Funny "Officer of the Law Stories"

[thecoalman]

Anybody have any good stories about encounters with the police, here's my best one.

First I have to set the stage. We have a place on the Susqhuehanna river and spend quite a bit of time there, canoeing, camping just having fun. It's the end of the weekend, mid August and about 90 degrees F and humid. I decide to take a swim in the river but forget to take my wallet out of my shorts. Of course it becomes a sacrifice to the river god, one of many over the years. :P Shortly thereafter I pack up my stuff, I need to take a canoe back to town but don't have enough straps to properly secure it to on top of the truck. So I just put it in the back, it's 16 ft. long so it's sticking out of the back of the truck about 8 ft but it's safe. It was also a convenient place to put all the empty beer cans and empty bottle of JD

So here I am rolling down the road now on my way home, a Statey (state police officer for those who aren't familiar with this term) pulls up behind me. The law says you can't have anyhting sticking out over 3 ft. so he pulls me over. Of course the first thing he asks for is my drivers license not having it I have to explain to him why. At that point in time I think they were able to see your deivers picture on a computer in the car, he takes my info and determines I am who I say am.

He informs me the canoe is sticking out too far and that I will have to mount it correctly. So out of the canoe come the 30 or 40 empty beer cans and the empty bottle of Jack. Canoes aren't that heavy but can be very awkward, so he decides to give me a hand. Keep in mind it's 90 degrees and very humid, I'm in nothing but shorts and sweating. He's in full uniform, bullet proof vest and the obligatory Statey hat which really isn't very good summer wear if you have ever seen a PA Statey hat.

So we get the Canoe up on top of truck, he's now sweating profuseley and probably wishing he had gone the other way down the road and never saw me. After doing my best to secure it to the truck it was obvious that it wasn't good enough, seeing this the Statey decides it was better off where it was. So off comes the canoe back to where it was, at this point the Statey is probably wishing he called in sick because the sweat is starting to show through his uniform. Anyhow after placing the canoe in it's original position he makes a quick comment "All I'm telling you is that is illegal, if you get stopped by someone else your probably going to get a ticket." He jumps back in his car and takes off.

The moral of the story is if your a nice guy Law Enforcment is probably not a good choice as a career.

[northcat_8]

Yea, I have a Cop story

I was 17 at a party...we were running low on beer, so a collection was taken and I went in to town to buy more. I went, I bought, then I went to a parking lot where everyone hung out, just checking some things out. Cops show up....stop ME...of the 60 cars there....they stop ME . ****** comes up to my window, beer is in backseat, covered with a blanket....4 cases ****** says "what's that in your backseat? Looks like beer." Pulls the blanket off, sees the beer and then says "well, seem you have a decision to make. We can either confiscate your beer or arrest you for being underage." Like that was a ******* choice....so....they took my beer

Now the ironic twist to the whole story. The cop that had given me my choice and taken my beer...yea, his son married my cousin and he is the sheriff that lives near me. I asked this cop at my cousin's wedding "he MFer, did you enjoy my beer?" He looked...he thought for a minute...then smiled and said "absolutely".

******. I have to admit, that was a pretty good one on his part, but still....... ******.

[yoda313]

Hello,

I have a story too. One time 5 or 10 years ago my mom and I were just leaving out the front door and pulled out of the driveway. A cop stopped us before we got to the stop sign. He asked if we were doing anything unusual. In Broad daylight! We didn't have any bags or anything and we weren't running. Man what a waste of time that was.

Kevin

[northcat_8]

I have another story...and a rant at the end of it.

I have a cousin who is extremely good looking. She's a younger Sophia Loren, dark skin, long dark hair...she's beautiful...and yes I'm a little pissed off she is family. ANYWAY........

