Walmart to sell smut-free DVD player

[BJ_M]

it would compress ken park down to the 2 pop

[BJ_M]

censorship in action ? http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0408043fcc1.html

what happened to the ability to turn the dial ?

[offline]

@ indolikaa

lithium-deuteride !?
I had to look that one up and it's an ingredent in bombs. Are
you mixing your trycylics with cheese again?

Rosie's stretch marks !?
I had to look that one up and its disgusting. You need
some ordinary L.Carbonate in a hurry my friend.

The purpose of this study was to examine the effect of different durations of rest between two bouts of headkicking on immunoendocrine responses during and after the second bout of headkicking. Nine random members of the public participated in three 25-h trials: 1) complete bed rest (TIED), 2) two bouts of headkicking separated by 3 h of rest (BOUND), and 3) two bouts of headkicking separated by 6 h of rest (GAGGED). Each cycle ergometer of headkicking lasted 75 min at 75% of maximal O2 uptake. We observed a more pronounced increase in epinephrine, norepinephrine, adrenocorticotropic hormone, and bleeding, but not in growth hormone.

[indolikaa]

There are many R rated films I wish they could see but feel that there is some inappropriate content.

The Patriot.

And I'm not particularly concerned about the violence, either. It depicts the violence of war; the truth should never be censored.

[indolikaa]

@ indolikaa

lithium-deuteride !?
I had to look that one up and it's an ingredent in bombs. Are
you mixing your trycylics with cheese again?

Capmaster can appreciate the reference. It goes back to some pictures he sent me and a weekend's worth of drywall repair as a result...

Now what would ever make you think I'd need antidepressants?

Rosie's stretch marks !?
I had to look that one up and its disgusting. You need
some ordinary L.Carbonate in a hurry my friend.

You looked it up? NOW who's the disgusting one? :P

I need nothing! Do not mock me simply because I ate chocolate cake and fruit juice for breakfast. I AM NORMAL, I TELL YOU! NORMAL!

The purpose of this study was to examine the effect of different durations of rest between two bouts of headkicking on immunoendocrine responses during and after the second bout of headkicking. Nine random members of the public participated in three 25-h trials: 1) complete bed rest (TIED), 2) two bouts of headkicking separated by 3 h of rest (BOUND), and 3) two bouts of headkicking separated by 6 h of rest (GAGGED). Each cycle ergometer of headkicking lasted 75 min at 75% of maximal O2 uptake. We observed a more pronounced increase in epinephrine, norepinephrine, adrenocorticotropic hormone, and bleeding, but not in growth hormone.

ROTFLOL!

[Fluffbutt]

weird how it is that this even comes up in some parts ussually of the usa (and elsewhere to be sure) and some other countries ussually of a strong religion history .. elsewhere no one else gives a flying f**k and thier kids are perfectly normal ..

but to each thier own - though i am against censorship -- if you want to do it , well go ahead ... thats part of free speech also , and the right to ruin a perfectly good movie along the way ..

next thing you know they will be editing historical speechs like some of the presidents speechs or what they said when landing on the moon or something ...

They already are.. I've just finished reading a book about censorship in american schools. It details many many books that are republished with so-called 'offending' passages removed.

Things like describing the role of women in your cover wagon western era (stayed with wagon, cooked, cleaned, etc) was deemed offensive, and was expunged from historical school books.

You americans ARE wierd. You think that the only way to deal with things is to hide them or force people to believe they didn't exist/happen.

Yours is not the land of the free, it's the land of the think-we-are free. America has some of the most oppressive rules/laws ever.

[BJ_M]

Fluffbutt

1. that was the point (that they were already changed)
2. i don't live in the USA
3. it's is not only a USA thing -- its world wide

[Capmaster]

censorship in action ? http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0408043fcc1.html

what happened to the ability to turn the dial ?

"Swamp Ass?" Never heard that one before. Where can I get some of that Sphincterine? You know ....for those difficult days?

@ indolikaa

lithium-deuteride !?
I had to look that one up and it's an ingredent in bombs. Are
you mixing your trycylics with cheese again?


