What do internet friends mean to you?

[Shadowmistress]

So, how much do you bond with your internet friends? Do you treat them as close to real life friends that you have or is it just words on a screen? Do you share loyalties and bonds to the limit you can get given the nature of annonymity on the net, or do you just empathize for the moment and when the mood suits you, you change the channel?

Anyone?

[canadateck]

Words on the screen.....BUT I do respect People.

[SLICK RICK]

Certain people I really do consider friends and treat them as I would treat any other "real life" friend.

[bazooka]

I considered Cap a real friend.

[Shadowmistress]

Words on the screen.....BUT I do respect People.

Then why bother to do it? What can you possibly get out of such a friendship?

If so much more is possible, to brighten someone's day, to make eachother feel better over life's woes, why not take the advantage?

[jimmalenko]

Interesting. Very good question, SM

I'd have to say that both over the years and at the moment, I have had and have some internet friends that are quasi-replacements for real friends. Naturally I think you still need the human interaction that real friends gives, the ability to go down the pub for a drink, or to the park or whatever, but I have found that I can find similar if not the same bonds with people online. That said, I still think that there's no substitute for "real" friends, BTW

If being totally honest, I have one friend at the moment that is truly a great friend. We've exchanged pics, and spent many an hour, emailing, IM-ing and talking. It seems sorta strange and weird to me how it all develops - it takes a fair bit of trust over the net, considering that it could just be someone yanking your chain. I feel like I can tell this person almost anything. I guess you sorta start off as having similar interests and that's how you originally get talking, and it just grows from there.

[Shadowmistress]

Bazooka? Where'd you come from? I thought you were MIA.

[bazooka]

Bazooka? Where'd you come from? I thought you were MIA.

I will pop in from time to time but I will not be here as frequently.

I am on a self-esteem quest.

[ZAPPER]

Bazooka? Where'd you come from? I thought you were MIA.

I will pop in from time to time but I will not be here as frequently.

I am on a self-esteem quest.

My esteem and ego say that I don't need it, but it is my id that needs finding.

[mrtristan]

I've met a few people online that I would consider "real" friends. Other than that, just words on a screen to me. I don't pay much heed to what's said online, as most people have an opinion and will share it with you, regardless of whether you asked for it or not.

[Shadowmistress]

Ok, back on topic.

I agree with jim that you have to find the right person to click with, have the same interests in common and such before a true friendship can begin, but I guess what I'm trying to get to is how open minded are people in general to forming these bonds over the net?

Is it words on a screen because so many have misrepresented themselves in the past that we are all expecting to be betrayed? What happens if you find the one (ok, yes, very hard to do) that is telling the truth for all intents and purposes required on the net? Is that fair to them?

It saddens me to see a cyber society where people can reach for annonymity at any time to wash away their sins. If such is not the case in real life, why bother to practice that in the first place? When did we forget that even through machine's, there are real people with real feelings doing the interacting?

[ChrisX]

So, how much do you bond with your internet friends? Do you treat them as close to real life friends that you have or is it just words on a screen?

On the Internet isn't like real life friends and how can someone do this as not in person.

I like something to do here and to communicate by telling my story, my experiences, your experiences to read, what someone would think, me ask questions and you ask me on anything.

To get to know someone here is good even though not in a real sense and no matter if from another side of the world.

I enjoy VideoHelp as a great place to visit!

ChrisX

[bazooka]

When did we forget that even through machine's, there are real people with real feelings doing the interacting?

When we are constantly being told to grow up, and told that it is just words on a screen.

[Rookie64]

I've met quite a few people in person that I started out chatting with online in local chat areas.

Much like OT here, it was a group hangout and others came and went over a peroid of time.

Much like OT here, some people rubbed each other the wrong way and it caused a few scenes *online* (you never saw this sort of thing in person)

A lot of arguing going on that ruined the friendly enviorment that the chat area originally was.

Even though most people got along, including me, we could feel the tension from all the fighting and it got to point where it wasn't enjoyable anymore.

One reason why I try not to get too friendly with groups anymore...'cause not only did this sort of thing happen in group chats, but it also happened on a mailing list I was on just prior to my posting here began.

