Hangover ratings

[Craig Tucker]

1 star hangover

No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.

You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka redbulls.

However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.

Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.

2 star hangover

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.

The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.

Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.

3 star hangover

Slight headache. stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.

Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.

Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.

4 star hangover

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.

You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.

Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.

You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.

5 star hangover

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.

Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.

Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.

You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.

Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.

6 star hangover

You arrive home and climb into bed.

Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.

You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.

You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.

No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.

You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.

After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.

If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.

You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.

Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.

With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.

You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.

It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.

You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.

Work is simply not an option.

The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.

You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed.

OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!

Thought so!!

I am aiming for a 6 star on Wednesday when England take on Slovakia in the Euro 2004 Qualifiers

[i_am_dave]

My wife swore that if I ever drank enough again to have even a 4 star hangover that she was going to leave me

She said I was setting a bad example for the children

Guess she is right. And anyway, I'm getting too old for this sh*t!! I now limit myself to around a pint of wine a night. Just enough for a nice buzz.

[pacmania_2001]

Never had a 6 star hangover but I was lucky enough to be their when my friend experienced having one.

Lets just say that if a trip to the hospital on New Years Eve sounds like fun then all you have to do is find the cheapest bottle of Vodka you can find and consume all the contents in less than an hour.

[WeedVender]

Craig.. Ive never got past a 5 star...
Good luck to you...

May the Force Be with You.

[Doggiedaddy]

I'm not sure what rating I would give this. Many years ago I started at a party in San Francisco, CA and woke up 36 hours later in Reno, NV with someone I did not recognize. All turned out well though, we just started up again and headed back where we came from. The 70's, a lost decade.
Youth is wasted on the young!

Life is a u turn anyway.

Dd

[freak_in_cage_10k]

you may find the following hard 2 beleive, my being a 19 year old male student bnut i assure you it is true:

i dont drink...ever....except once on my 19th b day! 9with regards 2 why, i have no idea, im foolish enough without drink and i am a tight git so i preferr to have coke and then i get to remember all the stupid stuff my drunk m8s do wen we go out (which is most weeks!)

it was my b da, i got lashed on voda, mixes and everything else, it was grweat, all my6 friends put me to bed but i was not sleepy 9they went 2 bed) so i started doing pressups in the halls of residence, i got to about 4 i think and collapsed, fell alseep (that god this HOT fench bird who i like didn;t see me in that state). sum other friends came home about 15 mins later and put me to bed.

i woke up the next morning to lectures and was still drunk, but i managed to have a decent convo with the teacher. i had no hangover or n e thing!

and that was it, never again but it was great just the once!

[The village idiot]

You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.

I do that sober

[hoyboy]

I don't often get to the grade 6 hangover- usually only when I have been drinking things that I don't normally drink i.e. vodka, wine etc. If I stick to beer and a (few) rum & cokes I'm usually about 1-2 grade in the morning!

[Craig Tucker]

I tell you a good one to really get you going, they have just started serving them in the pubs in Swindon. Vodka mudshakes . These things taste and look like chocolate milksake but with an added kick. Thing is you don't even feel like your drinking alcohol.

[vitualis]

There's the "7 star" hangover as well... I see them occasionally in hospital. You don't want one of those...

8)

Regards.

[i_am_dave]

Mudshakes.....
Man that sounds like something to avoid. We used to joke about being so sick that you could lay in bed and splatter the ceiling when you puked.
I imagine the hangover from a mudshake would be about like that

[freak_in_cage_10k]

last time i was out i got lashed, and when i got backhome i was sick all over the cat, and i remember thinking "sh*t, i dont remember eating that!"

i then staggered into the bathroom and took a wizz. i was there for four and three quarter hours, pi55ing away, then i realised that the wife had left that tap on!!

[Craig Tucker]

Mudshakes.....
Man that sounds like something to avoid. We used to joke about being so sick that you could lay in bed and splatter the ceiling when you puked.
I imagine the hangover from a mudshake would be about like that

Imagine puking after several chocolate mudshakes. you would wake up and think, hang on was I sick or did I shit myself

[i_am_dave]

I've been so sick that I did both simultaneously. Not a pleasant experience.

[Treebeard]

Last time I had a "6 star" hangover was at the Company Holiday party (who else has done that), good thing it was held at a hotel, we had a room reserved so we didnt have to drive, but we went out to breakfast the next morning and my head was still swimming and I had to visit the restroom at the restaurant , had coke and toast for breakfast in a nice place to eat. Never again will i go that far, getting to old for that.

[pacmania_2001]

The last time I really got plastered was over Schoolies (basically the Australian version of Spring Break).

Basically I can remember only about 30 minutes of the night despite the fact I was missing from my friends for over 8 hours.

Selected highlights of the night include using a piece of rubbish as a ticket into a dance party, having two total strangers (but hot females at that) under each arm, running away from cops even though they weren't chasing me and last but not least absolutely having no control over were I was pissing in a public toilet.

Then their was the morning after. Getting woken up at 7:30 for a room search and there I was sitting half naked in the shower. At least I know from now on that it isnt a good idea to yak in the shower as it doesn't wash down as easily as I thought.

[RabidDog]

Dont worry you get over all this in your 40's ... then you just sit near the bust stop with your tin of Diamond white and curse loudly at the passersby. I dont think I've had a hangover for many years but then I do stick to lager (and lager sticks to me). I only get really drunk when England win the world cup ... (or anything else)

[Craig Tucker]

Mudshakes.....
Man that sounds like something to avoid. We used to joke about being so sick that you could lay in bed and splatter the ceiling when you puked.
I imagine the hangover from a mudshake would be about like that

mmmm Chocolate Mudshakes, had a few last night after watching the footy, and a few beers, reefs, smirnof ice, etc. etc.. Pretty poor first half but got better in the second. 2-1 win for England though thats what matters.

