Your coworkers - Vent here!

[Capmaster]

This thread is about coworkers. We all have them, we all spend a lot of time with them, and we all have our gripes about them. We're usually shoved together in the corporate world and we don't have much say about it

This thread is a place to air your gripes about that woman down the hall with the compulsion for Pomeranians, or the boss who gives you thoughts about "going postal". Vent one, vent all

I'll start it out.

I work at a nuclear weapons design lab and because of the nature of our work we get sone very serious people here. The technical employees here are not what you'd call "social butterflies." A sense of humor is the exception and not the rule also, much to my chagrin. These are just the people on my floor. Including all the remarkable people I've worked with over the years here would make this post waaaaay too long


Scott - My manager. Air Force Academy grad. PhD in EE. Nicest guy in the world, but lacks the dorsal fin needed for his job. Still, good people skills and very trusting in his charges. I like Scott alot and the feeling is mutual. He thinks I can walk on water. I feel guilty that I can't

Brian - Recent PhD in EE from U. of Michigan and recent hire. Textbook "ubergeek". Absent-minded, didn't even remove the dangling card and plastic sleeves from the new office chair he got ...and it's been months. He comes in in the morning and looks like he's combed his hair with an explosive. Slight sense of humor, but he's scary to look at

Doug - Veteran employee and a world expert in the area of synthetic aperture radar imaging. Phd in EE and a part-time professor. Great sense of humor - he always shares the latest Jay Leno funny that he heard. Infectious laugh

Billy - Quiet, shy, reserved. A Texan, he wears cowboy boots and flannel shirts to work, but he's got more brains than one person has any right to. Several PhDs - EE - physics. He's a professor at UNM, shows up at work before God is even awake and stays late into the night. Smartest guy on the floor, but not the best at tooting his own horn. Absolutely no sense of humor. None. Nada

Bryan - The floor technical deity. His title is Senior Scientist. That's reserved for only the cream of the cream of the crop. Big ego. Multiple PhDs. He makes about the same salary as "Dubya", and he's not even a manager. His shortcoming - he's got the biggest head I've ever seen on a human. When he's down the hall, it looks like a scene from Honey I Blew Up The Kid - a huge infant. Little sense of humor. Not a very nice guy either ...part of the reason I don't feel guilty snickering about his head :P

Ana - Just finished her PhD in EE. Recent regular hire after years as an intern. Some lucky guy is going to snag her, but he'd better keep all conversations G-rated. Extremely pretty. Religious to a fault. The most morally-centered person I have met in the last 10 years. Great sense of humor as long as it's squeaky clean and the worst word used is "darn". Maybe that's why she's that pretty and personable, 31 and still single? I'll bet it is

Anyone else?

[DVD_Ripper]

Nice Tome about your work environment -- I will have to think about my work rants. Hey, by the way... WTF is "synthetic aperture radar imaging"?

[Capmaster]

Nice Tome about your work environment -- I will have to think about my work rants. Hey, by the way... WTF is "synthetic aperture radar imaging"?

It's the math-heavy portion of analyzing SAR data and rendering 3D terrainscapes from it. SAR can see through clouds, weather, and has amazing resolution. SAR compared to regular radar is similar to CAT scans compared to regular x-rays.

[northcat_8]

Brian - Recent PhD in EE from U. of Michigan and recent hire. Textbook "ubergeek". Absent-minded, didn't even remove the dangling card and plastic sleeves from the new office chair he got ...and it's been months. He comes in in the morning and looks like he's combed his hair with an explosive. Slight sense of humor, but he's scary to look at

Look Cap, you are going to have to cut this guy from slack...he is from Michigan...I mean hell, it's like playing basketball with a retarded kid and calling him for double dribble.......

[northcat_8]

Is Ana hot?

[Capmaster]

Is Ana hot?

Is 7 up?

[DVD_Ripper]

Is Ana hot?

Is 7 up?

Pics please... maybe she'd consent... tell her your posting on a friendly chat room were you and your friends discuss DVD production techniques. (Over use the term friend and friendly)

[Capmaster]

Is Ana hot?

Is 7 up?

