Fast and Furious in the Breakdown lane By tgpo

[tgpo]

It seemed like your typical Monday afternoon, but on this day God had a plan that he was about to implement. On my way to school this day I broke down. Now while this may not seem like anything special to you, to me it showed God's plan for my car. This breakdown was a sign, an omen of what my car could become, a sleek street racer.

Before the vision I had never though about fixing up my car, or even fixing it for that matter. I spent the whole night, that night, watching Wayne Knight at my friend Bobby Knight's house and drawing up plans for my super car, which looked ridiculous because I have a 89 Geo Metro. I then laid out a plan of action detailing step by step what I needed to change about the car, first step, put rims on my car.

Everyone knows that to have a pimp mobile you must flashy rims, and stores to buy them are a dime a dozen....for most cars. Problem is my car has 12" wheels, which are only found on the 89 Geo Metro and the 84 Huffy Mountain Trail Bicycle. I knew that finding them would be hard, but I was determined to reach my goal of having a super car that also got 46 miles to the gallon. I searched everywhere for a store that had my rims, but no one had them, but luckily one day on my way home a man by the name of Willie pulled up next to me at a red light. He was sporting a stock 89 Oldsmobile with 48" rims, very pimpadelic. He asked me if I was selling my sweet ride, and how much I was asking for it. I told him that I was not selling it, but rather I was fixin' it up. He then offered me a pair of 12" rims from his truck that he said one of his friends did not want anymore. I gladly accepted and paid him the $3200 asking price right there at the light, to the joy of the people behind me.

I was well on my way to having the ultimate pimp mobile, when I hit a snag, or rather a dog, and blew my right front tire. Don't worry, the dog, Influenza, is fine, except for a heart condition he's had ever since he ate an entire bottle of his owner's Viagra. Anyway, I knew that I had to find a replacement tire quick if I was to ever make it in the street racer scene, so I turned to the first place I could think of, Toys R' Us. They had plenty of Power Wheels cars that had tires that were big enough for my car, problem is they wanted me to buy the whole vehicle, something about them not being a chop shop, which I don't believe because I didn't see that giraffe the whole time I was there and they were having a Barbeque out front, very suspicious. Then I remembered that I had a go-cart at home that just may to the trick. I rushed home and on the way I smoked a grandma in an old Buick, she never saw it coming. No really, she never saw it coming, she dropped he glasses on the floor of her car just before the light turn green, but I told her "It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile, now give me my winnings.", Tic -Tacs never tasted so sweet.

When I reached my house I ran to the garage and quickly pulled the wheel of my old go-cart, which strongly resembled my new Geo. I spent the next five hours replacing the tire, and to my surprise, it fit perfectly. I couldn't believe my eyes, I had done it, I had supped up my car. I felt like one of those guys on Monster Garage, and even sent them my application; hey with skills like this I don't want to let them go to waste. The next morning after by bagel and tea I was off to the racetrack.

I was pitted against a 68 Mustang running at 450bhp. "What a dope", I thought, "he doesn't have a chance." At 2:00 pm it was our turn to race. He pulled into his lane with a loud thunder, and I pulled into mine with the sound of 85 horsepower rolling on 12" rims, an awe-inspiring sight. We both gave each other a short glance, then turned our attention to the red light. We both waited in anticipation. When the light turned yellow, a bead of sweat slowly ran down my face and I rushed to finish my Turkey on Rye before the green light hit. Then it happened, the light turned green.

We both ripped off the light. He screamed down the track at 120mph, and I tried to get that stupid green light untangled from my tire where it became entangled. *Note for racers, make sure you are aiming down the track before you start, don't have your wheels turned towards the red light, it will cost you precious seconds.* Once I got the light from my tires I was off like a bottle rocket, but by this time I had lost most of my confidence. My new racer car didn't have the power I thought it would. I figured that with all the money I had spent on those rims that my car should be tearing up the track, not just the green light. I almost gave up when all of a sudden the Mustang swerved off the road, spun 25 and a half times and exploded in a really violent way. "YES!!" I thought, "Now is my chance." So I put the petal to the metal and 13 minutes later I finished the quarter mile run. I always knew that if I kept going that I could win at something. Which brings me to the moral of this story. We need more strict leash laws in this state!


