Subject: A BAD DAY at WORK!
True Story:

Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he sent his sister. She sent it to Laughline and won the contest for "The worst day at the office" (He wasn't thrilled with her for that one). Anyway, anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office,
remember this guy.

April 1998

Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at work. I know you have been feeling down lately at work so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I tell you, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. This time of year the water is quite cool, even with a wetsuit. So to keep warm we
have this diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea, heats it, and then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose that is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and put it down the neck of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage
was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under your cast. I don't have any hair on my back so the jelly fish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass! I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.
It totaled 35 minutes before I could come to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
cream and told me to "Here, Shove it up your ass"! The cream put the fire out all right, but I couldn't shit for three days because my ******* was swollen shut! Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to accidentally shove a jellyfish up your ass! I hope this makes your days more tolerable.