Heading for a divorce

[DereX888]

bazooka, if you live in mighty US of A (the most feminist-ridden laws country), or in Canada (second to USofA) then youre fucked. Unless she'll play fair. Scratch that, I haven't seen it ever - she''l turn to usual bitch as all of them do Sorry You are fucked. You will be lucky if she'll have you go away with 30% of what you have

If you have any wealth to share, and she cooked for both of you a dinner and cleaned up your house more than once during your marriage, and if she is not a mother to any of your children - then you might be better off just running her over with your car now or let her fall off the stairs and break the neck, etc etc Because even if you end up charged as guilty - you come out in 2-3 years at most (if you'll serve time at all). Its still better option than paying the bitch for next 10 years or more for "services rendered during the marriage"

Ive seen up and close divorce of my older brother. Very quiet man who never hit anyone in his life, never drunk alcohol (well, once - when we were 17 ) hardworking and family loving (his ex was his first and probably last woman he ever had LOL) - whose only "fault" was simply making not enough money for everything what bitch wanted (last was mazda miata for her, while he still drove beaten up ford ROTFL) - he ended up without anything but all the bills and loans to pay that left from this marriage Based solely on her affidavit and her lawyer's motion the family court judge had him not allowed to see his own son for almost half a year (300 feet restriction, since she made him an "alcoholic", "psychicall y unstable" and "wife beater" with help of her close friend's statements). It took lots of time to straight all facts out with his lawyer (and monies too ). I could go on, but its pointless. You've been served oops, I meant: warned (for now, you'll be served later )


Good luck, my fellow man You 'll need it.

[offline]

Sorry to hear this bazook. Life is shitty at the best
of times. Go out and get really drunk.

[adamthole]

Do you live in a state that has the alimoney (sp?) law? That law drives me crazy. I mean , women want all these rights, and to be treated as equals....but if we get divoriced we have to support them until they find a job. That isn't right.

[zzyzzx]

I know of some guy who moved to Europe for a few years, under an assumed name. Then moved back to the US later to a different city. All of this to avoid alimony/child support. But since Bazooka is unemployed that might not be an issue. I say try to get alimony and child support to cancel each other out so you don't have to pay the bitch off.

[Capmaster]

I think too many of you are taking a "worst-case scenario" in your advice.

Bazooka said they're heading for a divorce, but isn't it better to offer ways to preserve the marriage first, and worry about damage control later only if everything else has failed?

It's good to be prepared and all, but it doesn't sound hopeless to me. I mean, didn't the vows include "til death do we part" and shouldn't that be the baseline position here?

[ViRaL1]

First of all, my condolences. Marriage is hard but divorce is usually harder. I know we get into this in every other forum but, DETAILS. We don't want to know the inner workings of your marrital life, but it would be nice to know what your stance is and what your wife's is. Do you want to make it work? Does she? You may be asking yourself why things have become so strained. Every couple has their own problems and their own reason for wanting to be together / apart. But unfortunately marriage falls prey to one of the biggest problems in many relationships; personal business or otherwise.

What's the answer to 99 out of 100 questions?

MONEY!

Statistically speaking (I'll be searching for actual hard data to back this up, but I've heard it a million times) the leading cause of divorce in America (and probably several other countries) is MONEY. It's not the be all and end all to happieness and it doesn't solve all your problems but it can cause just as many. Obviously I don't know you personally, but from what I can tell here at VideoHelp you seem to love your wife and your family. Not all of us who are / were married can say that. Based on comments you've made here, we know that you've been going to school and are now looking for a job. I also get the impression that school was your full time gig while it was in session. Having a wife and a child there's no limit to the amount of bills and debt you can rack up. Assuming that you didn't have a full time job while in school, I'd guess that your wife pays the bulk of the expenses (barring help from other family). In another thread we all talked about interviews and finding jobs. I sense that your wife may have been waiting for you to graduate and get working so that she doesn't have to feel like she's financially responsible for everything and if I had to guess, I'd say at least SOME part of the strain between the two of you may be her growing impatient waiting for you to find THE job as opposed to A job that's decent and pays the bills. I wouldn't assume that this is your only problem or even the largest part and it may even be the case that I'm off base and this isn't part of the problem at all. But if I were a gambiling man (which I usually am) I'd say this would be a big step toward bridging the gap. I was actually in the odd position of still being acuqainted with my ex-wife and her new husband (a semi-buddy of mine) as well. When his company downsized and he was out of work she didn't blame him for his loss of work. But as he was limiting his search to spefic jobs (in the field of information security), it didn't take long before things were strained. I even remember going up to knock on their door and hearing her screaming about him getting out and working at McDonald's to make ends meet