I'm gonna submit this to the humor section of our school's newspaper. Whatcha think? Submit worthy or not?

[MOVIEGEEK]

Not bad....made me think of the movie "Better off Dead". :P

[The village idiot]

If you have a metro with 85 horse power, you got the deluxe 4 cylinder version. My 98 only has 55 from its little 3 cylinder engine.

But it was a humerous story. It would be worth submitting. At least the other students with a GEO would laugh.

[The village idiot]

You know.... It would make a good movie Except the kid in the metro would have to win the race in a more respectable time.

As a side note.... Suzuki made a turbo charged 3 cylinder for the Swift. You could realy go all out and rig one of those up to about 200 horsepower (in race configuration). It would be completely "balls out", but you could do it.

I've been thinking of putting a great huge snail sticker on the side of my car. Seeing that it is only as tall as my printer can print, it should be fairly simple.The snail sticker would add that "sleeper" quality to your story, since we all know stickers make your car faster too.

[flaninacupboard]

ooh, i dunno. some people may take it a bit seriously. or they may get pissed off, as their new wheels cost them $2500....

Incidentally, i have a suzuki swift GLS! it sounds more like a bike than a car though..........

[tgpo]

I actually don't have a GEO, I have a Ford Festiva, but I think more people would know what a Geo Metro was and could see the humor in the story with it.

[stiltman]

I actually don't have a GEO, I have a Ford Festiva, but I think more people would know what a Geo Metro was and could see the humor in the story with it.

Is the GEO Metro international like the Festiva was/is?

[The village idiot]

Well I did find it funny, and not just because I do have a Metro. People poor mega bucks into stupid things for their cars. Hubcaps that have a rotating outside, so it looks like the wheels are still turning when you stop at a light. Most of the sticker jobs. Little tiny 10 inch wheels that are 20 inches wide on a car that should have 15 inch wheels. Neon lights underneath. Forward facing lights on the hood.

Now see what you started....

BTW, my car sound like tired gerbils running in their exercise wheel :P

[tenders]

it sounded good to me till i got to the 'moral of the story'

[tgpo]

yeah villiage idiot, that's what I was poking the most fun at in this. I've shown it to a few people and gave my first draft to a person on the staff. So far everyone that's read it has laughed at one point or another. One guy almost busted out laughing at the 84 Huffy line.

[indolikaa]

tgpo,

That was the dope-shit! I can't wait to see some political commentary.

[g_shocker182]

I thought I saw you driving down the road the other day....

[tgpo]

Sadly, That's very close to what my car really looks.



political commentary........hmmmmm maybe one day.

[Hatz]

HAHAHA.......I loved it.

I used to have a Geo Storm in high school........I know what you are thinking, I got the sports car of the GEOs.....hahaha.

Man that thing was sweet......hahaha.

I don't know the HP but it couldnt have been much more then what you said. The thing that makes the story funny is cause its so true about the small rims, poor performance, and how stupid people are for dropping thousands and thousands of dollars into cars........

..........come on. Atleast put it into your computer and editing equipment. :P :P

Oh by the way........SUBMIT THAT


Hatz

[The village idiot]

My car before the Metro was a 16 valve Storm. Man that car could move! It was a fun little car. One day I put it up to 125mph. It handled really well for the car it was. Never had to do any maint. on it 'til the body rusted so badly that putting a new fuel pump in wasn't worth it.

[pacmania_2001]

After just coming home from the Autosalon show it wouldn't amaze me in the least to have read that story and found out it was true with some of the crap I have seen people do to their cars.

Pretty funny story though, I would have used the Ford Festiva though as I have no idea what a Geo Metro is.

[The village idiot]

It's a north american car. Made by Suzuki. ALso called the Suzuki Swift. Normally with a 3 cylinder 1 liter engine. Purely high milage/gallon of fuel car.

[tgpo]

It's getting posted....once I fix the 11 spelling mistakes :P