Darwin moments you've survived

[macleod]

Figgered it'd be interesting to hear about folks's moments when common sense wasnt common (and you lived to tell about it---obviously). No living vicariously through other people, just stupid moments in your life that you will regret having your kids find out about.

Mine....

1. Hit a train doing 70mph's. Walked away from it....Hows that for tough---or stupid

2. Me and friend watched bruce lee movie and made thing to "beat" electricity. it was two rods that had a dial on it that would increase the amount of electricity to the rods. Basically, you hold onto the two rods, while the friend turns the electricity up or down. Stupid for a few reasons, 1)its electricity 2) 12-13 your old boys.....what do you do, you shock the shit out of each other

3. Mustang was missing. Attempted to make sure spark plug wire was firing OK by sticking screw driver in it

4. Dad P.O'd that my mustang leaked fluids all over his garage. Told me to clean it up and handed me a brush and some cleaner (I blame my dad for this because he also left a 5 gallon tank of gas right next to me). After scraping for an hour and not making a dent into the crap on the floor, figgered the easiest thing to do was to burn it off. Got the gas and poured the entire thing on the ground (attached garage on 2 story home). Got a match, lit it and then realized just AFTER dropping the match, that I am standing in gas and the house is right over me. Thankfully, the flames didnt get me too bad and the hose was nearby

[bazooka]

I wonder about you.

[Shadowmistress]

I can't think of any personal moments right now but here's one that happend to a co-worder of mine.

My buddy Frank wouldn't shut up to anyone that cared to listen about how great skydiving was so one day this chic co-worker of mine (who will remain nameless) decides to try it for the first time. He takes her out and decides to videotape the moment for her from the ground.

You see her jump out of the plane, fall a few seconds, then her parachute goes to open. All of a sudden she reaches up and grabs the parachute! She hangs onto it and holds it to her chest as she continues to fall to the ground. Several seconds pass and then several more. Everyone on the ground thought she was done for.

Luckily there is a failsafe mechanism attached to a parachute that measures how far off the ground you are and when you hit a certain danger point, it releases automatically.

When I finally met up with her after I heard about this I yelled at her "what were you THINKING?"
She said, I saw the parachute leaving me and I thought something broke it off my pack. I grabbed it because I knew I needed it to make it to the ground.

[macleod]

That was pretty funny. Did she smell funny (like she sharted)? I would have.

Over the last month or so, I have been doing what (I am guessing) is a early mid 30's thing to do. Apparently your 30's are the "no turning back" point for the rest of your life. Lose weight, eat right, stop smoking, doing drugs, etc.

I just recently quit smoking (mostly due in part to the "do you smoke" poll on this site and the www.whyquit.com site (here are my stats):
---
1w 2d 4:06 smoke-free, 184 cigs not smoked, $27.60 saved, 15:20 life saved
---

Anyway, I have been doing some soul searching and thinking about all of the stupid shit that I have either done or had happen to me that would've/should've snuffed me out, but for whatever reason didnt (the train for instance). Some of the fights and just dumb stuff that I have done as a kid. Kinda entering a whole new phase of life trying to quit all of the bad shit and be a better dad/husband/guy. In order to do that, I have to think about all of the utterly stupid things that I have done with and to my body and am shocked that I am still here. I hear about all these other people that die from this or that (when I lived in Indiana earlier this year, I heard some 30 something who was in great shape keel over at an annual race).

[Shadowmistress]

Nothing worse than feeling your mortality. Dude you're heading straight for a mid-life crisis if you don't do something quick.

The reason you weren't snuffed out a long time ago is because you knew how far you could go without crossing the line. You had presence of forethought even if it kicked in a few seconds before disaster.
You feel impervious to stuff when you're young and although it's a good idea to keep off cigarrettes, don't do it cause it may kill you, do it cause it makes you that much harder for shit to conquer you physically. You need to be Superdad/husband/person, not Safedad/husband/person.

