Shift Change: A Short Story

[Tommyknocker]

The Setting: Off Topic Forum, sellout crowd.

The Players:

Satanico Pandemonium -- Brash, immature, self-absorbed, thinks he is invulnerable.

Cobra -- Like the ophidian, cool, calm, deadly not only at short range, but accurate up to 24,000 nautical miles. When he hits, it not only hurts, but kills.

Capmaster -- Cobra's new protege. Young, hungry, anxious to make a name for himself. Does not realize it as yet, but just as deadly as his mentor, and only wants a chance to prove it.

Tommyknocker -- Janitor. Takes life one day at a time. Likes his job, but hates cleaning up the remains of "wannabe" gurus. He realizes they did not have to come to such an abrupt and tragic end, but they just won't listen, he reminds himself.

He shakes his head as he cleans up the remains of King John, a former guru/moderator who did not listen to the phrase enough is enough, and the latest notch on Cobra's keyboard. "At least he stayed on the canvas this time. Where's his other eye? Oh, there it is." Tommyknocker mumbles to himself as he tosses the diembodied orb onto the canvas and rolls it up with rest of the remains of "his royal majesty".

He finishes the clean up, smiling approvingly at his handiwork until he notices SP still shooting his mouth off. Tommy suddenly gets nauseous as he realizes Cobra is reaching into his deck of yellow cards. Tommy had already rolled up the canvas and now SP is standing only on the hardwood floor. If Cobra decides enough is enough and lets one fly, he would have to wet mop up what's going to be left of that young upstart, once Cobra takes aim and unleashes a "death card".

But luck was with him tonight. The whistle blew, signalling the end of swing shift. He had just enough time to lay down another canvas under SP before Cobra was relieved for the day and his relief came on duty. He quickly tossed the soiled canvas, grabbed a new one, unwrapped and started to unroll it on the floor. He got near SP and asked if he would politely stand on the canvas instead of the bare floor.

"Why, you stupid little f**ker?" He shot back.

"Just a precaution, Sir, it really comes in handy. Trust me."

SP shrugged and stepped on the material, and continued to rant and rave. Tommy smiled and walked to the cafeteria and started his lunch, After a few moments, a messenger handed him a note:

"Cobra handed off the baton to me last night to keep an eye on our friend. He had to go beddie-bye. But SP lurked for a few hours without posting.

Now that Will is in the fray, I suspect the canvas will have to be unfurled once again.

Capmaster"

Tommy took out a pen and turned the slip of paper over and began to scrawl:

"All taken care of, Sir

-- Tommyknocker"

He handed the slip of paper back to the messenger who folded it and took off. Tommy turned back to his lunch and sipped some Diet Pepsi. For some strange reason, it sure tasted really good tonight.

************************************************** ***********

by Capmaster and Tommyknocker

[Capmaster]

Nice work. But you wrote 99% of that

[Tommyknocker]

Nice work

You know as well as I do I had help. But thanks for the compliment anyway. I really appreciate it.

[Capmaster]

My pleasure. And I especially like the "young" comment. I read that just as I was biting into an apple hoping my Dentu-Creme would hold out a little longer

[Tommyknocker]

Nice work. But you wrote 99% of that

We, they say genius is 1 percent inpiration, and 99% perspiration, guess where that puts you, my friend. I still say your note is hilarious and inspired this story. Thanks for letting me use it.

[Capmaster]

Nice work. But you wrote 99% of that

We, they say genius is 1 percent inpiration, and 99% perspiration, guess where that puts you, my friend. I still say your note is hilarious and inspired this story. Thanks for letting me use it.

Again, my pleasure. You're a gentleman and a scholar.

And before you guys post any "gay love" pictures, take this under advisement:

[gitreel]

Did she fall through the ugly tree or what?

Looks like she broke every branch on the way down.

[CoasterCreator]

oh Cap I got one ..polite effective and patriotic

[Capmaster]

Did she fall through the ugly tree or what?

Looks like she broke every branch on the way down.

I use it for its shock value.

I used to publish a newsnotes weekly blurb at work and I came across that pic. It was a newspaper picture and story of a woman who brutally copied the Darcy Pierce thing and gave a pregnant woman a caesarian section with a car key in order to steal her unborn child. I figured since she was a beast, her pic's fair game.

I used that same pic to make a story about "homely woman cookies" at work, and a story about the Icelandic Institute Of Celibacy, and how her picture will make it unnecessary to think of "carburetors" "during"

[Capmaster]

oh Cap I got one ..polite effective and patriotic

Ahhh, similar to this one:



Classics

[Doramius]

I'd just post this for those people.

[gitreel]

I'd just post this for those people.