Disclaimier: In their case, ends meeting meant paying $1300 /mo for their 2BR high rise apt near the lake and the note on their 740iL.

As always, YMMV. Best of luck to you and your family. Do what you can to make sure everyone involved gets what they deserve. Just keep an open mind and remember, working things out doesn't always mean staying together. If things get too bad, it may mean that things really weren't meant to be.

[Ripper2860]

Do you live in a state that has the alimoney (sp?) law? That law drives me crazy. I mean , women want all these rights, and to be treated as equals....but if we get divoriced we have to support them until they find a job. That isn't right.

There is no alimony in Texas.

Either way -- this is certainly putting the cart beforte the horse, as I am sure there are many things that reamin to be tried before pulling the trigger on divorce.

[adamthole]

I wasn't trying to jump the gun or anything. I was just curious as to why something that stupif even exists. I don't see any good reason for it, but I could be missing something.

[MOVIEGEEK]

I was married for 5 years and it didn't work out(tried counseling,etc)...we had different priorities.Luckily we had no kids because I know how traumatic that can be.
I hope you can work it out bazooka but sometimes you have to move on.

Good Luck

[VideoTechMan]

Im glad to read stories like this; makes me glad ive never dated and marriage is definitely out of the question for me. Being single and alone for myself doesnt seem so bad after all--less hassle and sadness.

VTM

[jimmalenko]

It's not all bad, VTM

Some of the happiest moments of my life so far have been between myself and the other half, and I'm sure there'll be plenty of others here that will say the same thing.

Don't get me wrong - if relationships ain't for you, they ain't for you. That's your choice

[Capmaster]

VTM - It's definitely safer, and doesn't leave you vulnerable

It's amazing how easily us guys get led around by the glands

[DereX888]

It's amazing how easily us guys get led around by the glands

so true
most men are pussywhipped

[Capmaster]

Yeah, but we seem to enjoy it cause we keep doing it

[Ripper2860]

Cap --

Yet another example of the duality of man?

[DereX888]

Cap --

Yet another example of the duality of man?

Just a proof we use both hemispheres

[Capmaster]

Or more like the hornality of man

[ViRaL1]

VTM - It's definitely safer, and doesn't leave you vulnerable

It's amazing how easily us guys get led around by the glands

More sane maybe, but I wouldn't say safer. Married men live longer than single men. They just enjoy life more. :P Not to say that anyone should do it just to do it, attached life is just different. You appreciate life in a different way. For everyone in here that's ever been married, (shotgun weddings excluded) there's a feeling you get decide that you've found someone you'd love to spend the rest of your life with; even if you turn out to be wrong.

[Grimey]

hornality

I think you just invented a new word :P and it's a good one

[Capmaster]

hornality

I think you just invented a new word :P and it's a good one

Thanks Grimey. It seemed to fit

[bigmicka]

im in the same boat as you VTM, been on one date ended up being one of the worst experiences in my life.

then i have also seen all my friends go off and get married and after divorced.

one friend got royally screwed, he had a going away party at his house before heading off to the greek islands for 3 months. one of the women put the hooks in, he was 24 she was 33 (tick tock) they went out a few times before he flew out, she didnt give it up and he ended up calling her every day from greece on his vacation.(dont ask me what possesed him to do it) he returned early and they started seeing each other, within the first three weeks she had thrown out all his clothes and completely replaced his wardrobe for him (she worked in fashion) she would even lay out his outfit for the next day for him, so she wouldnt feel ashamed to be around him. within six months they were engaged, nine months they were married. her father gave them a house to live in, he got a loan out to renovate and extend the house. year and a half later they had a little girl, she left work but he wasnt making enough money as his business was floundering, they seperated and ended up divorced.

