Comical bumper stickers

[Devanshu]

I've been driving for about year and a half(got my licence last march) and have seen some fairly humorous bumper stickers along the way. Here are a few:

If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You

Jesus Loves You, The Rest Of Us Think You're An Idiot.

I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest

And my favorite: 1,000,000 Sperm And YOU Were The Fastest??



Edit: I've been driving for two and a half years. Forgot about the learners permit.

[pacmania_2001]

Don't laugh it could be your daughter.

My other car is also a shitbox.

Car protected by alarm sticker.

Just trying to think what other ones I have seen.

[i_am_dave]

I brake for hallucinations

was always a favorite of mine!

[housepig]

God is my co-pilot
but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.

[stiltman]

Today's subliminal message is: ( )


All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand

[i_am_dave]

God is my co-pilot
but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.

Yep, that one would get you a lot of nasty looks!

[stiltman]

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!

[tgpo]

Honk if parts fall off
Horn broken, so please look for middle finger

[housepig]

Yep, that one would get you a lot of nasty looks!

actually, the worst "nasty look" problem I ever had, I used to have a shirt that said "Smoke Crack And Worship Satan". I grabbed it and threw it in an overnight bag, and went to spend the weekend with a friend of mine in Richmond, VA.

Sunday morning comes around... only shirt fit to wear is that one. So where do we go for breakfast? Bob's Big Boy buffet... right as church lets out, so imagine 100 families in thier sunday suits, fresh off the pew... and me, in combat boots, BDU pants and that shirt.

if looks could kill, my whole family would have been dead...

[Devanshu]

Honk if parts fall off
Horn broken, so please look for middle finger

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!

God is my co-pilot
but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.

I remembered some more:

Beer - Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 1862

My Kid Kicked the Crap out of Your Honor Roll Student

The gene pool could use a little chlorine

As the French say, there are three sexes-men, women and clergymen

As a matter of fact, I do own the road

I LIKE CATS! They taste just like chicken

[tgpo]

My Honorroll kid could beat up your honor roll kid

Proud Parent of a D student

[tgpo]

Hair: THe Lord givith and the Lord taketh away.

Yeah I could drive faster, but that would piss you off as much.

Before you honk, I should tell you the police are still looking for the last person who did.

[Devanshu]

Before you honk, I should tell you the police are still looking for the last person who did.

[MOVIEGEEK]

"How's My Driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT"

Here's one I wish I could find:"I'm not psychic so use your DAMN TURN SIGNAL!"

[tgpo]

Here's one I wish I could find:"I'm not psychic so use your DAMN TURN SIGNAL!"

Better than here in the south. Here we have people that drive with their turn signals continuously on.

[g_shocker182]

Here's one I wish I could find:"I'm not psychic so use your DAMN TURN SIGNAL!"

Better than here in the south. Here we have people that drive with their turn signals continuously on.

I reckon I leave mine on too sumtimes when I done gone forget.

[tgpo]

I reckon I leave mine on too sumtimes when I done gone forget.

Now what's funny is that I've never heard a person talk like that before. I think the north has funny ideas about how we talk down here. Do ya'll really think we talk like that?

[g_shocker182]

Just outside of the suburbs (where I live) from DC, there are some serious liguistically challenged people.

But they never say "reckon". 8)

[Gees]

Bumpersticker: Poopy Happens

(on the back of a diaper cleaning service van in N.J.)

:c)

[i_am_dave]

Now what's funny is that I've never heard a person talk like that before. I think the north has funny ideas about how we talk down here. Do ya'll really think we talk like that?

Just follow I-26 West until you cross into Tennessee, you will first come to Unicoi county. I knows people from there that done talk like that.

[rallynavvie]

Nazis were conservatives too

If only closed minds came with closed mouths

[Roundabout]

I'm cheating a little, here's some from a website:

If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... [Seen Upside Down, On A
Jeep]

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge [Reported To Be
Seen On A Restaurant]

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

Boldly Going Nowhere

Cat: The Other White Meat

Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.

Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!

Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate It

First Iraq, Then France

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

But my personal favorite is from the Santa Monica Meat Co. trucks (yes, they all have this slogan on them) : "You can't beat our meat!"
Kinda embarrasing when you pull up behind one with your 80 year old mom saying "What is that supposed to mean?"

[Devanshu]

I've seen a lot of them, but just didnt remember. I like the one "Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate It".

[SquirrelDip]

This one covers about all bases:

Nuke the Queer Whales for Christ!

[Devanshu]

Saw some on the way to school toady...

If you like my bumper, you'll love my headlights

If I wanted a bitch....I would have bought a DOG!

I have good Brakes, Do you have GOOD Insurance?

I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!

It sucks to be a man in a lesbians body

Watch out for the idiot behind me

Your child may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot

Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out

[j1d10t]

My favorite is one I saw at Star Trek: The Experience - I came really close to getting it, too

It had the Klingon emblem on the left side, and on the right side it said "My child has more honor than your child!"

[g_shocker182]

Your little princess is my little slut.

