OT President on the Lamb

[northcat_8]

Breaking news coming from the Vinyl House tonight.

It appears that President Capmaster was seen fleeing a local ACE Hardware store with a hand full of vinyl patch kits and 3 high pressure pneumatic fittings. This picture was obtained from a security camera moments before The President burst into ACE Hardware and commit the crime.

Several ACE Hardware customers were injured in the incident, Including 2 women who apparently passed out seeing the horrific sight, one woman who was intrigued, tried to follow Capmaster out the door but lost her footing on some kind of slippery substance that officials believe was deposited by the President to slow his pursuers.



One little girl who witnessed the incident was stunned and confused, and kept asking "Mommy, what is that man doing to Little Bo Peep's sheep?"

Officials refuse to give specific details but did say that all shepards should monitor their flock closely until President Capmaster is brought in for questioning, but at this time The President is still on the lamb.

[Capmaster]

Let me explain. There's a good reason for my raid on Ace Hardware. "I am not a crook" <flashes "V" sign while shaking jowls>

I am a victim of coicumstance, to quote Curly Howard. As you know my wife has discovered how to "accessorize" the weedeater ...umm ...appliance. This has led to greater demands being placed on yours truly. Since I couldn't compete with 2.5 horsepower delivered right where it's most effective, she has thrown me over in favor of the Stihl.

She even threw out my ...umm ...attachments, so I am left with nothing except Dolly and Rosie.

This has led to very painful palm blisters and numerous air leaks, at 2.35 p.s.i. I might add. No way I'm taking her up to 235 again

Now ...I have already spent over a thousand dollars for self-vulcanizing patches this past month. Even the $4450 extra I get for moderating doesn't help because my wife has applied that money to male strip clubs and 2-cycle oil. It's gone. And now that Indolikaa has the new job that takes all his time, there's nobody to get great deals on pneumatic fittings, so it's retail or "five-fingered discount" for me.

Plus ....my raise this year wasn't as high as expected, so I'm left with no funding for my ...ummm ....hobbies. I did what any self-respecting vinyl-keeping OT post whore would do - I stormed ACE in the nude, proudly holding Dolly out in front of me to prevent life-long trauma in the little children, and also distracting the security guards who were participating in a blindfolded circle-jerk in time to the Back Door Boys music in the storeroom when I arrived, making my heist even easier.

The slippery substance ...well ...I was so excited having the patches and fittings ...well ...you understand.

Now I'm on the lamb. Well, I've always been on the lamb ...only now they're looking for me too.

What worries me is that there's talk linking me to the motel room vaseline incident earlier this year. Seems they got a print off a petroleum jelly-smeared condom hanging from the ceiling fan.

I am in trouble ......

[Dr. DOS]

Since I couldn't compete with 2.5 horsepower delivered right where it's most effective, she has thrown me over in favor of the Stihl.

Cap, I am terribly sorry... will she be starting a web cam service for those of us who are insterested in watching? 8)

You still may be able to compete.
May I recommend http://www.totalmaleenhancement.com/
They will be able to make you the man of your castle again. ... Hmm... 2.5 horses eh? Ok, maybe if your castle is motel 6

[Capmaster]

Since I couldn't compete with 2.5 horsepower delivered right where it's most effective, she has thrown me over in favor of the Stihl.

Cap, I am terribly sorry... will she be starting a web cam service for those of us who are insterested in watching? 8)

You still may be able to compete.
May I recommend http://www.totalmaleenhancement.com/
They will be able to make you the man of your castle again. ... Hmm... 2.5 horses eh? Ok, maybe if your castle is motel 6

I couldn't compete with 2.5 horsepower "there" even if I were to drink Red Bull and Jolt all day, gaze at pics of the Olsen Twins nude for 2 straight hours right before, and had a camera running at the time. There are limits .....

[northcat_8]

well cap....maybe at your age the "shelf life" has expired

[Capmaster]

well cap....maybe at your age the "shelf life" has expired

Not a problem. The Nazi avenger still has "attitude"

[indolikaa]

OMG...

And now that Indolikaa has the new job that takes all his time, there's nobody to get great deals on pneumatic fittings, so it's retail or "five-fingered discount" for me.

You never considered the possibility that I might have access to the 'confiscated' good warehouse, did you?

:P

[Capmaster]

OMG...

And now that Indolikaa has the new job that takes all his time, there's nobody to get great deals on pneumatic fittings, so it's retail or "five-fingered discount" for me.

You never considered the possibility that I might have access to the 'confiscated' good warehouse, did you?

:P

[babyboo]

Even the $4450 extra I get for moderating doesn't help....

Is that monthly???

[Capmaster]

Even the $4450 extra I get for moderating doesn't help....

Is that monthly???

Of course

[northcat_8]

did someone say monthly ???

[babyboo]

If figures that YOU would pick up on that

[Capmaster]

did someone say monthly ???

[BJ_M]

politics should NOT be on this forum please ....

[northcat_8]

politics should NOT be on this forum please ....

Hey, I don't make the news...I just report it

Well actually in this case I did literally make the news too...but dammit OT was slow and what was I suppose to do...work? Surely you jest

[indolikaa]

politics should NOT be on this forum please ....

Eh?

[Capmaster]

politics should NOT be on this forum please ....

[Tommyknocker]

You laugh now, Mr. President. Remember Tammany Hall laughed at Thomas Nast's first cartoon, too.

[Capmaster]

You laugh now, Mr. President. Remember Tammany Hall laughed at Thomas Nast's first cartoon, too.