Kids say the darnedest things ...

[Ripper2860]

Post up the funniest thing your kid(s) have ever said. The more embarassing the better. If you got no kids then feel free to recount anything you've heard your friends kids, cousins, etc., say.

I'll start ...

My wife decided she was going to start doing a little walking around a track at a near-by middle school. The weather has been getting a little tolerable in the evenings here in Texas and she wanted to drop a little weight and kick up her energy level as her job is a very stressful one. She deciided to take our little 4 year old daughter and her bicycle so she could ride around the track and have some fun. When she told our little girl where she was going, our daughter immediately asks "Mommy -- why are you going to go walk around in a circle?" My wife replies -- "because Mommy is a little fat and needs to lose some weight." To which our daughter replied "OK".

A couple of hours later mom and duaghter return and I ask mom how it went. Mom replies that it was pretty good, except our daughter didn't want to leave and started throwing a fit. She finally got her to get off her bike and she was just standing there crying and asking why they had to leave to which mommy replied we've walked around enough and it was time to go home. Just then, right as a jogger was running past the 2 of them, our daughter lifted her mom's shirt revealing her tummy and cried out -- "It 's not time to go yet. You're still fat !!" The jogger stopped, and barely holding back his laughter, stated "well, I guess you couldn't ask for a better personal trainer than that!".

Needless to say the wife was extremely embarassed and this entered the Ripper archive of funny stories.

[Capmaster]

My wife and I were in the living room watching a Stephen King movie. Our older son was in his room playing with his toys. He was about 5 at the time.

He must have been listening to the movie dialog because he walked into the room and said "Mommy, what's a ****-knocker?"

My wife and I finally caught our breath and answered "It's a grown-up term for someone who isn't very nice". It's the best we could do considering the streaming tears and stomach spasms

[Ripper2860]

We have a Cocker Spaniel named Sadie who when outside will not seek shelter in her dog house when it is raining. My wife walks by our patio door and the dog is just sitting there soaking wet next to her house and comments -- "Dumb Ass Dog doessn't have enough sense to get in its' house and out oif the rain".

Next morning I'm sitting in the living room watchng TV and my 4-year old is banging on the patio doors and yelling "Dumb Ass Dog! Dumb Ass Dog!" I had to leave the room and come back later to explain it all as it is hard to drive the point home when you are laughing so hard tears are streaming down your face!!

There was also a time when she went over to her aunt's house to spend the night. She called about 10:00pm and said she was ready to come home as she had already spent enough of the night there! Whe we picked her up we noticed her shoes smelled of poop and we aked her what it was. She immediately answered "I stepped in cat shit". We immeidately told her it's cat poop to which she replied -- "Aunt Vickie said it was cat shit !!". Won't be spending much more time at Aunt Vickies, I'm afraid!

Watch out what you say around kids -- they remember it all and will repeat it when you least expect it !!