Inter Office Memo

[thayne]

Dear Staff,

Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations
implemented to raise the efficiency of our company.

ATTIRE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your
salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci
bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you
do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do
not need a raise.

If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more
so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
meal to maintain their average figure.

The heavy people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the
time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is
now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls.

At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet
paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture
will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will
be posted on the company bulletin board under the
"Chronic offenders" category.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions,
comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplation,consternation and input should be directed to the

Unemployment Offices.

Have a nice day.

[tekkieman]

Sounds like a few places I've worked. Much happier now. Can wear shorts and t-shirts to work, shoes are optional. Work days are whatever days you need to be there to get your work done. Except for Fridays. As the company pays for lunch on Fridays, all employess who have nothing better to do are expected to attend. However, since company provided lunch is not provided until 2:00PM, you are strongly encouraged to take lunch at the normal noon hour. Please return by 2:00 for the company lunch!

Drinks and snacks are provided to all employees on a daily basis (for those at the office).

[stiltman]

Sounds like a few places I've worked. Much happier now. Can wear shorts and t-shirts to work, shoes are optional. Work days are whatever days you need to be there to get your work done. Except for Fridays. As the company pays for lunch on Fridays, all employess who have nothing better to do are expected to attend. However, since company provided lunch is not provided until 2:00PM, you are strongly encouraged to take lunch at the normal noon hour. Please return by 2:00 for the company lunch!

Drinks and snacks are provided to all employees on a daily basis (for those at the office).

Sounds like Microsoft

Got 3 friends that work for MS

[tekkieman]

Sounds like a few places I've worked. Much happier now. Can wear shorts and t-shirts to work, shoes are optional. Work days are whatever days you need to be there to get your work done. Except for Fridays. As the company pays for lunch on Fridays, all employess who have nothing better to do are expected to attend. However, since company provided lunch is not provided until 2:00PM, you are strongly encouraged to take lunch at the normal noon hour. Please return by 2:00 for the company lunch!

Drinks and snacks are provided to all employees on a daily basis (for those at the office).

Sounds like Microsoft

Got 3 friends that work for MS

Maybe that's where they got the idea. We are a Microsoft Solutions Partner. Great benefit of free M$ software.

[Cobra]

thayne! Do you work at Sainsbury's too?

[DVD_Ripper]

That was good

When I came to PA I went to work for a small computer peripheral mfg - (digitizers) and was happy... then a new national sales manager (read: *******) and a new SVP of sales (read: Napoleon) and every thing started to change.... I was there a total of 6 years and after they showed up I bailed in 4 months.... they implemented more shit rules than you can believe. SUCKED.

Happy now... at a F-500 company in the Philly Burbs -- granted I'm just a 5 digit number to them but I like what I'm doing