How to ask for help on the VCDHelp boards!

[Mirror_Image]

Community Message Boards like this VCDHelp board are a great place to get answers to your questions. There are those who will say that you should at least make a token effort to research your problem. They say you should first try basic internet searches, search and browse existing posts on the message board, that sort of thing.

I don't hold with that at all! I thought I'd share my basic techniques for getting help on this message board:

=============================

1. Be as vague as possible.

Details just cloud the issue. Try "HELP!!!!" for a subject line, and for your message text, try "HELPME RITE NOW PLZ!!!!"; this will attract a lot of the most technically knowledgeable board regulars because they love not knowing what the hell you want.

2. Respond to your own post, just a few minutes later.

In the event no one responded to your "HELP!!!" post, respond in the same thread, 2 minutes later, "WHY WONT NE1 HEPL ME????WHY???"; like pathetic whining mutt dogs, or a brats that keep tugging on your sleeve, people find this behavior adorable! Keep responding to your own post every few minutes no matter how long it takes.

3. Be very rude to everyone who offers help or a suggestion.

If anyone responds and offers help, insult them for not giving you the perfect solution that is free, effortless and takes none of your time. "UR STOOPID!!!" is always a winner.

4. Do not state your budget amount.

If you want suggestions or other input for a hardware or software purchase, by no means should you state your budget amount! This way, you can force everyone to play a guessing game; you can say, "NO THAT COSTS 2 MUCH!!!." over and over as they try to read your mind via their crystal that you apparently think everyone has.

5. Never mention manufacturer/model number/version number.

Make them guess who made the DVD player you are asking for help with. Never tell them the model number of your capture card or the version number of the software you are using. Make them guess! They'll love you for it. Just type something like, "DISK WON"T PLAY IN MY PLAYER!!!!"

6. Be even more annoying that steps 1-5.

Some seem to have a natural talent for this, so just go with it!

[bilbogod]

Oh, you've forgotten my favourite tip thats guaranteed to work. When you've found that noone replies then its time to consider the hijack approach. Steam straight on into someone elses thread and totally change the subject....
Now can someone tell me how to fit 3 hours of quality video onto 1 cdr

:P

[House de Kris]

Excellent post Mirror_Image! I've noticed that a majority of VCDHelp users already subscibe to your methodologies. It must have already been outlined in the FAQ that everyone automatically reads when first arriving here.

[buzzinhornets]

Yeah, I never understood why I see people with SUPER-DUPER-VAGUE message subjects? I mean you get like 50 characters to fill in, why not mention some details?

[preacher238]

Come on guys! Some people just don't understand or know how to read!

Now What IS the best software for encoding? What are the best settings for SVCD, XVCD, DVD, YZX, Prdp? How can I get better results? ETC ETC ETC!!

[wellmashed]

I need a new cable.
What's the cheapest shop near me.

[Kdiddy]

Can someone help me or point to the guide that illustrates how to do a straight copy of a DVD movie w/ extras that I can burn onto my 3.5 floppy disk that will play in my Laserdisc machine. I know it works because my neighbor's cousin's girlfriend's dad who lives in singapore was able to do it, but I cant for the life of me figure out how to get it to work on my 486 with windows 3.11 & 8 MB of RAM??????

[wellmashed]

I've got two 486 chips here if you want them.
You could superglue them onto the back of your existing one and have a triple processer machine drastically cutting your copying time.......

[droolian01]

Briliant post Mirror_Image!
I vaguely remember someone being quite put out when no one would just spend an hour on-line doing some remote desktop thingy, to nurse him through a dvd rip. He even offered to give you a movie - for free!

VCDHELP could start a mail service, just send your original source disc, and get it converted, all for a amateurishly ripped/downloaded 176x144 asf. I know i need more of them!

What i am amazed at is the advance that must have occured with voice recognition technology, cause i can't imagine most of these types actually typing. WHOA , NO WAYZZZ MAN¬¬!!$%^&*&

[KoalaBear]

More Tips for Toads:

You're a unique person and deserve a unique answer no matter how many times the same question has been asked by others. For best results, precede any question you know has been asked a thousand times with "I know this question has been asked a thousand times, but..."

