My saturday night entertainment

[northcat_8]

As I've mentioned before, I live out in the country. Out in the middle of nowhere, my nearest neighbor is a little over 1/2 mile away. Well tonight around 12:30 am a car goes by my house and I heard it slow down shortly past my property line...so I peer out the window to investigate. To my suprise there were no headlights going down the road.

Having the job I have, I have kids who try to do things like tiolet paper my house, put For Sale or political signs in my yard...so to the gun cabinet I go, pull out the trusty ol' 12 gauge pump and out the backdoor I go.

As I am making my way to the edge of our property, I see a dome light come on, so in super stealth mode, I sneak along side of the field as the students walk right by me. They weren't 10 ft from me....after they pass I continue on to their car as they continue on to my yard. Upon arriving at the car, I notice the window is down and the keys are in the ignition. (rookie mistake), so I take the keys and lock the doors (window are still down ). I then neal down in front of the car, pull out the cell phone and call my cousin (he's a deputy sheriff ). Who lives across the cornfield.

I ask him if he wanted to have some fun, his wife is a prude so he was up for it. I told him "when you hear the gunshots, you come over, I've got some kids toilet papering my house."

So I waited just off the edge of my property in the ditch, and as they finished up and were returning to their car happy with their deed, as they walked right by me..within 6 feet, I fired the first shot in the air, jacked a 2nd shot very quickly....you should have seen those little fuckers jump and run

As the shots rang out into the night, my cousin turned on his red and blues, and came flying up the road, they tried to jump in the car but the doors were locked and they were just pulling and pulling on the door handles finally reaching inside the car and unlocking the doors, they jump in only to find NO KEYS

By this time my cousin was right there, he was on the PA ordering them out of the car...they all get out (all 4 of them), when they get out I instantly know who all 4 are (I knew 2 of them because they were talking as they past me the first time, but I was unsure of the other 2). ANYWAY, my cousin has them all get down on their knees with their hands behind their head, cross their feet behind them...

By this time I am at the Sherriff's car, my cousin gets out, and I say "Deputy, these kids were up vandalising my property". He said "your wife called and said there were unknown trespassers on the property". As I'm talking to the deputy, one of the kids turns around and says "Mr. Northcat...it's me Mark from your 3rd period class." My cousin quickly shut him up by saying "I don't remember anyone asking you to speak, are you questioning my authority? I am speaking to the homeowner to find out what damage has been done here tonight and what charges need to be filed, you would be wise to keep your mouth shut until I come to speak to you".

My cousin was screwing with the kids big time, the kids were trying to say that I knew them, I was denying it ...finally I told my cousin, "Alright Sir, well I guess they were just some kids out having some fun toilet papering, I don't think they caused any real damage. If they agree to clean up the toilet paper, I guess I won't press any charges." He said "are you sure? I can file the charges for you, trespassing, littering, mischief, disturbing the peace. Littering is $500.00 per item, they probably used 14 rolls of toilet paper out here tonight, that's $7000.00...are you sure?" I said "I'm sure, if they agree to clean it up." Of course the kids were all "sure we'll clean it up, no problem." The one girl says "are you going to call my parents?" I almost laughed, but my cousin said "No ma'am, as long as you do what you say you are going to do and clean this man's yard up tonight." She agreed.

So my cousin left, the kids were scared and upset at the same time, they were asking me "Damn Mr. NC, why did you say you didn't know us?" and I said "well, you were out here littering up my yard having fun at my expense, I thought it was only fair that I have some at your expense."

Anyway, long story shortened, they pissed and moaned, couldn't believe that I couldn't take a joke but they cleaned it all up and bitched the whole time. When they were finished, they started to walk back to their car and one of them said "SHIT, where's the keys, that's why I couldn't take off, I didn't have the keys, I must have dropped them while we were toilet papering, we have to find them. So I give them the 3 flashlights that I have, they are looking around for about 15 minutes or so and I said "OH, your car keys...yea...um...I have them." The driver was just relieved and happy that I had them, but the one girl says "how do you have the keys?" I said, well I snuck over to your car while you guys were toilet papering me and took them. And she said "so you were out here while we were doing it." I smiled and knew she knew (she's pretty smart, I thought she would figure it out, I can never bullshit her in class), I said "yes" and she said "did you call the sherriff?" I said "yes", she said "did you know who it was?" I said "well I knew 2 of you that were talking as you walked by me coming into my yard" she said "if you knew it was us, then why did you call the sherriff on us." and I said "well, my cousin just lives right over there." "So the deputy that was here is related to you?" I started to smile and said "yea..."

Then they all had it figured out, they were laughing about it, "OH MY GOD, that was a good one Mr. NC, I was scared shitless.", "Dammit, you ****** you, you got us good, I was worried."

So anyway, that was my entertainment tonight. They just left about 20 minutes ago and I have been just dying to tell someone about it

[indolikaa]

You're fucked in the head, you know that?


We're proud to have ya here, son! :P

[budz]

So anyway, that was my entertainment tonight. They just left about 20 minutes ago and I have been just dying to tell someone about it

Whoas! you could make a mini series out of that one!

[pacmania_2001]

Damn, I thought my story from the weekend was going to be good when I posted it.

That blows it out of the water.

[indolikaa]

Damn, I thought my story from the weekend was going to be good when I posted it.

That blows it out of the water.

It better not have anything to do with my sister, as your signature line implies...

[pacmania_2001]

That was last weekend.

[indolikaa]

Oh wait. I don't have a sister.

[pacmania_2001]

Well she said her name was Mrs Khan... must of been the wife.


:P :P

[indolikaa]

Well she said her name was Mrs Khan... must of been the wife.