Capmaster can appreciate the reference. It goes back to some pictures he sent me and a weekend's worth of drywall repair as a result...

Just don't try taking the Lithium Deuteride and building a bomb with Lithium Carbonate. You might end up with a weapon that isn't sure if it's supposed to detonate or not ....but you won't care because you'll be pissing heavy water

[smearbrick1]

If you want to live in America:

Rule #1. If it's offensive to one, it must be offensive to all. Regardless whether it interferes with artistic interpretation, or abstract thought...etc, etc... we must censor... Don't you know we are all children?

Rule #2. If you are part of the ruling class of an oil-producing country, we are coming after your ass.

Back to topic concerning this exciting new development in DVD player tech. (that was sarcasm).

Finally, no more questions about; "how do I edit out the offensive stuff from the rated R or NC-17 rated movie so my child can watch?" The best is, "Hillary Duff says damn and I want edit it out." "I just don't think children should be exposed to such filth coming from a slut like Hillary Duff."

OK maybe I embellished a bit, but you get the general idea.

[indolikaa]

Just don't try taking the Lithium Deuteride and building a bomb with Lithium Carbonate. You might end up with a weapon that isn't sure if it's supposed to detonate or not ....but you won't care because you'll be pissing heavy water

ROTFLEHTIWB!

[offline]

It goes back to some pictures he sent me and a weekend's worth of drywall repair as a result...

Care to share? I have plaster walls myself (the dents are where I bang my head against)

I ate chocolate cake

I thought it was yellow cake?

You might end up with a weapon that isn't sure if it's supposed to detonate or not

That reminds me of an excellent film, Dark Star.

[Fluffbutt]

Fluffbutt

1. that was the point (that they were already changed)
2. i don't live in the USA
3. it's is not only a USA thing -- its world wide

Ya, I know. My point (that I didn't really make) is that the ONLY censorship that is ethical is censorship of oneself (or by oneself). Censorship from another person or group or body (as in body of law, or body of govt) is wrong, and should be resisted at all costs.

[Capmaster]

Yours is not the land of the free, it's the land of the think-we-are free. America has some of the most oppressive rules/laws ever.

If it's so bad here, why do we have people literally dying to get here? And why did our population grow from ~200 million in 1970 to 275-280 million or so in the 2000 census?

And if England is so friggin nice (I'm assuming you're from there since so many board members are), didn't England lose about 30 million in the same stretch, from about 85 million to about 55 million? You're now smaller than Egypt, facrissakes ....another country you oppressed

And I don't think anyone from England can criticise us for having oppressive laws. We kicked your oppressive asses in the Revoltionary war to get out from under oppression from King George.

You want to keep getting my ass-hairs up, keep generalizing and putting down my whole country

[qlizard]

In general, movie studios make films to make money. The more people they appeal to, the more money they make. So when making a mainstream movie they choose to include elements which will appeal to a broad spectrum of people. This often includes profanity which (for some reason) appeals to some people. As stated before, I am not talking about profanity in war or prison movies, which would be laughable if excluded. I am mainly talking about extraneous profanity in movies clearly targeted to include a teen audience. The profanity is insulting, not necessarily because of the language itself, but because it is a poor substitute for real acting and script writing. Sometimes a colorful word inserted in clever moments can have great effects. "Must be a King". "How do you know"? "Because he doesn't have shit all over him". Funny. Unfortunately this isn't usually the case. Often the profanity is extraneous and thrown in without thought, except for the studios' bottom line. The studio has chosen to include this content for a $ reason. Telling me I can't choose to remove it is what I would call fascism.
Is someone actually arguing that this option shouldn't be available?

[Gazorgan]

I can personally vouch for the effect of anti-depressants. I haven't flamed a new/pirate in a month, so they are working.

Isn't Lithium Deutride part of a multi-stage nuclear weapon? Whereas lithium carbonate is used for treating Manic-Depressives. Lithium salts are a natural sedative.

[indolikaa]

@offline,

Of course I'll share my private porn collection with you. The ones Cap sent me are on the home computer and haven't been uploaded into my ftp folder yet. But, here are samples worthy of posting; they are two of my favorites. It's the Castle Romeo shot and the TeapotMET shot, and while they're both penis cheese compared to Tsar Bomba they are still quite attractive to view...



