The 12 Days Of Christmas - Absolutely Hilarious!!!

[bilbogod]

Day 1

Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes.

Day 2

Dearest John,
Today the postman brought you very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love,
Agnes

Day 3

Dear John,
Oh!! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

Love,
Agnes.

Day 4

Dear John,
Today the postman delivered 4 calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.

Affectionately,
Agnes.

Day 5

Dearest John,
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered 5 golden rings; one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes

Day 6

Dear John,
When I opened the door, there were actually 6 geese a laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop!!!

Cordially,
Agnes

Day 7

John,
What's with you and these f%%#$#ing birds??? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of Damn joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck, it's not funny. So stop with those f#$&%g birds.

Sincerely,
Agnes

Day 8

OK Buster,
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their Damn cows. There is shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house.

Just lay off me, smartass.
Agnes.

Day 9

Hey Shithead,
What are you? Some kind of sadist. Now there's 9 pipers playing, and Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours,
Agnes.

Day 10

You Rotten Prick,
Now there's 10 ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got the diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm siccing the police on you.

One who means it
Agnes.

Day 11

Listen #$%^head,
What's with the 11 lords a leaping on those maids and ladies. Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers run through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead, they've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy,
Agnes

Day 12

Dear Sir,
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction of course was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially,
Badger, Bender and Cahold

Happy Christmas Everyone














<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: bilbogod on 2001-12-23 10:50:05 ]</font>

[energy80s]

Very similar to a record that was released in Ireland in 1983 by Frank Kelly (the old priest in Father Ted) called the Twelve Days Of Christmas - I think its available on WinMX.