A great US presidential speech....

[DVD_Ripper]

I got a kick out of this... hope you do to.... came in my email today from an anonymous author. I'ts more humorous than political... but if mods don't agree please lock it. The US Government is F---ed up and this is not far off base... but I can laugh at our country as the best of us can.

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR THE CURRENT US PRESIDENT GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?


My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis. I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty --- starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

[Will Hay]

I can't say what I want to say on this site, but I would recommend you post it over at politick.
Suffice to say I don't find it comical but let me guess, being American you didn't want negative comment or critism, right?
Will Hay

[tekkieman]

I can't say what I want to say on this site, but I would recommend you post it over at politick.
Suffice to say I don't find it comical but let me guess, being American you didn't want negative comment or critism, right?
Will Hay

Yes, we can discuss it elsewhere, but within the boundaries of exceptable behaviour here, I think I can get away with saying that at least we know how to laugh at ourselves! As for positive or negative feedback....we don't care what anyone else thinks! Don't you know that by now? :P

[Will Hay]

I can't say what I want to say on this site, but I would recommend you post it over at politick.
Suffice to say I don't find it comical but let me guess, being American you didn't want negative comment or critism, right?
Will Hay

Yes, we can discuss it elsewhere, but within the boundaries of exceptable behaviour here, I think I can get away with saying that at least we know how to laugh at ourselves! As for positive or negative feedback....we don't care what anyone else thinks! Don't you know that by now? :P

Maybe I mis-read it, and rather it coming across as the 'all-conquering, never wrong US' I should have interpreted it as 'yeah, our administriation are ignorant bigots but at least we know it'.
As I say, not for duscussion here, IMHO
Will



EDIT: Oh shit, you've really done it now ripper.
By deleting the text you've given this far more credance than it deserved
People are gonna think it was offensive!
I just wish I had quoted it in my first reply, then you would have been fucked
Will

[tekkieman]

I can't say what I want to say on this site, but I would recommend you post it over at politick.
Suffice to say I don't find it comical but let me guess, being American you didn't want negative comment or critism, right?
Will Hay

Yes, we can discuss it elsewhere, but within the boundaries of exceptable behaviour here, I think I can get away with saying that at least we know how to laugh at ourselves! As for positive or negative feedback....we don't care what anyone else thinks! Don't you know that by now? :P

Maybe I mis-read it, and rather it coming across as the 'all-conquering, never wrong US' I should have interpreted it as 'yeah, our administriation are ignorant bigots but at least we know it'.
As I say, not for duscussion here, IMHO
Will



EDIT: Oh shit, you've really done it now ripper.
By deleting the text you've given this far more credance than it deserved
People are gonna think it was offensive!
I just wish I had quoted it in my first reply, then you would have been fucked
Will

I asked him to repost it at politick! It's worthy of a few rounds of knock-down drag-out!

[DVD_Ripper]

Will, in a PM, thought I should put it back, so I did... I don't post in that other forum so feel free to post it there... if mods still want to lock it that's fine.