Here's Your Sign!

[sfxwe]

I work in the auto industry so here is my “Here's your sign!” story.

A lady has her car towed in for repairs, her engine won’t start or crank over, it just clicks when you turn the key. I noticed the oil light is on and she had about 23000 miles on the vehicle, so I check the dip stick, and not to my surprise, the oil doesn’t even register. So I ask her when the last time she had a oil change on the vehicle. Her reply was, I haven’t, I was waiting for that oil light to come on, isn’t that when you are suppose to change the oil?

Well lady it sure is, here's Your sign!

PS. True story, we couldn’t repair her new vehicle under warranty and it cost her about $6,000.


So whats your "Here is you sign!" story?

[themichael]

Heard at a fast food place that's not McDonalds:

"Does the ice tea come in a cup with ice?"

Good thing I don't work there, I would just have to say:
"No, we pour it in your pocket."

[Devanshu]

Heard at a fast food place that's not McDonalds:

"Does the ice tea come in a cup with ice?"

Good thing I don't work there, I would just have to say:
"No, we pour it in your pocket."

[Sifaga]

I dont have a story but i dont understand the Topic heading anyway

can someone explain it to me, btw english is not my first language

[Devanshu]

Um...I'll try. It's basically about stupid things that people do. For instance, in michael's example, the person asked if the ice tea comes with a cup with ice...the short answer is obvioulsy yes. Does that make sense?

[gmatov]

Sifaga,

Doesnt seem to be going very far, does it?

Can you, as a native (?) of Melbourne, Australia, answer a question for me, a dumb one, maybe?

I thought your seasons were the reverse of ours. Do your school kids go to school at the same time as the northern hemisphere, August to June, Summer off, or the other nine months, as we are led to believe our Winter is your Summer.

Sounds stupid, huh?

[Sifaga]

stupid things that people do, ok , i see

like the girl at kfc . i said 1 kilo coleslaw and she said eat here or take away

[Devanshu]

Bingo

That made me think of an example. One time I went to a subway with order for 12 subs(for me and some friends) and when they were done making them, they said "for here or to go". I resisted the urge to say "what do you think genius".

[Conquest10]

same thing with me. i go into taco bell. i'm the only one there and i order 20 tacos. they're like, "for here or to go?"

[Devanshu]

same thing with me. i go into taco bell. i'm the only one there and i order 20 tacos. they're like, "for here or to go?"

I know. And then they look at you puzzled at your reaction.

[MOVIEGEEK]

..or when a cashier asks me "is that everything?" or "did you find everything?" I want to say"no I forgot a few things can you hold on to them for another 30 minutes while I get you a stupid sign?"

[Devanshu]

..or when a cashier asks me "is that everything?" or "did you find everything?" I want to say"no I forgot a few things can you hold on to them for another 30 minutes while I get you a stupid sign?"

[pacmania_2001]

I thought your seasons were the reverse of ours. Do your school kids go to school at the same time as the northern hemisphere, August to June, Summer off, or the other nine months, as we are led to believe our Winter is your Summer.

Sounds stupid, huh?

Yes, our seasons are the reverse of yours. Take for example Christmas, we have ours in Summer whilst yours in Winter.

Primary and High school kids go to school from February to December however we have multiple 'small' holidays. We have a holiday in April (I believe its two weeks) then we have a holiday in June/July (again 2 weeks I think) then we have another holiday in September (10 days I think) then we have our big holiday in the summer (Mid December to the end of January). Our school year is split into four terms type system where each term ranges in length from around 11 weeks to 8 weeks.

I wouldn't call the question stupid though , I think the most interesting parts of a society/culture are the things that they think are normal (in the case of America, peanut butter M & M's mmmm...). The most stupid (and common) question that Americans normally ask is whether the toilets really do flush the other ways.

[Nitemare]

Any drive-thru at any fast food joint... The family and I order four meals, which come with 4 drinks. Almost every time the moron handing out our stuff asks if I want a cup carrier tray.

... I say ALMOST every time because I frequently just get handed the individual drinks with NO offer of a cup carrier. I become very unpopular at moments like this.

But the worst time ever? I call the doctor's office that handles our work-related injuries after suffering one.