I'd suggest you go do something to get the adrenaline and testosterone pumping. Being a chic, I'm not sure what would work... but I'm sure others around here have some good suggestions.

[ZAPPER]

Oh hell, where does a guy start?
Let's see?
Playing with:
BB guns
Pellet Guns
REAL guns
Stun guns
Nail guns
Blow guns
Potato guns
Screw guns
Heat guns
Have I left any out? Just tell me and I am sure that I have done something stupid with one!
What next? Sharp things? OK
Pocket knives
Sheath knives
Butter knives
Plastic knives
Razor knives
Throwing knives
Darts
Yard darts!
Blow darts (see blow gun)
Saws (All types hand and power)
Scissors (All types)
If it can poke you or cut you I have at least pushed it to the limits if not beyond!
Fireworks
Home made fireworks
Very large homemade fireworks (It is amazing that I can still count to ten)
Real explosives (It is amazing)
Fire of all types
Electricity of all types
Automobiles (Working on, rideing in or just being near)
Motorcycles (As above)
I shouldn't waste my money on Vegas or the lottery I am useing up my luck on lots of other things. Mr. Magoo ain't got squat on me! I should be maimed, disfigured or dead 100 times over.
Think about what you have done and laugh and learn but don't dwell on it life is for today!

[ZAPPER]

Damb... Shadow beat me to the punchline!

[macleod]

Well, I was heavily into martial arts when I was younger and I was just reading that folks that "do" martial arts live longer, part of the conditioning.

The sad part, is that my 4 year old son can actually hurt me. I am not a wuss or anything, the kid just has a right hook that he can land pretty good. That and he just doesnt know when to quit (defintely not after he sees Dad has blood on him)...

I had a scare a few weeks ago. Basically I had been thinking about the 34 year old on the site that dies in 2 months and it got me thinking (I am pretty much a hypochondriac (SP?) Anyway, I moved our 2700 sq foot home (the stuff was in a 10x30 storage place) into 2 rigs and had them driven from IN to TX. AFter I got everything unloaded I was having pains in my stomach (like the one that they guy was having). Instead of saying, "hey I just moved a lot of stuff from one place to another, etc.", I said "hay, I must have oat cell lung and I am gonna die to 2 months". Freaked out, put the smokes down and never have looked back.

I am just sorry to say that my wife nagging, my son, and family couldnt get me to quit, it was a scare". Oh well, at least I quit.

Anyway, back on "off" topic. The person is meant to go for X number of years, its just that some folks believe in Darwining out by doing very stupid stuff. Everyone has this idea that they will live to their 90's. I have been thinking a lot more about mortality. What does it all mean and stuff. For smoking, started to look cool and make me look like a badass. I am about to be married for 10 years, have a 4 yr old, and drive around in a minivan. How does smoking make me look cool. I never smoke around people (kids and family included) and all it is is a drug, but anyway.....

All of the things that I was growing up and in my 20's are no longer cool. Just a lot of thinking going on. When I start thinking of all of that, I start thinking about the stupid things I have done as a kid. Use to drink myself silly, take a lot of stupid chances and all kinds of stuff.

Wonder if anyone else has gone through this.

[JohnnyCNote]

I never did anything that stupid (at least where I risked my life), but this is my favorite:

A guy lost his baseball cap while crossing a very busy Interstate bridge here in Jacksonville (the Buckman Bridge, I-295, for those in the know). He got out and actually ran into traffic to retrieve it! Needless to say he was hit and killed.

Here's a picture:

[img]http://rds.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=buckman+bridge/v=2/SID=e/l=IVI/SIG=11qs6jsd5/*-http%3A//www.phaengineers.com/images/Buckman-Bridge.jpg[/img]
(this might be an old one because it's been widened to 4 lanes each way).

And some say Darwin was wrong.....

[Shadowmistress]

Wonder if anyone else has gone through this.

Intimately and interactively with an ex.
Then I went out and talked to people twice and triple my age. Their take on the matter was "What? If I was still 30 I'd be mountain climbing, sailing, scuba diving, riding motorcycles, etc. etc...." They thought he was crazy for worrying about it so much.