Meaningless questions never go out of style. "What happens when an immovable object is met with irresistable force?", "Can God make a stone so heavy He can't lift it?", and "Which is the BEST [capture card | processor | editor | encoder | authoring package | burner | player]?" are perennial favorites.

Is your topic an issue of contention? Create one or more "secret" duplicate accounts so you'll always have someone to agree with you.

Your time is more valuable than others'. If your question isn't answered within 48 minutes of posting, "*BUMP*" it at least once an hour until you get a reply.

The more complex a question, the easier it is for you to understand the answer. This digital video stuff is easy, so expect several year's worth of knowledge and experience to be imparted to you at the drop of a question.

Everybody knows that the more you cross-post the same question to different sub-boards, the faster you'll get a reply.

[KoalaBear]

How to provide help on the VCDHelp boards (just to be fair)

Hints for Hussies:

Post a reply to every question whether you know the answer or not. You can become a moderator with no better qualification than 1,000 meaningless posts to your credit, so answer as early and often as possible to keep those statistics up!

Why waste 15 words answering an all-too-frequently asked question when you can berate them for not looking the answer up in 30?

Only pussies perform experiments to arrive at objective conclusions: real men pull opinions out of their ass. Unless you're a pansy with waaaaaaaaay too much time on your hands, just say "[problem] isn't [program]'s strong point" and pretend that you're enlightened as opposed to ignorant.

Happen to be caught on the wrong side of the facts? Sidestep reason for a moment and suggest that your opponent is a baby rapist. Works like a charm, and discourages spectators from challenging your ideas in the future.

Pick some poor, pathetic sap with delusions of grandeur and set him up as a straw man for the purpose of relentless public derision. NOTE: Carefully disguise the topic of your bash-thread as a "contest" you know the sap can never win. Topics like "bash the sap," while refreshingly honest, are considered to be unacceptably gauche.

There's no bragging rights to being known to think like a scientist. Claim to actually be a scientist, and lend your most basic misconceptions an air of empirical authority!

Tired of looking over your shoulder every time you go to the disco? Show other countries what a fine citizen you'd make by going so far as to run member's names through Google in order to find something to splash in their face like battery acid. Wins friends and influences people, though not the right ones or in any positive way.

[tigerwolf]

I got a quick question.

How do I burn over my dvd copy of revenge of the nerds 4, with my cd-rom drive? Adaptec keeps telling me that it can't find a writer, but the drive says 52x on it. And will the drive burn the DVD at 52x or can I get it to burn faster then that? By the way, in advance anyone that gives me help is a jackass.



ya all have a good one now, ya hear.

[Mirror_Image]

I got a quick question.

How do I burn over my dvd copy of revenge of the nerds 4, with my cd-rom drive? Adaptec keeps telling me that it can't find a writer, but the drive says 52x on it. And will the drive burn the DVD at 52x or can I get it to burn faster then that? By the way, in advance anyone that gives me help is a jackass.

;)

ya all have a good one now, ya hear.

You can't do that with a CD-ROM drive, but one thing that will work is if you put a blank DVD-R in your floppy drive! It takes a while to get it in there (you might have to put WD40 on it and kick it a few times), but the floppy drive has plenty of Mojo power and will do it just fine. If it doesn't seem to be writing, it might not be getting enough AC voltage. Remedy this by running an extension cord to the laundry room and the 220V AC socket! bend the prongs till they fit, then turn on the PC and you will have enough power.

It works for me!

[bilbogod]

Happen to be caught on the wrong side of the facts? Sidestep reason for a moment and suggest that your opponent is a baby rapist. Works like a charm, and discourages spectators from challenging your ideas in the future.

Yeah, its a hard life isn't it, I suppose it doesn't help your case much when you use pseudonyms like "Cuddly Bear, Koala Bear or Puppy Squeezer". OOps wasn't the last name one that I used before ???

