Darwin Awards 2005

[BJ_M]

They're back - Darwin Awards 2005 -- Yes, it's that magical
time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious winners for 2005.

1) When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would-be
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
wonder. He peered down the barrel and TRIED THE TRIGGER AGAIN!!
Yes, this time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions....

2) The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company
suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a
look for himself. He tried the machine and ALSO LOST A FINGER!!
The chef's claim was approved. (Must be one bad-assed machine!)

3) A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle
to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, HE SHOT
HER!! (Will a local jury of fellow snow-shovelers convict him?)

(As good as the winner was, this next one's my favorite!!)

4) After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not
wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then DELIVERED THE PASSENGERS TO THE MENTAL
HOSPITAL, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies!! The deception
wasn't discovered for THREE DAYS!!

5) An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When
asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that
he was simply trying to see HOW CLOSE HE COULD GET HIS HEAD
TO A MOVING TRAIN BEFORE HE WAS HIT!! (X-rays of his head obviously
showed nothing!)

6) A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on
the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened
the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the
cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The
man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from
the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)

7) A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask
and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief
yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A **** UP!" For a
moment, everyone was silent. Then the sniggers started. The
security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing.
It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw
his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief
got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory
of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall
engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a
**** -up!"

8) Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back and HIT THE WOULD-BE THIEF ON THE
HEAD, KNOCKING HIM UNCONSCIOUS!! (The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglass!) The whole event was caught on videotape.

9) As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a
man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed
description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "YES, OFFICER, THAT'S HER. THAT'S THE LADY I STOLE
THE PURSE FROM!!"

10) The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m.,
flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down
because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away.

AND FINALLY, A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

11) When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very
sick man curled up next to the motor home. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and put
his siphon hose into the motorhome's SEWAGE TANK BY MISTAKE!!
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges. After he finally
caught his breath he said that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[lumis]

looks a lot like the 2003 list.

[jimmalenko]

I thought the darwin awards were all about "ridding the bad eggs out of the gene pool" or something, and that the whole idea was that you had to lose your life to qualify, not just acts of stupidity ?


EDIT:
http://www.darwinawards.com/

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really stupid ways. Of necessity, this honor is generally bestowed posthumously.

As far as I can tell, only No 1 and probably No 3 died, so WTF ?

[BJ_M]

maybe that many didnt kill them selfs this year - darn if i know