ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN HOSPITAL CHARTS

[Will Hay]

Might be old news but man this made me chuckle

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL
CHARTS

1.. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her
husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2.. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left
side for over a year.

3.. On the second day the knee was better, and on the
third day it disappeared.

4.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She
also appears to be depressed.

5.. The patient has been depressed since she began
seeing me in 1993.

6.. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7.. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male,
mentally alert but forgetful.

8.. The patient refused autopsy.

9.. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10.. Patient has left white blood cells at another
hospital.

11.. Patient's medical history has been remarkable
with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three
days.

12.. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia
for lunch.

13.. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get
this lady pregnant.

14.. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I
thought you might like to work her up.

15.. She is numb from her toes down.

16.. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and sent
home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18.. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

19.. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20.. Rectal examination revealed a normal size
thyroid.

21.. She stated that she had been constipated for most
of her life, until she got a divorce.

22.. I saw your patient today, who is still under our
car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24.. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25.. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26.. The patient was to have a bowel resection.
However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28.. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29.. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank,
who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30.. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31.. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

[DVD_Ripper]

Ya gotta think these docs / nurses write this shit to crack up the next physician that will doing their rounds.

[tekkieman]

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL
CHARTS

...

24.. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

...

Now where did you find my medical chart?

[stiltman]

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL
CHARTS

...

24.. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

...

Now where did you find my medical chart?

I guess an elephant man joke would be out of line?

[tekkieman]

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL
CHARTS

...

24.. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

...

Now where did you find my medical chart?

I guess an elephant man joke would be out of line?

I didn't think much of anything was out of line in this forum.....

[Capmaster]

24.. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

Circus? 8)

Curiously disturbing that the same doctor who may be called on to perform a "circus-cision" can't spell the word

[Ripper2860]

Definition of the Medical Term "CIRCUS CISION"


Defined as: the process of removing a MIDGET Clown from one's ASS.

per the Capmaster Medical Dick tionary !!

[Keefkey]

20.. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

That's one hell of an examination

[Capmaster]

Definition of the Medical Term "CIRCUS CISION"


Defined as: the process of removing a MIDGET Clown from one's ASS.

per the Capmaster Medical Dick tionary !!

(begins another day of having a sore stomach from laughing, and coworkers might just decide enough is enough and have him committed )

[flaninacupboard]

Definition of the Medical Term "CIRCUS CISION"


Defined as: the process of removing a MIDGET Clown from one's ASS.

per the Capmaster Medical Dick tionary !!

(begins another day of having a sore stomach from laughing, and coworkers might just decide enough is enough and have him committed )

Had to read that three times before i saw co-workers, rather than cowporkers!

[Capmaster]

Definition of the Medical Term "CIRCUS CISION"


Defined as: the process of removing a MIDGET Clown from one's ASS.

per the Capmaster Medical Dick tionary !!

(begins another day of having a sore stomach from laughing, and coworkers might just decide enough is enough and have him committed )

Had to read that three times before i saw co-workers, rather than cowporkers!

Scary how after being here a while those words just jump out even when they're not there. Like the voices in my head ........ Maybe it's time to pull a TeeGee and go sit on a tropical island for a few weeks that has no electricity

[joecav]

#24 and 30 are the best!!