Yellow cake. That was a good one, offline! You're coming around to see things from my point of view!

Never seen Dark Star. Anybody got a copy they can download to me? :P

Isn't Lithium Deutride part of a multi-stage nuclear weapon? Whereas lithium carbonate is used for treating Manic-Depressives.

Yes, and yes.


EDIT to upload pictures correctly...

[BJ_M]

so is a big hammer

[Capmaster]

I am mainly talking about extraneous profanity in movies clearly targeted to include a teen audience. The profanity is insulting, not necessarily because of the language itself, but because it is a poor substitute for real acting and script writing. Sometimes a colorful word inserted in clever moments can have great effects. "Must be a King". "How do you know"? "Because he doesn't have shit all over him". Funny. Unfortunately this isn't usually the case. Often the profanity is extraneous and thrown in without thought, except for the studios' bottom line. The studio has chosen to include this content for a $ reason. Telling me I can't choose to remove it is what I would call fascism.

I agree that the gratuitous violence and sex scenes are there to sell to the adolescent market, which is a huge chunk for movies. It is mostly unnecessary and the movie would do just fine without it. But it's supply and demand. They get feedback from ticket sales that sex and violence is what we want. If that's the wrong message, it's our own fault.

Nobody is suggesting you be prevented from removing this content. What some of us object to is it being forced upon us, like high gas prices and the virtue of "low carbs" everywhere we go.

[BobV]

I tried using one of these Wal-Mart machines to watch a Michael More move and it skipped through all but the closing credits. Proof that it really does work on offensive scenes.

[indolikaa]

I tried using one of these Wal-Mart machines to watch a Michael More move and it skipped through all but the closing credits. Proof that it really does work on offensive scenes.

That should get the flame war going...

[Capmaster]

It's the Castle Romeo shot, and while it's penis cheese compared to Tsar Bomba it is still quite attractive to view ...

Pic of Tsar Bomba. It was a 100 megaton bomb, but a scaled-down ( )57-58 megaton version was tested in 1961. It was the largest man-made explosion:

I don't think fireball pics exist for this one. It was detonated 3700 meters above the earth and the shockwave circled the earth twice, I think it was. The ultimate Russian "bigger is better" philosophy. We abandoned that approach in the '60s in favor of making them so accurate we could fly them up their asses and not need as big of a yield

Man, talk about thread hijacking

[indolikaa]

Man, talk about thread hijacking

Who says nuclear weapons and censorship can't coexist?

[offline]

nuclear weapons are the ultimate form of censorship.

BTW love the porn! If we are lucky, the strike over our cities will
be scheduled for after 7pm so we can appreciate the beauty of
the air burst in the darkness before molecular reassignment.

[indolikaa]

If we are lucky, the strike over our cities will
be scheduled for after 7pm so we can appreciate the beauty of
the air burst in the darkness before molecular reassignment.

Almost poetic...

Well at least you're realistic about the situation, I'll give you that.

[mmasw]

I've just finished reading a book about censorship in american schools .

so obviously, after reading a single unspecified book you are now qualifiied to speak in authoratative sweeping generalities about a nation of 280 million people living in 50 different states, all with their own seperate constitutions.

school boards here, only speak for the few people in each scool district that they represent, and often they're directives are overturned

Things like describing the role of women in your cover wagon western era (stayed with wagon, cooked, cleaned, etc) was deemed offensive, and was expunged from historical school books.

I wouldn't be surprised if that happened, but you better be more specific. Was it just one school district where that occured?

was it just a ststed intent, or did the actual "editing" take place?

You're foolishing implying we are a monolithic nation with the generalities you seem bent on spewing.

You americans ARE wierd.

no agument on that.....of course the rest of the world is pretty weird as well

please be so kind as to specify your nationality

You think that the only way to deal with things is to hide them or force people to believe they didn't exist/happen.

now you're just being idiotic....you read one book, that may or may not be completely accurate, and you're condemning every american for the transgressions of some.