Pics please... maybe she'd consent... tell her your posting on a friendly chat room were you and your friends discuss DVD production techniques. (Over use the term friend and friendly)

I'll see what I can find. Everyone has pictures attached to their profile, and it's accessible to all employees. I'll have to check on the ethics of doing that. However, many people leave the default option checked, which is "Do not display picture". DOH!

[VCDHunter]

**** me - where to begin.

Mr D.

Some kind of degree graduate with no brains. Got two degrees in something, **** knows what, that's absolutely no use to him at all. Spends all day talking about shit he watched on TV last night, his ******* kittens, DIY or asking me if I watched Big Brother, which I never do. If he's not doing one of the aforementioned he's on the phone to his mother.

Mr E.

My Boss. A stupid short arse racist bigot. He's also a Sergent in the T.A (Weekend Warriors). Nuff said.

Mrs P

Short, mad. Spends all day eating sweets and laughing. Useless but great fun.

Mr Dy.

Ex Tank Commander or something. Quiet, unasuming guy who gets on with his job. Bit of a lothario - likes to stare at birds arses as they walk past or lean over near him.

Ms D

Young dipsy blonde, not a looker at all. Currently off with stress. Can't say I've noticed to be honest. Complete waste of space work wise.

[Guest]

Sounds like Brian should be introduced to OT.Try to get some pics of those fuckers.

[Capmaster]

Sounds like Brian should be introduced to OT.Try to get some pics of those fuckers.

Sorry. I checked. Internal personnel photos and phone directories are considered "Unclassified - Controlled Information" and sensitive. It could help someone identify employees here on sight.

We are already espionage targets and this would set a few people off if they were to see my post. Now if the person volunteers ...that's different

[ViRaL1]

What's your PhD in?

[flaninacupboard]

Some kind of degree graduate with no brains. Got two degrees in something, **** knows what, that's absolutely no use to him at all. Spends all day talking about shit he watched on TV last night, his ******* kittens, DIY or asking me if I watched Big Brother, which I never do. If he's not doing one of the aforementioned he's on the phone to his mother.

Hmm, are you that quiet guy who works opposite me?! i think every workplace must have a person like that...

[Capmaster]

What's your PhD in?

I have a high school diploma with credit for 1 electronics class in 9th grade. I did really really well in that class though

[flaninacupboard]

you sound about as qualified as me!

[Capmaster]

you sound about as qualified as me!

I was joking of course. But I don't ever discuss my academic background - too easy for a coed I have dumped to find me that way. My stalker here wasn't my first

[flaninacupboard]

uhhhh, yeah. i was joking too.....

[Capmaster]

uhhhh, yeah. i was joking too.....

[1hunglo]

I work at a college and we have about every shade of humanity represented here in one way or another.

One guy got the end of his nose shot off for dissin' an armed robber by handing him $5 and telling him that ought to be good enough for him!

We had a lesbian faculty member very publically steal another faculty member's wife away from him.

It seems like academia provides a safe harbor for some otherwise pretty wierd dudes. We seem to have a higher than average load of oddballs around here.

Nice scenery though...chicks!

[Doramius]

I hate the "HITMAN". He's a neat freak that wears leather gloves all of the time (in 107 degree weather). When he goes to the bathroom he drops his pants and underwear all the way down to his ankles to use a urinal. The guy carries his coffee mug and food trys with paper towels (While still wearing the gloves. The guy is also a complete idiot and doens't know anything about computers or finance. He was just "forcively' moved from his Loan Officer position to become a processor because of his low quality work and his poor customer relations skills. He couldn't shake people's hands and is the only guy I know who carries a Lysol can everywhere he goes.

[Capmaster]

I hate the "HITMAN". He's a neat freak that wears leather gloves all of the time (in 107 degree weather). When he goes to the bathroom he drops his pants and underwear all the way down to his ankles to use a urinal. The guy carries his coffee mug and food trys with paper towels (While still wearing the gloves. The guy is also a complete idiot and doens't know anything about computers or finance. He was just "forcively' moved from his Loan Officer position to become a processor because of his low quality work and his poor customer relations skills. He couldn't shake people's hands and is the only guy I know who carries a Lysol can everywhere he goes.

You ought to buy a ski mask, wait until nobody else is in the men's can, and then piss on his back when he's at the urinal. He won't chase you with his pants around his ankles.