Go to your doctor and get a physical and then relax. Remember, tomorrow you could be hit by a car instead.

Cool thing to do when you're 20: follow the pack.
Cool thing to do when you're 30: lead it.

(If that doesn't work find a religion)

[tekkieman]

3 house fires. 2 with matches, one was a chemical experiment.

Playing "Dukes of Hazard, sliding across the hood of a car doing 60mph

Homemade gun powder

Nevermind. There are still a few people who consider me intelligent. Don't want to smear my image...

[macleod]

Playing "Dukes of Hazard, sliding across the hood of a car doing 60mph

I am a little slow on the uptake on this one....

The car was doing 60 and you tried to slide across the hood and pull a "Bo" OR you were on the hood while it was doing 60. Shit, I m from the country and if it was doing sitting while on the hood, that aint nothin'. Hell, I mooned a cop on top of a car doing 30-40. Shit, hope my son never finds out about hald the crap I have done. What am I gonna tell him, "now son, just because Daddy got shitfaced one night back in gradeschool, took his dog (because she would bark when I would stagger back home), got horney and would go up to peoples' houses (at 2am mind you) and ask to see their daughters" doesnt mean that you can do stuff like that. Now say your prayers and go to bed.

True story, my and a buddy got hammered and we figgered I was drunker (As usual) and we went out trying to pick up some girls (hey it all sounds good when you are hammered). From what I remember, when one of the mom's busted me talking to her daughter, I bolted and managed to closeline myself on a low hanging branch. Crawled to the car and had the good sense to at least get out of the driveway before passing out.

[macleod]

I am also trying to refind religion. I was converted Catholic (wife) and now we are trying to figger out that stuff as well. I tell ya', should just have the second coming, so I can get to purgatory, ha ha !!!

[tekkieman]

@macleod - Driver and passenger trading positions by sliding across the hood while the car was traveling 60mph.

What a moron I was.....

[ZAPPER]

Speaking of clotheslines
In my late teen years one Indiana winter while heading from one party to another on foot one night. It was decided by my drunken self and good freind that being in the peak condition of our lives that we could indeed throw snowballs at the local law enforcement cruiser and get away with it. After throwing the above mentioned snow balls from a close range distance of about 20' we were amazed to find that we failed to notice that the next two cars in line were also police cruisers and their drivers were only too happy to try and run us down, and over any terrain features that we thought would stop them. After following my buddy through four or five yards and hedges and over a fence, with the police crushing through the bushes and crashing through the fence, at times within feet of us, we split off into two different directions when we got to an alleyway. As my luck would have it a few houses down the alley there was a six foot high brick wall near a garage and I must have made it over before the police turned out of the other yards and into the alley because apparently they didn't see me go over it. At the time however I was pretty sure that I was still at risk of being killed by the most corrupt police force in the US at the time. So when I hit the ground I came up running and just as I was hitting a stride that I had never before or after obtained, I ran into a clothes line! A real clothes line. Probally 1/4" plastic coated braided stainless steel type clothes line. Right in the front and side of my neck between the jaw bone and adams apple. The shock was incredible, the line held long enough for me to begin a high speed back flip and broke in time enough to snap back and hit me in the face. I saw my feet against the snowy sky for a split second and then the cable hit me in the side of my head. I landed on the back of my head and my knees smashed into my face in this upsidedown landing. I heard snapping and popping sounds that I knew were my spine and skull and then I flopped to a supine position (spread eagle on my back). The pain generated colors were the brightest and most beautiful that I have ever seen. And so I laid there knowing that when the cops found me they would shoot me for their own enjoyment but I would have the last laugh because I desperatly needed to be put out of my pain.

