The best joke I ever made that no one understood

[Nitemare]

Have you ever made a great joke that no one got? (Dennis Miller syndrome?) Let's hear it!!! Here's mine...

Some months back I was attending a sneak preview of "28 Weeks Later" when some guy entered the theater sporting an '80s glam-metal hair style.

The guy I was seeing the film with asked me (in his best sarcastic voice) what '80s metal band I thought the guy must be with? Without a moment's pause my answer was "Let's hope it isn't Great White."

This joke is an obvious reference to the tragic night-club fire started during a Great White performance that was all over the news a year or so ago. [edit] Holy Cow! It was 5 years ago!!! [edit]

I was met with only blank stares from everyone in a twenty foot radius and it made me a bit frustrated. I could handle some groaning about the tastelessness of this joke, or the insistence that it was simply not funny... but a total lack of comprehension??

Obviously I enjoyed my little joke but it was wasted on the crowd I was with.

Now let's hear yours!!!!

[Conquest10]

I made a remark, if you were to be given a photo of an Asian family reunion, would you be able to pick out a pair of twins?

Yes its racist but everyone knows the stereotype and should get it.

[Supreme2k]

I'm always shocked at what people don't "get" in regards to humor. I've made remarks about Snape (from Harry Potter) about him being goth or emo, and it often gets me blank stares, as if they thought that I came down with Tourette's.

Other jokes that I make which no one gets are about references to stars in one movie to characters that they played in (at least an equally popular) another movie. (Yelling "GET TO THE CHOPPAH!" for any Schwarzenegger movie). When we were watching Terminator 3, of all movies, I said "I'll be back" when Arnie left a scene, to which one of the other people said, "Where are you going? Are you going to the restroom?"

[Nitemare]

if you were to be given a photo of an Asian family reunion, would you be able to pick out a pair of twins?

Racism aside... you made this joke and no one got it? Details?

[MeDiCo_BrUjO]

I made a remark, if you were to be given a photo of an Asian family reunion, would you be able to pick out a pair of twins?

Yes its racist but everyone knows the stereotype and should get it.

I thought this was freakin' hilarious!!!!

[MeDiCo_BrUjO]

As a matter of fact, some time ago I bumped into a photoshopped pic of an Asian family reunion of about 8-10 people, and all of them had the same head, and the title was: Can you spot the twins?

I can't find it now, but it was a good joke!.

[ZAPPER]

I am often sarcastic to cynical in my little quips and they often go from misunderstood to resented. (Yes, sometimes the ******* in me shines through)

Often at the check out counter I will pile my merchandise infront of the clerk knowing the actual cost of the one item or at least the ball park figure of say about a hundred dollars worth of groceries. I will then say or ask "That ain't gonna cost more than two dollars, is it?" OK, I know that it really is not that funny or clever, but you would be suprised at how many store clerks get that paniced or deer in the headlights look, like I am really questioning the value of the product.




Sooooo. The other day I was accidently mean to a gal at Home Depot, I don't know why, it just slipped out. She walked up to me and asked if I needed any help. I meant no hard feelings, I was just acting on long held sterotypes. I replied, "Yes, can you find someone to help me?" I could tell that she was crushed and I felt like shit. I tried to explain to her that I am a lowlife construction worker and my coworkers and I always joke around like that, but it was too late, damage done.

[gadgetguy]

Speaking of Home Depot... Almost every time I'm there and heading to the checkout, one of their employees asks me if I want to use the Self-Checkout. My response is always, "No thanks, I'd rather keep humans employed" and I almost always get a blank stare in return. But the other day, while the girl at self-checkout gave me that blank stare, the cashier in the next lane "got it" and yelled "Thank You".

[Epicurus8a]

Speaking of Home Depot... Almost every time I'm there and heading to the checkout, one of their employees asks me if I want to use the Self-Checkout. My response is always, "No thanks, I'd rather keep humans employed" and I almost always get a blank stare in return. But the other day, while the girl at self-checkout gave me that blank stare, the cashier in the next lane "got it" and yelled "Thank You".

I do this all the time... in stores, at the bank, and even by sending checks through the mail.

As far as jokes go: If they put pictures of missing kids on milk cartons, shouldn't they put pictures of missing transvestites on cartons of half & half?

[Faustus]

Yeah man this happens to me quite often. I swear that either I'm the most unfunny guy on earth or I'm speaking a completely different language then everyone else.

[Epicurus8a]

Yeah man this happens to me quite often. I swear that either I'm the most unfunny guy on earth or I'm speaking a completely different language then everyone else.

Don't worry about it. People are trained to be paranoid and unfunny these days, after all they don't want to offend some brain dead twit who thinks the whole world should be Nerfy-Smurfy. (Apologies to LS.)

