Jack and Spidey 2

[VCDHunter]

Jack In Tears As Spidey 2 Just About Breaks Records
By Movie Reporter V Hunter.

It was a sorry sight, an 85-year-old man almost reduced to tears as the industry he helped to create began to crumble around his ears. In a speech to movie insiders the day after the film Spiderman 2 hit screens in America Mr Valenti said “It’s a sorry day for the movie industry when a motion picture like Spiderman 2 only makes $40.5 million on one day in one country, mid week”.

But during his five-hour speech Mr Valenti was quick to point out not only where the blame lies but also that the industry, under his guidance, was fighting back. “It all started with VHS all those years ago – and I bloody told you it would! But would anyone listen to me? No, they wouldn’t” said Mr Valenti before reaching into his pocket and producing a small pair of night vision goggles, “but I have put into place plans that will ensure these baby raping pirates will not go unchallenged in movie theatres again.”

Mr Valenti also fired off a warning to the, largely anonymous, internet community who were responsible, he claimed, for the explosion of pirated movies appearing on the internet – “You bastards!” he shouted “you Kazaa using whores, don’t think we don’t know who you are and where you hang out. Sites such as Sharereactor.com, Suprnova.org and that bastard place VideoHelp.com, yes I’ve seen the slanderous images of myself posted there, don’t think I haven’t.”

Mr Valenti then placed the night vision goggles on his head before demanding the press be immediately arrested for the use of recording equipment, which included video cameras, still picture cameras, audio recording equipment and notepads – all items which Mr Valenti described as “the devils devices” before being subdued, sedated and removed from the hall.

Since Mr Valentis’ claim about the poor state of the Hollywood movie industry, Spiderman 2 continues to rake in obscene amounts of cold, hard cash.

[Mr. Orange Pants]

That was incredibly lame.

[flaninacupboard]

looks like your special brand of humour isn't universally appreciated!

[marvel2020]

What a w**ker he is.

Me thinks Baldrick better start talking to his lawyers pretty soon, looks like theres a hefty law suit coming :P

J/K of course

[VCDHunter]

That was incredibly lame.

Thank you for your comments Mr Pants, I have passed them onto the relevant authorities. Maybe the next article will include how you can save $.005 on a bulk pack of DVD-R just for you.

[Timmychuck]

First of all the movie came out on a weekday when most people is at work. The movie should came out on friday. I thank more peaple is going to see it this weekend. Its going to be a 3 day weekend for the 4th of July.

I hope he cries himself dead.

[Treebeard]

Maybe the next article will include how you can save $.005 on a bulk pack of DVD-R just for you.

oooh oooh i cant wait for that one!!

[Mr. Orange Pants]

That was incredibly lame.

Thank you for your comments Mr Pants, I have passed them onto the relevant authorities. Maybe the next article will include how you can save $.005 on a bulk pack of DVD-R just for you.

Don't get your panties all in a bunch. Anyways, I've got a DVD+R drive, so please see if it can have a discount on +R's.

[The MPAA Police]

That was incredibly lame.

Thank you for your comments Mr Pants, I have passed them onto the relevant authorities. Maybe the next article will include how you can save $.005 on a bulk pack of DVD-R just for you.

Don't get your panties all in a bunch. Anyways, I've got a DVD+R drive, so please see if it can have a discount on +R's.

Excuse me, but what are doing with DVD+R discs in your possession?

[RottenFoxBreath]

i actually wonder if jack has ever set his vcr up to record his favorite tv programmes,or any member of his family has,you know.
id love to see that bastard getting huckled for something hes trying to outlaw.

[flaninacupboard]

i actually wonder if jack has ever set his vcr up to record his favorite tv programmes,or any member of his family has,you know.
id love to see that bastard getting huckled for something hes trying to outlaw.

In a (really long!) speech someone posted he said that yes, he was disgusted to find out his OWN FAMILY recodrded things and FAST FORWARDED the adverts!!

Still didn't click in his brain that it's normal behaviour....

[painkiller]

... before being subdued, sedated and removed from the hall.

So ther IS Justice after all.


(instead of Jack's "just us, after all")

[Nilfennasion]

Is Jack ever going to stop blaming everybody but himself? I'm surprised we don't have more quotes about him whinging that people don't buy discs from their own Region, blissfully ignorant that importing them from Thailand or Japan might be the only places to get what the director actually wanted us to see.