And let me tell ya, when all the fighting starts happening in your mailbox - like 200+ emails a day, it can really get depressing....you can't get away from it.

I wasn't involved in the fighting but I had to read most of it.

Mailing lists suck...'cause someone is always adding their new friend to the list and you really get a bunch of people on there that you just can't stand
And it's those people who will cause all the problems.

This sort of thing happens a lot - I've seen it from the time I first got online 10 years ago 'til now.

There were a couple periods that I got so burnt out on it that I never wanted to turn my computer back on ever - seriously.

And took some time away from using the 'net.

Even lost touch with some people I wish I could've stayed in touch with.

As for bonding...it just depends on how much I have in common with whoever I'm chatting with.

I feel close to many, and no one is just words on a screen to me - everyone is very real.

But when you see people not getting along for so long...it just makes you numb.

I care, but yet I don't...don't know if that makes sense or not.


I personally don't post with the intention of meeting the people I talk with online. I have plenty of friends in my everyday life...but I do like spending some time online to get away from it all while doing other things in the process.
Sometimes I just like to keep up on what's going on.

The local chats were an execption, because they were local, and we all met up as a group the first Friday of every month at a local club...and it was fun. I went a few times.

I've become close friends with a few people that way and we're still friends to this day.

The people online were very much the same as they were online - some weren't what I expected at first but once they start talking you just felt right at home with 'em.

If you never experienced an in person group gathering/meeting/party with online friends, it's something I would definitely recommend.


I don't do that anymore though - that was quite a few years ago and the get together thing sort of fell apart during the course of all the drama.

It also became a dangerous thing, 'cause once one person was pissed off, that person would start airing personal info online about the other person or persons they didn't like...or use verbal attacks with personal info in chat rooms.

It went way beyond name calling or talking behind someone's back - it was much more brutal.
But the fighting was only online - never in person.

People at each other's throats all the time and it never ended from there...until each one just got to the point where they stopped using the Internet altogether.

It was like you just can't ignore it and walk away - you wanna log on to see what's being said publicly about you.

I got along with everyone...but once two friends don't like the other person, then you're caught in the middle and the pressure is all on you.
If you talk to so and so...then you must be on so and so's side...then you're the bad guy


The whole domino effect - and once you're caught up in it, you can't get out of it.


Everybody knew each other...knew each other's business, knew all their personal business...and the whole thing just turns ugly.


Shame too, 'cause most were a great bunch - but when different personalities or opinions clash, then it's no longer a great thing.

You can't expect the whole group to get along - realistically, they just won't.


One other thing about meeting up in person - some of the quiet ones online turned out to be the ones I became closest to in person.
I had much more in common with people I least expected to...which is the reason I think it's a good idea to meet up with who you can.

But if you're looking to meet up with online friends, I suggest it be with local people...unless traveling isn't a problem for you.

[jimmalenko]

When did we forget that even through machine's, there are real people with real feelings doing the interacting?

When we are constantly being told to grow up, and told that it is just words on a screen.

Grow up, zook ... it's just words on a screen ...

[Shadowmistress]

When we are constantly being told to grow up, and told that it is just words on a screen.

My point is if it's just words on a screen, why take the advise to heart? Don't we have a choice as to how we'll deal with people?

I see the forums as a family, a disfunctional one sometimes, but still a family. You don't choose who your parents or siblings are and you certainly cannot control your children. Everyone will fight at some point or another.

People will tend to be more tolerant in real life than on the net. But why is that? We are still the same people with the same feelings. Why can't the internet community do what groups in real life do to patch things up and go on?

Again, I don't think it's fair that we give up so easy just because we can.

[bazooka]

When did we forget that even through machine's, there are real people with real feelings doing the interacting?

When we are constantly being told to grow up, and told that it is just words on a screen.

Grow up, zook ... it's just words on a screen ...

Thank you Jim.

I think I will go suck on my pacifier now. :P

[ChrisX]

It saddens me to see a cyber society where people can reach for annonymity at any time to wash away their sins. If such is not the case in real life, why bother to practice that in the first place? When did we forget that even through machine's, there are real people with real feelings doing the interacting?

