Hmmm...

[indolikaa]

TO: videohelp.com Whores

FR: Professor Khan

RE: My Attendance


To Whom It May Concern:

This post has been posted to notify all parties that I, Indolikaa Khan, will be making a return to the videohelp.com community. Shortly.

As many of you may know, I have not been 'round much lately. While I would like to blame some petty disagreement that exploded into an immature tirade against another lame-ass member (I tried coming up with a number of plausible explanations: LordSmurf thinking it would be funny to answer my eBay solicitation for high-end MPEG-2 Transport capable hardware with a Pinnacle USB dongle, Capmaster for not returning my Miranda Lambert 'Jigglers' custom order from realdoll.com and then dressing her up like Punky Brester after an all-night orgy at Sister Slut's 2-for-1 Hump-Around (*******!), jimmalenko for suggesting that Pictarin Island would be a good place to stopover on my way to visit Australia but forgetting to tell me there's no ******* airport there, Will Hay for ignoring my constant requests for pilfered David Beckham johnnysocks, Craig Tucker for resigning as The Videohelp Nightly News sportscaster and taking a job with Sister Slut's as a bartender instead (and I don't give a royal shit that you make twice what you did before, where's the loyalty!), northcat8 for convincing me that it wouldn't be out of the question to wear my Red Wings badge under my Sheriff's badge, etc.) I am forced to concede that it was a number of factors that resulted in my temporary absence.

* I changed jobs.
* The wife changed jobs.
* The back of the house has been torn apart for over two years.
* Graveyard shift sucks dogballs.
* The server blew up in January.
* The Jeep went in for a brake job and came out with a harmonic imbalance, requring that they replace nearly every single part of the driveline because everytime they start working on one item something else blows up in their face, and don't think I'm bitter that I haven't been able to drive my beloved Jeep since December 20th, which was, incidentally, my 33rd birthday (Happy ******* Birthday to me!) and what better way to spend the Holidays that being forced to purchase another new car (and by the way, thanks to all those who helped turn my front yard into a proper place to park five vehicles, it really takes away that 'Honest Khan's Used Cars and Petroleum Lubricants' look that was starting to piss off the rich people six blocks up the street) but thank goodness Chrysler looked past the fact I owe more than I take in every month and gave me the 3.9% financing anyway.
* Did I mention graveyard sucks dogballs.

Oh yeah. There's that other part. I felt motivated to build a new computer when I discovered the most perfect thing to ever come out of Australia: TRS2004. To hell with spending thousands of dollars on a bunch of brass models, let's buy an Asus A8N-SLI board with a pair of GeForce 6800 Ultras, 4GB of memory and 4 SATA HDDs running in RAID-0 configuration! I mean, can you imagine the fun I'll have? No more turning the back of the house into my own personal trophy case of excessive financial waste. Hell no, we can run 12 trains over the Montana Rail Link and still leave enough zoom for 120+ frames in Half-Life 2. Merry ******* Christmas, To Me!

So, having said all this... WHAZZUP?!

[jimmalenko]

Welcome back, Professor

You guys have airports ?


What are these AIRPORTS of which you speak ?

[indolikaa]

Welcome back, Professor

You guys have airports ?

Do we have airports...

You know, normally I'd be happy to just fire up the turbine and hop right over to the Red Rooster in my MiL-24 I 'borrowed' from some of my mujahadeen 'brothers' in Afghanistan. Except it don't quite have the range, y'understand. So I have to revert back to the tried-and-true -45XR and make a couple of pit stops along the way.

I refuse to accept responsibility for the fact I never bothered to check and see if there was actually an airport there. As we have discussed many times prior, individual responsibility is yesterday's thing. I blame everyone else for my own shortcomings. And then I sue their asses off. It's the American way.




So, I see Upper Management finally restricted Off-Topic. Does that mean I don't have to behave anymore?

[jimmalenko]

Good to see you back, mate

Can we expect any literary miracles any time soon, or should we let you unpack & settle in first ?

[indolikaa]

Good to see you back, mate

Can we expect any literary miracles any time soon, or should we let you settle in first ?