[freak_in_cage_10k]

m8, those look a bit sickening!

im at uni in birmingham (but live in cornwall) and i havn't seen those mudshakes yet, but i will keep my eye out for them! i missed the footy!

wot % are they? same as reef & breezers i guess

[Craig Tucker]

Yes they are 5%, and they taste really nice. But like anything you can have too much of a good thing. After about 5 you get a bit sick of chocolate and go onto something else.

[rhegedus]

I once drank four bottles of wine in 4 hours, stumbled into a taxi in Archway (London, UK) and got kicked out of it in Brixton (imagine the wooooorst part of your city) for being sick (I at least tried to be good about it and was sick in my laptop case!). I finally got in at about 4am and was promptly sick in my Muslim flatmate's washing bowl.

That was the day I gave up cigarettes after waking up next morning with my face in the ashtray next to my bed.

Zaghir, I'm really sorry mate - I just couldn't (physically or mentally) tell you at the time.

[Craig Tucker]

m8, those look a bit sickening!

im at uni in birmingham (but live in cornwall) and i havn't seen those mudshakes yet, but i will keep my eye out for them! i missed the footy!

wot % are they? same as reef & breezers i guess

Asda Walmart now sell these mudshakes, at least they do in the big store in Swindon.

[pbhalerao]

[quote="Craig Tucker"]Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV./quote]

I wish the first part (not the TV part) everyday with or without any star hangover.

But honestly, I drink for pleasure and not for getting drunk. Never go beyond 2 pegs (120 ml) in a sitting. Did that once, and puked all over the place.

[i_am_dave]

But honestly, I drink for pleasure and not for getting drunk.

I hope that is the case for most of us. A while ago, I had to go cold turkey for a few weeks. I was finding that I HAD to drink to quiet the physical cravings. Kind of scared me a little.
Now I drink again for pleasure, and to relax.
That nice warm fuzzy feeling that results after you have had that second glass of wine sitting in front of the TV after a long day at work is really nice.

[EddyH]

Had a few five and a half to sixes before and during the first couple thirds of university careers... well, the effects of, anyway, and had to work hard towards them. The being sick and all that, though after a good sleep, felt better.

Don't booze quite so hard now, maybe get threes and fours - not so much because of the sickness.. but because the enduring headache and all-over awful fuzz comes on with less and less drinks and lasts longer and longer with each passing year (at 21!!), becoming the dominant thing instead of the swaying and retching (though that doesn't go away). :/ Being sick is one thing, but that passes quite quickly and can even be a releif. The other feeling is just triple-concentrated yuck.
I suppose it's a sign that somewhere, my liver is crying. You find that drinking to get drunk, but not paraletic, gives some good times just as much as falling down, and less shocks when you wake up!

[Hardcoreruss]

I remember when I came home once absolutely battered. Yacked on the dog thought there is no way I am cleaning that up and went to sleep. Woke up in the morning and the sick had hardened on the dog creating a sort of shell. It looked like a giant armadillo, my mum went absolutely balistic.

[i_am_dave]

You must have a very calm dog. If my dog was woken from his sleep in the middle of the night by someone standing over him making horrible noises and then was suddenly yacked on, it would be even odds between him attacking or running through the house hollering in terror

BTW: Did you have to wash the dog off later that day?

[Hardcoreruss]

It was an old labrador they cannot be fu$%ed to do anything. I did have to clean him but it was more like picking a giant scab.

[Craig Tucker]

That is disgusting

[Hardcoreruss]

I remember another time about three years a go I went up to visit my mate at uni in Sheffield. Wicked place, loads of fit birds and £1.40 for a pint of Stella I was in heaven. Drunk more than George Best that week. It came to my final night there (a Thursday) we had been out on the piss all day and gone for a quick kip at around five woke up at nine and went out. As we only had two hours of drinking time I got well on it, pints a flying must of done eight in about an hour and a half, I was mullered. Then one of my mates came over and said

"Hurry up Russ were of to a club"

I thought b@llocks but had to go. Turned up at this dingy student bar place but vodka and lemonades (my short at that time) were only seventy pence, I freaked out and bought seven. Sat down on my own, as I was so p!ssed no one wanted to talk to me, suddenly I looked up and there was this fit bird talking to me, by this time I had already chinned all these val's and was regretting it. This bird was talking more and more and I was talking less and less and slumping more and more. Then I passed out, was woken up by her at about two and she said come on back to hers I could not believe it a sh@g after my barbaric behaviour, stood up and then whoa !!!. Things definitely were not right, this sort was wearing this lovely white dress, low cut and she was oh so banging !!! (she must of been drunk to want me) anyway I lost it and puked all over her chest. And this was no small amount of puke this was a full on ten pint medley directed straight at her, for the whole duration I did not think of moving my head, it was shooting down her top splashing up in to her hair. I finally stopped she looked like she had been shot or something and there were these three angry looking northern bouncers running towards me.

So I scarpered, waited outside for her, thinking my god this is by far the worst thing I have ever done in my life. She emerged about twenty minutes later with two friends who had obviously been de-sicking her in the toilet, this lovely white dress was now two toned and my chances for a bunk up were non-existant. She came straight up to me and belted me in the face and said "what type of light weight fifteen year old are you". She looked like a drowned rat with matted hair and she STANK my response was "at least I do not smell of sick". Then the chase started, me being chased by three irate birds throwing their shoes at me through some random park in the middle of Sheffield at around three in the morning. I then ran into a tree while looking behind me, knocked myself out. Woke up the next morning in a police cell, they had taken me in because they thought I was on Heroin.

The worst night of my life.

God I must have nothing to do if I have just had time to type all of that !!!.