On second thought, coming out of a bank men's room wearing a ski mask is probably ill advised

[DVD_Ripper]

I hate the "HITMAN". He's a neat freak that wears leather gloves all of the time (in 107 degree weather). When he goes to the bathroom he drops his pants and underwear all the way down to his ankles to use a urinal. The guy carries his coffee mug and food trys with paper towels (While still wearing the gloves. The guy is also a complete idiot and doens't know anything about computers or finance. He was just "forcively' moved from his Loan Officer position to become a processor because of his low quality work and his poor customer relations skills. He couldn't shake people's hands and is the only guy I know who carries a Lysol can everywhere he goes.

You ought to buy a ski mask, wait until nobody else is in the men's can, and then piss on his back when he's at the urinal. He won't chase you with his pants around his ankles.

On second thought, coming out of a bank men's room wearing a ski mask is probably ill advised

He is no doubt big time OCD.... gotta think of something you can do.... how 'bout some of that slime stuff on his desk. maybe his headset...

[Supreme2k]

When I did have co-workers* (I was Head of Technology, ie web master, help desk, LAN, etc.), it went a little like this:

A.Z.: What's the term? "Monkey with dynamite"? Or more to the point, just enough knowledge to be dangerous.
This guy was our "Communications Liason", shich meant that he provided content for a few web pages, newsletter, and such. He also was somewhat of an editor (more like proofreader), but it gave him a bloated sense of power, his thinking that "it has to by me".
Anyway, this guy knew very basic HTML, but found every opportunity to declare "I can do this stuff. Why do we need a dedicated tech department?" Yet, even the simples JavaScript would have him screaming "What is this?! Is it some sort of malicious code?" (He read that one MSN article) "I know how to get into the machine language, so don't try and hide stuff like this!" I was hoping my super-secret coding would all but those who could right-click and View Source
There's too much to write about this guy, so I'll leave it at that.

Wendy (the office slut): Major predator, but without the shoulder-cannon. Pretty hot (no pics), but rather psycho. If you were ever caught within ten feet of her, you'd be tagged as someone who was "doing" her. She started taking me to lunch (her treat, so no complaints from me), which became "maybe we could have dinner or something, so we're not so 'confined'." Long (pun) story short, she had herd from a guy that I was rather well hung, so she wanted to find out for herself. Almost cost me my (then future) wife, who happened to hear the whole sordid tale (broadcast by Wendy).

Un-Boss: There were times that I would get "loaned" to different groups for special projects that somewhat fell outside of the scope of our jobs. UB would constantly want these types of projects done. Some examples were: Database-driven popularity contests, with full GUI on-line; random employee picture display; on-line party sign-up sheets with automated e-mail reminders sent out for people bringing food.
Bad enough that I had to deal with these silly requests, but every ten inutes, he'd come over and ask "Is it ready/done yet?" The other thing is that he'd want to know where it would be (address) "so I don't have to ask you later" (You won't have to ask, because I'll tell you when I'm done!) I made that mistake once, and thirty seconds later, he comes by and says "It's not working. I get a 404 error." I reply, "I haven't put anything there yet. I haven't even started!" UB:"Well, can you put it up then? Thanks."


Regarding the "HITMAN", we had a few guys who did the drop trou at the urinals, and they were all morbidly obese



*my only "co-worker" now is my daughter

[pacmania_2001]

I work in a retail store so I have about 80 co-workers but I'll post just a few to keep it reasonably short.

Captain Motivation: Nightfill manager and 23 years old. Still lives with parents. Hires good looking 16 year olds so that he can hit on them. He thinks he is a top class manager but really has no idea with his motivational speeches revolving around the constant use of the phrase "come on guys, lets bust it out".

Miss M: A 16 y/o girl who I work with that is constantly going out with complete social rejects and then bitching to me about them. The stereotypical dumb blonde who when she was rambling to me about something and I replied with "what's that got to do with the price of eggs in China" she was shocked that they sell eggs in China. Always good for a laugh though.

Backdock Bob: Works in the back dock moving stock around and is built like a tank. Due to the suspected use of steroids though he is like a schitzo who depending on which way the wind is blowing will be a great bloke or a deadset dick.

I'll post some more later.

[Ripper2860]

They are all just a bunch of ******* idiots !! Every last one of them. I am superior to all of them and they should cower in the brilliance that is ME !!!!


