squirrel dilemna

[tigerwolf]

Here's a conversation that occurred between my wife and I. I play the part of the squirrels and my wife the part of the humans. Please enjoy the little e-mail interaction that we had. Have a lovely day. The conversation actually started because I was talking to her on the phone about how this one squirrel had been running around the yard all day trying to find his nuts and was probably confused because of the leaves she put in her garden. When I got off the phone, I e-mailed her part 1 and so it progressed. The bulbs in reference are the flower bulbs that my wife planted in the garden. LOL.





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part 1: the squirrels
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It appears that the squirrels located near tigerwolf's home are in
protest to the pile of leaves placed over their food supply. It has many squirrels distraught and in a state of utter confusion. At the current moment there is one lone squirrel attempting to assist the squirrels in their plight by burying new food in the area. We believe at this time that the lone squirrel is attempting to calm as well as keep the other squirrels alive. There is still one squirrel at the time of this report that appears to be deeply disturbed over the loss of his nuts and refuses to stop looking for them. We have been informed by the union of squirrels 409 saint louis division that the squirrels may even be planning a strike and some rogue elements may have plans to dig up the bulbs of the human that placed leaves over their precious stock pile. We will have more updates as they come. til then, please stay in your homes and don't pester the squirrels.

they may look cute, but they are highly volatile and quite
unpredictable, as some have stated they are quite squirrelly.
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part 2: Humans
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Any member of the squirrel coalition found guilty of unearthing said
human's bulbs will be heavily fined and in more serious circumstances may be sentenced to death by shotgun.

Trials will be judged by the victim's human. No jury trials allowed.

No riots will be allowed on this specific property, though entertaining
antics will not be prosecuted. Marshall Law has been declared over
this state of emergency. We acknowledge that food is essential to survival,
especially in these times of seasonal need.

Alternative food has been provided for those squirrels who were
intelligent enough for advanced planning and preparation for "retirement". Though the substitute fare may be of equal or lesser value, it has been provided none the less.

Please report the patio area as soon as possible to receive your ration.
While supplies last
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part 3: squirrel's response
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Squirrel Union 409 have stated that these unjust demands upon the squirrel population, especially paying union members, who have so willing given their nuts to support the union. Shall not abide by such drastic proclamations and shall be requiring as per state law a mediator to come between the parties and find a resolve. Until said matter can be resolved there shall be no frolicking and playfulness from any squirrels.

While we do not support the squirrel coalition we shall protect their rights to exist and operate as an organization of the squirrel nation. If it is found that rogue elements of the coalition are found to be unearthing said bulbs the matter shall be dealt with by the squirrel community. If death sentence is adminstered by a human, we cannot guarantee the safety of that human nor the supply of electricity, cable, or any other form of wiring to said humans home. The coalition has informed us that they have placed a spy nut in the vehicle of said human with a gps, ground positioning squirrel.
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part 4: human's response
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The human populace wishes to express our hope and anticipation of a peaceful resolution as soon as possible.

While the nuts were not intentionally covered by leaves and such, we do
acknowledge the strain the current situation has placed upon the squirrel
community. This is why we voluntarily supplied alternative means of
sustenance based upon the quantity of effected squirrels our surveys showed.

Our experts in the field advised that although removal of said leaves and
other compost material is possible, it is also highly unlikely that a good
deal of it will be able to be removed based upon the current status of
decomposition. They have suggested that similar food and nuts be
substituted for the unrecoverable items.

We will acknowledge the squirrel community's right to self-prosecute any
bulb offenders. However we do reserve the right, as the victim, to witness
& testify in the trial, and to have a joint judgment in such cases.

Our experts further advise that playfulness and frolicking is an integral
part of the squirrelly lifestyle and should not be discouraged. Such
disheartening edicts effects every aspect of the squirrel community from
babies to elders and could have some very adverse effects.

[Kdiddy]

You & your wife have tooooo much time on your hands!!!

Entertainingg though, better than some BS debate over the quality a 120+ video that was made to fit on a 80 min CD.

As I see it, the squirrel coalition has no ground (no pun intended) on which to stand. The Humans arent forcing to them to stay there. Through several treaties, while those treaties may have been signed under the duress, nevertheless treaties state that humans have full rights to said property and that the squirrels fed on said property by "choice". Thus it is up the squirrel populace to find suitable feeding grounds eleswhere or suffer the consequences of their illegal behaivor.

Of course I am a member of the NSHA. (National Squirrel Hunters (not Haters) Association)

[tigerwolf]

LOL. Probably true. The conversation did progress throughout the day.

So you are saying you would be agreeable to the death by shotgun and may very well be willing to due the execution yourself.

Have a great one.

[Kdiddy]

Most definitely

[zzyzzx]

I say it's OK to kill the squirrels as long as you eat them.