Not so much for sins and really to tell someone anonymously in an open and honest way is a good thing and for someone to tell would feel better personally.

I don’t believe a confession is warranted and good to have to communicate with someone as a discussion of something as not comfortable in person or not possible for guidance or help.

Doesn’t have to be something someone done as bad and can be something of as good news or whatever plan someone might want to share with us.

It is possible some member is lonely and having no one to talk too as a too well known understanding.

This can be on technical issues, problems on the computer, DVD burning issues, capturing issues and whatever personal, legal or questions to ask.

Even though this is Internet discussion online, VideoHelp Forum’s members are real people as real feelings are there. I can see that!

This is a great place to discuss!

ChrisX

[AlecWest]

(Devil's Advocate mode )

It's interesting to see how some people characterize net friendships as somehow being inferior to face-to-face friendships. On the net, I suppose there's safety in obscurity ... allowing people to let their hair down and speak frankly. But, in contemporary face-to-face society, the generally accepted place to do the same thing is at a bar or pub ... where people drink alcohol to lower their inhibitions, allowing them to let their hair down as if they were sober and online, hehe. The only difference is that it's easier to remain sober online than it is in an establishment serving alcohol (in some, but not all cases, hehe) ... not to mention easier to avoid physical fights or end up doing something you'll regret, only to completely forget about it the next day (since, online, your own words will still be there to remind you ... unless you find yourself banned).

The internet, though virtual, is still a "place" like any other place ... and friends (or enemies) can be made in any place. And the quality of those friendships (or animosities), wherever they begin, are always judged by the persons involved regardless of "place." JMHO

[AlecWest]

When did we forget that even through machine's, there are real people with real feelings doing the interacting?

When we are constantly being told to grow up, and told that it is just words on a screen.

Believe it or not, there are some people who cannot connect with books ... that they consider books as mere "words on paper." Yet behind those words are emotions and feelings that are no different than those we express with speech (or non-verbal mannerisms).

True happiness is of a retired nature, and an enemy to pomp and noise; it arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one's self, and in the next from the friendship and conversation of a few select companions. --- Joseph Addison (1672-1719)

[SatStorm]

Internet "friends", especially the distant ones, the ones you never gonna meet, are the form of people you are secure to show who and what you are.

Today, you can't be what you wish to be, neither you can act the way you wish to act. You have to do what the rules say and act as anyone.
So, we all end up with with a daily - use persona, a fake self. We don't even show to our mate the who we really are. This is one reason most families / couples seperate after a while: The persona is suitable in a word with specific values and variables. You change few of them and adapting is not always possible. That leads to seperation: The couple don't fuction well any more, becase the couple based on specific facts that now are not exist

At the internet, you can became - if you choose - what you really are. Or the opposite: What you really not are. You can also be what you wish to look and act.

I believe, today more and more people use internet commuties to express there true selfs! Maybe that sounds eratic, and the opposite of what the authorities tries to teach us, the truth is that in a world which you learn not to be yourself but just a part of a system, a part that has nothing to do for real with your personality, internet becames the virtual world you can use to express your true self, without side effects...

Plus, you can socialise with people that understands you, have the same interests with you or they care about the same things with you. This is a luxury, today's sociaty don't offer...

Just wonder a bit: Do you have someone to share what you really love? Rarelly... In the net, you might find few.

The bottom line is that internet friends are a nothing. An illusion. A fake thing. But it is what we need to express our true or fakeselfs.
And that is important for some people.

[AlecWest]

The bottom line is that internet friends are a nothing. An illusion. A fake thing. But it is what we need to express our true or fakeselfs.
And that is important for some people.

Well, I think some people have been putting on facades of their true selves for an awfully long time, long before the Internet. Others haven't. And I suspect that people who use the Internet to hide their true selves are only fooling themselves into thinking their true selves don't emerge offline as well (even though they might think they're being clever). In short, I think people who tend to be honest about themselves off the net are also honest about themselves on the net (and vice versa).

