Funny Family Guy quotes

[Devanshu]

Inspired by the Simpsons thread, here's the Family Guy(the greatest cartoon ever) thread...add to it what you think is a hilarious quote(off the top of your head).

I'll start

[bigshotceo]

Peter (when he first learns that Joe uses a wheelchair): Holy crip, it's a crapple!

It's all in the way he says it...

[Devanshu]

Stewie [after plucking a string on the banjo]: oooh I feel so deliciously white trash. Mommy, I want a mullet.

[VCDHunter]

OK how about

stewie "Smack me, smack me like a British nanny !"

when I first heard that I almost fell off my chair.

[freak_in_cage_10k]

quagmire is the BEST man, although stewie rules also!

quagmire "hey honey, why dont you turn around and show me the lower east side??"
transvestite "sure"
quagmire "WOW! transvestite, back off"

Quagmire "wait a sec, pre-op or post-op?"
transvestite "pre op"
Quagmire "WOW! transvestite, back off"

[Devanshu]

quagmire "hey honey, why dont you turn around and show me the lower east side??"
transvestite "sure"
quagmire "WOW! transvestite, back off"
Quagmire "wait a sec, pre-op or post-op?"
transvestite "pre op"
Quagmire "WOW! transvestite, back off"

One of my favorite quagmire moments is when they go to the auction...

Host: Our next item is a pair of panties we confiscated from a prostitue
Quagmire: 50 bucks
Host: She had 7 STDs
Quagmire: 45 bucks
Host: And when we caught her she wet herself
Quagmire[pauses for a second]: 50 bucks

Also

Quagmire: Hello 911, yeah is quagmire, no its in a window this time

[g_shocker182]

Peter Griffin: You know those Germans; if you don't join the party, they come get you

Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple.

[Riding a circus elephant.]
Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change.

Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.


Doctor: Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Peter Griffin: Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois Griffin: Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor: ...Can't it be both?

Meg Griffin: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.

hah i bet that one will anger some people here

Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow.
Stewie Griffin: I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."

Peter Griffin: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.

Guy on Street #2: It's 3:00. Where the hell is Louie?
Guy on Street #1: Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and had to travel a distance 6.2 miles traveling at a rate of five miles a hour. When will Louie get here?
Guy On Street #2: Depends if he stops to see his ho.
Guy on Street #1: That's what we call a "variable".

Lois Griffin: What's going on?
Stewie Griffin: We're playing house.
Lois Griffin: The boy is all tied up.
Stewie Griffin: Roman Polanski's house.

Brian Griffin: I'm really enjoying playing golf.
Peter Griffin: You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
[flashback]
Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks.
Scottish men: Aye.

Peter Griffin: Well, fine. Until you put 'Gumbel 2 Gumbel' back on the air, I'm going on a hunger strike. Can you live with that? Huh, can you?"
[brief pause]
Peter Griffin: You gonna eat that stapler?
Network executive: Mr. Griffin, you can't eat a...
Peter Griffin: Wanna split it?

Newsanchor Diane: Tom, you're so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents.

Brian and Chris try to sneak into a fair by wearing a horse suit]
Ticket Seller: Wait a minute... your ass just sneezed. And horses can't talk. No, no... nothing here adds up at all.

Peter Griffin: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you, very homosexually.

Charles Lindburgh: OK, don't panic. He was kidnapped. You go phone the police, I'll write the note.
Mrs. Lindburgh: [pointing at Amelia Earhart] But what about Amelia? She saw everything.
Charles Lindburgh: I'll take care of her.


Glen Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?
Meg Griffin: No.
Glen Quagmire: Just checkin'.

Glen Quagmire: Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8... and home by 11.

Peter Griffin: Hey, where's my VCR?
Hillbilly #1: Dangit, Buck, I wanna use the sex box.
Hillbilly #2: It's *my* sex box. And her name is Sony



http://imdb.com/title/tt0182576/quotes

[Sifaga]

I've never seen it before but after reading these i'm gonna keep an eye out for it

funny stuff

[Devanshu]

I've never seen it before but after reading these i'm gonna keep an eye out for it

funny stuff

I dont know if australian tv is the same, but here it's on cartoon network.

[freak_in_cage_10k]

quagmire "hey honey, why dont you turn around and show me the lower east side??"
transvestite "sure"
quagmire "WOW! transvestite, back off"
Quagmire "wait a sec, pre-op or post-op?"
transvestite "pre op"
Quagmire "WOW! transvestite, back off"

One of my favorite quagmire moments is when they go to the auction...

Host: Our next item is a pair of panties we confiscated from a prostitue
Quagmire: 50 bucks
Host: She had 7 STDs
Quagmire: 45 bucks
Host: And when we caught her she wet herself
Quagmire[pauses for a second]: 50 bucks

Also

Quagmire: Hello 911, yeah is quagmire, no its in a window this time

yeah man!!! they are classics!!!! i have most of his quotes as a single mp3!! all i did was import the movies into adobe premier, and remove the video and remove all audio except quagmires best moments. i have a single mp3 about 30 seconds long!

i have cleevland saying "oh thats nasty" and quagmire saying "this place blows" if a get a coster when using DVD decryptor!!

i have quagmire saying "dear diary....jackpot" if the burn process suceeds.

lemmie know if you want it m8

[g_shocker182]

send it this way

[Devanshu]

lemmie know if you want it m8

Sure!

[freak_in_cage_10k]

ok, gimmie your emails and i will mail it to ya! its about 600k so it may be better to send them over msn!

[DiablosuX102]

Quagmire walks up to two girls kissing, "You ladies ever been penetrated?" and gets kicked out the door.

josh

[Devanshu]

ok, gimmie your emails and i will mail it to ya! its about 600k so it may be better to send them over msn!

Mine is in my profile

Some more funny FG quotes...

[Through Wall]
Man 1: You got the stuff?
Man 2: Yeah I got the stuff you got the money.
Man 1: You don't see the money till I see the stuff.
Stewie: For God's sake, HE'S WEARING A WIRE!
Man 1: What? You son of a bitch. [gunshots]
Stewie: [Yawns]

Brian: Hola, Me llamo es Brian. Nosotros qureremos ir con ustedes.
Mexican: Hey, That's pretty good except when you say me llamo es Brian you don't need the es just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, you speak English.
No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You're kidding right?
Mexican: Que?

Peter: Damn government. telling me I can't build a pool on my land and after my grandfather helped create one of our countries most beloved cartoon characters.
[flashback]
Cartoonist; Ok we've narrowed it down to two possibilities. Ok everyone in favor of Bugs Bunny. [all raise hands except Walt Griffin] All in favor of Efframe the Retarded Rabbit.
Walt Griffin: [raises hand] Oh, you can all go to hell.

[samdha14]

ok, gimmie your emails and i will mail it to ya! its about 600k so it may be better to send them over msn!

I'll take 1 and my emails in my profile