Cold and alcohol do strange things to your body and mind. As I laid there I was at peace with the universe, the cold helped ease the pain and the Yukon Jack warmed my soul. I didn't try to make any deals with any gods I just watched my hot breath rise into the cold dark and watched the big heavy snowflakes fall onto my face and into my mouth. After some time the ringing in my ears died down and the police lights that I could see reflecting off the tree branches went away without a cop ever comming into the backyard that I was laying in. When the burning on the side of my head from the cable backlash was replaced with the more familar sting of the cold air I started to test what was left of my broken body. I could move my hands and arms to touch my smashed nose and lips but even the cold wouldn't numb them enough to let them be touched too much. Finially I managed to move my legs up out of the snow and then I rolled over. I managed to get on all four and then to my feet. Well! What do you know I wasn't as busted up as I had thought. I worked my way home staying to the shadows. My face was the only long term injury.

Now my buddy ran from the cops for three hours and according to his story he was at one time at a place that is five miles away from where it all started and he didn't run straight line either. He cut through yards and backtracked down alleys through woods and drainage ditches and zig zagged all over the place. I have to beleive him because of the fact that it was rumored that three juristictions, one helicopter and the fire department chased three teenagers all night and he was the only one running after I hit the clothesline! The cops never caught him. Some of the yards looked like bulldozers tried to plow the snow. And my face and neck looked like I had been caught and beaten

[Shadowmistress]

God zapper, I laughed so hard at that story I got stomach cramps and tears in my eyes!

[Cobra]

that I am standing in gas and the house is right over me. Thankfully, the flames didnt get me too bad and the hose was nearby

I hope you didn't use the hose. A petrol (sorry, gas :P ) fire will flare up if you put water on it. Trust me, I've played with enough petrol to know...

[macleod]

@ zapper, that was hilarious. Ah, running from the cops. Now that brings back some memories.....

I remember a buddy and me went out driving, I was 16 and we were driving around. I dont remember being drunk, but obviously up to no good. Anyway, I got lost (I was always bad with directions) and went down this dirt road (actually, where I grew up, it was mostly dirt roads). We are driving down this one laner that reminded me out of something of tales from the darkside when there was another pair of headlights coming up.

Me, Mr. Billy Badass gets out of my car while my buddy is yelling (Dude, dont kick his ass too bad) I start yelling at the van various things that I am now not proud of. Some guy calmly gets out of his car and I see a flashlight and a gun. Hmmmm, black belt in karate ---- a gun ----- recent viewing of deliverance ----

The guy yells for me to put my hands on my car. I am spread eagled on the hood of the car (y'all have been there at least once) and my buddy is looking at me like we are gonna die. The guy starts yelling that I am on private property and that no one would find the body. Needless to say my mouth was very apologetic, unlike the words I was using earlier. After a few minutes of him yelling, he tells us to get the **** off his land.

I get back in the car and my buddy (who BTW is now a cop) is freakin' out and laughing his ass off. I tell him to not mention this at school the next day because my "rep" is already bad enough. And being the true friend he was, the entire school knew about it ....

@Cobra - It didnt flare too bad from what I remember, I was more concerned that my car was in the garage as well and the flames had went around the cars gas tank. Amazing I made it this far......

[ZAPPER]

that I am standing in gas and the house is right over me. Thankfully, the flames didnt get me too bad and the hose was nearby

I hope you didn't use the hose. A petrol (sorry, gas :P ) fire will flare up if you put water on it. Trust me, I've played with enough petrol to know...

Yea Buddy! Under the right circumstances water will make a gasoline fire flare up at almost explosive speeds. I saw a demo onetime where the "experts" lit a half bucket of gasoline and then proceded to spray it with a 2" hose. I don't know the true physics of what happened but the water contains oxygen and it also increases the surface area of the fuel. The fact that the force of the water from the hose knocked the bucket towards a crowd of onlookers made it even more spectacular. I was to the side almost even with the firefighters that sprayed the hose when the shit hit the fan. It looked like a combo flamethrower and atom bomb at the same time. I am guessing that no more than two gallons of gas made a 300' mushroom cloud (I really don't know how high it was but it cast a shadow across the taramac) It was a big time fuel air explosion, you could feel and hear the air moving in both directions. I only got singed hair but some of the people on the other end of the area got serious burns. The guy that was directley in the path of the flamethrower part of it knew what was about to happen and turned and took a couple of others out of the direct path just in the nick of time. I wasn't supposed to be there and had to skidaddle but I could tell for a week what people that were there by their red faces and lack of eyebrows!