The MPAA really has outlived its usefulness.

Excuse me, but what are doing with DVD+R discs in your possession?

Smoking them.

[Headbanger's Ball]

What a PRICK. "baby raping pirates, bastards, kazaa using whores" Still blaming the VCR. "It's a sad day when Spiderman 2 only make $40.5 in a day!" Jeez, someone pissed in his corn flakes.

I'd like to sit down with the heads of the MPAA & RIAA and crack their heads with a LAPD issued baton every time they said something stupid about consumers' rights..or until I get tired of swinging.

Was good to see he kept current with the new domain name here.

Some go out with wimpers, some go out with roars, Jack went out a wimpering bore.

Let's all kick him in the nuts & give him something to really complain about.

[BobK]

What a PRICK. "baby raping pirates, bastards, kazaa using whores" Still blaming the VCR. "It's a sad day when Spiderman 2 only make $40.5 in a day!" Jeez, someone pissed in his corn flakes.

Having trouble recognizing satire?

(D*mn Quote button still doesn't work for me.)

[Nilfennasion]

The problem with this satire is that it's hard to tell it from the real thing. I had a sneaky feeling it wasn't serious, but I decided to play along with it. Even Valenti knows that 40 mil in a day for any film, a Star Wars episode included, is something to be impressed by.

I can't wait to get in print. I will never let a Hollywood studio option my work. If you want to make something out of something I wrote, as far as I am concerned you have to be European, or willing to give Europeans the creative work.

[johns0]

I kinda got the idea it was a satire when i noticed the "By Movie Reporter V Hunter".Even then i can imagine Valenti really going on this type of tirade but in his bedroom with a jar of vaseline.

[VCDHunter]

I've got a DVD+R drive, so please see if it can have a discount on +R's.

Says it all really. :P

[BJ_M]

personally i thought spiderman 1 was terrible ...

i think it holds the record for most number of mistakes also ...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0145487/goofs


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0145487/trivia

that list is not even all of them -- the cable fight made no sense at all plus you can see the effect rigging on the ledge breakaway scene (yellow straps) plan as day and i don't get why those were not digitally removed (seems like it may have been a rush job or a budget thing)


maybe 2 is better , but i think one was just a goofy movie ...

[Nilfennasion]

My father described Spider-Man 1 as being the schmaltziest film he'd ever seen in his life. Which, given the number of films he's seen that would qualify as outright pieces of crap, is saying a lot. What always bugs me about the pieces of footage I have seen is that the makers seem to have no respect for the most basic elements of logic. The only direction the webs seem to go in is towards the sky, and even those that can be loosely traced back to a building are on such an angle that the way Spiderman swings about is a total contradiction of even the most basic of physics.

In short, it was yet another disappointing fall from grace by Sam Raimi. As if he needed another one after pieces of junk like Army Of Darkness.

If Spider-Man 2 fails to live up to profit expectations, it can only be because the public are starting to wise up. In the 1980s, studios knew not to invest too much in films that the public might be dissatisfied by. But if one were to look at films from this time in the local weekly rentals, one would find they're infinitely more satisfying than the junk that the MPAA is churning out in the 2000s.

But of course, the MPAA will continue to blame pirates, people who want to back up the media that can often be destroyed by players that are declared fit for their purpose anyway, and pretty much anyone who isn't them. They are the Microsoft of the film industry.

[BJ_M]

kinda of the sad thing is that Spider-Man 2 WILL rake in gross profits ..

kids like my 7 year old will love this movie .... of course they would have loved it just as much as an animation or 1/2 the budget ...

i will reserve judgment on #2 till i have seen it ... but i can say without reservation that 1 was crap ....

and cineplex odeon in barrie ..... your theater sucks every time i go there .... clue in the the fact that theater 8 has no left channel (cuts out) and focus would would be a good thing once a month or so ..

you also used the wrong lens for the first spiderman 1 movie or someone goofed bad on the anamorphic aspect ratio ... you also ruined LOTR RTK completly for me with the worse quality pic and sound ...

telling your people there is like talking to zombies -- and they tell me I DO NOT KNOW about theaters ... boy i have news for them.. you guys really pissed me off last night

[Nilfennasion]

There is but one way to finish that kind of conversation, BJ_M.

