FOX NEWS ALERT: Infidelity in the White House

[indolikaa]

ALAN COLMES: Good evening everyone I'm Alan Colmes and we have this FOX News Alert. We are recieving reports that President Cap Master has been caught in a sexual relationship with another man. We take you live to Albuquerque, New Mexico for this special report, where we are being joined by Major Garrett. Major?

MAJOR GARRETT: Thank you, Alan. We are receiving reports that, as you said, President Cap was caught in a sexual affair with another member of the vcdhelp.com community. The President's Chief of Staff informed us today that such rumors are, and I quote, categorical bullshit being concocted by those who lost the election because their own constituents couldn't vote in a ******* Internet poll, unquote. When pressed regarding the issue, Chief of Staff northcat_8...

SEAN HANNITY: I didn't know our President had a Chief of Staff...

MAJOR GARRETT: ...neither did anyone else around here. Anyway, northcat_8 continued to say that there is absolutely no evidence of such a sexual affair, and that this all a grand scheme by BJ_M to discredit the President so that he can invade the United States and install himself Supreme Leader over the People's Democractic Republic of North America. Oh, and incidentally, Supreme Leader M has also stated he'll invade Mexico as well.

ALAN COLMES: Major, do you get a sense that there might be evidence linking President Cap to the charges being leveled against him?

MAJOR GARRETT: It's possible, Alan. When we spoke with the President's National Security Advisor, Indolikaa Khan, we were told, well, we have the video clip that I believe speaks for itself...

(Start Video...)

SUZIE JHUE: Dr. Khan! Suzie Jhue with the Los Angeles Times. Is it true...

INDOLIKAA KHAN: Shut your ******* trap, you lying bitch. I don't talk to the Los Angeles Times. The office of this President does not do business with newspapers that only tell one side of the story for political gain. Would somebody please remove this wad from my office? Security, have this woman removed from the premesis and skullfucked by our K9 detachment. Do it now!

MIKE HUNT: Dr. Khan, Mike Hunt from the Associated Press.

INDOLIKAA KHAN: Good to see you Mike. What I can do for you today?

MIKE HUNT: Dr. Khan, we have reports from a confidential source that someone has pictures to prove the President is in a homosexual relationship with one of the senior members of the svcdhelp.com administration. I'd like you to view these pictures and get your opinion on their authenticity.

(Hands pictures to Dr. Khan...)

INDOLIKAA KHAN: This looks like a ******* 3-year old was set loose on PhotoShop, Mike! That's not even Capmaster in the picture, that's Dr. Thayne from the Department of Homeland Security, and that's Dr. Thayne's german shepherd Peaches. I've seen better Photoshop hacks from a Macintosh user! Who did you get these from? tekkieman?!

(End Video...)

ALAN COLMES: Major, what about those pictures. Is there any credible evidence that they could be, in fact, proof that our President is having sexual relations with another man?

MAJOR GARRETT: It's hard to say, Alan. I've seen the pictures, and while there is no question a fetus could've done a better job hacking them, I have no doubt the anti-Bush media will run with them as being authentic. However, having said that, what I found interesting was the supposed partner in crime the President was said to have slobnob'd with...

SEAN HANNITY: Barney Frank.

MAJOR GARRETT: ...actually, Sean, it looks like Ripper2860.

ALAN COLMES: That's completely unbelievable, Major. The last report we had, and it was based on solid intelligence from the Russians, was that Ripper had married an ewe and settled down in Window Rock, Arizona, to be near his in-laws. What reason would he have to abandon a ranch surrounded by thousands of sheep and risk an affair with President Cap?

MAJOR GARRETT: We don't know, Alan. We've asked for an interview with Dr. Khan, but I was told by one of his staffers that he was busy working on a recently-acquired Russian MIRV.

SEAN HANNITY: Yeah, I'll bet he's working on it...

ALAN COLMES: Alright Major, thank you for that report. We'll be keeping you here for the duration of this national crisis. You're watching FOX News Channel. Fair and balanced reporting of the news, regardless of what those liberal douchebags on the Left claim. Stay tuned...

[DVD_Ripper]

Indo... as usual you've got me rolling here at work... My colleagues often wonder and roll their chairs over to read what I'm laughing about.

[tekkieman]

Oh, by the way, it was DVD_Ripper, not Ripper2860. Also, the photochops did not come from me, I'm waiting for my child to turn three so she can do them for me (for better and more believable results).

[DVD_Ripper]

Oh, by the way, it was DVD_Ripper, not Ripper2860.

I deny the accusations - plus I'm being paid bucks to keep my mouth shut.

[tekkieman]

Oh, by the way, it was DVD_Ripper, not Ripper2860.

I deny the accusations - plus I'm being paid bucks to keep my mouth shut.

As opposed to last night when you were paid to keep it open????

[Capmaster]

Oh, by the way, it was DVD_Ripper, not Ripper2860. Also, the photochops did not come from me, I'm waiting for my child to turn three so she can do them for me (for better and more believable results).

Leave it to the media to get it wrong. Believe me DVD_Ripper, I don't think of Ripper2860 in that way (much to his relief ).

"Mike Hunt"? I see we have another Porky's fan here

[tekkieman]

"Mike Hunt"? I see we have another Porky's fan here

Standard fair for anyone close to our age.

[indolikaa]

Oh, by the way, it was DVD_Ripper, not Ripper2860. Also, the photochops did not come from me, I'm waiting for my child to turn three so she can do them for me (for better and more believable results).

