Computer geek giggles

[Shadowmistress]

What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals?

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!

[Shadowmistress]

MARVELLOUS CUTTING EDGE TECHNOLOGY!
What will they think of next?

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no circuits, no batteries. Even a child can operate it.

Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere - yet it holds as much information as a CD-ROM disc.

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each holding thousands of bits of information. Pages are locked together with a binding device.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows the use of both sides of the sheet, doubling information density. Further increases in information density are expected. For now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages.

Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into the brain.

A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet.

BOOK may be opened at any time. BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting.

A "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, to move forward or backward as you wish.

Many come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of information for instant retrieval.

You can make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with the optional programming tool, Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language (PENCIL).

[Shadowmistress]

DP Man (Sung to the tune "Piano Man" by Billy Joel)

It's eight o'clock on a Monday,
The programming crowd staggers in,
There's a user by my terminal,
With drool running off of his chin.
He says, "Son, can you code me some processing,
I'm not really sure what I want,
But it's short and it's sweet and it's NP-complete
And it has to be finished by lunch."

Chorus:

They say, "Write us some code, you're the DP man,
Write us some code today,
'Cause we need this report for the CEO,
And he wants it by yesterday."

Now, Tim at the console's a friend of mine,
He bumps up my priority, And he'll bum me a smoke or some Twinkies and Coke,
But there's someplace that he'd rather be.
He said, "Paul, I believe it's a dead-end here,"
As the smile ran away from his face,
"But I'm sure I could find work with IBM,
If I could get out of this place."

Now, Mark is a frustrated racing man,
Whose license is riding on luck,
And he's talking with Jeff who scares mopeds to death,
With those forty-inch tires on his truck.
Well, it's pretty good code for a Monday,
And my team leader gives me a smirk,
'Cause he knows that it's me they'll be coming to see,
When they find out that it didn't work.

And the keyboard, it clicks like a tickertape
And the CRT screams like a jet,
And they walk by my cube and throw pens at my tube,
And say, "Man, ain't they fixed that thing yet ?"
And the old hands are screaming to standardize,
As the patches and kludges pile up,
'Cause this place is a hacker's own paradise:
It's a string-handling-in-Fortran shop.

[ZAPPER]

Encore, encore!

[Shadowmistress]

Ok...

[offline]

me like

[yoda313]

Hi,

Nice shadowmistress Maybe you should submit those to Microsoft?????

Kevin