(Brief male-Chauvinist segeway.) Three years ago, I read an article in U.S. News & World Report on the topic of "Internet Addiction." And, it seemed to be rather one-sided. So, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, I wrote a rebuttal op-ed that U.S. News published. In summary, I noted that most of the articles I'd read on the topic were written by women ... and that most of the article victims of Internet addiction tended to be men. So, I hypothesized that maybe Internet addiction wasn't the problem ... that there was a more sinister disease process at work.

Long before radio and TV, many men enjoyed going fishing by themselves. Wives and girlfriends left at home began to refer to themselves as "fishing widows." Later, with the advent of radio and TV, many men enjoyed listening to or watching sporting events by themselves. Wives and girlfriends then began to refer to themselves as "football widows," "basketball widows," and "baseball widows." Then, along comes the Internet and a lot of men enjoy surfing the web by themselves. But this time, wives and girlfriends refuse to accept their widowhood gracefully. Instead, they suggest their men are "sick" and in need of a cure.

So, it's dangerous to jump to the diagnosis of "Internet addiction" too quickly ... since a man could be suffering from a completely different ailment -- WIDOW'S SYNDROME -- a disease where men are forced to endure guilt trips from their wives or girlfriends for the crime of finding pleasure outside their company (grin).

P.S. The editor who accepted/published that op-ed was a woman (grin).

[pyrate83]

There are those certain ones I can consider my friends even though I have never met them or had any physical contact with them.

[AlecWest]

There are those certain ones I can consider my friends even though I have never met them or had any physical contact with them.

Same here. There's a radio psychologist out there named Joy Browne who is constantly railing about the impossibility of "remote relationships" between people who can't see each other or hear each other. I sent her an email once telling her how interesting her observation was since, up to that point, I'd always assumed that blind and deaf people could fall in love ... just like everyone else. No reply.

[SatStorm]

You won't have any reply!

The truth is that men have a need to spend time by themselfs. Women on the other hand, have a need to spend time with someone else.

You see the conflict here?

I cound many people I know only from internet as "friends".
I was able also to met many "internet friends" in real life. It was a so / so result: Some became typical friends and some of them disapear after a while.
A century and more ago, people had friendships through letters. When they actually met each other, those friendships rarelly hold. I belive it is the same today in the net...

[shelbyGT]

Words on the screen for about 98% of the people. There are only a handful of people I've "met" online that I'd like to meet in real life, and those are the ones that I could actually consider my friends.

[AlecWest]

A century and more ago, people had friendships through letters. When they actually met each other, those friendships rarelly hold. I belive it is the same today in the net...

Yup. Pen-pal relationships have been around for an awfully long time ... and the only difference between then and now is that the "pen" is a heckuva lot faster.

[yoda313]

A century and more ago, people had friendships through letters. When they actually met each other, those friendships rarelly hold. I belive it is the same today in the net...

Yup. Pen-pal relationships have been around for an awfully long time ... and the only difference between then and now is that the "pen" is a heckuva lot faster.

Hello,

I would think with VOIP that may create "suedo penpals". Since your now able voice chat through skype or yahoo messenger etc... It's much more like talking to a friend who's moved to another state/province. It's just like you're next door.

Kevin

[AlecWest]

I would think with VOIP that may create "suedo penpals". Since your now able voice chat through skype or yahoo messenger etc... It's much more like talking to a friend who's moved to another state/province. It's just like you're next door.

Kevin

Yup. I've been a Vonage.com customer for over two years. And their upgrades have reached a point where any call I make in the US/Canada at any time of day is a "local" call (no fees). Their only drawback is that no one single call can last over 5 hours ... which can be a real problem if you have teenagers in the house, hehehe. But, Vonage isn't stopping there. Right now, they're in the testing phase of virtual numbers in the U.K. And once they're done over there, I suspect it'll spread throughout Europe, Asia, and everywhere else with broadband architecture. In fact, in Vonage's forum, I've heard that once people establish a working Vonage number anywhere, it's good on any broadband connection. In short, if I moved to Australia now and got a broadband connection down under, my phone would work ... though the number would be assigned to my current Oregon areacode. I could pick up my phone and make all the free calls I wanted within the US/Canada. And people who wanted to call me would only have to dial my Oregon number.

Kinda gives the phrase, "It's a small world," a whole new meaning.