Newbies 104: The Post Whore

[teegee420]

Well boys, this is my 3000th post! I figured that this was probably the most appropriate thread to reach the milestone with.

[glockjs]

yes my friend teegee, you have reached another level of whoredom. just like the greats. i would say its perfect specially in an indo thread

[Doramius]

Good evening, students.


I have returned from my sojourn to the Holy Lands, and Dr. WankHer has brought me up to speed on your performace during Newbies 104. I am, needless to say, impressed with your grasp of the newbie concept, and while I would prefer that certain of you would not grasp each other during class, I cannot ask for everything.

Let us begin.


Capmaster is a Promising Post Whore. While there is no question he will attain True Post Whore status, his climb to the top is limited only by his time on this forum. Capmaster has demonstrated versatility and skill in all five talents, and although we do not feel his Staff ass-kissing is completely up to par, he still has ample opportunity to work on this very important skill. Expect a rapid promotion to True Post Whore once he completes his 6-month newbie probation period at videohelp.com, as his current Off-Topic posting of 61% (1284 of 2086 posts) is most impressive. We are hoping to arrange a dual celebration of Capmaster's rise to the status of True Post Whore in tandem with Dr. Khan's 5,000th post at videohelp.com God help us if it happens.

Dr. Gee is also a Promising Post Whore. Although a member for nearly 3 years, Dr. Gee has only recently entered the foray known as the Off-Topic forum. And he has done so with honor and dignity amongst his fellow Whores. We have yet to see any evidence that the good doctor has donated his share of money to this fabulous social gathering, but in due time, he will see the value of giving back to his community. I would personally like to see Dr. Gee take a more active role in the flaming department, but this particular skill takes time and dedication, and I believe the doctor is up to the task. If Dr. Gee would spend more time here and less time at medical seminars, he could attain the rank of True Post Whore in no time. We are pleased with his Off-Topic posting of 70% (501 of 708 posts).

flaninacupboard is a True Post Whore. In fact, he is only a few critical steps away from being crowned a Master of the Discipline. Do not be fooled by his Off-Topic posting of 39% (908 of 2314 posts) because flan spent a majority of his time actually helping other people before he fell to the Red Side. Like many Post Whores, we would like to see flaninacupboard make a more concerted effort to kiss some Staff ass, but overall there is nothing to be truly disappointed in his performance. And he claims British ancestry, which automatically gives him the benefit of the doubt in such matters. And did I mention his mastery of vulgarity?

FulciLives is a True Post Whore. In fact, there was much discussion prior to faculty meeting as to whether or not FulciLives is a Master of the Discipline. There is so much to be proud of in this one individual: he has demonstrated an exceptional ability to kiss-ass with Staff, his use of vulgarity is considered reverent on these boards, and in terms of being an Artist of Disrespect, he stands only one pedestal step below Dr. Khan himself. And his knowledge of the hobby is most impressive. FulciLives is the model by which many members should study, should they choose the Post Whore route at videohelp.com. Don't be fooled by his 15% Off-Topic posting (543 of 3516 posts) as FulciLives is a master of Post-Whoring in the On-Topic forums.

indolikaa is a True Post Whore. You may be surprised that such a fine example of the human race is not considered the Master of the Discipline, especially considering his 44% Off-Topic postings (1536 of 3429 posts). His ability to kiss-ass with Staff is legendary, particularly his self-righteous stand on donating money to The Cause. Nobody will argue his grasp on vulgarity and it's importance in day-to-day communications. And when you spend as much time at videohelp.com as this individual does, how could you not have mastered the art of efficiently wasting time? And while we're talking about art, name another individual whose has perfected the art of disrespect with more vision and insight than Dr. Khan. If the honorable Professor would only be willing to share more of his knowledge in this wonderful hobby, particularly his 12+ years of experience in digital audio post-production, he could truly be considered a Master of the Discipline.

northcat_8 is a True Post Whore. And our basis for this ranking has nothing to do with his Off-Topic posting of 47% (603 of 1264 posts). It has everything to do with his amazing ability to steer any conversation into an Off-Topic orgy of Red Wings, inflatable wet dreams, and nightmares of the modern high school faculty. We here at Snowflake University are not sure when it was last recorded that northcat_8 actually posted something On-Topic (our graduate assistant firmly believes this may have happened when Michael Jackson could still be considered a "man" in terms of sexual endowments) but we believe his disregard for the actual purpose of this forum is of no consequence. Northcat_8 is an example of what Post-Whoring is all about, and Baldrick should pin a fuckin' medal on his chest for it.

offline is a True Post Whore. Yes, you read correctly, the videohelp.com community has a Post-Whoring moderator. For reasons the United States government won't discuss, offline disappeared from the videohelp.com forums for a time. We firmly believe he was on assignment for the British government infiltrating a covert terrorist group hellbent on cloning transsexual blow-up doll technology from France. Nonetheless, he has returned, and his return has glamorized the Post Whore community. With a firm grasp on the finer points of vulgarity, offline has taken the art of disrespect to new levels. We do realize his Off-Topic posting of 19% (242 of 1261 posts) is shameful, but remember, moderators are supposed to try and stand above the rest of the crowd. Offline has managed to blend the line between moderator decency and Post-Whoring in a way that must bring a tear to Baldrick's eyes.

Ripper2860 is a Promising Post Whore. He's only been onboard for seven months, but he's found a niche, and every Post Whore needs their niche. Dr. WankHer and I would like to see Ripper place more emphasis on kissing ass with Staff, but no further work is necessary on his grasp of vulgarity or his ability to float disrespect. With an Off-Topic posting of 43% (359 of 819) he needs to cross the 1,000-post threshhold to cash-in on immediate Veteran status, at which time we look forward to a showdown between the Ripper, the Flan and the 'Cat. Make no mistake, Ripper's future at videohelp.com is sure to be one of rewarding Post-Whoring, righteous Flaming, and hideous flogging of vinyl companions.

SatStorm is a True Post Whore by proxy. As one of the founding members of this fabulous community, SatStorm has proven time and again that he is not only one of the most knowledgable members in the digital video world, he can make most grown men cry with his proficiency in vulgarity and his absolute mastery of disrespect. His recent ascention to moderatorship has only glorified those who worship Foghorn Leghorn. Yes, his Off-Topic posting of just under 5% (93 of 1954 posts) is embarrassing to the average Post Whore, but we are not average Post Whores are we? Not all men can be judged by a simple set of rules, and although he doesn't technically qualify for Post Whore status, some of our fellow members deserve honorary mention for their collected works. SatStorm is one of them. We raise our glasses to you, SatStorm, and cheer in unison, "**** the Greeks!"

teegee420 is, after much discussion, a True Post Whore. We have waived the mandatory six-month probation period for this indivdual because of his sheer abilities. With an impressive 21% Off-Topic posting (619 of 2934 posts) for such a new member, what sets teegee apart from the rest of us is absolute committment to the Post Whore community. He meets all five of the bsic requirements for Post Whores, with an emphasis on disrespecting stupid people that has made Dr. Khan particularly proud. Vulgarity and teegee is like northcat_8 and Tampax, or Capmaster and vinyl. It just goes together perfectly. His knowledge of the hobby spans several of the more common and uncommon facets, and his willingness to admit his MAME heritage is of particular importance to those of us who thought the 1980's should live forever. There isn't much we'd like to see teegee improve upon. Just keep your hands on the wheel teegee, and there'll be plenty of newbies to smash along the way to videohelp.com utopia.


There are other members of this community whose names were not mentioned. We will, over time, discuss some of these individuals, and their value to the videohelp.com Post Whore.

Thank you for attendance, and your willingness to learn. I will see you all at Newbies 105: Socializing with the Moderators, over the Memorial Day Weekend.


Dr. Indolikaa Khan
Snowflake University

I'm severely limited by time, so I guess I fall under Post Whore Limited. Got the spirit and the percentages, but not the numbers to make it happen due to restrained time and availability. Kind of the low end of the ladder, but still with pride and dignity in Post Whoredom.

[teegee420]

I'm severely limited by time, so I guess I fall under Post Whore Limited. Got the spirit and the percentages, but not the numbers to make it happen due to restrained time and availability. Kind of the low end of the ladder, but still with pride and dignity in Post Whoredom.

I'm certain that you will go quite far in your whoring endeavors.

[VCDHunter]

I'm severely limited by time, so I guess I fall under Post Whore Limited. Got the spirit and the percentages, but not the numbers to make it happen due to restrained time and availability. Kind of the low end of the ladder, but still with pride and dignity in Post Whoredom.

I'm certain that you will go quite far in your whoring endeavors.

You just can't help yourself, can you ?

[offline]

I'm certain that you will go quite far in your whoring endeavors.

teegee420, metaphorically your legs are spread wider than your shoulders. I salute you