[KoalaBear]

NEW AT SHAMAZZZON.COM: "Please Don't Rape The Babies," Doris Day's classic 1960 instructional film outlining sure-fire, win-at-any-cost, truth-is-the-first-casualty-of-war rhetorical techniques you can resort to when you run out of ideas. Includes: how to use meaningless evidence to support your position, comparing your debate opponent to genocidal megalomaniacs, and why you shouldn't alter your opinion to fit the facts when you can alter the facts to fit your opinion.

FOUR SPHERES --- Faux Scientist Magazine
TWO MIDDLE FINGERS UP --- Kinneera and Vitualis
I AM NOT SHIZZZON! --- Resnullius
**** 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE --- Bette Midler

120 minutes / SVCD-X / US$5.95. Orders accepted via AIM only.

[kinneera]

Or you can piss on science, insult others when you run out of intelligent things to say (dare I say this last post is a perfect point in case), and then go off an sulk in another thread like the pathetic 3-year old you are when you get called out for it. Grow up or **** off.

[d4n13l]

Koalabear, you got it wrong. It is not SHAMAZZZON.COM, it is SPAMAZZZON.COM. Hehe.
Koalabear, please keep up your posts; I find them very witty and entertaining.
I currently rate this thread 9/10. Of course, for it to recieve a "d4n13l 10/10" rating, shiZZZon will have to say "walla".

PS

...rhetorical techniques you can resort to when you run out of ideas...

Ironic.

[kinneera]

I find them very witty and entertaining.

Really? I would have chosen asinine and pointless. These kinds of posts are exactly what this forum doesn't need more of, especially with a struggling webserver...

[d4n13l]

insult others when you run out of intelligent things to say

Then you go on to call koalabear a "pathetic 3-year old".
I find your posts entertaining too.
Fact: Banter is entertainment.

[kinneera]

Ah ha...but the key distinction is that I could say something intelligent had there been something intelligent to respond to, whereas KoalaBear....well I'm sure the post that is implicitly being referred to speaks for itself!

Some people just need to get over it I think...

[gambit32]

One important tip has been overlooked...When in doubt ask for warez!!
Example: .."I'm not sure how to use CCE. Anyone have a crack for it?"

BTW....I'd hate to revive an old thread but...anyone know of any good spots to download hardware? I don't think I've seen a good answer yet?..LOL

[KoalaBear]

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND
TWO MORE TITLES FROM THE SPAMAZZZON.COM DISC CATALOG



1. Waaaaaaaah
2. Piss On Science
3. Tracks Of My Tears
4. Absence Of Evidence Isn't Evidence Of Absence
5. Sour Grapes
6. Cry Like A Rainstorm, Howl Like Somebody
Really Got Your Goat
7. You Must Be A Nazi
8. I Fall To Pieces
9. Tears On My Pillow
10. I'll Get You Next Time, My Pretty
11. Boo Hoo

Karaoke VCD-X / Lyrics Included / US$0.02

==========================================



HE MADE HIS POINT - NOW HE WON'T SHUT UP

Bert I. Gordon (Mr. B.I.G) directs this 1957 thriller about a man
empowered by argumentation with other men not nearly as clever as
they think they are. See him stomp pompous declarations of
righteousness. See him crush deeply-held beliefs that myths are as
important in the grander scheme of things as fact. See him destroy
flimsy "evidence" in the form of spectrum analyses his detractors
can't interpret, let alone refute him with. A horror story every
pseudo-scientist and his lackey has nightmares about!

Can he be stopped? Can the Amazing Colossal Ego be put in check?
Or will he live to embarrass us again?

180 lossless (okay, ripped from DivX) minutes / SVCD-X / US$5.95.
Sales by AIM only. No, I mean it. If you keep asking me I won't
sell them to you at all.

[kinneera]

Ahahahaha....holy geez, who's the crybaby here...

My oh my we sure provoked a hilarious reaction from you with "the amazing thread that proves we proved nothing"...

Did we perhaps stir up some deep seated insecurities about yourself? Are you compensating for something...

All of your comments are hyprocisy^2, but hell - keep it up, you're even entertaining me now...

[vitualis]

For all you people curious about Koalabear's angst, it's all explained in his thread here: http://www.vcdhelp.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=76114&highlight=

It's a long rambling thread but an interesting read.