:P :P

Ouch!


Wait a minute! You sure that wasn't my Dolly? She's been acting kinda funny lately... :P

[pacmania_2001]

Well.... she was on all fours most of the time so it was kind of hard to tell. :P

[indolikaa]

Well I hope for your sake you didn't get my Dolly mixed up with Capmaster's Dolly. He's a little more 'personal' with his women than I am...

[teegee420]

TOO LONG TO QUOTE

Great story, dude! I need to move to the country. You know what have made the perfect ending?

"...and we would have gotten away with it if hadn't been for this meddling teacher!"

[Cobra]

There was me thinking teachers were too clapped-out after a week of hard work to have a sense of humour!

Brilliant story, northcat. Do you reckon they'll behave in class on Monday?

Cobra

[teegee420]

Brilliant story, northcat. Do you reckon they'll behave in class on Monday?

He has quite a bit of blackmailing leverage, doesn't he?

[Cobra]

Sounds to me like he's been more clever than just messing with them on that night. He's opened the opportunity to take it to a whole new level of messing!

[flaninacupboard]

you're just one mean-ass ************. sweet. although i think i woulda kept the keys and told them to walk home and come back in the morning. then place the keys just out of reach under the car

[energy80s]

Sounds decidedly American if you ask me!

[Guest]

You need a rock salt gun

[Capmaster]

Outstanding You played it exactly like I would have. Good story, and I'm sure one that will fuel many smart-ass posts here for some time. Look how much mileage we got out of Will Hay shitting the bed

One question - was the girl the same one you blamed the fart on the other day? Sounds like a "revenge tp-ing to me"

[teegee420]

One question - was the girl the same one you blamed the fart on the other day? Sounds like a "revenge tp-ing to me"

Excellent point. Northcat conveniently left out any possible motives for the dirty deed.

[gitreel]

[flaninacupboard]

no, i bet it was the one who doesn't wear any undies!

[northcat_8]

There was me thinking teachers were too clapped-out after a week of hard work to have a sense of humour!

Brilliant story, northcat. Do you reckon they'll behave in class on Monday?

Cobra

I doubt it. It was 2 seniors and 2 juniors. I only have 1 of them in class this year, the other 3 were either in my class before or I just know from around.

They are good kids, and I'm sure I have teased them or played enough jokes on them to deserve it. I'm sure it will be big news at school on monday.

[northcat_8]

Brilliant story, northcat. Do you reckon they'll behave in class on Monday?

He has quite a bit of blackmailing leverage, doesn't he?

I'm all about working smarter not harder.

[northcat_8]

Sounds to me like he's been more clever than just messing with them on that night. He's opened the opportunity to take it to a whole new level of messing!

Always

Kids today do not play chess. They never think 2-3-4 moves ahead.

[northcat_8]

you're just one mean-ass ************. sweet. although i think i woulda kept the keys and told them to walk home and come back in the morning. then place the keys just out of reach under the car

Well the thought did cross my mind, but I didn't want to get them into any real trouble with their parents. Plus they were from where I teach, not the school district in which I live, it's a 25 mile drive from my house to where I teach...now if it had been 4 kids I didn't like, and were out doing it out of meaness, then oh yea, their asses would have been walking.

[northcat_8]

You need a rock salt gun

NOOOOOOO......I've been shot with one of those, that shit hurts. Oddly enough I was out doing exactly what these kids were doing to a friend and caught 4 pellets, 3 in the leg and 1 in the back...this was also the night that I jumped on the hood of the car as we were trying to get away that I mentioned in the "stupidest things you've ever done thread."

While my friend's dad thought it was funny, I certainly didn't. Of course back then he was in no danger of being sued. My parents would have said "well your dumbass shouldn't have been out there in the first place and you wouldn't have gotten shot."

[Capmaster]

There was me thinking teachers were too clapped-out after a week of hard work to have a sense of humour!

Brilliant story, northcat. Do you reckon they'll behave in class on Monday?

Cobra

I doubt it. It was 2 seniors and 2 juniors. I only have 1 of them in class this year, the other 3 were either in my class before or I just know from around.

They are good kids, and I'm sure I have teased them or played enough jokes on them to deserve it. I'm sure it will be big news at school on monday.

Maybe their motivation came from either the "Red Winger" t-shirt or the under-desk webcam?

[northcat_8]

Outstanding You played it exactly like I would have. Good story, and I'm sure one that will fuel many smart-ass posts here for some time. Look how much mileage we got out of Will Hay shitting the bed

One question - was the girl the same one you blamed the fart on the other day? Sounds like a "revenge tp-ing to me"

No, it wasn't her...although it could have been several kids or other teachers that could use that as a reason for retaliation

@flan -
I wouldn't know that. While coaching 17-18 year old boys and spending almost 9 month out of the year with them keeps your mind fairly young and maintains my ability to see the world through their eyes. I can agree that there are several girls in my classes that are "hot", very very good looking, etc, etc. And if I were 17 then by all means...but alas, I am not 17...my son is , at my age (34) I have no interest in girls...I like: know what they are doing, bring it with attitude and power, get out of sync and she has the ability to wreck your ass up and actually injure you, full grown women.

I thought it was only fitting with Indo's recent lecture that I respond in this post in true post whore fashion. I'm still an amateur but I'm trying.

[Ripper2860]

Inside Northcat's "Rock Hard", "Bad-Ass" exterior -- lies a compassionate soul. Otherwise it would have ended with 4 missing children whose putrid, stinking carcusses were found after they had been missing for 2 weeks.

Wuss !!!


A hell of a story though. I do believe you would have been my favorite teacher!