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"You've got to be kidding me." Cap said, being tugged by the sleeve by Lord Smurf.
"I tell you, it's him. I never forget a kill." Lord Smurf protested.
"Then why is he alive?"
"I don't know."
"Well, did you talk to him yet?"
"And tell him what? 'So. What's it like being whacked by de bess?'"
"I mean--"
"No, no, I got it. 'Sorry about slicing through your vitals with my kill shot. Just business, you know. No hard feelings?'"
"You know what I mean. It may just be a strong resemblance."
"Alright then, you ask him."
"Hello, how are you? I'm Capmaster, my friends call me Prez, or Da Prez."
"Hi. Me Johnnywoo. Me want warez." The obese noobie answered blankly.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard him. Him Johnnywoo, and him want warez." He laughed, popping a yellow card overhead, preparing his famous delivery.
"Wait a minute. Johnnywoo, you do know warez is illegal, right?" Cap said, snatching the card from the air.
"Me no care. You go f*ck yo' self, mod'rator."
"What!? “Cap’s eyed widened.
"You heard him. Him no care, you go--"
"I heard. I heard! This is all wrong. Dispatch, Cap."
"This is Dispatch, go ahead, Cap."
"Yeah, I need an ISP check on Johnnywoo, and crosscheck it against a Chunkie Cheese, or something like that."
"Chunk T."
"Correction. ChunkT."
"Copy. Stand by, Cap. Hooboy. You got a winner, Prez. Perfect match. Copy?"
"Copy, Dispatch. Request Tommyknocker services at this twenty ASAP."
"Negative. Cap. Abort kill. Repeat. Abort kill. Acknowledge."
"Acknowledged." Capmaster ran to nearest phone, and pressed the number one.
"Baldrick's office, Ilsa speaking. This you, Cap?"
"Yeah, how'd you guess?"
"We were monitoring the radio, hold for Baldrick. Go ahead."
"You wanna explain this one to me, Boss? I get to take insults, let people ask for warez, and I get to watch? I don't need this bull--"His voice was starting to crack, he was so angry.
"Calm down, calm down. Let me explain."
"Go ahead and explain, and then I'll quit."
"At least hear me out."
"I'm listening."
"The executor of the Chunk T estate filed a motion today banning double jeopardy on forums."
"Double jeopardy. What the heck is that?"
"You can't ban or warn anyone twice for the same offense in the same thirty day period."
"But if he's dead meat, how can he be standing here?"
"It's a clone, it looks and sounds the same, but has the mind of a three-year old."
"How can you tell? The original was just as stupid as this one. But if I score on this clone, how is this, what did you call it? Double Jeopardy?"
"That was the motion, since the clone came from the same cells, his estate is saying it's the same guy."
"That's a crock! You let them get away this horse--"
"Calm down, I told you. Of course not, but until I can get this injunction lifted and give the Court my side, our hands are tied."
"You mean your hands are. “He screamed, and slammed down the phone.
"So what did he say?"
"He said no kills on clones until further notice."
"So we let this, this thing stand here and insult us? How's it going Johnwoo?"
"Me fine, me hungry, you ugly"
"Nope. I only said no kills."
"I don't get it."
"You will. Who's running the cafeteria this month?" His eyes gleamed as he stared at the clone.
"Yoda313. Why?"
"He and Tommy are Homeys, right?"
"So."
"Watch and learn Rookie, watch and learn. Dispatch, Cap."
"Go ahead, Cap."
"Yeah, have Tommyknocker call me on six."
"Roger."
The nearest wall phone rang, and Cap grabbed the receiver.
"Yeah, Tommy, I need a favor. Could you have Yoda do a number 12 for us? Great! I owe you one."
"So Johnnywoo, you're hungry you say?" Cap smiled evilly at the clone.
"Yes, me Johnnywoo, me want warez, me hungry, you ******, me still think you ugly."
"The feeling is going to be mutual in about fifteen minutes."
"Me no understand."
"You don't have to. I am going to buy you lunch today. Come down to the cafeteria with me okay?"
"Okay."
They led Johnnywoo to the double glass doors of the cafeteria, and let him look at a large table full of large sandwiches.
"There you are Johnnywoo. A whole table full of sandwiches just for you."
"You no can have none. All for me." The copy's mouth watered.
"Okay, go ahead, Johnnywoo."
Johnnywoo ran into the large white room and headed straight for the food, Lord Smurf started to follow, but Capmaster put his hand on his shoulder.
"Uh, you don't wanna go in there, Smurf."
"Why, you didn't poison him, did you?"
"Be serious, no kills, remember?"
"Then why can't I go in?"
"Because, the white outfit you have on looks sharp, and I'm sure you want to keep it that way."
"Ohhhhhhhh noooooooo, me eat too muccccch----" The fat man groaned. The area began to rumble as if a small earthquake had begun. Then an ear ringing explosion echoed throughout the forum.
*Boom!*
Cap slowly opened the glass doors, once crystal clean, now covered with pink ooze.
"Dispatch, Cap."
"This is Dispatch."
"Yeah, tell Tommyknocker there's pastrami, cheese and bread all over the cafeteria walls, ceiling and floor."
"Copy. While I got ya, Johnnywoo just disappeared off my scope. You have a twenty on him?"