[hech54]

I used to always get compliments on my old car that was still in great shape....an 85 Toyota Supra.
Every time someone would say "Hey...nice car" I would always say:
"Well I didn't actually MAKE it....a bunch of Japanese guys did...but thanks anyway"

I usually got a "Huh?" in response.

[PuzZLeR]

Funny thread guys… can I play too? He He.

A long time ago I worked at a call center managing poor underpaid and exploited sales reps selling credit card insurance for a major bank – BTW don’t EVER put this scam on your card! I hated this job but only did it to get a better position within the bank, which actually worked.

Anyhow, I would treat these poor stupid slave workers with such an intense sarcasm to, hopefully humor/motivate them, as well as entertain myself. (I’d ask to be shot if I had to do their job…).

I would tell them that due to capitalist exploitation from an oppressive dominating capitalist force they had to continually maintain their sales targets. Few found that funny…

The product was called Balance Protector. I use to call it Balance Increaser. One person asked how the product worked. I would tell him to imagine a straw linked from his credit card to the insurance company that “would suck big time”… blank stares…

One girl was training to be a model. I would tell her that hopefully she never succeeds because if she became a big star she may never ever have the pleasure of selling Balance Increaser… er Protector ever again for the rest of her life and that would be tragic. She felt insulted when I was only being funny.

One woman said she was frustrated because none of her suggestions were being acknowledged in the “suggestion box” and how “useless it was”. (When do those stupid things ever get looked at anyway?) I told her, “Of course it’s not useless! It’s a fine bit of engineering! It’s an amazing and cleverly designed tool with a fine sophisticated link to the nearest available hidden trash-can successfully achieving a critical objective – giving the employees a sense of worth without management ever having to lift a finger - saving valuable time on the golf course. Amazing technology!” She hated me after…

When sales targets were raised I was asked by the reps why such an unfair thing was done to them. I explained that two executives at the bank decided they needed an extra yacht and another Porsche. I told them the importance of how we must meet their entertainment objectives for the coming quarter and how motivated we should be to reach these new targets to watch them enjoy their new toys! It didn’t go too well…

Anyway I had such fun trolling around with these idiots – enough to impress the bank executives who promoted me later on… LOL.

[Lucifers_Ghost]

I tend to make a lot of references to movies, tv shows, and stand up comedians and such. Generally, people have no flipping idea what Im talking about.

For example: for anyone who likes Dane Cook, you will know this bit.

There is this guy in the office that we are pretty sure is going to snap one day. He looks remarkably similar to Charles Manson. Older guy, long grey hair, lots of tatts. Anywho, we were all sitting around the lunch room and this guy walks in. So outloud, I said "so you guys wanna get the **** outta the break room. Can someone move this vending machine please?"

I was met with a sea of dumbfounded faces.


One other time, this EXTREMELY beautiful woman walked by the table where we were sitting. I said, in a very similar Joey from Friends voice "how you doin?" Not loud enough that she could hear but loud enough that the people around he could hear. The two people on either side of me said "hey, where do I know that from?" Seriously people?



There are tons of examples that I could give but they are generally all the time.

[Supreme2k]

I tend to make a lot of references to movies, tv shows, and stand up comedians and such. Generally, people have no flipping idea what Im talking about.

For example: for anyone who likes Dane Cook, you will know this bit.
So outloud, I said "so you guys wanna get the **** outta the break room. Can someone move this vending machine please?"

I was met with a sea of dumbfounded faces.

OTOH, that's not exactly, "Luke, I am your father."

The two people on either side of me said "hey, where do I know that from?" Seriously people?

At least they mostly got it. I often come up with zingers of my own, and get "What (movie) was that from?"

[Nitemare]

Supreme2k wrote:

Lucifers_Ghost wrote:
I tend to make a lot of references to movies, tv shows, and stand up comedians and such. Generally, people have no flipping idea what Im talking about.

For example: for anyone who likes Dane Cook, you will know this bit.
So outloud, I said "so you guys wanna get the **** outta the break room. Can someone move this vending machine please?"
I was met with a sea of dumbfounded faces.

OTOH, that's not exactly, "Luke, I am your father."

I was thinking similarly. I've never heard of Dane Cook so I'm one of the clueless I guess. I was looking for more obvious jokes being missed. I quote "Clerks" all the time and only those who've seen it, get it. Something like Star Wars though...

[Silvas]

Supreme2k wrote:

I was thinking similarly. I've never heard of Dane Cook so I'm one of the clueless I guess. I was looking for more obvious jokes being missed. I quote "Clerks" all the time and only those who've seen it, get it. Something like Star Wars though...

"36"?!?!?!?!

[Lucifers_Ghost]

In a row?

[Nitemare]

I knew you guys wouldn't let me down.