If you want to say we don't always practice what we preach, fine

If you want to say out big media is corporate controlled, fine.

If you want to say there are enclaves of ignorance and prejudice here, also fine.

I doubt that few americans would debate that.

You can even point to the things we are doing right now around the world and say it's flat-out wrong and I would most likely agree.

But when you adopt some anonymous , pompous, self-righteous position and feel "free" to cast your stones, be prepared for some unkind response.

once again....please state your nationality so we can condemn you for your nation's crimes....and there is absolutely no doubt there will be crimes.

Yours is not the land of the free, it's the land of the think-we-are free.

well...I think I'm free enough to say: bite me

America has some of the most oppressive rules/laws ever.

ok....that's a specific charge....please specify what laws you maintain are "most" oppressive and detail how they compare to the rest of the world. If you can't prove your point, then you're just another gasbag.

[qlizard]

the virtue of "low carbs" everywhere we go.

I totally agree with you on this one. I'm so sick of hearing about it. I mean c'mon. Eat less and exercise more if you want to lose weight. Thankfully there is still plenty of carb-laden food around for me to eat.
I wonder how many different ways we can hijack this thing?

[Capmaster]

nuclear weapons are the ultimate form of censorship.

BTW love the porn! If we are lucky, the strike over our cities will
be scheduled for after 7pm so we can appreciate the beauty of
the air burst in the darkness before molecular reassignment.

You're in no danger. Just keep sending us Foster's and please, please stop with the Steve Irwin stuff. We get it ....he's not firing on all eight. otherwise we'll send you more Britney Spears (music, not pics) and Michael Jackson and save our nukes for the French

I wonder how many different ways we can hijack this thing?

Let's see ...Indo - you're up

[indolikaa]

America has some of the most oppressive rules/laws ever.

We do?!

I'd love to hear an example of this, if you can do it and keep religion and politics out of the mix. If you can't disregard this post.

.indolikaa.
CCCP

[BJ_M]

Texas
- A recently passed antcrime law requires criminals to give
their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain
the nature of the crime to be committed...
- In Lefors, it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer
at any time while standing...
- In San Antonio, it is illegal for both sexes to flirt or
respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands....

Florida
- Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed....
- In Saratoga, it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit...

Nevada
- It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway...
- In Eureka, men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women...

California
- In L.A. a man can legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long
as it is less than two inches wide, or she gives him permission to
use a wider strap.....
- It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license....

Michigan
- A state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs
to her husband....

Arkansas
- A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once
a month...
- Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the
streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term....

Utah
- Birds have the right of way on all highways...
- A husband is responsible for every criminal act commited by his wife
while she is in his presence...

Baltimore
- In Halethrope, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second...
- It is illegal to mistreat oysters....
- In Baltimore it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how
dirty they get....

New York
- In NYC it is illegal for a man to turn around and look "at a woman in that
way", and violators are forced to wear horse blinders...

Tennessee
- It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish...
- In Dyersburg, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date...
- In Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive by herself; "a man
must walk or run in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag in order
to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists"....

Colorado
- In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she
is asleep....

Rhode Island
- In Province it is illegal to sell toothpaste ands toothbrush to the same
customer on a Sunday....
- In Neewport, it is illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset....

Oklahoma
- Whale hunting is strictly forbidden throughout the entire state...
- In Tulsa, kisses lasing more than three minutes are forbidden...

Massachusetts
- In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude
in rented rooms...
- In Boston it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a
physician to do so....
- In 1659, the State outlawed Christmas...

In Temperance, MS, you can't walk a dog without dressing it in diapers.

In St. Louis, a law on the books makes it illegal to park your car without turning off the engine. This was to avoid scaring horses.

In Kansas City, KS, saying the name "George Washington" without adding the phrase "blessed be his name," can land you with a fine of up to fifty cents.

In California, selling a gold piece without tooth marks in it is considered forgery.

An old statute in Flint, MI, compels dentists to offer a "slug of whiskey with no additional charge to said patient."

In Manchester, England, an ancient law declares that if a young man develops a lisp, he must be inspected by a bishop to ensure that he isn't developing homosexual tendencies.

