FOX News Special Report

[indolikaa]

Brit Hume: We interrupt Hannity and Colmes to bring you this FOX News Special Report. I'm Brit Hume. Let's go live now to Ripper for this breaking story. Ripper?

Ripper: Thanks, Brit. We're live here in Austin, Texas, monitoring what can only be described as, and I quote the President of the United States, "What the **** has that nuclear dipshit done now!" Approximately two hours ago, network engineers with AT&T noticed a massive spike in Internet traffic. Sources say the spike has been attributed to a mass downloading of a recent adult contemporary song called 'The 8th World Wonder' by a Miss Kimberly Locke.

Brit Hume: The 8th World Wonder?

Ripper: That's right, Brit. The sudden rush to download this one particular song has got most of the free world scrambling for an explanation.

Brit Hume: I can imagine.

Ripper: Brit, we've done a little investigating and discovered there seems to be an alternate version of this song being downloaded as well. We've also received reports that videohelp.com, the preferred website of the Desicrated Order Of Whores Of Posting, also known as DOO-WOP, has seen a massive spike in IP traffic as well. And, thanks to one of our loyal viewers in Australia, a Mr. Pacmania2001, we think we may have figured out what's going here.

Brit Hume: Oh do tell.

Ripper: Zip it for a minute, Brit. This is big news. Apparently, some alternate lyrics from an as-yet unidentified member of the videohelp.com clan were cleverly overdubbed into Ms. Locke's song. Now since the FCC began cracking down on broadcast indecency we're not exactly at liberty to repeat the lyrics in question, but rest assured the usual amount of animal-human interaction that we've come to expect from the videohelp.com crowd is present.

Brit Hume: And in good taste, I presume.

Ripper: We are the model citizens of the 21st century, Brit.

Brit Hume: Of course. Joining us live now from Detriot is Baseley Jones, acting director for the group Parents Against Sexual Teachings In the Educational System. Ms. Jones, thank you for joining us today.

Ms. Jones: My pleasure, Brit.

Brit Hume: Ms. Jones, once again the ugly head of videohelp.com has reared itself into mainstream America. This time, they appear to have made a direct attack against the tactics of the RIAA and other copyright organizations, which is not only likely to gain them sympathy from the international community, but it might well thwart the RIAA's continued legal effort against online piracy.

Ms. Jones: Brit, that is not the issue we face. This issue has nothing to do with piracy. This is about perverting our childrens' minds with filthy sexual acts and indecent conduct. Members of PASTIES are absolutely abhorred that judicial activism has not stepped in to put an immediate stop to this kind of trash.

Brit Hume: But Ms. Jones, with all due respect our staff is reporting that nearly 200 million downloads of this song have taken place in the last four hours. That's by far the largest number of downloads in the world of copyright violation to date.

Ms. Jones: And that's just the problem we as Americans face today, Brit. You're putting your concerns about downloading a sleazy pop song ahead of the conerns about our children being exposed to sexually inappropriate materials en masse! Don't you understand? What do you think is going to happen when our children start listening to those words?

Brit Hume: They're going to laugh?

Ripper: I did.

Ms. Jones: NO! They're not going to laugh, they're going to start having sex with sheep! Don't you understand? The person who wrote these lyrics is secretly trying to turn this country into a nation of free-sex whores!

Brit Hume: Far be it for me to discount your theory, Ms. Jones. But I think we need to give our children more credit than that. Ms. Jones, stand by for just a moment, please. Joining us now from somewhere in Arizona is Indolikaa Khan, with more insight into this matter. Dr. Khan?

Indolikaa: Good evening, Brit.

Brit Hume: Khan, as I'm sure you're aware, there is a lot of controversy regarding another debacle over at videohelp.com, and you seem to be right in the middle of it.

Indolikaa: What makes you think that?

Brit Hume: Well, for starters, the same lyrics that were overdubbed on the downloaded material in question first appeared in the Off-Topic forum under one of your posts.

Indolikaa: And your point is...

Brit Hume: Well as I'm sure you heard from Ms. Jones, there are a lot of Americans who aren't happy about this whole situation. Not just the downloading of the copyrighted material, either.

Indolikaa: Unfortunately, I can only take credit for those actions that actually bear the sweat of my brow. In regards to the lyrics, I am willing to admit responsibility, but I want to also remind you the Constitution of the United States, the same legal document that most of our current judges wipe their asses with on a daily basis, protects my right as an American to do exactly what I've done. Wierd Al's been doing it for 15 years, Brit, and I don't see Ms. Jones and her PMS bandits complaing much about Livin' in an Amish Paradise.

Ripper: Word.

Indolikaa: Peace unto you, Ripper. Anyway, my responsibility ends at the lyrics in this matter.

Ripper: What about those awesome video stills on the CD+G tracks we found on the hijacked song, Indo?

Indolikaa: Oh yeah, I did those, too. Capmaster gets into his work so deeply sometimes...

Brit Hume: Oh dear.

Indolikaa: ..no pun intended, Brit. Anyway, Capmaster gets so focused he forgets there are simple ways to activate a web camera remotely. And so, as is usually the case, our beloved President is once again caught in the fleece, so to speak. (Smiles)

Ms. Jones: I cannot believe you can put such a happy face on such a morally abhorrent event that is sure to cause hard-working and loving parents more agony than they already struggle with. Our children have enough pressures in today's world. They don't need such revulsion pressuring them anymore than they already are!

Indolikaa: Are you a parent, Ms. Jones?

Ms. Jones: Yes I am.

Indolikaa: Are you kids watching this show, Mr. Jones?

Ms. Jones: No, they are not. This is not a subject children should have to deal with in their own households, Mr. Khan.

Indolikaa: Or is it they're just too embarrassed to be seen sitting next to you on national television?

Ms. Jones: My children love me, Mr. Khan.

Indolikaa: I'm sure they do, ma'am. And I'm sure that as they watch you and hear what you have to say, the thought of wishing that you'd swallowed all those years ago has never crossed their mind.

Ms. Jones: Mr. Khan!

Brit Hume: (Chuckles) And it's still a mystery why President Bush chose Condoleeza Rice over Dr. Khan for the nation's top ambassador position. We'll be back after a few words from our sponsors.

[Ripper2860]

Alas! Indo is truly back !!

Another masterpiece to add to the Indo collection !!

[Shadowmistress]

WOW. Excellent commentary. Now I see why you're so legendary around here. 8)

[yoda313]

Hello,

Whew... When DETROIT was mentioned I thought I was going to be blamed!

Kevin

[pacmania_2001]

Yay, I got a mention.

[Capmaster]

THe professor is back on the job 8)

[VCDHunter]

Excellent work fella, nice to have you back.

[sacajaweeda]

I think he's making it all up. I'm not believing it for even a second.

[HatchetMan]

Hannity rocks!