"You can kiss my business goodbye. Ditto for that of anyone I talk to about the subject."

Seriously, I bet you lost them the second you said "wrong aspect ratio" or something to that effect. Oh, the joys of a vertical market.

[BJ_M]

There is but one way to finish that kind of conversation, BJ_M.

"You can kiss my business goodbye. Ditto for that of anyone I talk to about the subject."

Seriously, I bet you lost them the second you said "wrong aspect ratio" or something to that effect. Oh, the joys of a vertical market.

i have a very limited choice within 60kms where i live ... its either 2 stinson
(el cheapo) theaters or a drive-in (has advantages for certain things) or a 3/4- 1 hour drive to next nearest famous players complex ... when you take kids to a movie -- you really dont want to drive a hour to get there .. soooooo....

we got two walmarts (they suck also imo) in this town -- you would think a good theater would be built ...

[Nilfennasion]

There's also a very limited choice where I am at the moment, but I doubt that I will ever go to the locally-available choice to see a new release film again. It's as if they took a look at the allocated seating, advanced sales, and organised queueing that places like Parramatta have in their theatres, then decided "we know better than those cityfolk, hyuk hyuk". The colossal stuff-up that opening day for Return Of The King turned out to be proved them very, very wrong. Had someone in Parramatta organised opening day for such an important film in that manner, they would have been fired the same evening.

Ah, the joys of living somewhere where there is no competition.

[fritzi93]

a drive-in (has advantages for certain things)

Yes, too bad there aren't nearly as many around anymore. Summers used to be for going to the drive-in. I'll never forget having the life scared outta me by "Night of the Living Dead". And, ahem, I remember other times at the drive-in...

[Thorn]

Having trouble recognizing satire?

People here have trouble recognizing satirical fake news even when it clearly states that it's satire at the end... Just like on slashdot, peple read a few sentences and instantly have an opion they have to share.

@BJ_M and Nilfennasion: you'd wouldn't be surprised at the errors and goofs if you thought about it as a Sam Rami movie rather than as a multimillion dollar production. Just think of it as a campy B movie, and enjoy it for what it is. Personally I like a lot of the stuff he's done and am a fan of the ED/AOD series so I liked the movie.

Then again, I don't remember many plot details from the Spiderman comics, so I didn't get annoyed at script writer deviations like I did with LOTR.

[DereX888]

Spidey movies are for kids. They don't care for any goofs. They want to see their hero to kick someone's bad sorry ass, thats all.
Therefore even a bad spidey movie is better than none.

[BJ_M]

Having trouble recognizing satire?

People here have trouble recognizing satirical fake news even when it clearly states that it's satire at the end... Just like on slashdot, peple read a few sentences and instantly have an opion they have to share.

@BJ_M and Nilfennasion: you'd wouldn't be surprised at the errors and goofs if you thought about it as a Sam Rami movie rather than as a multimillion dollar production. Just think of it as a campy B movie, and enjoy it for what it is. Personally I like a lot of the stuff he's done and am a fan of the ED/AOD series so I liked the movie.

Then again, I don't remember many plot details from the Spiderman comics, so I didn't get annoyed at script writer deviations like I did with LOTR.

i am in the movie business and assure you that 90% of the goofs were just sloppy work ..

if a movie budget is over 75 million like this one -- they can get it right ... to me it just shows bad work ethics and "the public doesn't give a shit anyway and will spend their money so who cares" ......


LOTR i thought handled deviations from the book well (otherwise it would have been a 72 hour movie) .. yes there a few minor goofs in it but you can see the care that went into crafting it ... not like some of the schlock foisted on the public ..

[Alan69]

That was incredibly lame.

Seconded.

Having trouble recognizing satire?

People here have trouble recognizing satirical fake news even when it clearly states that it's satire at the end... Just like on slashdot, peple read a few sentences and instantly have an opion they have to share.

By definition it is humor, not news, and belongs in OT not the news section. Nothing like opening a news thread and seeing that the poster has made a 'newbie posting in advanced discussions' class mistake on where they posted it. It's really just another attention whore wanting the red "NEWS:" for their post, not anything important.. But then again so are many of the other things posted in news, since there is of course little actual news on a slowly evolving thing like DVDR.


Now Naked Geek streaking a Forth of July fireworks display while launching 'low quality in drive exploding DVDR media', that would be news..