Is there anyone dumber than Phil?

[Will Hay]

True story, word for word.
Friend of mine wants a PC, doesn't want me to build him a custom (no warranty etc.) so I suggest Dell, I even go as far to pick out the model for him.
He buys the next model up, including a dvd burner.
Phil came into the office just yesterday, "can't copy a dvd!!".
Apparently, and this in no lie....
...he'd put a blockbuster DVD in his rom drive and a 700mb CDR in his DVD burner and hit copy (CloneCD).
Phil, if you're reading this (which I doubt as you can't configure your internet access yet) ...

...

Oh, and Phil, I'll try get round there Monday

Anyone top that little gem?
Will

[K2]

Thats great

but I feel for you more

[Karate Media]

Anyone top that little gem?
Will

Sure I can...I keep them all in a place called "dvdrhelp.com" I don't have them organized or anything, but if you look around, you'll find a plethora of silly misconceptions...

[Will Hay]

If I remember correctly my exact words were (in response to his "I'll see you right for helping me out" comment....
...."you don't have enough money to pay me to help you copy DVD's".

But, a friend is a friend and I'm sure I'll be helping in some form, a couple of hours won't hurt but then trust me he's on his own!

I also pointed that that copying dvd's is illegal and I would only assist in demonstrating how to backup DVD's he actually owned, of course
Will

[Will Hay]

Anyone top that little gem?
Will

Sure I can...I keep them all in a place called "dvdrhelp.com" I don't have them organized or anything, but if you look around, you'll find a plethora of silly misconceptions...

is it possible to burn music-cd's on empty dvd-discs so you can put like 100 songs or so and play it on any cd-player such as cd-players in cars etc etc? cant find any option about it on nero...
if so, what prog out there does that?

[i_am_dave]

Silky wrote: But, a friend is a friend and I'm sure I'll be helping in some form, a couple of hours won't hurt but then trust me he's on his own!

If he is a true friend, he'll have a couple of cold ones waiting in the fridge when you stop by to help!

[Karate Media]

Silky

I don't think frozen's too happy bout it all right now:

https://www.videohelp.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=156384&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=


I think we need to start a "What not to ask" thread...I'm no expert, but I know enough to do my own research and at least not ask questions that ALWAYS get asked, like "Can I make a music DVD like I can a music CDR?" I know it's easier to simply ask, and sometimes even I fall prey to "just asking", but even my humble, feeble brain can't deal with some of these posts...

[txpharoah]

I used to work tech support as a side job (to buy all my extra junk) every now and then for several years in the late 90s.

And that's a good one. But yeah, I can top that for sure. My only question: does it have to stay confined to video/DVD, or can I unload any computer story?

I have some so funny I still laugh when I type them out or tell people.

==

But I do remember one guy that wanted me to email him copies of my DVDs so he could see samples of my work. He kept saying, go ahead, 4 meg, 4 gigs, whatever, my email account can take it. Uh-huh. Sure ya can.

[Will Hay]

This is an off-topic thread.

[ZippyP.]

Here's one today: https://www.videohelp.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=156360

[donpedro]

I think we need to start a "What not to ask" thread...

I think we already have that... It's on the left blue and green...

"WHAT IS" and "HOW TO"

txpharoah, post them... post them...

[adam]

There was some site somewhere that listed transcripts taken from actual tech support conversations. The best one involved a guy who called in saying his keyboard didn't work anymore. The tech support guy said, well there's not much you can do, pour a little water in there and then dry it out and see if it works. So the guy came back a few minutes later and said, now the computer won't boot up. The tech support guy said what kind of computer is this? ....A laptop.

I dont think "dumb" is the right word for this thread though. I consider my grandpa to be a very intelligent man, he just doesn't know anything about computers and never will. He called me up one day cause he was so excited that he learned how to double-click. He may be ignorant in this particular area, but he's definitely not dumb.

[MOVIEGEEK]

Just remember we were all newbies once.I know I asked a few stupid questions when I was a noob.

[WeedVender]

Well Once, My cousin invited me to his house saying that he, with out any knowledge of computers, built a computer. He bought an Atlhon Xp 2800 out of box. and said he was so happy. I told him to turn it on. It some lights turned on and no go.. then the motherboard beeped. I did not know what it was saying. So I said ok. Reboot it..

And so he did...