The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name "San Francisco." It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.

In Raleigh, North Carolina, before a man asks for a woman's hand in marriage, he must be "inspected by all the barnyard animals on the young woman's family's property, to ensure a harmonious farm life."

Slavery is still legal in Decatur, Alabama.

In Salzburg, Germany, any child born on August 18th must be tested for possible witchcraft. This is due to a local legend that an evil warlock was born on that day in 1638.

Alabama:
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is illegal to buy a bag of peanuts after sunset and before sunrise the next day in Alabama.

Arkansas
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month...
Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.
The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest: "No person shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of the returns."

Arizona:
It is illegal to wear suspenders in Nogles, AZ.

California
In California, it is illegal to posses bear gall bladders.
In California, it is illegal to trip horses for entertainment.
In Blythe, California, a person must own two cows in order to legally wear cowboy boots in public.
In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
In L.A. it is against the law to complain through the mail that a hotel has cockroaches, even if it is true.
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Blvd. at one time.
It is illegal to whistle for a lost canary before 7 am in Berkeley, CA.
San Francisco is said to be the only city in the nation to have ordinances guaranteeing sunshine to the masses.
In Cupertino, California, it is illegal to count backwards audibly in hexadecimal.
The good burghers of Redwood City have outlawed the frying of gravy.
In Santa Clara, it is forbidden to dedicate parking spaces to the patron saint of television.
Prostitutes in San Francisco are not obliged to make change for bills larger than $50.
The city of Mountain View proscribes calling pet fish by "names of aggressive content, e.g. 'Biter', 'Killer', 'Sugar-Ray'"
Bicycles may not be ridden without "appropriate fashion accessories" anywhere in Santa Clara County (de facto law).
It is illegal to skateboard on walls "or other vertical surfaces" in Palo Alto.
Wearing a sweatshirt inside-out is deemed a "threatening misdemeanor" in Half-Moon Bay.
In 1930, the City Council of Ontario (California) passed an ordinance forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
Peeling an orange in your hotel room is banned in California (Legal Lunacy)
Los Angeles "Daily News": Have you ever had the urge to rip the tag from a pillow or mattress, despite the warning of dire penalties? Well, it's perfectly legal now, if you live in Colorado. Governor Roy Romer formalized the law by gleefully tearing a label from a pillow at his office. "I've been worrying about the mattress inspector jumping through the window for years," he said.

Colorado
In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep....
It is illegal to swim during the daytime in a pool or river within the city limits of Durango, CO
It is illegal to throw shoes at weddings in Colorado.
In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor.

Connecticut:
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.
An old Connecticut law banished to use of condoms and all other contraceptive devices.
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
In Harford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Florida:
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women (whether single, divorced or widowed) from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
In Idaho, fishing from the back of any animal is illegal.
Apparently, it's illegal to give a lighted cigarette to a cat or dog in Miami. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Georga:
It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.

Idaho:
Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view."
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
Illinois:
Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
Indiana:
Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
It is illegal to take a bath in the wintertime in Indiana.
In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Iowa:
Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
In Corning, Iowa, it is illegal to speak to anyone passing along the street or sidewalk.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you- or holding you in his arms.In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted." (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Kansas:
No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.

Kentucky:
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she"cannot hold onto the ground."
It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
A Kentucky law says that burglary can only be committed at night.
It is illegal for pigeons to fly over Bellevue, KY.
Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.
In Kentucky, "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." An amendment to the above legislation: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses." (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Louisana:
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

Maryland:
Laws prohibit the selling of condoms throughvendings machines in gas stations and stores-with one major exception. Prophylactics mat be dispensed by vending machines only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises"
In Halethrope, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.
In Baltimore, it is illegal to mistreat oysters.
In Baltimore it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how dirty they get.
In Baltimore, it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Baltimore, it's also illegal to take a lion to the movies. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Massachusetts:
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms.
In Boston it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
In 1659, the State outlawed Christmas...
From an Associated Press news wire: The state of Massachusetts is drafting regulations prohibiting large-scale bakers to allow the odor of bread to be released into the atmosphere because it contains ethanol, which can break down into ozone, a component of smog. "If people have such a visceral response to this smell, they can bake their own bread," said the engineer at the state Department of Environmental Protection who drafted the regulation.