it ends up her father never transfered the title of the house into his name, so he is paying a $360,000 loan on a house he never owned in the first place, with child support payments to keep her in a lifestyle she see's fit. she got all the assets, he got all the debt.

its such a shame that us (all his friends) told him this was going to happen, we could see it a mile away.

he is just the worst example, i have others, but no matter what i have seen it still hasnt taken away the feeling that i have to want to get married and have kids. my parents instilled this feeling and the values i hold, im not the screw around type of guy, i dont like to screw around with another persons emtions and i have never found a woman that just wanted sex (without paying for it, not that there is anything wrong with that)

i dont have the self esteem to persue women (yet) but you have to work on it. here is just one tip, dont bother with Psychs you just end up with more questions and doubts than answers. Just find yourself a good hooker, its a wonder what sex will do for that part of your psyche, ones that want the return business will have worked you out already and if they understand your looking they will give you the emotional ego boost you have probably been looking for, just tell them your not looking for a long term relationship with them and remember that in your head or they will bleed your dry too. so you get what you expected from your quack plus you get laid, thats a win/win in my books.

mic

[zzyzzx]

Im glad to read stories like this; makes me glad ive never dated and marriage is definitely out of the question for me. Being single and alone for myself doesnt seem so bad after all--less hassle and sadness.

VTM

[budz]

bigmicka wrote:

Just find yourself a good hooker, its a wonder what sex will do for that part of your psyche, ones that want the return business will have worked you out already and if they understand your looking they will give you the emotional ego boost you have probably been looking for, just tell them your not looking for a long term relationship with them and remember that in your head or they will bleed your dry too. so you get what you expected from your quack plus you get laid, thats a win/win in my books.

nice one about getting a hooker....yuh and run the risk of getting HIV while you're at it....

To Bazooka: sorry to hear about the divorce......hope you'll be able to work out things amicably.....relationships take time and energy to keep it alive....

[offline]

and how does one find a "good" hooker ?

-edit- like everyone else I'm waiting for the sage advice
of one Mr. Northcat.

[bigmicka]

budz,

down in australia (except queensland) prostitution is a regulated industry. you have a std, you cannot work in a brothel, regular checks are done for this, condoms are used for all acts, blow job included. im not talking about going and getting a hooker of the street, which can be fraught with many dangers. is that any more dangerous than having unprotected sex with someone you know, that may be having unprotected sex with someone else? the answer is subjective, but you can see the point.

offline, you just have to use their services and get to know them, they provide a crap service you dont go back.

this technique has been used throughout history by men in teaching themselves the finer arts of sex acts. men who arent lucky enough to have the confidence about themselves in that area have had women teach them about what to do. its ok to fumble your way through your first time if your 16, but what happens if you hit your mid 20's and you dont see any light at the end of the tunnel for losing your virginity? hope to find a woman that is understanding and teach you these things? yeh right.

by that time if it hasnt happened it ends up being a major hangup, for what is expected of you being a partner in a relationship and in sex(that is unless your a southern baptist and it isnt frowned upon by your partner).

so the choice is either you do nothing and have that continually in the back of your mind, or do something about it and gain some experience from someone who has more experience in a non emotionally threatening environment, building your confidence in what you can do, instead of what you can't do.

mic

[mrtristan]

Best of luck to you. The past year was horrible for us, too.

[VideoTechMan]

VTM - It's definitely safer, and doesn't leave you vulnerable

It's amazing how easily us guys get led around by the glands

More sane maybe, but I wouldn't say safer. Married men live longer than single men. They just enjoy life more. :P Not to say that anyone should do it just to do it, attached life is just different. You appreciate life in a different way. For everyone in here that's ever been married, (shotgun weddings excluded) there's a feeling you get decide that you've found someone you'd love to spend the rest of your life with; even if you turn out to be wrong.