I am helping her move. We have her truck loaded up and we are driving down the road. She has a beer between her legs and I have the cooler between mine and a beer in hand. We get pulled over. Now bear in mind that my cousin...is...."pointed in the right direction" lets say, and she's wearing a wife beater...so the twins are catching some sunshine on this day. ANY-*******-WAY....we get pulled over, I quickly hide my beer down along the door...my cousin however, just sits there. The State Dick (that is northcatian for state trooper) comes up to the window, asks for the regular stuff and says "Ma'am, are you aware that you have a beer can between your legs?" My cousin said "yes, I was drinking it...and thank you for noticing it" and then threw out a ******* smile. He told her she wasn't allowed to drink and drive, she apologized and said we weren't traveling far (40 miles to be honest...) and she didn't want to waste a perfectly good beer. He then says "I also notice ma'am that you are not wearing your seat belt." She says "yes, I know, I don't wear seat belts, the shoulder strap is uncomfortable between m..y.......oh my god, I'm sorry, but well...you know." AND THAT ******* cop cracked a smile that looked like Northcat a Playboy playmate orgy....he said "well alright then ma'am, please give your beer to your passenger while driving and don't you be drinkin too much today you hear. Becareful."

That horn dog didn't even tell us why he stopped us in the first place. ****** probably had binoculars in the state dick mobile, saw a hot chick driving and decided to pull us over...******.

We pulled away and I said "ARE YOU ******* KIDDING ME????" My cousin said "I don't get tickets, they always just warn me." When we went back down that road on our next trip, she waved at him and he waved back

You know what, now that is ******* bullshit. Had it been me driving, I would have been out of the ******* truck, doing the sabriety test, having to keep that little red light on for 30 ******* seconds...I've been there, that's just bullshit...but to be honest, if she wasn't related to me...yep, you're damn right I'd be trying to hit it too.

[thecoalman]

I was 17 at a party...we were running low on beer, so a collection was taken and I went in to town to buy more. I went, I bought, then I went to a parking lot where everyone .

That reminds me of another one I haven't thought of in quite a while. I'm at a underage keg party, the cops show up. We're in the woods so they start taking names, really no way to get us out of the woods.

Fotunatley when they showed someone was smart enough to get the tap and throw it into the woods. They do find the keg though which if your 17 is bad.... We're really in the middle of the woods though accessible by quad of foot only so they have no way to get the keg or us out of the woods, there was about 20 of us. So one of the younger cops decides to bust it up with an axe. Now if you ever have swung an axe you know that it can be very unwieldly if you have to use any kind of force. So the cop starts swinging, First a little chop. Nothing.... Second third and fourth swing each getting progressivley harder....nothing. So finally it's the about the fith or sixth swing and he glances the axe off the keg and misses his leg by inches nearly cutting his leg off. Needless to say the axe idea is now no longer.

So they finally decide to throw the keg off a cliff near where we were at. Over the cliff the keg goes. They leave, of course shortly after someone fires a quad up to retrieve our prescious beer. Back in business half hour after they left. Beer was a little flat but it was still there

[northcat_8]

damn coppers maaaa

[pacmania_2001]

Cruising along with my friend driving and his girlfriend in the back seat. She's in the process of swapping over tops when we see the disco lights go on behind so we pull over.

Anyway, the girlfriend in the back had her top stuck on her earing or some other jewelry so its around her face and her bra and breasts are showing. When the cop comes up to the window he just looks in and starts asking "Hey guys what are you upto tonight.... oh" looks in the back at the girl "Nevermind boys, have a good one". Gives us a wink and then lets us go.

[DVD_Ripper]

When I was 15-16 in Auburn NY we would drink beer up in Fort Hill Cemetary (at the top - no graves there)....

The cemetary is not used anymore as all the stones are from the late 1600's to 1700's (Harriet Tubman is buried there somewhere)

Anyhow we were there one nite, drinking our Genesse Beer and all of a sudden lights on all sides... Everyone scrambled .... tripping over tomb stones, running into the police, etc. (the cops netted a few beer balls and a nice boombox)

Well a girl and I ran for the fences... we managed to scale the fence (reg chain link fence) and hit the sidewalk ... we started walking... way too fast... I told her we need to look like a couple and to slow down... not a second later a cop drove by and spotlighted us .. we didn't run... she tugged my arm as if she wanted to run again... and I held fast and kept walking. They drove off. I was 6'2 in 10th grade and looked 18 years old. So I guess we didn't look like the typical punks they were looking for. After we cleaned our shorts we went home to hopefully not get any calls from the cops due to squeling kids. (I was the one who bought most of the beer)

Whew.... we were lucky....

