Northcat eclipses 2K

[northcat_8]

I would just like to take the opportunity to say:

I farted.

[Grimey]

Wow, that wasn't the kind of fanfare that ripper2860 predicted.

[freestyler]

I thought that was jaxxboss's trademark

[northcat_8]

yea, I was just ******* with you guys. I said "eclipsed 2k", post #2000 is reaching, not eclipsing.

Fun and games aside, let me begin by saying **** you. Alright, now that we have the niceties out of the way...

You know what I love more than anything else??? You got.

Now for some of our non red winger association members...take out pen and paper and pay a-*******-tention, this is important. If you don't think it is important let me remind you....you show me a man who won't eat pu$$y and I'll show you a woman I can steal. And that's a fact. But that's OK, don't believe me. You know what, Sherry's father didn't believe me either...Linda his wife was getting magic tounge rides on the Northcat express like she had a ******* season pass.

What you need to know that a woman is very finely tuned machine. A woman is perfectly balanced and with that being true the key to stimulating the female lies in teh center of her body. Right down the middle. You cannot start in the happy valley like you want to. Slow the **** down take your time...if you warm her up right she will run much better.

Make sure you spend ample time in all areas but you can figure out the top half, stay away from the nipples for a little bit...make her WANT you to touch them but only tease her, touch them lightly...kind of like she wants but not exactly...but close.

Now lets get to work......starting at her ankle slowly work your way up the inside of the one leg, take your time from the knee up the inner thigh...breeze slowly across her and then drop down and start at the other ankle and work your way back up...a common mistake is to just go down the other side....ROOKIE ....do not do that. You are wanting to make the focus of your actions to go in the valley. Leave the beave be...kind of like sweeping up dust into a pile, work from the top down to the bikini line and from the legs up. You hands should compliment your lips and tounge actions for proper stimulation.

Now pay attention dumbass because somewhere in this process her body temperature will rise sharply, it is noticable if you are paying attention. If her temp does not spike you are not doing it right...give me a call, I'll come over and show you how. Just the other day I heard my neighbor screaming for help, so I rushed over there, ran into the bedroom where she was and asked "are you alright? you were crying for help." She said "I know, my husband doens't know what he's doing, can you help him."

Now having worked back up the other leg we are back to our target audience. Work your tounge from the bottom of the cheek of her ass, up the inside of her thigh across the big tendon and right up through the crease where her leg meets the trunk of her body and continue out over the hip bone. Once again DO NOT WORK BACK DOWN....start back at the cheek of her ass and the other side and repeat this process on the other side. Now repeat the process but this time get closer to the middle of her body with your tounge and lips. Keep repeating until you are almost in the middle. If done properly she should have both hands on your head trying to force feed you the beave by now....you must resist. Also if done properly you should not need to part the lips they should be swollen with blood by now and should be parted on their own. It doesn't matter if she's got big lips or small lips they all part the same.

Now this is where you seperate men from boys. I was watching Real Sex on HBO the other night and they were having an Oral sex class I have never seen a bigger collection of cluster fucks in my life. My god, it was pathetic. They couldn't get ice cream off of a ******* spoon with tounge action like that. IT was pa-*******-thetic, no wonder they were taking a class on it.

Now that we are getting ready to give the magic tounge ride, we need to remember 2 things. This activity is all about pressure and you need to aviod pulling. If you have done your home work you will know that a female is more sensitive to the bottom near the brown eye than she is at the top. If you have poor swelling her experience will be lacking and you fucked it up by going too fast. So in other words, the top requires more pressure for pleasure than does the bottom. ANYWAY...........

There is some room for individualism here but generally, trace her with your tounge, she will squirm when you near the bottom...that's because there are more nerve endings down there dumbass, I just said that....now you can play around here for a while, make sure you movements are slow. Make sure you involve your lips...this activity is not just about your tounge. Grab with your lips, hmm if you want, don't bite. He movements and sounds will let you know what to do...so pay attention. When you get ready to teater her on that mountain top under the hood you will find a small ball of skin, that is a very important ball of skin and should be reachable easily and does not require any kind of wierd positions. Roll it around in a circle with your the tip of your tounge. Women are very strange about this, some like it to come forward and backward, some are side to side, some like the rolling around....just have to see what type you have. Now you can finish her off right here if you want but I like to take her to the edge right here and then pull back a little and keep her at bay so to speak.

