How do you sneak one out?

[Capmaster]

Upholding my pledge to reduce the already abysmal level of manners in the OT forum:

You had dinner a while ago and now the pressure is building. How do you sneak one out in a room with others without drawing too much attention to yourself?

1) Don't even try. Politely excuse yourself, go to the bathroom and let it fly
2) Leave the room, but not the bathroom, and let it fly
3) Drop a book on the floor so the sound covers it, then let it fly at the right moment
4) Screw it - let it fly
5) Have someone play "pull my finger"
6) Sneak it out silently and blame the cat or dog

In my workshop it was easy. The kids were usually out there "helping" me. What I'd do is let it rip, then look over my shoulder quickly with a shocked look on my face. A couple times TJ even went off to the corner of the room searching for the source He doesn't fall for it anymore.

If I'm in the front room, I have to be careful. We used to have a flatulent old cat and he would occasionally clear the room. It was easy then - just blame him. Once I blamed him and he wasn't even in the room at the time. I had to claim he walked through behind the couch on the way upstairs. Almost caught that time Too bad he died so I can't blame him anymore.

Good thing we have fabric couches and they absorb the sound - that's kind of hard to cover. Leather or naugahyde furniture acts like the head of a snare drum - it makes it louder. And wooden chairs like the old classroom ones ...forget it

How do you slip 'em out?

[redwudz]

Number 2: Leave the room. Unless you are with buddies that appreciate your exhiibitions, it's best to stretch it out. However, not in a hallway if you can avoid it. Has a habit of lingering.

If you are in a car, roll down the window and warn rear seat passengers. They will probably thank you a long time later.

It's sometimes difficult to gauge the pressure involved. Remember what you have consumed in the past few hours. A lunch of bean burritos and a prune danish are a death sentence for small animals and will scar young children for life in an enclosed space.

The sound effect from a gas expulsion on Naugahyde furniture has to experienced to be appreciated. Others rarely appreciate it.

If it burns your nose hairs, you probably should have made a run for the outdoors.

Modulation is also important. If you can start with a squeek and end with a roar, your peers will respect you.

Never, never in bed, especially on a first date.

Know your friends and their limitations.

[Capmaster]

You make several good points. The children/small animal consideration is particularly considerate. After all, their body mass isn't large enough to throw off the ill effects of a cabbage and beer blast.

Cars - that's a special case. I've found that it's best not to go on long trips with anyone other than those you can be completely comfortable and open with. There's nothing worse than a silent deadly one in a car with closed windows

I went to school with an unfortunate girl named Debbie Feldtman. We were in the fifth grade and we had these wooden desks. Poor debbie let one fly in class once, right at a quiet moment, with 30 kids in the room. It's a ten year old girl's worst nightmare

It sounded like armageddon. You can imagine the reaction. I felt so bad for her after that because she got teased relentlessly by kids chanting "Feldtman have you had your beans today".

I have to admit that I laughed too at the time, but after seeing how she got tortured for it for two years, I felt ashamed I had laughed.

It was a good example of why it's important to modulate the cheeks, always be aware of the nature of the surface you're sitting on, and most important of all - be forever vigilant of lumps. They can ruin your whole day

[Ripper2860]

I don't try to sneak and I certainly do not leave the room! It's a process of nature and everyone should appreciate the fact that it is a normal bodily function!

BTW -- did I mention I also masturbate in public?

[MeDiCo_BrUjO]

6) Sneak it out silently and blame the cat or dog

Silent but deadly... it's a lot of fun to see the other one's faces trying to act like nothing is happening....

A true classic.

[northcat_8]

Sneak it out??

I just let it rip. Usually preceeded by "Hey, got a kiss for you" or "hey, tell me if this sounds alright" or "opps, sorry about that. I let loose to get a better grip on it and it just slipped on out."

One of my favorite things to do is to let one fly in a crowded public place, wait 2 seconds and then proclaim "My god...who farted? Have some manners for christ sake"

**note: post whoring trying to reach 2000

[Shocker Milwaukee]

I always love the "pull my finger" joke.

[stiltman]

Let it rip

I'm an adult an so are my friends...

They just say, you stinky f#cker, go in the bathroom the next time you need to $hit... I laugh and say I did, but it followed me back

[DVD_Ripper]

6) Sneak it out silently and blame the cat or dog

Silent but deadly... it's a lot of fun to see the other one's faces trying to act like nothing is happening....

A true classic.

Sneak it out and blame cat, dog, 4 yo, 2 yo or 1 yo....

[tekkieman]

You demean us smokers, but we have a perfect excuse. Just say you're going out to "light one up".

*IMPORTANT SAFETY NOTE* - Either light up beforehand, or wait for it to dissipate before flicking your Bic! Avoid the Nuclear Blue Dart at all costs!

[Capmaster]

You demean us smokers, but we have a perfect excuse. Just say you're going out to "light one up".

*IMPORTANT SAFETY NOTE* - Either light up beforehand, or wait for it to dissipate before flicking your Bic! Avoid the Nuclear Blue Dart at all costs!

Good advice for all of us who have lost eyebrows to the occasional poorly-timed flick of the Bic

[indolikaa]

You're in my house, you get to enjoy the fruits of my labor. If I had red-chile tamales and frijoles for breakfast, I won't be complaining about my own brand, so why should you?



I agree with Stilman on this one. So I vote for #4.

[Capmaster]

With the chile we have here, sometimes they self-ignite

[indolikaa]

With the chile we have here, sometimes they self-ignite

I keep a good stock of the New Mexico stuff. My booze-runners usually bring all the good stuff I can't get out here in 'Beef, It's Whats for Dinner Every Night' country.

They haven't made a La Salita run in awhile. Hmmm...

[Capmaster]

With the chile we have here, sometimes they self-ignite

I keep a good stock of the New Mexico stuff. My booze-runners usually bring all the good stuff I can't get out here in 'Beef, It's Whats for Dinner Every Night' country.

They haven't made a La Salita run in awhile. Hmmm...

That's our all-time favorite restaurant here. The carne adovada, shredded beef burrito, chile relleno and stuffed sopaipillas are the best in town <salivating sounds>

When we lived near Lomas and Juan Tabo we were in 7th heaven. Now that we're west-siders we have to drive a bit to get there. Worth every mile though

There's a new place right where Mike's Buy Low is at Eubank and Lomas, called "The Burrito Lady". Her specialty is breakfast burritos ....man, they are the best you'll ever have 8) <more salivating>

[Hardcoreruss]

I saw this topic and thought you were talking about wanking

[Keefkey]

what can I say but the quality of posts here reach a new high every day.

I go for volume (loudness) and duration every time, squeezing out every last drop, so to speak. The same goes for belches

[Capmaster]

what can I say but the quality of posts here reach a new high every day.

I go for volume (loudness) and duration every time, squeezing out every last drop, so to speak. The same goes for belches

Ahhh belches. I taught my two boys how to belch at will as soon as they were old enough. Following Mel Gibson's lead, I suppose