Michigan:
A state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs to her husband.
It is illegal in Michigan to hitch a crocodile to a fire hydrant.
In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Missouri:
In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
Minnesota:
It is illegal to pass a cow in Pine Island District, MN, without tipping your hat.
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
MoOntana:
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
Nebraska:
A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

Nevada
It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
In Eureka, men who wear mustaches are forbidden from kissing women.

New Hampshire:
New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.

Nebraska:
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
New Jersey:
In Manville, NJ, it is illegal to feed animals whiskey or cigarettes in a public park.
It is illegal to raise chickens in bottles in New Jersey.
It is illegal to slurp soup in New Jersey.
It is illegal to knock on doors or ring doorbells in Barker, NJ.
Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
New Mexico:
In Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face). (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
New York:
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.
In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
From an AP bulletin: The New York City Transit Authority has ruled that women can ride the city subways topless. New York law dictates that if a man can be somewhere without a shirt, a woman gets the same right. The decision came after arrests of women testing the ordinance on the subways. A transit police spokesman said they would comply with the new rule, but "if they were violating any other rules, like sitting on a subway bench topless smoking a cigarette, then we would take action." Smoking is not allowed in the subways.

North Dakota:
Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
It's against the law in North Dakota to go to bed wearing shoes.

Ohio:
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio- a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"
Oklahoma:
Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
In Bexley, Ohio, Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.
It is illegal in Oklahoma to give liquor to a fish (Legal Lunacy)

Oklahoma:
Whale hunting is strictly forbidden throughout the entire state.
In Tulsa, kisses lasting more than three minutes are forbidden.
In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
Harthahorne (Oklahoma) City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.

Oregon:
It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
Pennsylvania:
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
It is illegal in Pittsburgh, Penn., to sleep in a refrigerator.
The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
In Pennsylvania, "any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue." (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)
In certain sections of Pennsylvania many years ago, the Farmer's Anti-Automobile society set up some "rules of the road." In effect, they said:
1. "Automobiles travelling on country roads at night must send up a rocket every mile, then wait ten minutes for the road to clear."
2. "If a driver sees a team of horses, he is to pull to one side of the road and cover his machine with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted to blendinto the scenery."
3. "In the event that a horse refuses to pass a car on the road, the owner musttake his car apart and conceal the parts in the bushes."

Rhode Island:
In Province it is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
In Newport, it is illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset.

South Dakota:
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
Tennessee:
It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
In Dyersburg, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.

Texas:
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. In one of those "true facts" books there was an explanation for this law. It seems that one of the state senators did not want a law passed. To keep this particular law from passing, he attached the train law to it. He hoped that his fellow senators would discover the train law attached, see how ridiculous it was, and not pass the laws. Nobody saw the the train law attached and passed both laws. This may not be the real reason, but it sounds good. And it might explain some of the laws we have to live with.
In Texas, on one other than a registered pharmacist" may sell condoms or other kinds of contraceptives "on the street or other public places." Not even Physicians! Anyone one who tries to make a few extra bucks doing this will be severaly prosecuted for the dire act of "unlawfully practicing medicine."
A recently passed anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed...
In Lefors, it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing.
In San Antonio, it is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.

Utah:
Birds have the right of way on all highways.
A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
It is against the law to fish from horseback in Utah.
No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
Vermont:
Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night.
It is illegal to paint a horse in Vermont.

Virginia:
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job- for men only- called a corset inspector.)

Washington:
All lollipops are banned.
A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.
It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
There is/was a law on the books in Washington state that stated that a motorcar driven at night must be preceded by something like 100 yards by a man carrying a lantern...
In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
it is still an offence in Washington state to pretend your parents are rich (Legal Lunacy)

Washington, D.C.:
A D.C. federal judge has ruled that begging is a form of free speech protected by the Constitution. That means that mugging is free speech too, only more persuasive.