[greymalkin]

I came here expecting witty jokes, but found mostly movie/etc. quotes or people just being jerks. You can't expect everyone to have seen the same movies/news stories as you and to think so is ignorant.

But I never feel bad when I tell "jokes" noone else gets because I laugh..I laugh hard and don't care. I make these "jokes" as you call them (which are mostly movie quotes) when my audience couldn't possibly get it.

For instance: I was taking care of my son one afternoon while my wife was at school (he was approximately 1.5 years old). I had him in one arm and was filling his sippy cup with juice with the other arm. Once i had filled it I held the cup in one hand and the lid in the other and slooowly...and carefully turned it until it was tight. Then I backed away, looked at him and said..."it's safe now, everything's lead lined."

[Lucifers_Ghost]

I came here expecting witty jokes, but found mostly movie/etc. quotes or people just being jerks."

Says the person calling people names.

[greymalkin]

I came here expecting witty jokes, but found mostly movie/etc. quotes or people just being jerks."

Says the person calling people names.

there is at least an attempt at being witty, but your logic is flawed. Although in todays social climate calling someone a name (even when they are displaying characteristics deserving of the name) is equated with being a jerk, in the mind of a rational person that isn't the case.

If you are behaving like a jerk and I say you are being a jerk that does not make me a jerk for calling you one.
If you get your feelings hurt and make a vague accusatory comment rather than stating your opinion based on some sound explained reasoning then you are a weasel. There, a bonus name just for you .

[MackemX]

Yes, the Pub

[Lucifers_Ghost]

there is at least an attempt at being witty, but your logic is flawed. Although in todays social climate calling someone a name (even when they are displaying characteristics deserving of the name) is equated with being a jerk, in the mind of a rational person that isn't the case.

If you are behaving like a jerk and I say you are being a jerk that does not make me a jerk for calling you one.
If you get your feelings hurt and make a vague accusatory comment rather than stating your opinion based on some sound explained reasoning then you are a weasel. There, a bonus name just for you .

*patting you on the head* Ok then!!!

[northcat_8]

The best joke I told that no one got was "I do." Even I didn't understand the full gravity of the joke until later.

In order to establish environment, I must inform you that I am a HS teacher...although that is debatable most of the time...and a football coach.

I have been known to say "may be you should go get a cat scan to see if you have one." no one seems to get that.

Probably the #1 joke I've been known to use that everyone stumbles with is if someone is "hurt" (not really hurt, just not very tough) and I ask them if they need me to call Jerry. They always ask "Jerry who?" to which I reply "Jerry Lewis, he has a telethon and helps out all the other cripples, I'm sure he would cut you a check."

[SquirrelDip]

The best joke I told that no one got was "I do." Even I didn't understand the full gravity of the joke until later. ...

This was the punch line - joke started when you said "Will you marry me..."

Age has a lot to do with the "not getting" - people and events are lost over time. One of my favorite lines that is often not understood is "Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana."

[Lucifers_Ghost]

The best joke I told that no one got was "I do." Even I didn't understand the full gravity of the joke until later. ...

This was the punch line - joke started when you said "Will you marry me..."

hehheh .. 'tis amusing

[northcat_8]

I like to crack jokes that are just for me and I crack myself up.

If we get a bunch of drinks at the drive thru and no one ordered a diet, when the person hands me the drinks, I always ask "which one is the diet?"

If I'm in a parked car sitting in a parking lot waiting on my wife, I slouch down in the seat and when other people are backing out of parking spaces I honk the horn and watch them slam on their brakes. haha...gets me everytime.

If I have to go in and pre-pay for gas (instead of at the pump), I like to ask for directions to some place that doesn't exist or some place that is right around the corner.

I like to write "For sexual entertainment" or "3 rocks of crack" on the memo line of my checks..it pi$$es my mom off. LOL!!

I like to order the wrong sandwiches at the wrong restaurants. I order a Big Mac at Burger King or a Whopper at McDonalds. I also order whichever drink they don't serve, if they serve Coke I order Pepsi, if they serve Pepsi I order Coke just to hear them say "is Pepsi alright?"

I send door to door salesmen to my parents and my brother's house. You know the airal photo guys or those college kids trying to make money in the summer.

When we still had a landline I recorded the "I'm sorry this number..." recording and used it as my message on my answering machine. Mom wasn't too happy about that either.

[Lucifers_Ghost]

I like to crack jokes that are just for me and I crack myself up. If we get a bunch of drinks at the drive thru and no one ordered a diet, when the person hands me the drinks, I always ask "which one is the diet?"

I actually do that one too

[SquirrelDip]

... I like to write "For sexual entertainment" or "3 rocks of crack" on the memo line of my checks..it pi$$es my mom off. LOL!! ...

That's hillarious - does sound like something I'd do.