That is one nice thing about working graveyard. The first three days means getting through the weekend with our large assortment of drunks and woman-beaters, plus the wads from California who think just because they have four-wheel drive they can barrel down the Interstate at 75MPH even though there's four inches of snow on the highway and everyone else is crawling along at 25MPH.

Once we get them peeled off the pavement, the night usually quiets down from there. And that leaves, oh, a good 4 hours to read a book, or write some witty prose. But no surfing. The connection is monitored 24/7 by the EFF-BEE-EYE and we can't be setting the wrong example now, can we?



I suspect one or two visits per week for awhile. I'm full-time certified, but I still don't have much time to goof-off. And did I mention overtime is a great way to pay for that bastard Asus system I'm building...

:P

Summer School with Dr. Khan

An Innovative Look at Video Junkie Psychology, and How Wiping One's Own Ass Pales in Comparison. Classes begin the day after Memorial Day. Registration will begin sometime in April. Watch the Off-Topic Forum at videohelp.com for more details.

(Yeah, there'll be some more prose forthcoming... )

[jimmalenko]

(Yeah, there'll be some more prose forthcoming... )

Cool

[VCDHunter]

This post has been posted to notify all parties that I, Indolikaa Khan, will be making a return to the videohelp.com community. Shortly.

Could I have wished for a better birthday pressie ?

Nice to see you back prof.

[northcat_8]

Welcome back Indo. I feel I should update you one some changes...

<thinks to self>
....jimmalenko is still a wanker...
....VCDhunter still a tosser....
....Cap is still banging sheep and goats....
....Northcat still Captain Sunshine....
.....I guess some things haven't changed...
....hmmmmm

OH OH Tommyknocker got banned ...errr I mean...I hated to see him go

[yoda313]

Hello,

Happy ******* Birthday to me

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ******!

Welcome back

Kevin

[stiltman]

Nice to see you back...Missed the explosions

[Craig Tucker]

Welcome back mate

[Bodyslide]

Welcome Back, I really have enjoyed some of your colorful comments....

[tgpo]

Welcome back.

[VCDHunter]

....VCDhunter still a tosser....

Are you sure ? Most people still call me Wanker

[Capmaster]

'bout time 8)

[indolikaa]

Greetings. Good to be back.


Now, where was I... Oh yes. I remember now.


TO: Baldrick

FR: Indolikaa

RE: Changes


It has come to my attention that you have made some changes to this beloved community. I have had a few minutes to examine them.

First and foremost, I would like to lodge a formal complaint regarding the promotion of LordSmurf to moderator. This is almost sacreligious. It borders on treasonous behavior. Let's just set aside the fact that the Lord of Smurfs is the de-facto expert on video restoration and focus on the real meat-and-potatoes (or fish and chips, if it turns your knobs) issue that matters to all of us at videohelp.com. Offensive behavior. He lacks it. Completely.

We cannot continue to propogate this belief that the boards are better served by having people in charge who 1) know what they are doing, 2) carry themselves with a 'can-do' attitude when it comes to helping people, and 3) are willing to take the time to help others find solutions to their problems. This is all wrong, and it is compounded by the fact that Mr. Smurf is just that: a Smurf worshipper. This will not work. I must vigorously protest the thought process that put a Smurf-whoring Texan in charge. My Lord, this is an even worse nightmare than txpharaoh could ever have been!

Please consider it from the good Post-Whore's point of view. Assume that, having nothing better to do in one's life than spend endless hours here, a 'regular' gets wind of trouble and sees the whole enchilada spinning out of control. In other words, the shit's going to hit the fan and you need Big Brother to come in and drop the hammer. Now just who do you think the troublemaker is going to take seriously?! A member who professes fondness for smurfs, or someone who believes the first-strike doctrine of nuclear weapons use is a perfectly justifiable response to most international situations? Please, Baldrick. The troublemakers will not bow to little blue men, but they'll worship the mushroom cloud like it was their everlasting God, I tell you.

Fear of the unstable nuclear believer. That's the kind of fear that will keep the troublemakers in line.