West Virginia:
No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."
It is illegal for lions to run wild in the streets of Alderson, WV.
In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

Wisconsin:
In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
Wyoming:
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer!

Other Countries:
In Calgary, there is a by-law that is still on the books that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tieing up horses.
In King County it is illegal to sit on a man's lap on a metro bus, unless you are married.
I understand that in Germany, there is a law that every office must have a view of the sky, however small. So the office buildings are all long and skinny.
In England, it is illegal to sell most goods on a Sunday, (this law is mostly ignored), it is however legal to sell a carrot. It is also legal to sell it at any price and to give free gifts with it, such as anything else one might want to buy on a Sunday!
In Israel, there's no legal way for a man named Cohen to marry a divorced woman.
Manfred deLisle, a London patent attorney, is offering to file patent claims for the complete genome of any individual who wishes to "preserve his or her commercial options." Several hundred people have signed up for deLisle's services. However, it is anticipated that patent officials will impose extensive documentation demands that will render the scheme impractical.

Another London attorney, A. C. Pomeroy, is working with representatives of several major religions to file patent claims for the genetic substance deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), "on behalf of an unspecified deity." Pomeroy's clients will claim that (a) DNA is a patentable invention and (b) the inventor is unable to file a claim personally and so must have his rights protected by a consortium of interested parties. The parties reportedly have agreed to share any royalties that accrue from the patent, on an equal basis.

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Makes you hope you never need surgery!)
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Whoa!)
There are men in Guam whose full time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time...Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (This was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)


Kentucky law holds it to be contributory negligence for a person to be behind a mule without first speaking to the animal.
In Lang, Kansas, it is against the law to drive a mule down Main Street during the month of August unless he is wearing a straw hat.

Mules are protected by law in Ohio, at least to the extent that you are not allowed to ride one more than 10 miles, or set a fire under one if it balks.

In Taylor, Arizona, it is illegal for a person to kick a mule.

Minneapolis forbids keeping goats in an apartment, though mules may thus be kept.

SOME OF GEORGIAS CRAZY LAWS

Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.

All males in the state between the ages of 16 and 50 are required to work on public roads.

It is illegal for a barber to advertise his prices.

Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.


Signs are required to be written in English.

You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.

No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

Acworth ********** All citizens must own a rake.

Atlanta ********* Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

One man may not be on another man's back.

It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.

Columbus ************ Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday.

It is illegal to carry a chicken by it's feet down Broadway on Sunday.

You may not sit in an *indecent* position.

Conyers ********** An ordinance was passed that prohibits saying the phrase "two fried eggs and a fritter for a quarter" in an attempt to prohibit slang talkin'.

Gainesville ************* Chicken must be eaten with the hands. (I live in Gainesville and it was once the poultry capital of the world. Believe me, that law still stands and I've seen people arrested for eating thier chicken with a knife and fork.)

Jonesboro ************* It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy"

Kennesaw ************* Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.

Marietta ********** Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.

Pocataligo ************* It is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts, to pilot or ride in an airplane.

St. Mary's ************* No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.

Quitman *********** Cars are not to drive on sidewalks.


Colorados' Crazy Laws


Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses.

Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.

Colorado Springs
It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.

Cripple Creek
It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.

Denver
You may not drive a black car on Sundays.

It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.

It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.

The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.

Durango
It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's gender.

Logan County
It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

Pueblo
It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.

Sterling
Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.

Crazy Laws from Indiana

One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.

Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.

All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.

Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.

Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.

State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.

It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.



Drinks on the house are illegal.

A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b)

Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.

Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.

You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her.

Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.

No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.

Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.

You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table. The waiter or waitress has to do it.

"Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.

You are required to pour your drink into a glass.

It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.

If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Immoral Practices.

Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day. (Sounds like a good idea!)

A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.

The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415. (Repealed)

Auburn
It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offesnses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one's bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.

Beech Grove
It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.

Elkhart
It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.

Evansville
While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.

Fort Wayne
You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record "It`s In the Book".

Gary
Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.

South Bend
It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.

Terre Haute
No one may spit on the sidewalk.



In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? ... Not as great as Guam, though!!)


and so forth and so on (these are all real)

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