@ Koalabear:
1. Do you still pretend that your "experiment" has any scientific merit?
2. Have you actually learnt how to make a spectral audio analysis yet? BTW, you never answered me on what CoolEdit does wrong...
3. Also, you haven't explained to me how my continuing tertiary education invalidates my B. Sc??

Regards.

[Kdiddy]

Clearly by now, it should be easy to tell those who troll these forums to argue just for the sake of arguing and have nothing of substance to contribute..

That thread quite funny, Im truly surprised you 2 actually put up with that nonsense for that long...

[shochan]

I would have to say that this thread has to be one of the best I have ever seen. This has a very decent chance of becoming a major flame war.

Here is another addition to mirror_image's list:

7. And if you can't get an answer, and after all else fails... Go into the OFF TOPIC forum and say "What the hell does this have to do with making VCDs!", This surely will strike up a wonderfull conversation that is sure to answer everyone of your encoding questions.

[resnullius]

I think i'm flatterred(?)! Being quoted means ppl actually pay attention to what you say, right?

NEW AT SHAMAZZZON.COM: "Please Don't Rape The Babies," Doris Day's classic 1960 instructional film outlining sure-fire, win-at-any-cost, truth-is-the-first-casualty-of-war rhetorical techniques you can resort to when you run out of ideas. Includes: how to use meaningless evidence to support your position, comparing your debate opponent to genocidal megalomaniacs, and why you shouldn't alter your opinion to fit the facts when you can alter the facts to fit your opinion.

FOUR SPHERES --- Faux Scientist Magazine
TWO MIDDLE FINGERS UP --- Kinneera and Vitualis
I AM NOT SHIZZZON! --- Resnullius
**** 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE --- Bette Midler

120 minutes / SVCD-X / US$5.95. Orders accepted via AIM only.

Anyways love the thread...
But you guys forgot something:
If you don't know in what forum to put your question, put it in every forum!

[pinoy2201]

How to provide help on the VCDHelp boards (just to be fair)

Hints for Hussies:

Post a reply to every question whether you know the answer or not. You can become a moderator with no better qualification than 1,000 meaningless posts to your credit, so answer as early and often as possible to keep those statistics up!

Why waste 15 words answering an all-too-frequently asked question when you can berate them for not looking the answer up in 30?

Only pussies perform experiments to arrive at objective conclusions: real men pull opinions out of their ass. Unless you're a pansy with waaaaaaaaay too much time on your hands, just say "[problem] isn't [program]'s strong point" and pretend that you're enlightened as opposed to ignorant.

Happen to be caught on the wrong side of the facts? Sidestep reason for a moment and suggest that your opponent is a baby rapist. Works like a charm, and discourages spectators from challenging your ideas in the future.

Pick some poor, pathetic sap with delusions of grandeur and set him up as a straw man for the purpose of relentless public derision. NOTE: Carefully disguise the topic of your bash-thread as a "contest" you know the sap can never win. Topics like "bash the sap," while refreshingly honest, are considered to be unacceptably gauche.

There's no bragging rights to being known to think like a scientist. Claim to actually be a scientist, and lend your most basic misconceptions an air of empirical authority!

Tired of looking over your shoulder every time you go to the disco? Show other countries what a fine citizen you'd make by going so far as to run member's names through Google in order to find something to splash in their face like battery acid. Wins friends and influences people, though not the right ones or in any positive way.

Actually most of these will or get u banned from the forum:
posting for no reason at all just to increas ur stutas is against the rules and mosy of these thing re to but they are amuseing i must admit...but i must close a yopic that contain this:

"Pick some poor, pathetic sap with delusions of grandeur and set him up as a straw man for the purpose of relentless public derision. NOTE: Carefully disguise the topic of your bash-thread as a "contest" you know the sap can never win. Topics like "bash the sap," while refreshingly honest, are considered to be unacceptably gauche."

[bilbogod]

Maybe a suitable solution would be to have a forum called "Flamewars". Perhaps Sean Madison could moderate it
On a serious note, the number of (how shall we say "Crap Posts") has drastically decreased since Baldrick removed the off topic listings from appearing on the latest posts page..... Oh well, It doesn't pay to be naughty I suppose