[d4n13l]

Dude, just buy them a bag of nuts.

[wellmashed]

Dude, just buy them a bag of nuts.

I feel that I have to go with this one too.......

[d4n13l]

...but if they are those pesky, brutish North American grey (US: Gray, I believe) squirrles, then by all means shoot them. Those, how can I put this, "Creatures from Satan", since thier introduction here have reduced our red squirrel (indigenous to Europe) population down to what is now a tiny minority, by means of bullying.
Yeah, see how those "apes" like being bullied now!
LOL.


The Good,
http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/wildfacts/factfiles/picpops/330.shtml
http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/wildfacts/factfiles/picpops/331.shtml
http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/wildfacts/factfiles/picpops/332.shtml
"You can take our nuts, but you can never take our freedom!"
The kick ass red squirrel! Now thats what I call a squirrel. Note the superior looks it has compared to a grey squirrel: The elegant bushy tail, the longer ears, the athletic build - none of which are to be found in the grey squirrel.

...the Bad and the Ugly.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/wildfacts/factfiles/picpops/326.shtml
http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/wildfacts/factfiles/picpops/328.shtml
"Duh... *beats chest* I am apish grey squirrel. I big and strong. Red squirrels - All your base are belong to us!"
A stupid-ass American grey squirrel. Note the Evil look in its eyes (I bet it has just beaten up a poor little red squirrel...). Also note that it is fat compared to the red squirrel, a sure sign of "who ate all the nuts".

However, fear not fellow Europeans, there is hope yet...
A link explaining how to deal with grey squirrels. Initial queries you may have, such as whether to use a Single-capture, or Mutli-capture trap will be discussed. Also covers how, when and where to set up traps, shooting and dealing with captured animals (Eg. how to kill the fury grey pests).


PS
Sorry about the use of links to the images as opposed to showing the actual images, there are two reasons for this.
1) In the case of the American grey squirrel, it is far to ugly to look at and not suitable for young children. View with extreme caution.
2) Seems as though there is something up with posting images using the old '[img]image.file[/img]' method. And I cant be assed to look into it...

[wellmashed]

Red squirrels are ace.........

When we take the kids to Heaton Park (Massive) in the summer we allways buy a couple of pound of monkey nuts.

The kids love it when they can get the squirrels to come and take them out of their hands.....

[zzyzzx]

Squirrel Becomes Latest Fad in Restaurant
March 13, 2002 11:10 am EST

LONDON (Reuters) - A leading London chef known for his love of offal dishes is offering the capital's gourmets a new -- bushy-tailed -- eating experience.

Fergus Henderson, of the fashionable St. John restaurant, offers gray squirrel "gently braised with wine, boletus mushrooms and wild garlic leaves," British newspapers reported on Wednesday.

He said the dish was popular at his restaurant, where he also serves up lamb testicles, bacon and mash and smoked eel.

"The (squirrels') flesh is rather like wild rabbit but slightly oilier and it cooks very well," Henderson told the Daily Mail.

The chef pointed out he would not cook Britain's native, endangered, red squirrel, whose population has been largely supplanted by the bigger, more aggressive American species.

Henderson acknowledged that for some the thought of devouring the little creatures living in their back gardens was hard to stomach -- avid gardeners, who dislike squirrels for the damage they cause, perhaps not among them.

[wellmashed]

Can anybody translate this for us...........

[bilbogod]

I think it says "No one told me that the shells give you constipation"

[tigerwolf]

"these hemorrhoids are killing me"

[MackemX]

translated into Englisg from German it's bag rat of the monthly

but I'd call it a Squirrel with BIG Nuts

[Craig Tucker]

Grey squirrels have just about wiped out the population of red squirrels in the UK.

[pacmania_2001]

Talk about another blast from the past.

Posted: 13 Mar, 2002 11:57

[tenders]

Squirrel Becomes Latest Fad in Restaurant
March 13, 2002 11:10 am EST

LONDON (Reuters) - A leading London chef known for his love of offal dishes is offering the capital's gourmets a new -- bushy-tailed -- eating experience.

Fergus Henderson, of the fashionable St. John restaurant, offers gray squirrel "gently braised with wine, boletus mushrooms and wild garlic leaves," British newspapers reported on Wednesday.

He said the dish was popular at his restaurant, where he also serves up lamb testicles, bacon and mash and smoked eel.

"The (squirrels') flesh is rather like wild rabbit but slightly oilier and it cooks very well," Henderson told the Daily Mail.

The chef pointed out he would not cook Britain's native, endangered, red squirrel, whose population has been largely supplanted by the bigger, more aggressive American species.

Henderson acknowledged that for some the thought of devouring the little creatures living in their back gardens was hard to stomach -- avid gardeners, who dislike squirrels for the damage they cause, perhaps not among them.

something for a contestant to eat on an episode of Fear Factor :P