break down the barriers I had around me for so many years. Being quiet and shy can be tough.

Building a website for myself can be a good idea...i can tell a little about my world on there, who knows, I could make my own video production page, where people can gather and share their video ideas, maybe even production or something, even if its small. Some ideas to put in motion there.

As mentioned, im not that desperate to find somoene.....i know there are women out there that will take advantage of the nice guys and use them like chewing gum and then spit them out when there done. I can surely do without that. So rather than rush, I can try to enjoy my singleness and being able to enjoy the things I like to do (and keep all my money too )

Thanks for all your adivce guys....its nice to get others input, esp from somoene thats not much of a "go-getter".

VTM

[northcat_8]

Truck driver huh? Well to be honest meeting women should not be a problem in your profession. Finding and maintaining a relationship when you are on the road is 5 days a week is another story.

My father-in-law drives cross country and he and my mother-in-law have a very odd relationship. It's more of a partnership type of deal....it's really weird. My wife and I have ran into issues because of her upbringing. Little things like just leaving a note when you leave is something she was not acustomed to, simply because her father would be gone 2-3 months at a time and it was just her and her mother. Leaving a note is just common courtesy. That's a minor example, but you get what I'm saying.

I think truckdriving is a great profession if you are single, but having a family and driving truck is considerably harder. I am talking cross country drivers here. If you are home every night or just gone over night every once in a while then driving truck is just like any other job. My father-in-law will be gone for 3-4 months at a time. Matter of fact, he left the day after christmas and just came home in mid-may. I started dating my wife and I dated her for 2 years before we got married. I saw her father 4 times in those 2 years.

Just relax, be patient...she will find you when you are least expecting it. Conversation skills are a must. I find it hard to believe that you are a truck driver and an introvert....I've never met a shy truck driver

I personally couldn't drive a Semi, my road rage would get the best of me eventually and then one evening on Fox News you would see the headline: "Truck Driver Goes Mad, and Runs Florida Drivers Off Highway"

[flaninacupboard]

I met my now ex when I was 14 through friends, she moved away. We ended up together in 2000 when I was 18, just broke up last month after living together a while. Unfortunately its over after 4 years of wanting to be with her, and 4 years of being with her so...I don't know if I have met my "special someone" just yet or if I just let her slip away. I'm interested in someone but I don't think she will be the person I end up with for the rest of my life. I'm turning 22 in August, I'm in no rush to settle down though so..for now, I'm just looking for something that won't be too serious, this new one might be the answer.

This leads me to a question though, after 1 month do you think its right to feel ready to move on after an almost 4 year relationship? There was a lot of problems the last few months, she was very distant..but I still sort of feel bad about meeting someone else and liking them so soon after we split up for good.

Yeah, she didn't mean a lot to you. i think normal is about half the length of the relationship, so you are clearly an unfeeling monster

[VideoTechMan]

Truck driver huh? Well to be honest meeting women should not be a problem in your profession. Finding and maintaining a relationship when you are on the road is 5 days a week is another story.


I think truckdriving is a great profession if you are single, but having a family and driving truck is considerably harder. I am talking cross country drivers here. If you are home every night or just gone over night every once in a while then driving truck is just like any other job. My father-in-law will be gone for 3-4 months at a time. Matter of fact, he left the day after christmas and just came home in mid-may. I started dating my wife and I dated her for 2 years before we got married. I saw her father 4 times in those 2 years.

Just relax, be patient...she will find you when you are least expecting it. Conversation skills are a must. I find it hard to believe that you are a truck driver and an introvert....I've never met a shy truck driver

I personally couldn't drive a Semi, my road rage would get the best of me eventually and then one evening on Fox News you would see the headline: "Truck Driver Goes Mad, and Runs Florida Drivers Off Highway"

Thanks goodness I dont do cross-driving anymore.....being 3 weeks out to a month is defenitely not my thing. You tend to miss out on alot being away from home so much and the homefolk tend to forget about ya .

And yes, I am a shy driver...unlike the majority of the drivers out there that talks alot. My dad was an introvert too so I think thats where my introvertness came from as well. You may not tell on here because its very easy to communicate on a computer screen, but in real life it can be totally different. Grant it truck driving for me is only temporary....my end career goal is to be a video producer, more so on the video editor end. Why ya think im self-teaching myself video editing and DVD production? This field I know you're guaranteed to meet alot of people, women too .

And yes northcat, you, road rage and 18-wheelers definitely dont mix

VTM

[northcat_8]

And yes northcat, you, road rage and 18-wheelers definitely dont mix

But can't I just hit Florida drivers?? Everyone else moved over and let me fly right by. Hell in Tennessee, I had to move over and let folks go by...I didn't think many people would be passing me with my cruise control set at 92 but I thought wrong. 4 cars from Alabama flew by me like I was driving backwards

My Father in law has been driving for over 30 years, evidently he loves it...but you know...if I was married to his wife, I would stay on the road too.

[Hardcoreruss]

Met her at work

[stiltman]

And yes, I am a shy

That is the very first thing you have to get over...
You have to be out going in order to meet ppl. I'm not saying you have to be the life of the part or a super comedian, but you have to be able to talk to a lady without coming off as being shy or falling over yourself.

Are you affraid of rejection?
Don't be if you are, it's their loss not yours

[fmctm1sw]

www.mailorderbrides.com