tgpo's Definitive Guide To Valentines Day

[tgpo]

Well love is in our hearts and pollution is in the air. And that can mean only one thing, we're all gonna die soon. So before we become worm dinner we should all remember the good things in life, such as a significant other, and with Valentines Day rapidly approaching, it's time for us guys to get off our lazy butts and show the love in our lives that we still love them more than the computer.

Here are some steps and guidlines to follow to ensure your loved one is happy this Feb. 14th.

1. Jewlery. Girls love Jewlery, and the guy on the street corner is selling gold really cheap, so pick some up soon before he gets busted.

2. Buy a box of condoms and show your wife on the box where it says "Ribbed for her pleasure," be sure to tell her you're only doing it for her.

3. Remember: If you are wanting to surprise your wife by wearing some kind of skimpy bikini bottom things, put them on when you are getting in the mood, don't wear them to work before hand.

4. Note: Viagra will not make a women's bust size bigger

5. Side Note: Ever seen the ads for Viagra? In the ad in small print is says that if your erection lasts for more than 8 hours to call a doctor. Personally I think in you had a hard on for 8 hours straight you'd be dead from lack of blood to the bigger brain.

6. Girls love chocolate, but only give a few pieces, you don't want to have to work out them them the next 5 months to get rid off all those calories.

7. Surprise your wife by getting home early and greating her at the door naked, but please note that UPS delivers at 4:30, so best to wait until after then.

8. If you have kids send them to another family's house for the night. But make sure that it's a family you don't like because the kids will keep the adults from their play time.

9. Try to do something crazy with your wife. Walk around the house naked or something, but here are activities that should be avoided while naked:

a. Frying Bacon
b. Using the belt sander
c. Cutting 2x4s
d. Bleaching clothes
e. Visiting Parents
f. Installing a Garbage Disposal
g. Taking the trash out
h. Cutting the grass
i. Stoking the fire
j. Using a grill

Just keep these things in mind during the Valentine season and everything will be smooth sailing in your household, but don't for get to put some cream on those warts, they are looking pretty nasty.

[Devanshu]

Mind if I add one?

Give her something she can really use...such as powertools. That'll make her really happy.

Refer to tgpo rule #9 on what not to do w/ the gift.

[Hardcoreruss]

2. Buy a box of condoms and show your wife on the box where it says "Ribbed for her pleasure," be sure to tell her you're only doing it for her.

Love this one

[Cobra]

I hear Viagra works wonders for women, too...

CobraDMX

[indolikaa]

While cutting the grass may not be advisable, mowin' the lawn is definitely an approved activity.

[Will Hay]

33. Eat a lot, and hope your fingers get fat

[indolikaa]

33. Eat a lot, and hope your fingers get fat

klike BValdriccK":S :P

[tgpo]

Exactly like Baldrick's

[Will Hay]

.....or like currymans, when he was the size he was in that pic
Will

[curryman]

Will,
I am 5ft 8in and 11st 10lb
you know what they say the tv/moniter always puts 2 stone on you

[VideoTechMan]

I hate Valentines Day. I have no special someone or no siginificent other..so V-Day to me at least is one of the most useless days of the year.

VTM