parenting question

[macleod]

Howdy all. Had a situation happen today and I am trying to figure out how others, with and without kids would have responded and why (I'd also like to know gender, parents, kids are boy or girl, howmany, and what age). Here we go:

My 35 year old son went to the park today to play. There was another group o kids, 2 girls and a boy. The girls were a little older and the boy was about 6-12 months younger than my son. My son walked up to the boy and started talking to him. The boy, for no reason, slapped my son across the face. My wife (who took him to the park and told me what happened) said that there were 3 parents (I assume one parent per kid) over on the park bench chatting away paying no attention to their kids. The hit was hard enough to leave a red mark on my sons face and you could hear the smack.

My response was "Did <my son> smack the snot out of the kid?" I was told no. We then started talking about what shuld be done. My responses ranged from having my son smack the kid back to taking the child back to his parent (if it was a man) and letting the kid watch as I pounded the parent. Obviously some of my responses were heat of the moment. My wife and I are first time parents and were the youngest in our family (and we have very different backgrounds). I am curious as to how other folks would have handled the situation, have they experienced it, etc. Thoughts, opinions, stories ae welcomed.

[thayne]

35 year old son playing with kids at the park???? wtf?

[freestyler]

Is your son 3 years old, or 5 years old?

[Tiny71]

35 year old son playing with kids at the park???? wtf?

Ditto

[indolikaa]

My wife and I are 32, no kids. She worked as a preschool teacher for 10 years before we moved to Arizona. I consider her as much an expert on parenting as anyone else, since she spent upwards of 12 hours per day with many of those kids.


Your child was bullied. I was bullied growing up, and it wasn't until I finally stood up for myself and popped a kid in the face that other kids finally left me alone. It cost me a long-term suspension and a forced transfer to another school, but I came out of it a better man. But it took me many years of taunting and physical violence to finally take a stand and defend myself.

A child can be made to understand when it is appropriate to offer an olive branch, when it's appropriate to walk away, and when it's appropriate to stand their ground. If some punk-ass kid had come up to your child and started calling them names, that's a good time to walk away. But when physical violence is initiated, I'm sorry, but the child must learn to protect themselves and stand their ground. Otherwise, they become Bantha Fodder when other kids learn that s/he can be picked on.

My oldest niece is getting to that age where she'll start playing with other children. I expect and demand that when she's in my care, other parents had better do their ******* jobs. It's called parenting, and if you're not willing to donate all of your time to the task at hand, someone should've swallowed.


As for walking over and smacking the inattentive parents? I know I would have. Hopefully not in front of my niece, but if it were to happen that way, so be it.

[Shocker Milwaukee]

Your son is 35. Let go already.

[macleod]

OK guys. I can take a little jabbing here, but come on. Just a little (hmm, he must've fat fingered the keyboard and meant 3.5 years old). My son is 3 and a half years old.

I had a similar thing when I was a kid. It is one of those life altering moments. There was a bully in my school that made my life a living hell from 3rd grade till about 10th grade. The kid (and his buddy) flunked 2 years in a row (which I swore was just to wait until I got into their grade because amazingly, they kept graduating to the next grade after they were in my grade). I wont bore anyone with the details, but out on a soccer field a situation with this person once again occurred and I had my fill. Thankfully, I had warned my coach that he if tried anything, he was going to get it. When it all went down, my coach just sat there and watched (I might add with a BIG shit eatin' grin on his face). The bully and his friend faded into obscurity afterwards. It gave others the nerve to stand up to them (and those guys would threaten to get me involved if they picked on them).

enough remember whens....I think that parents should take some responsibility for their kids. Dont take them to the park and then ignore them and allow them to do who knows what. If my child hauled of and whacked some kid(for no reason and if maybe the reason didnt justify the smack), I would scold him and make him apologize. I would take him home and give him a time out (my wife doesnt want me to spank him).

[zzyzzx]

Everything that you really need to nkow about parenting is here.

[thayne]

I would have went right over and scollded the other kid, then his mother when she began freaking out.

I advocate self defense too. One of my sons was suspended for defending himself once, so I took the day off and took him to magic mountain.

[HRMaddie]

I am pretty new at the parenting business, too. I have a 2 year old daughter. I am on the other end of the spectrum. Unfortunately my daughter has taken to hitting and biting. I blame this on daycare, not on the way we have raised her. I would like to point out my wife and I are not the trash you would see on Cops. We both have college degrees and she has a doctorate, which doesn't mean much these days I just don't want us to look like idiots.

Each time she has bitten another child, which has only been about three or four times she has received time out, made to apologize (she can't really say I'm sorry just yet) and receives a spanking if I or my wife are around. So far she hasn't bitten anyone in about three to four months. About two months ago she pushed another child out of the way to get on a slide, well she was spanked and made to apologize and then had to watch the other little girl get on the slide before her. Her behavior is dramatically improving. Now she is two and thows fits quite frequently.

Anyway, if I were you I would have walked over to the other parents and in a rather stern voice expressed my displeasure. Hopefully the other parent would have taken some corrective action. If not, there is not much you can do expect teach your kid to hit back and that is totally up to you. Unfortunately we live in a society where spanking another child would get you thrown in jail.

[gshelley61]

I blame this on daycare, not on the way we have raised her. I would like to point out my wife and I are not the trash you would see on Cops. We both have college degrees and she has a doctorate, which doesn't mean much these days I just don't want us to look like idiots.