Or maybe not !!

[beavereater]

My business partner - He's lived a life of luxury since he was born. He had a maid when he was in college. In Japanese society he is above me and any of my friends or people I've worked with. For some reason, he liked me and that's why I have 2 schools now. He is very down to earth with people that others of his stature (sp?) would just ignore. HOWEVER, because of his lack in doing REAL hardwork for himself, he thinks I can do EVERYTHING. He asked me to personally design the new office. I have never designed anything like that...but he said "Sure you can do it, its easy" Puts the pressure on me...but I take it as experience.

My secretary - Nicest girl, just 24 years old. Get's me lunch when I ask, get a massage when I ask, makes sure I am on schedule all the time. BUT CAN'T UNDERSTAND the difference between a MAC and her DELL...for a month she thought she was on a MAC. Not the sharpest of them, but she does good PR when it comes to getting students so thats cool.

[northcat_8]

pics), but rather psycho. If you were ever caught within ten feet of her, you'd be tagged as someone who was "doing" her. She started taking me to lunch (her treat, so no complaints from me), which became "maybe we could have dinner or something, so we're not so 'confined'." Long (pun) story short, she had herd from a guy that I was rather well hung, so she wanted to find out for herself. Almost cost me my (then future) wife, who happened to hear the whole sordid tale (broadcast by Wendy).

So....are you posting pics or not....and exactly how far from Dayton, Ohio are you?

I will compile this list but I'll have to group it as I work with many egotistical people, who have the common sense god gave a jackass.

[smearbrick1]

Where to start... hmm. I work as a computer systems analyst for a large student loan servicer. My job is both unimportant and unrewarding, but the co-workers are very interesting.

Scott - Worked here for about 20 years. About 15 years ago we converted to a new servicing system, and Scott headed a good portion of it. I think my company took advantage of him to the extreme because now he does very little and gets paid way more for it! He sort of has a penchant for leaving work early only to get really, really drunk and call us at work to tell us what we should and should not be doing. His wife is a major source of tension in his life (although he won't admit it). She had some sort of operation to unclog arteries in her lungs or something and ended up with a bit of a stroke. The doctors said she would become normal again, but as of today, this hasn't happened. Instead, she has him call her 3 times a day (8:45, 12:00, and 2:45. Used to be every hour on the hour) to have him talk to her like she's a little girl (the whole, "hi honey/I love you baby... that thing) and update her on what he's having for lunch. Their conversations are quite funny because he tells her that he works with a bunch of idiots, and if it weren't for him, our system would come to a screeching halt. I guess she's on all kinds of anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. See, she has this fear of crickets... it's really kind of odd. If a cricket would get into their house, she would call Scott and make him come home and dispatch the cricket. After this, he would not return to work. To help her on her road to recovery, she also drinks like a fish. Isn't that great? Just what you want; anti-psychotics and anti-depressants mixed with freakin' alcohol! This woman drinks so much, she plays quarters by herself! No joke! I heard on him on one of his calls to her asking about if she had enough quarters to play!

Tasman: A good guy; totally fed up with our management. Same story as most disgruntled employees... worked hard and not recognition. He's the only person that has been waiting longer than me for a raise. (currently, the other guys make somewhere around 38.00/hr and we make 18.00/hr).

MAC: Not much to say. Very dedicated to everything; job, family, parents, friends. Nice guy... uses the word **** alot. (he was in the coast guard).

[Capmaster]

I think my company took advantage of him to the extreme because now he does very little and gets paid way more for it!

I wish my company would "take advantage" of me more

He's got this thing for doing everything deemed GEEK AS HELL! He wears fanny packs, clip on sunglasses, and has the longest hair of any man I know. He is completely inconsiderate of his surroundings when it comes belching, farting, eating in repulsive ways... yet believes he is the most attractive man on earth.

Sounds like an OT post whore candidate 8)

[lordsmurf]

This is one that pisses me off anytime, anywhere.
Ever had somebody want to borrow a pen or pencil?

I've had this happen at the office, as well as with friends and family.

They get the pen... and then they start ******* with it. Chewing on it. Breaking the clip. Taking it apart.

It's my pen *******! If you want to write with it, then do so. But quit breaking my shit! Wanker.

It's always the same couple of idiots too.