[ZAPPER]

God zapper, I laughed so hard at that story I got stomach cramps and tears in my eyes!

Are you sure that it wasn't something that you ate? JK

It is the time of year that brings back memories and with them deep depression and feelings of inadequecy(SP). Ah... bills to pay, deadlines to meet, gifts to buy, snow to shovel, idiots on icy roads and only this site to keep me from eating a bullet. (Oh, great! now Baldrick is going to say that the servers will be down for a week!)

[jimmalenko]

Just over an hour ago I was on my way home from my work's christmas BBQ when I hit a Kangaroo. About 2 seconds before hitting it, I could see it bounding through the paddock next to the road, and my initial judgement was that I'd be past it by the time it got to the road. I was wrong. I clipped it with the side of my car, and heard a pretty dull thud. I'm pretty sure I didn't kill it, but it'll be sore for a few days, that's for sure. These things have been known to write off cars in the past, especially the ones approaching and exceeding 2 metres in height, which are normally around the 50-100KG (110-220 lbs) mark also. I was doing 120KPH (75 MPH) at the time, and was worried sick about the damage I might have done to the car I've had for about 4 months now. I was too shit-scared to stop the car and take a look to see if there was any damage. The car "felt" alright, so I kept on driving. Once home in the garage, I had a look and to my surprise, there isn't even a scratch. My car is a bit dirty, and there isn't even one of those "wipe" marks. I must have been so fortunate as to have only made contact with it using the wheel.

[pacmania_2001]

I remember back in high school a few of my mates and I were over at one of there houses getting organised for a party there that night. Anyway, we were bored so got a 1kg empty milo tin and filled it with some kero that we had lying around and sugar cane mulch from his garden and then set it alight for a fun game of flaming soccer.

I don't know if any of you remember the old NBA Hoops game were your player got "on fire" and the ball had flames behind it when you shot the ball but thats what this liked when we were kicking it around the backyard.

It wasn't the smartest move in the world considering the grass was dry and there were plenty of trees around but we had some great fun. Everytime a plant would catch on fire we'd each have a dedicated fire fighting tool such as the hose, broom or door mat to try and put it out with.

It was pretty cool at night though because with the water and kero mixed together you'd through a match on the grass and it'd look like lightning shooting across it. The hard part was explaining to the mates parents why their backyard was burnt to a crisp.

[jimmalenko]

We've done the same but with a tennis ball. Say hello to night tennis without lights !

[pacmania_2001]

The funniest part was that my mate nearly broke his toe and set himself on fire because he kicked the can like a girl.

[adam]

Just yesterday someone told me that they were ironing clothes when the phone rang. She answered the iron and burned the crap out of her ear and face. Not exactly life threatening but I thought that was about the dumbest accident I had ever heard.

[bazooka]

Just yesterday someone told me that they were ironing clothes when the phone rang. She answered the iron and burned the crap out of her ear and face. Not exactly life threatening but I thought that was about the dumbest accident I had ever heard.

I am surprised she actually did that.

That has been a joke forever.

[adam]

If you knew her it wouldn't suprise you that much.

[macleod]

that was hilarious, answering the iron. I could see how that would happen.

One bad thing about this thread is that it is giving me new ideas (gotta try the on fire soccer game).

Hit a kangaroo? Wow, I remember one time driving home, I called the cops to let them know that I saw moose walking down the road (thank God I quit drinking). It was really vivid and I coulda swore that I saw them.

Here in TX, all we hit are armodillos (SP?). Actually in the years I have lived here, I dont think I have ever seen a live armodilla. Have seen more than my fair share of fireants though.