Moving on. I see that Capmaster is still a moderator. Now I may have been virtually locked-up in a communications center for the last three months, but I've been outside the fortress long enough to hear the reports regarding our esteemed sheep-fuckers' foray with Nancy Pelosi at a 'Save the Democrats' dinner. Lets be honest: I realize this is a community with a wide range of beliefs that requires large amounts of tolerance, but we do need to have some standards here. There's nothing wrong with being seen with a Democrat now and then, but Nancy Pelosi? Geez, why not just masturbate with a rusty beer can instead. Be less painful, and a lot less embarrassing for the rest of the community who pretends to have some moral standards. Sexual perversions with goats and midget clown dolls and lithium deuteride is one thing, but Nancy Pelosi? Disgusting.

You know, I've been a good member of this community for a long time. I've given my two cents (and them some!) to see this forum progess from the depressing gathering of individuals alienated from reality and normal social interaction that it once was to a 'Now Restricted' depressing gathering of individuals alienated from reality and normal social interaction. I've given my heart and wrath to so many here, that I believe it's time for them to give back to me. Here is what I propose.

I would like you to create another forum. Bury it within the Off-Topic forum. We will call it Khan's Tavern. From this honored forum I will share the bounty of my knowledge with the rest of this community. We will discuss all matters of post-whoring necessary for alienated sociopaths like myself to better fit-in with society. We will talk about all those things nobody else wants to talk about: the religion of Taiyo Yudenism, ATI idolitry, the blasphemy of worshipping false dye formulae, and other matters important to those of us who have moved beyond dowloading movies form the Internet and converting them into viewable material.

I would also like to be promoted to moderator. I think's it completely unfair that I got glossed over the last time around because I had to take time off from the forums and GET A REAL JOB so I could PAY THE BILLS and such. Nevermind you hired someone who is perfectly capable of doing the job and promoting the 'real' purpose of this site. What about me? Where's my payback? Et tu, Baldrick?

I look forward to your reply in these matters.

Sincerely,



Indolikaa Khan


[i]DISCLAIMER: Oh, you're not from around the Off-Topic forums, are you? That's OK, noob. Let me help you out here. It's real simple. If you take all of this at face value, you need to turn in your Permission to Enter the Off-Topic Forum badge you found in the last condom box you bought at Circle K. This is satire, the Indolikaa way. Read it. Absorb it. Appreciate it. It don't get any better than this, except when northcat goes on one of his post-Winger binges. And even then, he's chump-dick against my literary talents. Move along people. Nothing to see here.[i]

[northcat_8]

Most excellent Dr. Kahn...but wait just a damm minit ...are yoo critisizing my righting skilz?

I teech maff...
...its bin a long time sinse I mispelt "x + 5 = 12" <---see even puktuated korektly

[stiltman]

Greetings. Good to be back.
snippity snip.....snip snip

Sheeeesh, that's the best you can do with all the time you've had on your hands lately?

Just pathetic.....just pathetic

[sacajaweeda]

Holy **** it's been a coon's age since I've had to wade through one of Indo's phonebook-sized posts.

Welcome back you whore.

[Shadowmistress]

Hmmm.... OT just got interesting again.

[Capmaster]

A Khan classic. I laughed, I cried. Mostly I cried You still "got it", professor

We..he...helll .....look what the cat dragged in. The wine-cooler-sipping, first-strike advocating, hydrogen-isotope-enhanced, Newbie Basics - Part X - teaching, sheep-******* super whore ....with a badge now

So ...you got a sudden attack of mental health and blinded OT with ass for a while, huh? Good for you. I'll bet it felt good, too

[jimmalenko]

I'm *still* waiting to see this:

[glockjs]

eh, who's this indolickass guy? and why do people miss him???

[Supreme2k]

They miss him because the scope is misaligned.



In the future, please read the rules before posting:

Try to choose a subject that describes your topic.
Please do not use topic subjects like Help me!!! or Problems or Hmmm.

[Capmaster]

They miss him because the scope is misaligned.



In the future, please read the rules before posting:

Try to choose a subject that describes your topic.
Please do not use topic subjects like Help me!!! or Problems or Hmmm.

Indolikaa's first "special" when he comes back 8) 8) 8)

[indolikaa]

This...

They miss him because the scope is misaligned.



In the future, please read the rules before posting:

Try to choose a subject that describes your topic.
Please do not use topic subjects like Help me!!! or Problems or Hmmm.