Any other funny close calls .....

[kosekjm]

I was actually on the other side of the story. I was a military policeman for the army stationed in Alabama. Anyway, the desk sargent sent out a radio request for a unit that had handcuff keys, suprisingly these are usually not issued to army MPs you have hand cuffs, but no keys, hey its a government operation. I'm the only unit on duty that has a set of keys. The desk sargent sends me and my partner to one of the barracks on base. When we pull up, there is a guy flagging us down, he asks if we have the handcuff key, when we said yes, he took us up to his barracks room where we find a very, VERY, VERY hot blonde naked and handcuffed to his bed. She didn't even bother (Or he didn't) covering up with a sheet. So as we are uncuffing her, my partner makes an off handed comment about how they must have a very understanding relationship to allow him to cuff her like this, to which she remarks that she only met him in the bar about an hour earlier. Takes all kinds I guess.

[ViRaL1]

We pulled away and I said "ARE YOU ******* KIDDING ME????" My cousin said "I don't get tickets, they always just warn me." When we went back down that road on our next trip, she waved at him and he waved back

You know what, now that is ******* bullshit. Had it been me driving, I would have been out of the ******* truck, doing the sabriety test, having to keep that little red light on for 30 ******* seconds...I've been there, that's just bullshit...but to be honest, if she wasn't related to me...yep, you're damn right I'd be trying to hit it too.

It's not too late to get implants. :P

[NamPla]

Arrested while peaking on magic mushrooms...not nice! In fact, I don't wanna talk about it!

she's wearing a wife beater

NorthCat_8, that's a classic. I never heard that one before!!!

[thecoalman]

Arrested while peaking on magic mushrooms...not nice! In fact, I don't wanna talk about it!

Was it something like this...

:P

[flaninacupboard]

I remember being approached by an officer in a wooded park and being asked "are you firing guns out here? we've had reports of loud bangs"
"no, we just got here. been in an exam"
"well ok then"

Failed to notice my school bag was gently smoking.....

[hech54]

My story was in Pennsylvania as well. Right before I left the country......I happend to have pulled up next to TWO cops at a red light in my home town. Most of them knew me but didn't know my name...just my face.
Anyway...they were in a lane that HAD to turn left and I was in the straight lane. I looked over and said what I ALWAYS wanted to say.
"You and your girlfriend wanna race?"
I started busting out laughing and the cop in the passenger seat was laughing his ass off too and said...."We'll race you to that parking lot right there...come on...we'll TALK".
I said...."Oh no...you guys will kick my ass...not a chance buddy....oh by the way...YOUR light is green....BYE"....
That was fun. Cops are really cool for the most part.

[northcat_8]

I like to talk to my kids, see how their summers or weekends were, etc.

Well a year or so ago, I asked a student how his weekend went and the following is our conversation:

Me: How was your weekend
Him: not very good, I got arrested
Me: That's not good, what did you get arrested for?
Him: I broke into one of the elementary schools and got caught
Me: So do you think breaking into the elementary school was a good decision for weekend entertainment?
Him: Well...no, that doesn't seem like it was such a good idea now.
Me: I have a cousin who is a City Cop.
Him: What's his name?
Me: He's about 5'9" 240 lbs, big thich burly, strong not fat...
Him: Officer Marshall?
Me: Yea, how did you know?
Him: Because he was the fast strong bastard who chased me down, tackled me and the put his knee in my back so hard it made me cry.

A few days later I talk to my cousin:

Me: hey, I have Jeff Jefferies in class, he said he met you last weekend.
Cousin: <laughing> yea, he thought he was fast, then when I caught him he thought he was strong and tried to wrestle with me.....he was wrong

You know, now maybe it's just me, but when a guy is 5'9" 240 lbs and is not fat, and has a 58-60" chest...I'm not too sure that's a dude I want to snatch a hold of and try to wrestle with.

[Capmaster]

You know, now maybe it's just me, but when a guy is 5'9" 240 lbs and is not fat, and has a 58-60" chest...I'm not too sure that's a dude I want to snatch a hold of and try to wrestle with.

He'd have had better luck trying to wrestle a fire hydrant to the ground