Now throughout this whole process you need to work your hands from top to bottom on her body....milking her body. Take your hands up her sides and pull down her slowly to her waist.

Do not keep her on the line too long or she will get mad, let her let you know when she is serious about wanting to rid herself of those rocks.

For an out of breathe, tear in her eye, and look of pure appreciation and amazement....once you have her on the edge a couple of times, slip sideways on her and cover all of her with your mouth, grab her lips with yours, slip your tounge between hers, pull slightly to let air in on the sides of your mouth, then breathe in really quickly as you flick your tounge at an extreme rate, stop the tounge when you have to breathe out and just keep repeating the process.

For jet propelled, leg shakin muff diving, before you begin your activity wash your mouth out with scope mint, or chew some mint gum or a tic tac mint....you just need the mint. The mint will cause a hot cold contrast when air hits it She'll love it...that's a Northcat Garuntee!!!

Now that all of her rocks have rolled...get ready and hang on because she is going to work your ass over, she is going to **** you hard and put you away dry!!! She will want that deep love and she will get hers and you are going to give it to her or you'll die trying

NOTE: If you happen to get lucky enough to catch her in her time of the month....you will need to bring a plastic cup with you to the bedroom. You are going to want something to spit the clots into. Relax, it's no big deal, just like spitting out sunflower seed shells.

True pleasure in the bedroom lies not from your own wants and needs, take care of your woman properly, make her the priority and she will take care of you better than you could possibly imagine.

[DVD_Ripper]

Didn't we just celebrate his 1000th?

[Ripper2860]

Zowie! This is definitely a keeper. I'll have to print this out and post it by the bed !!!

[Cobra]

you show me a man who won't eat pu$$y and I'll show you a woman I can steal. And that's a fact.

C'mon then. :P

[Capmaster]

Was I the only one getting stirrings of wood while reading that?

You ought to write pulp romances, Northcat

[tekkieman]

Nothing new here.......

[Hardcoreruss]

you show me a man who won't eat pu$$y and I'll show you a woman I can steal. And that's a fact.

C'mon then. :P

Excellent

[northcat_8]

you show me a man who won't eat pu$$y and I'll show you a woman I can steal. And that's a fact.

C'mon then. :P

Point well taken but come on Cobra...Gays don't count

[flaninacupboard]

Was I the only one getting stirrings of wood while reading that?

You ought to write pulp romances, Northcat

You dirty old bastard, turned on by Northcat going down on his wife!

And what's worse, you were still sporting wood while he was talking about spitting out blood clots.....

[Capmaster]

Was I the only one getting stirrings of wood while reading that?

You ought to write pulp romances, Northcat

You dirty old bastard, turned on by Northcat going down on his wife!

And what's worse, you were still sporting wood while he was talking about spitting out blood clots.....

Not true. I didn't get that far ...I was firing up the air compressor by then

[flaninacupboard]

What's worse, sporting wood over blood clots, or taking out your sexual frustration on a piece of plastic when you have a servicable wife??

[Capmaster]

What's worse, sporting wood over blood clots, or taking out your sexual frustration on a piece of plastic when you have a servicable wife??

I didn't read the blood clots part. I was plugging in the compressor after reading "What you need to know that a woman is very finely tuned machine"

And in defense of my vinyl habits, when Dolly arrives by UPS, you'll see what the fuss is about. I got new fishnet stockings for her

[flaninacupboard]

You finally sent her? man i thought she was never coming - figured you two would have a "second honeymoon" after she came back from indos' ranch...

[Capmaster]

You finally sent her? man i thought she was never coming - figured you two would have a "second honeymoon" after she came back from indos' ranch...

Indo bought her a new outfit, but it wasn't her color. Made her look "cheap".

I promised to send her to all my supporters. You ...did ....vote for me, right?

[flaninacupboard]

You, the Yankie toss-pot fuckbucket? of course i voted for you!

[Capmaster]

You, the Yankie toss-pot fuckbucket? of course i voted for you!

I knew you really cared

[flaninacupboard]

Yeah, underneath those layers of perversion and corruption, there's a little wanker waiting to escape

[tekkieman]

Yeah, underneath those layers of perversion and corruption, there's a little wanker waiting to escape

I suspected as much! :P