Well, im not sure....I would think men who live their entire lives unattached and alone can also be happy in what they do that doesnt involve other people--like their hobbies, things that will keep them occupied and not have to worry about the comapnionship of a woman. Sure its nice to have a lady in your life--IF you can find her and unfortunately there arent any single women left, and the few that are are gold diggers or the ones that take advantage of guys.

its ok to fumble your way through your first time if your 16, but what happens if you hit your mid 20's and you dont see any light at the end of the tunnel for losing your virginity? hope to find a woman that is understanding and teach you these things? yeh right.

Different men bloom at different points in their life. Im 27 now and going to be 28 in 2 months and I still havent had my first time yet. A woman who isnt willing to take the time with someone that is a late bloomer isnt the right person anyway and isnt worth the time. I am sure there are some who are understanding and patient enough to give someone who is a late bloomer a chance. Alot of guys no doubt had their first time back in high school. But there are a few that went thru school without it. In my case, my mom was very protective and sheltered me heavily so I had no friends in high school, and definitely had no chance of dating. Only thing I enjoyed about high school was the graduation and that was it.

Late-bloomers are often frustrated because of their lack of experience because most women want guys that have "been there" so therefore they dont bother to try to find anyone. If you're never given a chance, then how will one get any experience?

VTM
[/quote]

[offline]

@ VideoTechMan

have you had your hormone levels tested?
I'm not saying anything is wrong with your
attitude but clearly you crave company.

An abnormal testosterone level can stop
you from acting fully in society. Symptoms
include shyness, contact avoidance, problems
with decision making, inability to participate in
arguments etc. Masturbation levels are often
higher too.

@ bigmica

I would have thought a sex therapist would be
a better solution. Prostitutes would only give
a shit about the money and I seriously doubt
they could teach "the finer arts of sex acts" and
for most of them, sex would be a hangup too.

[DereX888]

hooker every day @$100 (a good ****) = $36000 a year
or
hooker every day @$50 (quickie, cheap one) = $18000 a year


IMO it is considerably cheaper than being married,
and lets not forget about alimony when youre paying the bitch youre not even *******


I remember from my bro's divorce some things that has been said in the court of law by his ex lawyers (in order to extort money from him). It strike me that a marriage, according to law, is a service agreement, where one side (man obviously) has to pay for all the services rendered during the course of such enterprise called marriage.
I.e. cooking dinners and cleaning the house. According to law, apparently, homework - if it is done by woman - then it has same or greater value than the job where the man was making his income to support them. For few years of homework "job" a woman is entitled to equally long, or longer, payments for such "services" from her ex husband. Lets not forget that the woman was cleaning the house also for *herself*, and she was cooking the meals for *herself* too.
I oveheard other case in the same family court where my bro's case was going on (its like run of the mill, if you come earlier you can listen to previous or next cases). The man was unemployed for 4 years, which constituted of most part of their marriage (dont ask me why he didnt took over his family business). In the same time his woman was running this bling-bling shop, which *he* inherited after his parents death during first year of their marriage. At that time he had good job somewhere I dont remember details now, but she had no job, so she took over this small family business. Anyway, to cut the story short - he did NOT get his store back, their family home was granted to her (because she made all most of mortgage payment - while making money in *his* store), he even didn't received any alimony from her (he was doing all the "homework" during unemployment) and all what he got was their new mortgaged truck in which he was living after she claimed he beat her up (and he was kicked out of there!), and a pile of lawyer's bills.
Justice american style


EDIT:
If youre not that horny to have sex every day, then undeniably hookers are the way to go

[jimmalenko]

Holy prostitution, batman !

I can't believe this thread has degenerated into talk of hookers and whatnot

IMO it's a lot like video - why pay for something when a freeware alternative exists and does a comparable (if not better) job ?

There are freely-available women who just want to ****. You just have to know where to look