A porn website with the funniest "English" text ever (just text)

[FulciLives]

What can I say.

I was looking up porn sites 8)

I found this one that really cracked me up when I bothered (can't imagine why) to read the text on the front page.

Here is what it said and I guess I should point out that this was a ummm handjob website:

THEY CRAVE FOR IT ...
"Maybe you never knew how excieting looks simple male penis for women. They never tell you about it but you can read it in their eyes when they watch it, and you can feel it in every movement of female fingers allowed to explore your genital area."

AND

JUST TO TOUCH IT ...
"Our site is the best way to spy for girls going absolutely mad in the face of barenaked bag of tricks. They can`t stop hands running from the balls to the top of the dickhead, spining around there and then returning back down to the pubic hair."



Anyways I had to share that

- John "FulciLives" Coleman

[SquirrelDip]

There's porn on the internet?!?


Funny text tho. Guess I'll have to read those spam messages. Then again...

[FulciLives]

I found another link to the same site but a different page.

More silly text:

"Let her to do your hand job, allow her to touch your dick and to feel its pulsation. She'll be in delight to feel the strength of you penis. Watch her tender fingers exploring every inch of your sticking dick... Give her an initiative. Maybe her hands are more skilful than yours?"

AND

"Don't become puzzled if your girlfriend found you masturbating on her favourite armchair! Ask her to help with her hand. First she'll be interested, than she'll become hot observing, touching, caressing and masturbating your penis, and her skilful hands will bring you desirable satisfaction."

My favorite here is ... "sticking dick" LOL

Oh my I really need a better way of filling up my day.

- John "FulciLives" Coleman

[MackemX]

I've been looking for years and I'm yet to find this porn everyone says is out there

[cyflyer]

I hope you have fun sorting out your computer from viruses, spyware, porn pages that refuse to close, etc. I've heard thats what happens when you go down that road............

[ZAPPER]

Welllllll, being we are on the subject. I am not above some porn surfing, research that is. But never on the company laptop. Sooooo, one day, I left my laptop out and got up to check on something. Welllll. before it locked itself down, the damn painters got to it and went straight to a porn site. A few minutes later I returned to find like eight guys all oogeling over some bad porn, I mean really nasty and not the get down and get nasty kind, but the make you celebate kind of nasty, I mean, if I am allowed to say it, SKANK! It was pretty gross. Soooo, being a good supervisor and a nice guy, I surf over to some real quality sites. Oh, now the guys think I am a god! And act like they have never seen anythink like this before and start to hoot and holler just a bit too loud. Yep, in walks the client, female at that. She never saw the screen I am sure, but none the less, there I am at the helm of the good ship lollypop so to speak. BUSTED! It wouldn't have been so bad I guess, but, Noooo! I had to be reading aloud the damn Text!

Hell, I got a headache just remembering it.

[FulciLives]

You know the Microsoft Windows screensaver where you can have 3D TEXT that "flys" around the screen in various ways?

Well I use to work at this small office and in the back room there was an extra computer and this was a business that had tech guys that would go to our customer's homes to fix this thing that thing the other thing and the back room was their area and they would meet there in the mornings and get their orders and equipment and then not be back until the end of the day or so.

Well those guys used to change the text on that screen saver all the time to say funny stuff ... sometimes vulgar stuff.

Well one day this woman comes in for a job (in the front office where I worked) and after interviewing her the front office manager sent her to the back ... to sit at that computer (only free desk around really) ... to fill out a job application. She did so and left without fanfare.

Then the office manager walked past that computer a lil bit later in the day and the text on the screen saver said, "SLOB THE NOB"

heh

The office manager (herself a woman) was not happy at all

- John "FulciLives" Coleman

P.S.
Found out later that one of the techs had made that screensaver change just that morning so yeah that text was there when that new potential employee was filling out her job application.