Funny Simpsons quotes

[bigshotceo]

C'mon, you know you've got them!

I'll start it out:

(Homer) Marge, it's not my fault! Liquors drunkened me!....

(funny when you say it..)

[teegee420]

This one's a quote from the Simpsons Hit and Run game, but a classic nonetheless. Homer(to himself):

Stupid Flanders...finding happiness in religion.

[pacmania_2001]

My cat's breath smells like cat food - Ralph

Stupid... like a fox - Homer

Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm... Must've sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, its the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example?
Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out. What do they call it?
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese... well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages?
Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.'
Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'.

Too many classic ones. If I didn't waste so much of my brain on remembering quotes from the Simpsons and movies like Super Troopers I'd be the next Einstein.

[-DVD-]

Homer: One day the honsest citizens of Springfield will stand up to you crooked cops
Wiggum: Oh no! When? Have they set a date?

[fmctm1sw]

Nelson: Ha ha....

[glockjs]

homer: beeeeeerrrr..grruhuhrrhuh

[Will Hay]

(....having changed his name from Homer to 'Max Power'...)

Marge: but Homer, I don't know if I want to snuggle with 'Max Power'

Homer: You don't snuggle with 'Max Power' Marge, you strap yourself in and feel the G's.

[zworg2]

It's time for some Re-Nedification...

[zworg2]

Everytime I learn something new, it pushes something old out of my mind

[Conquest10]

Marge: Homer, no! You'll kill us all!
Homer: Or die trying!

[Will Hay]

Marge: Homer, no! You'll kill us all!
Homer: Or die trying!

[Craig Tucker]

Marge, look at me, we've been separated for a day, and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman.

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

[g_shocker182]

switching to family guy for a moment:


Newsanchor: And now let's go to Ollie for our Blackuweather forecast...Ollie?
Ollie[angry]: ITS GUN RAIN [switches bacl to newsguy]
Newsanchor: Thank you, Ollie

http://digitaltoast.co.uk/mad/fg/tam.avi

[j1d10t]

Moe: That's it, Homer. I'm taking your caracature down from Mount Lushmore, and I'm pulling your favorite song out of the jukebox."
Homer: "It's Raining Men?"
Moe: "Yeah. Not no more it aint."

Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

Moe: They think they're so high and mighty just because they never got caught driving without pants.

Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. Not that fancy store-bought dirt. I can't compete with that stuff.


I think Moe has some of the funniest lines

[mec_modifier]

I dunno, Ralph has too many great one-liners to count...my favorites are:

"Tastes like burning."
"I bent my Wookie"

[northcat_8]

MMMMMMMMMM......Beer (or doughnuts)......ghurgle, ghurgle.....

The episode where Lisa gets to select where they are going to spend "family day" and she picks the museum....Homer says "stupid Lisa"

There are just too many to list....

Now this is a true story....

There is a guy who is a photographer for the local newspaper...and he looks exactly like, EXACTLY like the Comic Book Store guy. It's amazing.

[Devanshu]

Newsanchor: And now let's go to Ollie for our Blackuweather forecast...Ollie?
Ollie[angry]: ITS GUN RAIN [switches bacl to newsguy]
Newsanchor: Thank you, Ollie

Anyway, back to simpsons...

[singing the flinstones tune]Simpson, homer simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-to-ryyy. From the, town of spring-field, he's about to hit a chest-nut treeee. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH.

Max Power, I like that name
I got it off a hair dryer.

[Will Hay]

Max Power, I like that name
I got it off a hair dryer.

I never knew this
...and that max power quote of mine above is my favourite.
Will

[housepig]

I dunno, Ralph has too many great one-liners to count...

<whining> "These rubber pants are hot."

[j1d10t]

Ralph: "When I grow up I'm going to Bovine University!"

[Devanshu]

Max Power, I like that name
I got it off a hair dryer.

I never knew this
...and that max power quote of mine above is my favourite.
Will

I read yours and that's what it reminded me of.

Moe(the hamlet episode): Before you kill me, dont you wanna eat something, or maybe finger the drapes a little?

[j1d10t]

Flanders: You ugly hate filled man!
Moe: Hey! I may be ugly, and I may be hate filled but, uh... What was that last thing you said?

[jeex]

homer: it takes 2 to lie. one to lie, one to listen.


-homer at post office trying to retrieve a letter-


homer: hello, i'm mr. burns. i believe you have a letter for me.
mailman: okay mr. burns, whats your first name?
homer: i dont know

[Marco33]

"Worst episode ever"

Can't believe no one said that yet.



" I won it as a door prize at a Star Trek convention, Although I find their choice of size Highly e-logical, The average Trek'e has no use for a medium utility belt"

[Conquest10]

Marge: According to this book, the monorail goes over 150 miles an hour!What if something goes wrong?
Homer: "What if." What if I stepped in the shower and slipped on a bar of soap?... Oh, my God! I'd be killed!

[j1d10t]

"Worst episode ever"

Can't believe no one said that yet.

How could we have missed that one?

Bart: "Boxers, or briefs?"
Homer: (opens the waist of his pants and looks), "nope."

Otto: "I wrote my name in my underwear. (looks at the waist band of his underwear), oh, wait, these aren't mine."

Homer: "But this is a chance for someone to call me "sir", without adding "you're making a scene"...."

[Devanshu]

Some more I remembered...

Homer: I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES

Homer: Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!!

Homer: Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.

Moe: They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants.

[pacmania_2001]

Later, a full-force Bear Patrol is on watch. Homer watches proudly.

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That's spacious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
[Homer thinks of this, then pulls out some money]
Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.
[Lisa refuses at first, then takes the exchange]

[j1d10t]

I can't believe we missed this one:
Apu: "Thank you, come again."


Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win, or lose, it's how drunk you get.

Barney: My name is Barney Gumble, and I have a drinking problem.
Guy behind the counter: Hey, you want AA, this is Triple A (AAA).
Homer: In that case, my name is Homer Simpson, and I'm planning a trip to Saint Louis.

Homer after being accused of sexual harassment:
Homer: God, tell me what to do, give me a sign!
(Phone rings, Homer answers)
Homer: Hello?
Voice on the phone: Homer, this is God..........frey Jones with the TV show Rock Bottom.

Homer: Could you introduce me to Sasquatch? I like his style.

Troy McClure on a home repair video: Hi! I'm Troy McClure. You may remember from other self-help vides such as "Smoke Yourself Thin", and "Get Confident, Stupid."

Air Force Cornel: We've searched this airbase from top to bottom, and all we've found is porno, porno, porno!

Grandpa Simpson: My Homer is not a Communist! He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist... but he is NOT a porn star!

Moe: I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly...

[Will Hay]

I can't believe we missed the 'worst episode ever' quote

bigshotceo, I you, I havne't enjoyed a thread this much for what seems like an age.

It's almost like we're a big, happy family again, albeit with a couple of inbred cousins we don't like to speak of
Yes, jeex, I'm talking about you, you closet bummer
Will Hay