The PC booted fine.. the clank, and then POP..

The screen turned black, and smoke was being ventalated by the fans.
I hit the off switch and opened the PC case.

Immediately i saw the problem, Around the CPU, the motherboard was pitch black, it wasnt red like on the other parts away from the CPU.

And then I saw the poor Athlon, black instead of purple. Aparently... my cousin DID NOT KNOW how to attach a locking pin that comes with the heat sinks and fans and just used tape,Scotch tape. Well the CPU heat melted the tape and the heat sink fell off and u know the rest.

[Bob W]

My sister calls me from California and says here computer is messed up so I tell her to UPS the computer to me and I will fix it for her. I also tell her I don't need any of the cables nor the keyboard or mouse. A week later UPS shows up with her monitor which she thought was the computer, DUH.

[MOVIEGEEK]

My sister calls me from California and says here computer is messed up so I tell her to UPS the computer to me and I will fix it for her. I also tell her I don't need any of the cables nor the keyboard or mouse. A week later UPS shows up with her monitor which she thought was the computer, DUH.

I like that one
She sounds like my ex-wife,is her name Laurie?

[Doggiedaddy]

Hi All
Friday, May 02, 2003
Funny thread but maybe even more funny are some of the answers given by some of the PHD. “tech/support” REPs at various companies back when you could get one of the dummies on the phone-line. Now just as bad, the hold time is longer than an average space flight mission to the moon would be. Well at least we did quit calling, I guess they won.

Ha Ha jokes on us!
Justmy2cents
Dd

[Will Hay]

There was some site somewhere that listed transcripts taken from actual tech support conversations.

Isn't this the dell tech support thing, or is that thing consigned to the past/folklore?
1) "you need to get xxx component, egghead is probably your best bet"
Yeah, I know a couple of geeks
(Being from the UK I'm guessing 'egghead' is a store, right?)

2) "Footpedal doesn't work" (mouse)

3) Press 'any' key

I dont think "dumb" is the right word for this thread though.

Listen Adam, you haven't met my pal Phil!
Tongue in cheek title my friend, tongue in cheek
Will

[bugster]

And everyone must have heard the story of the 'broken coffee cup holder'

[Timoleon]

My sister calls me from California and says here computer is messed up so I tell her to UPS the computer to me and I will fix it for her. I also tell her I don't need any of the cables nor the keyboard or mouse. A week later UPS shows up with her monitor which she thought was the computer, DUH.

A few years ago my boss asked me to buy a "modem" for him, so I went out and purchased a 33.6 U.S. Robotics model. I went to his house to deliver it to him, and he looked at it and had no idea what it was. Come to find out, he thought "modem" was another name for "computer"!!

[Will Hay]

Isn't there one aout the women holding up a peice of paper to the monitor and hitting send (in an attempt to fax)?
Might have well dreamt it!
Will

[Hardcoreruss]

Might be off topic, but....

my nan thought automatic cars needed no driver !!

[Karate Media]

And then there's the story about the the person who crammed a bunch of floppies into his/her computer because it said, "Insert Disc 2," "Insert Disc 3," etc, w/out ever specifically saying to remove the previous disc!

just one of many sites with similar stories:
http://rinkworks.com/stupid/


(Don't know much about it, but it's got some funny stuff)

[EddyH]

Offtopic of this offtopic thread
As a kid I always used to wonder how automatics knew whether you wanted to go backwards or forwards... (UK = very little auto'box exposure)
And also, where you could get a car with one of those cool gearboxes like in Knight Rider where all the different gears were in one line instead of a square...

Took til I was about 12 and my dad actually got an old beater V6 Rover (ooh, leather seats, 200hp, very nice.. til the valves started to play up, £2000 for a £500 car wasn't worth keeping it ), with an auto box, til I put 2 and 2 together

Hmm.

Anyone try http://www.rinkworks.com/stupidities for a good set of these laughs.. unfortunately it's somewhere you can only visit about once a year to be sure of getting a good brace of updates, as they seem to insert new ones in alphabetical order rather than sticking them all at the top or bottom of a page an intentional stupidity?
(and another section, maybe two, of similar dumbness outside of the computer arena)

Or just bug my mobile phone, or the Lanchat, MSN, ICQ ports, you'll usually find me trying to do amatuer volunteer tech support for friends and family, or even random people who pop up in DC Chat.