...is exactly the kind of shit that makes me feel good about myself. After nearly two years of hard work, I've finally reached Supreme2k. He has now overcome his fear of people and is beginning to express himself more openly. A job well done, if you asked me.



EDITOR'S NOTE: Don't be fooled by 'Sup Fools' lame attempt to exercise authority 'round here. As any idiot whose been on the Internet for more than five minutes knows, 'Hmmm' stands for How Many Months Missing. The entire point of this thread was to demonstrate while I may have been out of touch for awhile, y'all could never hope to completely rid this fine place of an ******* such as me. Much like northcat at a femenine hygiene trade show, I'll always be back.

Most excellent Dr. Kahn...but wait just a damm minit ...are yoo critisizing my righting skilz?

I teech maff...
...its bin a long time sinse I mispelt "x + 5 = 12" <---see even puktuated korektly

Speaking of femenine hygiene...



Ah, northcat. Without his unique view on society and memories of some pretty fucked up shit happening in Ohio, I'd probably have passed my Law Enforcement Psychology exam and be out shooting people instead of dispatching them. You see, the Review Board wasn't terribly impressed with my performance on that exam when, at the answer of every question involving various 'What If' scenarios, I said "Just Wing It!"

And of course, there's that little issue of "How would you solve the following situation?" exam with the tried-and-true answer of "Shove a ******* nuclear warhead up their ass!" But I can't blame that on northcat. No, it would be unfair. Suggesting it would be a good idea to show up with a fresh set of Red Wings, however...

eh, who's this indolickass guy? and why do people miss him???

You still livin' in Arizona? 'Cause the last time I checked my authorit-aa extends to ALL counties in Arizona. Bee-otch.

:P :P :P


And as for Jim's thoughts... I can't see why it would be a problem.

You are in violation of the Forum Rules/AUP and are being issued a formal warning. The fact that your existence came to be in this universe because your own mother couldn't keep her brother's dick out of harm's way doesn't earn you the Badge of Pity that allows you to act like an *******. I'm sorry that you can't count your own testicles twice and get the same answer, but here at videohelp.com being abused is part of the spirit of Fair Play. And when you're ability retaliate is limited to such childish retorts as "Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, stick you head in doo-doo!" you deserve to be bent over and have the portable auger from the local rental yard driven straight up your ass and out your head.
/Moderator Indolikaa

Pray for us all.

[stiltman]

You are in violation of the Forum Rules/AUP and are being issued a formal warning. The fact that your existence came to be in this universe because your own mother couldn't keep her brother's dick out of harm's way doesn't earn you the Badge of Pity that allows you to act like an *******. I'm sorry that you can't count your own testicles twice and get the same answer, but here at videohelp.com being abused is part of the spirit of Fair Play. And when you're ability retaliate is limited to such childish retorts as "Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, stick you head in doo-doo!" you deserve to be bent over and have the portable auger from the local rental yard driven straight up your ass and out your head.
/Moderator Indolikaa

This one was probably a reference to yoda

[ViRaL1]

[]You are in violation of the Forum Rules/AUP and are being issued a formal warning. The fact that your existence came to be in this universe because your own mother couldn't keep her brother's dick out of harm's way doesn't earn you the Badge of Pity that allows you to act like an *******. I'm sorry that you can't count your own testicles twice and get the same answer, but here at videohelp.com being abused is part of the spirit of Fair Play. And when you're ability retaliate is limited to such childish retorts as "Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, stick you head in doo-doo!" you deserve to be bent over and have the portable auger from the local rental yard driven straight up your ass and out your head.
/Moderator Indolikaa

Pray for us all.

Literary what??? :P

[indolikaa]

...meaningless drabble...

This one was probably a reference to yoda

Ouch!

Well I see that dissin' our resident Star Wars child is still Emily Post here at vcdhelp.com.

:P

[yoda313]

...meaningless drabble...

This one was probably a reference to yoda

Ouch!

Well I see that dissin' our resident Star Wars child is still Emily Post here at vcdhelp.com.

:P

Hello,



Anyway the following is directed at STILTMAN:

WTF????



Kevin