Have you had this problem?

[fmctm1sw]

Don't you just hate new software?


Wife 1.0

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 8.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day. Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0.
- A 'Don't remind me again' button
- Minimize button
- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
- An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with GirlFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install GirlFriend 2.0 on top of GirlFriend 1.0. You must uninstall GirlFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of GirlFriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for GirlFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing that sucks - all versions of GirlFriend continually pop up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

***** BUG WARNING ******** Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

*** BUG WORK-AROUNDS *************** To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have beenknown to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

[Tommyknocker]

Dude, you should have read the package warning: Never, ever install Wife 1.0 on Selfish Pig platform. It is not configured to run on it very well. I installed on my Lucky Guy 486 and it has done wonders. It has an automatic alarm that goes off when I forget to set my alarm. It produces startling visuals called warm smiles, knowing winks, and blowing kisses.

It produces heart warming audio, like "I love you, great job, Sweetheart, and have a nice day!" It maintains a clean environment, and its Child-Spawning routines, also have nice visuals, which looks something like me, and have a version of the audio output that says, "We love you, Dad", that really is too cool.

Although it did not like the MIstress software, I noticed it can do the same taskings as Mistress can, without those annoying viruses that Mistress software have been known to have.

However, before you think about uninstalling Wife 1.0, or trying an upgrade, try reconfiguring your Selfish Pig platform. Replacing that "me" chip with a "we" chip makes your system works twice as efficient. And remembering to run the Golden Rule plug in always keeps it in top form. Hope this helps.

[freak_in_cage_10k]

fmctm1sw m8, i think it is fair to say that tommyknocker has beaten you at your own game, unless of course you have some seriously powerful software to combat it?!

[tenders]

hahahahaha..i like that one

[sterno]

Most of the problems related to the Wife software are actually caused by problems in the "Marriage" interface library on which it's based. Marriage seems to have been released at version 0.01 for testing, but the original authors abandoned development before releasing a reliable, final version. The Marriage API is just not properly documented, too many important details are left up to the implementor to decide. Everybody who implements it does so differently, so the components' inputs and outputs never quite match up and everybody has to try to adapt.

In some cases the interfaces are simply too different and it's not practical to modify the project just to suit somebody else, especially when the other component's author won't work with you on it. In some cases, the Wife software or some of its related packages will actively sabotage efforts to adapt your system to its interface. People keep trying to replace Marriage with a more modern system, but it's like COBOL - in a lot of ways it sucks, but there's too much of it out there to get rid of it and people figure that if it was good enough for somebody else it's good enough for them.

The Girlfriend software actually has many of the same problems, but it's based on the Relationship library instead. Relationship is slightly more reliable than Marriage and is much less resource-intensive, but software based on it (such as Girlfriend) sometimes just flakes out or erases itself for no obvious reason.

And yes, you need to have some programming experience to get most of the humor in that.

[fmctm1sw]

fmctm1sw m8, i think it is fair to say that tommyknocker has beaten you at your own game, unless of course you have some seriously powerful software to combat it?!

He sure did. And I must admit, I didn't even make that up myself. It was a pure cut and paste job

[Ducatti20]

Be warned!!
Prostitute 1.0 and 2.0 beta will cause VICE 2.35 to activate if Wife 1.0 catches the I/O activity between Backseat 5.6 and Prostitute. Also, Bobbit 6.66 can become active if VICE 2.35 releases data regarding I/O interface. Lawyer 2.25 is available, but is highly prone to corruption of the hard drive. Recommend if you use any of these programs you have a current copy of Health Insurance 5.35 and Plastic Surgeon 4.0 on hand.

[g_shocker182]

i feel like a nerd when i read those

[The village idiot]

If you apply the LES 6.9 patch or the Bi 2.41 patch to wife 1.0 you will soon be all set for the girlfriend/mistress 2.0 software , which may still include the simultaneous use of wife 1.0. This being nearly perfect for the various PIG platforms as it allows unlimited file sharing between the 2 platforms

NOTE: sometimes the LES 6.9 patch leaves you with alone 0.0 and deletes ALL Money.4u files. And sometimes leaves you with Home_Be_Gone error as well as Car_be_gone error and a system crash.

[Tommyknocker]

It is official: We have finally gone from the sublime to the ridiculous