Dear ..............

[MackemX]

next person answers and then gives their problem and so on

Dear Agony Aunt/Uncle,

I find I have so much time to spare that I hang about in off topic forums

What should I do?

[lumis]

there are other places on the internet aside from vcdhelp.. make pornography your hobby, you'll never be bored..

--


Dear Agony Aunt/Uncle,

i developed a pornography hobby 10 years ago, it has taken my life over.. i dont do anything else but look at pornography.

what should i do?

[ZAPPER]

Sorry, this just reminds me of a John Prine song.

[bigmicka]

visit http://www.xxxchurch.com/ and devote your life to god.




Dear Agony Aunt/Uncle,

I jerk of 10 times a day, how do i get my onanism under control?

its controlling my life and i cant take it anymore!!!

mic

[MackemX]

Dear bigmicka,

I suggest you stick an elastic band around it

regards


Dear Agony,

which type of blank DVD's should I buy, + or -?

[Faustus]

Dear MackemX,

Purchase both and fuse to together to create a neutral format.

woot



Dear whoever,

Why does it burn when I pee?

[MackemX]

Dear Flaystus,

as that's normally the best time to go to the toilet while creating a DVDR


Dear Agony,

why did the chicken cross the road?

[lordsmurf]

Dear MackemX,

Because the cheap cluck won't buy a car so his feathered ass has to walk everywhere.


Dear Agony,

Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM.?

[SquirrelDip]

Dear lordsmurf,

For the same reason nipples have bumps.


Dear Agony,

The guy next to me keeps poking me. Why won't he stop?

[lordsmurf]

Dear SquirrelDip,

Maybe the guy's attracted to you?
You didn't mention mention what he was poking you with.


Dear Agony,

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[Faustus]

Dear lordsmurf,

Its well known that the inside of glue bottles are lined with Anti-Glue. I'm surprised you didn't know this already.




Dear Agony,

Bah weep granah weep ninni bong?

[glockjs]

Dear Flaystus,

durka durka ala jihad durka



Dear Agony,


Why are people with $50,000+ SUV's aloud to cry about gas prices?

[SquirrelDip]

Dear glockjs,

Crying about gas prices is a right held by all people. It's just that you're a moron if complaining while owning a SUV.


Dear Agony,

If nothing is better than a prime rib dinner and a peanut butter sandwich is better than nothing... Is a peanut butter sandwich better than a prime rib dinner?

[ZAPPER]

Dear squirrel
Have you lost your mind?



Dear Agony
If computer viruses are so prevalent, should I be wearing a condom?

[glockjs]

Dear ZAPPER,

better double bag it



Dear Agony,

is there any known cure for beer goggles besides a sober friend?

[lordsmurf]

Dear glockjs,

Yes, having a rather bad memory is great for this. You can not only do what you want, but you won't remember a thing!

... or so I hear.


Dear Agony,

If time flies, can it be tracked on radar?

[AlecWest]

If time flies, can it be tracked on radar?

Depends upon whether the time is being kept in a metal watch or a plastic one.

Dear Agony Aunt/Uncle,

How can Columbus claim discovery of the New World when there were already 1.6 million people living there?

[lordsmurf]

Dear AlecWest.

Finders keepers, losers weepers!


Dear Agony,

Why does Fox News pretend Nick & Jessica's relationship is a newsworthy event?

[SquirrelDip]

Dear lordsmurf,

It helps cut down on the Britney Spears / Kevin Federline airtime...


Dear Agony,

Why does my hearing get worse as I get older?

[glockjs]

Dear SquirrelDip,

because your wife bitches more as she gets older



Dear Agony,

why is Blockbuster, the company that ripped people off for years, all the sudden our "friend" as the tv commercial says

[bigmicka]

Dear GlockJS,

Cause if they say it often enough, people will think its true.


Dear Agony,

Beer, Wine or Spirits? which one will get me trashed quicker?

[SquirrelDip]

Dear bigmicka,

Definitely spirits. Fot the nastiest trashing in your life try : Screech


Dear Agony,

MackemX keeps winking at me.

[lordsmurf]

Dear SquirrelDip,
Maybe he'd stop if you'd take your hand off his leg.


Dear Agony,

Who is that breathing on my neck?

[MackemX]

Dear LS,

it's Dracula and he vanz to sock yaur blud

--------------------------

Dear Agony,

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

[SquirrelDip]

Dear MackemX,

That's because the elderly rejected it.


Dear Agony,

Even though we're alwas right, why do men give in when argueing with women?

[MackemX]

Dear Squirreldip,

because men can only do without sex for so long plus makeup sex is better than normal sex

------------

Dear Agony,

Why did the Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

[SquirrelDip]

Dear MackemX,

It's one of the great mysteries of life - just like "When someone is executed by lethal injection, why do they swab the arm first?"


Dear Agony,

When I stick my hand down my blonde girlfriends pants, why does it feel like I'm feeding a horse?

[glockjs]

Dear SquirrelDip,

are you sure that it is infact not an actual horse you are feeding?



Dear Agony,

Why do all horror movies these days that look they might be really really good end up with a PG-13 rating?

[MackemX]

Dear glockjs,

so you can take your kids to the pictures to hold your hand when your shit-scared


-----------


Dear Agony,

if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation or a potential mass suicide?

[thecoalman]

Dear MackemX,

It depends on the gender of the dominant personality. If it's a man most likely it will be a hostage situation because of their generally aggressive nature. If it's a female it could be either, both at the same time, switch back and forth at random from one second to the next.



--------------



Dear Agony,

Why does my coffee pot require more computing power than the Apollo rockets to the moon?



BTW, great idea, I'm going to steal it..... :P