They are really out there .......................

[BJ_M]

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order
of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half
dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can
order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me
put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they
keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all
over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do
you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy
that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to
what had just happened.

THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it
out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on
the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy."

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some
help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an
alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the
car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing
and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make
five "blank" copies.

SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the
garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing
generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He
told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a
sandwich.

SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large
bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problem s with their computers. One
night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've
got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his
head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was
placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the
suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.

NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid
to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid
some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....
Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency!

[bazooka]

The credit card in the floppy drive is funny.

[jackal70058]

I've heard these before.

A teacher told them to us in class to convince how important education is.

[the bomb]

Is this a put down women thread? I could go into great detail about the stupid things my husband did. Don't tell anybody but I have to admit these are funny!

[lordsmurf]

Is this a put down women thread?

Yes. You must have wandered in by accident.

[the bomb]

Just think about this, the Darwin awards are usually given to men.

[MOVIEGEEK]

This reminds me...kids please don't use drugs.

[MackemX]

I can just imagine people doing all those as I have come across people with that mentality

[bazooka]

This reminds me...kids don't use drugs.

I still remember "LT" telling the kids that in The Waterboy.

[the bomb]

Does anybody here think people are getting more and more stupid through the years?

[zzyzzx]

Man peed in display toilet

A Russian man has been arrested after answering the call of nature in a display toilet in a shop's bathroom display.

Staff at the shop in Kirov, west Russia, failed to act in time as the man, not named, unzipped his trousers and began urinating in the toilet in the middle of the showroom floor.

The man told police he had assumed customers would be allowed to try out the products before buying them, daily newspaper Utro reported.

Shop staff called the police who arrested the man and charged him with vandalism.

[bazooka]

Does anybody here think people are getting more and more stupid through the years?

Yes, like the man that heated his lava lamp on the stove and it killed him.

[BJ_M]

Is this a put down women thread? I could go into great detail about the stupid things my husband did. Don't tell anybody but I have to admit these are funny!

didnt notice that until you pointed it out -- one of them there COULD be a man ..

please dont post the stupid things your husband did/does , this server DOES have a limit to the amount of data it can hold and my wife would try to match your list ...

[the bomb]

Its not a problem and I wasn't complaining. Don't worry about.

[BJ_M]

well we wouldn't mind seeing a FEW things he does

[the bomb]

I don't want to see what divorce court looks like!

[Doramius]

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside.

Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home.

After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin.

The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and his wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out.

He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle.



Old story, thought I'd share.

[SLICK RICK]

That was some funny stuff BJ_M.

[Heywould3]

@Doramius

That story made it onto the myth busters.. although entertaining it was foudn to be untrue.. lol still good though

[thecoalman]

THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it
out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on
the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy."

I heard a similar one where the lady calls tech support because her "cup holder" broke.

[Capmaster]

I saw that cup holder one too. Or the woman who called and said her computer screen was blank.

After a long troubleshooting session I won't go into, it turned out that there was a power failure

[ViRaL1]

I saw that cup holder one too. Or the woman who called and said her computer screen was blank.

After a long troubleshooting session I won't go into, it turned out that there was a power failure

'...tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.'

[Heywould3]

remember the tech call that went around the net about a guy that had his mouse pointer at the top left of the screen and the mouse on the lower right of the mouse pad and couldn't figure out how to get the cursor back to the middle of the screen? this is going way back

P.S. hows that for a run on sentence?

[Capmaster]

The tech shoulda told him to pick it up and speak into it, like Scotty

[yoda313]

The tech shoulda told him to pick it up and speak into it, like Scotty

Hello,

"HELLO COMPUTER"



Remember that was a cheap mac too???

Kevin

[Capmaster]

Is there any other kind of Mac?

[yoda313]

Is there any other kind of Mac?

Hello,

Good point

Kevin

[mastersmurfie]

had to add this...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/newsid_4180000/newsid_4182100/4182147.stm

how incredibly fubar can you be to not know that you have a freakin nail in your head and think you have a toothache???

says he might start using a hammer in future.

[BJ_M]

not unusual really (situations like this are not so uncommon) --- people have even been shot in the head and not know it ...

nothing 'fubar" about that at all ...

[adam]

@Doramius

That story made it onto the myth busters.. although entertaining it was foudn to be untrue.. lol still good though

No, actually this is at least based on a true story but it didn't happen quite as Doramius stated. I actually saw the story air on tv the day it happened.

The whole motorcycle thing is not true. All that happened was that the wife threw a cockroach into the toilet and then proceeded to spray a large quantity of bug spray into it. The husband came home, took a dump, and threw his cigarette in. It created a small flash fire which burned his ass a bit. When the abulance crew arrived they laughed when they heard what happened and dropped him from the stretcher and he broke some part of his body...I forget.

Mythbusters just trys to re-enact wives tales to see if they really happen. They tried to get the toilet to explode, which they couldn't, but that never happened in the true story anyway.