Such as the poor, dippy, probably blonde girl who needed help opening a video file in something other than Real Player - you know how it is, if you're not ruthless with it at install time (or indeed dont KNOW to be ruthless with it), it steals all your associations. I talked her thru first opening the video in media player to check it was indeed an AVI (extensions hidden ) and then re-associating it with the same.

Or at least that's what I thought I would do. A five minute job, surely. It ended up taking more than two hours, inbetween me very briefly doing other things while she grappled with one bit or another, before I really had to go to bed and turn her upon the mercy of the chatroom's mods... Didn't help much that her PC was win2k, but that was the smallest of problems.

Quite how someone with such a goldfish memory ("ok, for the third time.. type MPLAYER2.. LIKE YOU DID THIRTY SECONDS AGO") and a total non-grasp she possessed of how to use their computer (couldn't work out which one was the right-hand mouse button, or how to double click; had "never" used explorer or MyComputer before; somehow didn't know how to find these video files she was downloading and playing in RP... etc), managed to get to the stage of operating a P2P program and typing at a fairly good speed in the chat (including sending PMs), or indeed being able to even log in to windows 2000, I'll never quite know. Have to assume that it was a techy friend's PC who she'd asked to download something (i dunno, sailor moon episodes maybe ) and said friend had gone out, though Ms. Bubble claimed it was her own.
Please God, don't ever let her even think of aiming for a driver's license..

Oh yeah... and, well, at least 50% of the posts in the newbie forum where all the people who apparently don't know how to read live. But you knew that already.
"HOW CAN I COPEY MY DVDS ONTO A CD PLEASE??????!!"
Y'know the drill

[Karate Media]

EddyH

Omygawd! Your powers of hindsight are incredible! You should be in a circus...or county fair...

Just kidding! (by the way, I think your version of the link is wrong )


It's hard to draw that line, though, where you should be understanding of a person's computer problems and when you should just throw your hands in the air (and not with the intention of waving them like you just don't care). Having trouble with the evil Real Player is acceptable in my book, but using your CD-ROM tray as a coffee holder is not.

I used to run into the same problems when I worked at an auto repair shop. Cars and computers -- most people act like those two things are magical creations built by witches.

[pacmania_2001]

I spent an hour and a half trying to explain to my Aunt the differences between DVD and CD and why she can't play a DVD in her CD player.

I also agree with Adam's statement. Take my Dad for example. He needs me everytime he goes to send an email. However the moment my car starts to play up he is always the first one I call.

[LanEvo7]

Its ok to not know something. I mean nobody knows everything, I just don't like people who are ignorant. You tell them a fact and they just ignore it, then something goes wrong and they blame it on the item.

I knew this person who was upgrading his computer to a athlon t-bird 1400mhz, I tell him don't turn the computer on unless you have everything in place. Of course the dumbass turns the comp on without a heatsink(because it didn't arrive in the mail yet and he wanted to test his new computer out). Guess what happened, the thing burned out his chip and his motherboard. Then he goes and blames AMD for poor quality cpus...

[MikeV]

Here is a good one. Have you ever tried removing a CD from a 5 1/4" floppy drive. Back when CDs were just coming out I had a customer who received a game on a CD, his computer did not have a CD rom, so he tried inserting it into the 5 1/4 floppy drive to see if it could read it. Damages one trashed CD and one trashed floppy drive.

[Redd]

Give to your friend Phil.




COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM

In order to streamline the handling of problems within the system, please
fill out the following questionnaire before sending it in for help. With
your co-operation we should be able to provide faster and more efficient
fault resolution.

1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________________ ____

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________________ ____

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________________ ____

4. Problem Severity:

A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__

12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__

13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

14. If 'Yes' then why can't you fix the problem
yourself?_________________________________________ _____________

15. How tall are you? Are you above this
line?_____________________________________________ _________

16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
occurred?_____________________________________

17. If 'nothing' explain why you were logged in.
__________________________________________________ ____

18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

19. How does this problem make you feel?
__________________________________________________ ___

20. Tell me about your
childhood.________________________________________ _____________

21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__

22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes__ No __

[zzyzzx]

.he'd put a blockbuster DVD in his rom drive and a 700mb CDR in his DVD burner and hit copy (CloneCD).

This is what I'd tell him: