Definitely Not Oprah's Magazine...

[indolikaa]

My wife brings home a copy of the March 2004 edition of Cosmopolitan magazine today.

She wants me to read the article starting on page 143. I'm content just to throw the thing in the fireplace and use it for tonight's batch of kindling, but she's got this look in her eye...



And the funny thing? I see 6th-grade girls at Wal-Mart reading this magazine in the checkout lines all the time. And I'm ignorant enough to think this type of a magazine was full of fashion tips and cooking ideas.

Damn, I'd probably get issued a formal warning for posting material from this magazine!

[BJ_M]

you didnt post anything so hard to say what you are talking about ..

[mastersmurfie]

one of my ex-girlfriends used to ask me to read some of the "techniques" articles in Cosmo...enough to make a grown man blush...

[makntraks]

one of my ex-girlfriends used to ask me to read some of the "techniques" articles in Cosmo...enough to make a grown man blush...

NEVER!!!!!
I make them blush 8)

makntraks

[indolikaa]

you didnt post anything so hard to say what you are talking about ...

Yeah, I just noticed that...


Title: Give Him the Best Sex of His Life

We got men to describe in hot detail the bedroom tricks used by the most magnificent lovers they've ever had. Here, the ways to tease and please every naughty inch of him - by Andrea Scott

Ask your man what booty moves really blow his mind and he'll respond with an enthusiastic "Everything you do is great, baby." But something tells you he has some carnal craving he's not sharing. Your intuition, as usual, is right. Even shy guys have a secret between-the-sheets wish list. So we prodded sexy studs to reveal the 75 toe-curling acts that are on their pleasure menus. Figure out your guy's favorites by trying every single one.

* Come to bed wearing nothing but one of my oversized tee shirts. Then let me discover you don't have any panties on.

* While we're kissing, draw my tongue into your mouth, then suck the tip. It makes me think of what you'll do to my other tip.

* One word: Brazilian. If you do it once, I'll have a year's worth of fantasy material.

* Leave an X-rated message on my cell about what you want me to do to you.

* Open your legs wide so I can see your most intimate parts, then show me the pressure and speed that takes you to O-town.

* Place my hands on your breasts. I don't care if you're naked or wearing a sweater. It's a bold move that always gets me going.

* Take off your jeans, then ask me to slide your panties down your legs.

* Stiffen your tongue and slowly lick my neck, right over my Adam's apple.

* Run your fingers through my hair. Sounds tame, but it sends shivers down my spine.

* Let me suck on your nipples through a tee shirt. It will feel like you're back in high school and this is as far as you'll let me go.

* Genty bite my bottom lip as we ease out of a make-out session. It's electrifying.

* Next time we're at a stuffy event, whisper your filthiest secret to me.

* Leave the bedroom door open so I can secretly watch you undress.

* If you're wearing a red G-string and a lacy bra one night then the next night you're in cotton short shorts, I'll be constantly aroused because I won't know what to expect.

* As we're going at it in the Missionary position, wrap your legs around my back and dig your heels into my butt.

* When I'm in the shower, get in behind me, lather up your hands, then run your soapy fingers along my shaft.

* Place my hand between your legs. Feeling that wetness is so damned hot.

* Tell me how good I feel inside you.

* Get down on all fours in front of a full-length mirror, then let me take you doggie-style while we watch ourselves.

* Tie my hands together or blindfold me with the thong you just took off.

* Place a pillow under your butt before I go down on you. With your hips at an angle, I can please you longer.


And there's still 1½ pages to go...

[mastersmurfie]

[teegee420]

Get down on all fours in front of a full-length mirror, then let me take you doggie-style while we watch ourselves.

Never thought I'd say this, but God bless you, Cosmo!

[indolikaa]

Get down on all fours in front of a full-length mirror, then let me take you doggie-style while we watch ourselves.

Never thought I'd say this, but God bless you, Cosmo!

I was reminded of the Bloodhound Gang song when I was typing that one...

"...so let's do it doggie-style so we can both watch X-Files..."

[mastersmurfie]

Get down on all fours in front of a full-length mirror, then let me take you doggie-style while we watch ourselves.

Never thought I'd say this, but God bless you, Cosmo!

between the , yep...my sentiments exactly...

<off off topic...> teegee420...wasn't quite sure about your sig til I watched Kill Bill last night...Chiaki Kuriyama is just freakin' hot!!

"Chestnut mountain with full brightness"

I was reminded of the Bloodhound Gang song when I was typing that one...

"I'd appreciate your input"

[housepig]

* One word: Brazilian. If you do it once, I'll have a year's worth of fantasy material.

wtf?

I'm lost on this one....

[indolikaa]

* One word: Brazilian. If you do it once, I'll have a year's worth of fantasy material.

wtf?

I'm lost on this one....

So am I.

[housepig]

So am I.

... which is frustrating, because I'm usually up on terminology for matters carnal.

this is starting to piss me off. partially because I work at a social service organization, so doing a google search for likely answers right now might get me fired.

[indolikaa]

Please pass along anything of noteworthy.


Me and the Misses thought of two possibilities: burly Amazonian women who are aggressive with their mates, and Brazilian transsexuals...

[pacmania_2001]

Do a google search for a "Brazilian Wax" job.

Basically involves leaving a tiny strip of hair in the bikini area.

[pacmania_2001]

What Is a Brazilian Wax?
A Brazilian wax removes everything in your nether regions, front and back, leaving you completely smooth everywhere under your underwear. With a Brazilian wax, you'll never have to worry about "escaping tendrils" again.

Before you commit yourself to this little endeavor, be warned that most women don't find it comfortable. You'll be having hair ripped out from the roots on your most sensitive and intimate regions. Imagine your eyebrow waxing, only three times as long and in an area ten times as sensitive.

Why, you ask, would you do this to yourself? Well, to be honest, the pain isn't all that bad, and the results are undeniable. You'll have a smooth, bump-free bikini area that looks fabulous in a bathing suit or au natural. Plus, you and your partner will probably find it incredibly erotic!

A Brazilian wax is not something you should undertake at home; it's definitely a salon procedure. You'll never be able to reach all the spots and crevices a professional can, and really, wouldn't you rather have somebody else making sure you're perfect?

Explains it better than I can.

[Capmaster]

leaving you completely smooth

A Brazilian wax removes everything in your nether regions, front and back

be warned that most women don't find it comfortable.

No shit Einstein! :P Lets see ...tear all the hair out of my genitalia and my ass, by the roots ....ummm ....will that be comfortable? :P

Plus, you and your partner will probably find it incredibly erotic!

Yeah, the more you look like a 9-year-old girl, the more your man is turned on. What's wrong with this picture? :P
Call me old-fashioned but I like my trees with some foliage left on them

[pacmania_2001]

I like smooth sailing, not a walk in the forest.

Definitely a neccesity if you are going to go down on her.

[Capmaster]

I like smooth sailing, not a walk in the forest.

Definitely a neccesity if you are going to go down on her.

yeah, but can you floss at the same time? Hmmmm

[indolikaa]

Call me old-fashioned but I like my trees with some foliage left on them

I prefer not having to keep toothpicks around my house after an evening of fine dining, thank you very much.

[northcat_8]

Call me old-fashioned but I like my trees with some foliage left on them

If I wanted to go stompin through heavy brush, I'll go rabbit hunting. Chia pets are not on my menu....

A little grass on the field is fine, but it needs to be well manicured and better not have any wild weeds or crabgrass in it...dandilions are ok if fragrance is an issue

yeah, but can you floss at the same time? Hmmmm

That's why tampons have strings.

[pacmania_2001]

yeah, but can you floss at the same time? Hmmmm

That's why tampons have strings.

[indolikaa]

is just not a strong enough emoticon for THAT one.

We NEED one with some projectile vomit and such. THAT would be more deserving at this point in time.

[northcat_8]

So....am I to assume you 2 don't have a set of Red Wings?

[indolikaa]

AAUUGGHH!!!

[northcat_8]

Red Wings = cure for PMS

[pacmania_2001]

I prefer not to wear the Dolmio Grin.

(Not sure if that joke will translate to well to an international audience)

[Capmaster]

We NEED one with some projectile vomit and such. THAT would be more deserving at this point in time.

Take your pick:

I prefer not to wear the Dolmio Grin.

(Not sure if that joke will translate to well to an international audience)

Umm, no. It sure sounds Aussie though

[northcat_8]

HEY!!!!!!!

Now wait just a minute g*ddammit.....

Did I pass judgement on those of you who have midget clown fetishes?
Did I pass judgement on those of you who crave interludes with vinyl sheep or goats?
Did I say that nuclear relations were bad?

Huh DID I, Nooooooooooooooo.......

So what, I don't see anything wrong with eating sloppy joes.....

That's alright...you guys don't have to accept me my other personalities love me just as I am...

[Capmaster]

So what, I don't see anything wrong with eating sloppy joes.....

Ohh ....... .........................................

[indolikaa]

OK, now THAT emoticon is what I was talking about. Just plain nasty.


It's not that we don't accept you, northcat, it's just that, well...

I won't be asking to borrow any of your floss, for starters.