Keep em coming Do.

Between the smiley on the toilet and the one holding the sign, you are on a roll. You should have been a comedian.

[Doramius]

There are times when I feel like this around newbies.

[gitreel]

There are times when I feel like this around newbies.

Is this one of those times?

[Doramius]

No. This is the time for this:
NEWBIES

[Will Hay]

Rivetting tommyknocker, rivetting.
Shall we expect another open apology to santa-monica-freeway when you decide to stand on your own and take off the mask?
Will

[Tommyknocker]

Rivetting tommyknocker, rivetting.
Shall we expect another open apology to santa-monica-freeway when you decide to stand on your own and take off the mask?
Will

Thanks for the compliment, but what do you mean by an apology this time?

[Will Hay]

Thanks for the compliment

Good answer, I'd have been disapointed at anything less.
I never considered you stupid, for all your faults.

....but what do you mean by an apology this time?

Okay, I'll bite and put you in the picture, just this once pops.
Don't believe them, stop with the bromide in the tea grandpa.
Will

[Tommyknocker]

Thanks for the compliment

Good answer, I'd have been disapointed at anything less.
I never considered you stupid, for all your faults.

....but what do you mean by an apology this time?

Okay, I'll bite and put you in the picture, just this once pops.
Don't believe them, stop with the bromide in the tea grandpa.
Will

Well, I got my inspiration for the story from the note from Capmaster I actually used in the story (used with the author's permission, as you can see). I feel I have nothing to apologize for, as SP really was shoveling the manure with both hands as was an "RCH" from the kiss of death, as you can see from Da Prez's PM. So in the words of Billy Wilder, "That's the way it crumbles, cookie-wise".

[Capmaster]

Will,

My PM to Tommyknocker was a reaction to this post:

https://www.videohelp.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1037386#1037386

Satanico Pandemonium was ever so close to getting carded. He wandered off for a while, but I figured that after reading this post of yours, he'd start flaming away and need "a-cardin" from myself or from Cobra. He was on the hairy edge already and I figured that little nudge would set him off.

I liked your post, but I didn't see him (SP) as liking it as much

At any rate, I was watching the thread so as to lock it or card the big offenders before it got outta hand. It seems tgpo's thread got hopelessly threadjacked there for a while.

[Tommyknocker]

Will,

My PM to Tommyknocker was a reaction to this post:

https://www.videohelp.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1037386#1037386

Satanico Pandemonium was ever so close to getting carded. He wandered off for a while, but I figured that after reading this post of yours, he'd start flaming away and need "a-cardin" from myself or from Cobra. He was on the hairy edge already and I figured that little nudge would set him off.

I liked your post, but I didn't see him (SP) as liking it as much

At any rate, I was watching the thread so as to lock it or card the big offenders before it got outta hand. It seems tgpo's thread got hopelessly threadjacked there for a while.

I'm just worried about what's going to happen to Mr. Hay when SP finds out Mr. Hay calls him the Santa Monica Freeway. It was cruel, but oh-so-clever

[Will Hay]

I thought this post was brilliant, but santa-clause-a-modium didn't get it
Oh, and why was my freeway line cruel, it just rolled off my tongue, first thing that came to me or is there a US thing/slur I don't know about?
Will

[bazooka]

It was a good one will. I doubt I could have come up with one like that so quickly.

[Capmaster]

I thought this post was brilliant, but santa-clause-a-modium didn't get it
Oh, and why was my freeway line cruel, it just rolled off my tongue, first thing that came to me or is there a US thing/slur I don't know about?
Will

That's what separates you from the amateurs, Will

[Tommyknocker]

I thought this post was brilliant, but santa-clause-a-modium didn't get it
Oh, and why was my freeway line cruel, it just rolled off my tongue, first thing that came to me or is there a US thing/slur I don't know about?
Will

I am sure he went through a llot of brain cells coming up with his monnicker, but the Santa Monica Freeway is a notorious road. It has horrendous traffic conditions, smog-laden, and often has some of the most severe cases of road rage ever reported by the media. It just seems to me you chose that offensive road and SP's offensive personality made it seem so clever to me, that's all.

[bazooka]

The quickest way to neutralize a situation is to agree with someone.

[Cobra]

Yup!

[Tommyknocker]

The quickest way to neutralize a situation is to agree with someone.

Looks good on paper, until you get the old blow back, "DON'T PATRONIZE ME!!!!".

[Capmaster]

The quickest way to neutralize a situation is to agree with someone.

Or ban them (eh Cobra?)

[bazooka]

The quickest way to neutralize a situation is to agree with someone.

Or ban them (eh Cobra?)