"Dr.'s office, is this an emergency or can you hold?"
"It's an emergency."
"Okay, hold please.... click"

After idiot-woman comes back on the line five minutes later, which gave me plenty of time to ponder why she asked if I could hold or not when I never really had a choice, I explain that I have a piece of broken glass in my eye. She tells me that she has an appointment slot open at 3:30 that afternoon (it was 7:00 a.m.).

I then explain again, VERY SLOWLY (and loudly) that I have a piece of GLASS in my EYE.
"Oh, .... maybe you should come in right away."

The doctor saved the eye but my anxiety that complete morons are taking over the world continues to resist treatment.

Somebody save us!

[Hardcoreruss]

People who come up to you while you are waiting at a bus stop and say has the bus been yet ?. Cause it has lady and I am just standing here for my f*cking health (I can't drive)

[Devanshu]

The most stupid (and common) question that Americans normally ask is whether the toilets really do flush the other ways

That reminded me of The Simpsons

[shoozleboy]

wasn't there a comedian who did a segment like this?? (on a video or cd?)

I recall the stories like :

I'm moving and the moving van is out front of my house while I am putting my items into boxes and loading them in the van... along comes the neighbor, taking notice to the activity around my house, while asking "What's up neighbor? You moving?"

.... of course you reply, "No, every once in a while, I like to pack all my belongings into boxes and see how full I can get that van out front.... Here's your sign!"


I don't recall the comedian, but there were some funny stories with that...

[tgpo]

wasn't there a comedian who did a segment like this?? (on a video or cd?)

I remember that. Funny stuff. I remember he also talked about fishing and stuff like that.

[pacmania_2001]

This reminds me of Mad magazines regular article they run called "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions".

[tgpo]

Bill Engvall is the comedian's name. here is a link to some of his stuff.

[MJPollard]

I dont have a story but i dont understand the Topic heading anyway

can someone explain it to me, btw english is not my first language

"Here's your sign!" is the signature joke by comedian Bill Engvall. He always starts the bit with, "I hate stupid people. They should be required to wear signs that say, 'I'm Stupid.' That way, you wouldn't have to rely on them." Basically, someone does or says something stupid, he makes a sarcastic response, and pretends to hand them an "I'm Stupid" sign... hence, "here's your sign." One of his best stories is this one:

I was driving down the freeway, and I got stuck behind a big rig that had wedged itself underneath an overpass. I was standing on the side of the road, talking to the trucker, when a highway patrolman pulled up. He looked at the truck... then he looked at the trucker... and I said to myself, "He can't say it!" But he's got "that" look! Sure enough, he says to the trucker, "Did you get your truck stuck?" And bless this trucker's heart, without missing a beat, he says, "Nope, I was delivering this overpass and I ran out of gas!" (Here's your sign!)

[shoozleboy]

yepper, I just checked out his website (billengvall.com) and I might pick up his CD.. (actually, he has several of them).

I noticed an ad on there where he will make you a custom answering machine message.... I may have to look into that... I can only imagine what it might say

[sfxwe]

Ok, ok, so lets here some stupid stuff that your fellow employes have done or said or any customers from your professions that you have delt with.......

[Devanshu]

One time back in high school this person wanted to go to the couseling center to talk with someone and I happened to be passing by. The lady stopped me and asked me for the directions. I was tempted to say "see that huge sign that says 'Counseling Center -->' FOLLOW IT".

[pacmania_2001]

The stupid thing I most often get asked at work is whether or not I work here.

This despite the fact that I have on the uniform, a name badge and a telxon (portable pricing computer).

[Gees]

Not work related, but - How many times have you heard, "Have you had your hair cut?"

Answer: "No, mine's retractable. Here's your sign." :cP

[flaninacupboard]

Girl at work told me this story:

"I was standing at the bus stop, waiting to go into town before work to do some shopping and stuff. My bus finally comes along, i stick my hand out, and he just drove straight past! i couldn't believe it! so i stood and waited an HOUR for the next one, cos it wasn't worth walking back home. anyway, the next one finally comes, and i stick my hand out, and it stops. I get on the bus and the driver says to me 'You do know, this isn't a bus stop?'"

Dozy tart was just standing by a lamp post!