Any way one of you (preferably Mom) could stay home with your daughter and delay career aspirations a couple of years until she is in grade school? It might require a bit more of a modest lifestyle, but you will save a ton on daycare and you will in fact have the vast majority of influence and control over your child/children that way. It will make a big difference in your daughter's behavior, for sure. Toddlers don't need to "socialize" with a room full of bratty, noisy kids all day long. They want to be with their mothers. It's as simple as that, really. Seeing both parents heading off to work every day sends the message that work is more important than she (your daughter) is. You only have one chance to raise your daughter. There's plenty of time for work after she gets to a certain age.

[HRMaddie]

In June 2005, I am quitting my job and staying home. Hopefully we will have another little baby in the house. I can't quit my job right now because I am making more money. My wife can't quit because she is in her last year of residency.

[budz]

zzyzzx gave this link:

http://maddox.xmission.com/beat.html

Let me tell you what a dumb thing to post. I work with dysfunctional families which are from child abuse cases. Joking or not I didn't think that was funny at all.

Getting back to the thread. I would have gone over to that kids parent & explained what happened and demand the kid & parent apologize. Half the time in parks the parents aren't even watching their kids.

A good example is of that father in Wisconsin who was at a lake with his 2 daughters age 3 and 5. They almost drowned in the lake because the DUMBASS was busy cleaning his weed pipe. In the courtroom he told the judge there were many others at the lake that could have saved his daughters. Now I call that a FARKIN ASSWIPE OF A MAN!!!

I agree with teaching kids self defense. I don't agree with the you hit me then I'd hit back because it doesn't solve anything. Violence never does.

[DVD_Ripper]

I would have went right over and scollded the other kid, then his mother when she began freaking out.

Ditto.... I would have walked my son back over to the little boy and asked why he hit and then requested an apology.. Then, if the mother was still yacking away, I would walk the other boy over to her and tell her what he little darling did. (If she responded with a "he probably deserved it" type of attitude she would get a few FU's)

The same thing happened to my 3 year old in school. He walked over to a boy to play and that boy pushed his back as to make his mouth connect with a desk.... yes, blood, fat lip and all. I believe my wife had the teacher call the parents of the other kid .... When my wife drove him home he was so sad... "All I wanted to do was play with him" he kept saying over his tears and crying.... It was very sad.

One suggesstion... never grab another kids arm or hit another child in retaliation.

[gshelley61]

In June 2005, I am quitting my job and staying home. Hopefully we will have another little baby in the house. I can't quit my job right now because I am making more money. My wife can't quit because she is in her last year of residency.

Sounds like a good plan. Good luck and have fun with the kids!

[Guest]

OK guys. I can take a little jabbing here, but come on. Just a little (hmm, he must've fat fingered the keyboard and meant 3.5 years old). My son is 3 and a half years old.

I had a similar thing when I was a kid. It is one of those life altering moments. There was a bully in my school that made my life a living hell from 3rd grade till about 10th grade. The kid (and his buddy) flunked 2 years in a row (which I swore was just to wait until I got into their grade because amazingly, they kept graduating to the next grade after they were in my grade). I wont bore anyone with the details, but out on a soccer field a situation with this person once again occurred and I had my fill. Thankfully, I had warned my coach that he if tried anything, he was going to get it. When it all went down, my coach just sat there and watched (I might add with a BIG shit eatin' grin on his face). The bully and his friend faded into obscurity afterwards. It gave others the nerve to stand up to them (and those guys would threaten to get me involved if they picked on them).

enough remember whens....I think that parents should take some responsibility for their kids. Dont take them to the park and then ignore them and allow them to do who knows what. If my child hauled of and whacked some kid(for no reason and if maybe the reason didnt justify the smack), I would scold him and make him apologize. I would take him home and give him a time out (my wife doesnt want me to spank him).

Bullys are easy to handle.I learned that early on. In 2nd grade I transfered to public school. Being the new kid I was a target. A bully and his crew kicked my ass for a week at recess. The teacher didnt give a shit.Until...I dropped the ****** will a well placed stone to the forehead. Teachers sure took note then No one fucked with me after that

[SquirrelDip]

I've got a 3.5 year old son and a 16 year old step-daughter. Overall I agree with indolikaa in that your kid is going to have to learn to stand up for himself but at that age kids are experimenting. If this is the first time you witnessed this then you really don't know the background of the other child - if this was an ongoing thing then the other parent would need some serious discussions.

My background is a university grad, my wife’s is high school - we both work full time, 3.5 year old is in daycare.

If this were to happen to me I would walk the two children to the parent of the other kid and explain what had happened. I would show that I was concerned and that I thought it was serious - I would try not to get angry (depends on the reaction of the other parent). It would be up to the other parent to discipline their kid - that's not your place.

It's difficult to teach your kid to stand up for themselves and at the same time not be the bully themselves. Right now we are having a small problem with ours pushing and we're talking to him explaining how bad it is to push - if it persists, or gets worse, then a spank will be in order. Yes, I believe in spanking - kids are simple people.

[indolikaa]

A good example is of that father in Wisconsin who was at a lake with his 2 daughters age 3 and 5. They almost drowned in the lake because the DUMBASS was busy cleaning his weed pipe. In the courtroom he told the judge there were many others at the lake that could have saved his daughters. Now I call that a FARKIN ASSWIPE OF A MAN!!!

I would've met him at the steps of the courthouse one morning and just unloaded on him. THAT kind of stupidity should merit removing the children from the house.