"Yeah, all over the cafeteria walls, ceiling and floor. Me think you ugly now, Johnnywoo."
"So, what gave you the idea?"
"A couple of things. His being hungry, and Baldric telling me he has the mind of a three-year old."
"I don't get it."
"What three-year old you know knows when to stop eating?"
"Gotcha. So this is what we get with cloning technology. Why doesn't somebody clone someone who makes this place better?"
"Who'd you have in mind?"
"Baby Boo and Shadow Mistress!"
"You have a one track mind, Rookie."
"Don't call me Rookie."
"Gotcha."
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Results 1 to 30 of 33
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Hello.
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<jim's still waiting for his short-story debut>
If in doubt, Google it. -
Another good one Tk.
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Hello,
Why did I get stuck with KP duty?????
KevinDonatello - The Shredder? Michelangelo - Maybe all that hardware is for making coleslaw? -
Maybe they only wanted the best.
Hello. -
Hello,Originally Posted by Tommyknocker
But I'll still pass next time...
KevinDonatello - The Shredder? Michelangelo - Maybe all that hardware is for making coleslaw? -
Man, my only reviews are from a man who wants to be in the story, and the other who wish he wasn't in it. Go figure.
Hello. -
Master of Time & Space
- Feb 2004
- Denver, CO United States
Another gem from the "Forum Scribe"
Nice work, TK
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I guess I am chopped liver.Originally Posted by Tommyknocker
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Critics. Well done. Now I just have to go find the real story behind this story.
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https://www.videohelp.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=249280&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc...ight=johnnywooOriginally Posted by tekkieman
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Hello,Originally Posted by bazooka
Anyone have cliffnotes for that link???
KevinDonatello - The Shredder? Michelangelo - Maybe all that hardware is for making coleslaw? -
one word
really superb bit of prose ..."Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems." - Rene Descartes (1596-1650) -
I was hoping for more....
The buildup to his first banning was hilarious. This one lacks depth.
Maybe next time.
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Sorry, Bazooka. Thanks.Originally Posted by bazooka
Hello. -
Guess I need to spend more on the next one. Sorry to let you down.Originally Posted by tekkiemanI was hoping for more.... The buildup to his first banning was hilarious. This one lacks depth.
Maybe next time.
Hello. -
Hello,Originally Posted by TommyknockerGuess I need to spend more on the next one. Sorry to let you down.Originally Posted by tekkiemanI was hoping for more.... The buildup to his first banning was hilarious. This one lacks depth.
Maybe next time.
I think we're gonna have to ask for that advance back TK
Kevin
(joking of course)
Donatello - The Shredder? Michelangelo - Maybe all that hardware is for making coleslaw? -
Not your story TK, the real events! Do you recall the "special" avatar he created in honor of ls?Originally Posted by TommyknockerGuess I need to spend more on the next one. Sorry to let you down.Originally Posted by tekkiemanI was hoping for more.... The buildup to his first banning was hilarious. This one lacks depth.
Maybe next time. -
Master of Time & Space
- Feb 2004
- Denver, CO United States
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Originally Posted by tekkiemanNot your story TK, the real events! Do you recall the "special" avatar he created in honor of ls?Originally Posted by TommyknockerGuess I need to spend more on the next one. Sorry to let you down.Originally Posted by tekkiemanI was hoping for more.... The buildup to his first banning was hilarious. This one lacks depth.
Maybe next time.
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Thanks Cap! Like I said, the events leading to this banning pale in comparison to the last ban.
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Master of Time & Space
- Feb 2004
- Denver, CO United States
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The first time he was banned, it should have been Lordsmurf who got to do the honors. We even had a thread about this guy in the mod forum. But he was running rampant and LS wasn't around, so I got handed the baton. It was funOriginally Posted by tekkieman
This time I think it was only appropriate that LS got the ban. After all, he missed out the first time
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I have to agree. The little flake was gifted in the avatar department. It makes up for what he lacks in everything else. When I got the story, the avatar must have been banned along with him. I still don't miss him, though.
Hello. -
Master of Time & Space
- Feb 2004
- Denver, CO United States
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Baldrick nuked the hitler avatarOriginally Posted by Tommyknocker
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Video Restorer
- Jun 2003
- dFAQ.us/lordsmurf
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You're an encyclopedia for pro video info...Originally Posted by BJ_M
But I don't think you'd cut it for a math teacher.
One word?
Want my help? Ask here! (not via PM!)
FAQs: Best Blank Discs • Best TBCs • Best VCRs for capture • Restore VHS -
I thought the same thing, but figured it was not my place to say anything.Originally Posted by lordsmurfYou're an encyclopedia for pro video info...Originally Posted by BJ_M
But I don't think you'd cut it for a math teacher.
One word? -
just pick 'one' word -- i gave you 5 to choose from
"Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems." - Rene Descartes (1596-1650) -
Serene Savage
- Mar 2004
- Controlled Chaos
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Originally Posted by BJ_Mjust pick 'one' word -- i gave you 5 to choose from
Wonderful story Tommy.
(I feel there should be Miami Vice music playing in the background) -
Serene Savage
- Mar 2004
- Controlled Chaos
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(Don'tcha just hate double posts?)
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I'll take "of", please ...Originally Posted by BJ_Mjust pick 'one' word -- i gave you 5 to choose from
If in doubt, Google it.
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