Leave it to the media to get it wrong. Believe me DVD_Ripper, I don't think of Ripper2860 in that way (much to his relief ).

"Mike Hunt"? I see we have another Porky's fan here

It would appear our initial reports of your promiscuity came from the LA Times. However, after it was brough to their attention that the wrong 'Ripper' was mentioned, they told us, and I quote...

"Who gives a shit? The LA Times is not out to report the news, the LA Times is out to push a political agenda, regardless of whether that agenda involves reporting the truth."

Mr. President, at this time I recommend we conduct a tactical nuclear strike on the LA Times facility. Those bastards need to be made to understand that lies will not be tolerated...

We should also liquidate Toronto as well.

[Capmaster]

<inputs coordinates into the "football">

[indolikaa]

<inputs coordinates into the "football">

(In his best Dr. Evil laugh) Bye, bye, BJ_M...




Can we use the Peacekeeper, Mr. President? We NEVER get to use those things, and we paid all that money for them!

PuLEEEEEEZE?!

[Capmaster]

<inputs coordinates into the "football">

(In his best Dr. Evil laugh) Bye, bye, BJ_M...




Can we use the Peacekeeper, Mr. President? We NEVER get to use those things, and we paid all that money for them!

PuLEEEEEEZE?!

Although the B83s have the best kiloton for the buck, the W78s are definitely crowd-pleasers Reaches for notepad <"order more W78s">
Fire away, Mr. National Security Adviser

[Doramius]

If you need a witness, I can vouch that Capmaster was having a goat f**k orgy with dolly on the night in question. THere's even DNA evidence of the occurence as Cap forgot to clean Dolly off, but this could actually prove his innocence. Never before in the history of the White House has sex and a goatf**king orgy proved a President to be faithful. All I had to say was "EWE!"

[tekkieman]

Your wrong! There are actual un(professionally)doctored photos to prove the accusations! I heard rumor they will be posted today or tomorrow.

[Capmaster]

If you need a witness, I can vouch that Capmaster was having a goat f**k orgy with dolly on the night in question. THere's even DNA evidence of the occurence as Cap forgot to clean Dolly off, but this could actually prove his innocence. Never before in the history of the White House has sex and a goatf**king orgy proved a President to be faithful. All I had to say was "EWE!"

I was leaving it "au naturel" because it's northcat's turn to have Dolly, and he prefers her with a "little crust", to use his own words

Your wrong! There are actual un(professionally)doctored photos to prove the accusations! I heard rumor they will be posted today or tomorrow.

I thought I destroyed those

[tekkieman]

Your wrong! There are actual un(professionally)doctored photos to prove the accusations! I heard rumor they will be posted today or tomorrow.

I thought I destroyed those

You tried to destroy them, but you left them laying around, much like Dolly - with only small tears.

[DVD_Ripper]

Your wrong! There are actual un(professionally)doctored photos to prove the accusations! I heard rumor they will be posted today or tomorrow.

Ummm Tekkie... please don't go there.... OK... no really... My kids photos are my avatar.... I would want this to get too wierd. OK

[tekkieman]

Ohhhh, some political arm twisting to hide the real truth! I should have expected as much. What's next? Black cars and helicopters following me around? Freedom of the press, baby! The truth is out there!

You can torture me please!, but you cannot silence me!

[indolikaa]

If you need a witness, I can vouch that Capmaster was having a goat f**k orgy with dolly on the night in question. THere's even DNA evidence of the occurence as Cap forgot to clean Dolly off, but this could actually prove his innocence. Never before in the history of the White House has sex and a goatf**king orgy proved a President to be faithful. All I had to say was "EWE!"

I was leaving it "au naturel" because it's northcat's turn to have Dolly, and he prefers her with a "little crust", to use his own words

THAT is ******* sick!

[Ripper2860]

Oh, by the way, it was DVD_Ripper, not Ripper2860. Also, the photochops did not come from me, I'm waiting for my child to turn three so she can do them for me (for better and more believable results).

You are damn right it wasn't me!...

I AM 100% HETEROSEXUAL MALE and would never be caught participating in the actions described in the article. I AM FURIOUS, and the the fact that my reputation has been wrecked with impunity, leads me to no other choice than to sue for defamation of character.

Dammit, I am a TEXAN and the fact that I was portrayed as a resident of Arizona is unforgivable and will forever cast a shadow on my future political ambitions, not to mention my ability to score with hot chicks!!

All involved will pay DEARLY !!

[thayne]

Hmmm, getting a bit defensive there Ripper2860

[Ripper2860]

Being accused of Homosexuality and Beastiality, I can handle. Being called a resident of Arizona -- well that is just going too far !!

[indolikaa]

Oh, by the way, it was DVD_Ripper, not Ripper2860. Also, the photochops did not come from me, I'm waiting for my child to turn three so she can do them for me (for better and more believable results).

You are damn right it wasn't me!...

I AM 100% HETEROSEXUAL MALE and would never be caught participating in the actions described in the article. I AM FURIOUS, and the the fact that my reputation has been wrecked with impunity, leads me to no other choice than to sue for defamation of character.

Dammit, I am a TEXAN and the fact that I was portrayed as a resident of Arizona is unforgivable and will forever cast a shadow on my future political ambitions, not to mention my ability to score with hot chicks!!

All involved will pay DEARLY !!

Another satisfied Los Angeles Times customer. :P