[SquirrelDip]

I snatch kisses. And visa versa.

[stiltman]

1. Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.
2. Half of the people in the world are below average.
3. Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
4. Justice: A decision in your favour.
5. Kill them all! ... Let God sort them out.
6. Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
7. My message above. Your response here ____________.
8. Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
9. Life in a vacuum sucks.
10. Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!
11. Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square!
12. So many lawyers, so few bullets.
13. So many pedestrians, so little time.
14. Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.
15. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope)
16. Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive.
17. Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.
18. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
19. The rich get richer; the poor get babies.
20. The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.
21. This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is.
22. This score just in: OS/2, Windows 95.
23. Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again!
24. Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
25. Was today really Necessary?
26. Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray
27. What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.
28. Who is "they" anyway?
29. Why are you looking down here? The joke is above!
30. RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user
31. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
32. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish.
33. You can't have everything...where would you put it?
34. hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
35. Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.
36. If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.
37. Sex is like a bridge game: If you don't have a
good partner, you better have a good hand.
38. "Calm down. It's only ones and zeros."
39. If Clinton is the answer it must been a stupid question.
40. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
41. I may be fat, but your ugly - I can lose weight!
42. Assassins do it from behind!
43. Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!
44. Old musicians don't die... they just decompose.
45. God may have made man first, but there is
always a ruff draft before a final copy.
46. The only real difference between an oral
and rectal thermometer is the taste.
47. I did a drot of lugs in college, I hink I thave dain bramage.
48. To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
49. Lottery: A tax on people who don't understand statistics.
50. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
51. A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.
52. Marriage is not a word: it is a sentence.
53. Im not as think as you drunk i am.
54. I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar.
55. Eat shit! A million trillion flies can't be wrong.
56. You show the sensitivity of a Medieval Dentist.
57. (001) Logic Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing
58. Born an ass hole (The rest grew later)
59. Jesus is coming, look busy
60. Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
61. To Err is human, to forgive is simply not our policy.
62. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
63. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
64. Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
65. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
66. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
67. Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
68. The name is Baud... James Baud.
69. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
70. E Pluribus Modem
71. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
72. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
73. ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
74. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
75. "Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes!"
76. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
77. (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza.
78. Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
79. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
80. Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
81. VENI, VIDI, VISA - I CAME, I SAW, I SHOPPED
82. Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C:
83. Jesus Saves -- passes to Moses, shoots, SCORES!
84. Jesus Saves! Moses Invests!
85. To err is human; To moo is bovine.
86. Due to the outbreak of aids, employees will no
longer be permitted to kiss the boss's ass.
87. Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant
is a little like having a Peeing Section in a pool!
88. Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\>
89. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
90. REHAB is for quitters.
91. Death to all fanatics!
92. It's all fun and games, 'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT*
93. Never run after buses or women: you'll always get left behind.
94. Computers can never replace human stupidity
95. Politics: Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)
96. You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed
97. You're only young once; you can be immature forever
98. On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
99. Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
100. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
101. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
102. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
103. ERROR 406: file corrupt: config.earth --- reboot universe? (Y/N)
104. He who laughs last thinks slowest!
105. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
106. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather,
not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
107. When there's a will, I want to be in it.
108. "Charlie was a Chemist, but Charlie is no more.
What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4."
109. "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw..."
110. "I tried to think but nothing happened!" - Curly
111. "Suicide Hotline...please hold."
112. "To err is human, to forgive....$5.00"
113. Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open
your mouth and remove all doubt.
114. "I am logged in, therefore I am."
115. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer
116. .(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...
117. Bugs come in through open Windows.
118. A conscience does not prevent sin.
It only prevents you from enjoying it.
119. A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
120. A pessimist is never disappointed.
121. All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson
122. All work and no play, will make you a manager.
123. Alone: In bad company.
124. Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.
125. The truth is out there? Anyone know the URL?
126. Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.
127. As I said before, I never repeat myself.
128. BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding.
129. Barium: what you do with dead chemists.
130. Black holes really suck...
131. Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups!
132. Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing,
for ye shall not be disappointed.
133. Brain dysfunction detected...
134. Brain over - Insert coin
135. Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
136. Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources.
137. COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
138. Chess players mate better.
139. Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.
140. Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
141. Do not disturb. Already disturbed!
142. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make
the unexpected become the expected?
143. Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up!
144. Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
145. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
146. FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue...
147. Facts are stubborn things.
148. Feel lucky???? Update your software!
149. Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
150. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!!
151. H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!
152. I am built for comfort, not speed!
153. I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof!
154. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
155. I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem.
156. I think, therefore I am. I think.
157. I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.
158. I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit.
159. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
160. .I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
161. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
162. If I save the whales, where do I keep them?
163. If I save time, when do I get it back ?
164. If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test.
165. My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him.
166. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
167. If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
168. If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
169. If it works, tear it apart and find out why!
170. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
171. If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
172. In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death
173. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
174. It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!
175. It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession!

[Gees]

Whoa! Stiltman! A bumper crop! :cD